AHS: Coven & The Bell Jar = my trip into Crazy town (PBP 2013 wk 5)

C stands for Coven and Crazy, of course...

American Horror Story (AHS) Coven had it's final episode of the season this past Wednesday, and in spite of the criticism it receives from people that don't like it, I still think it's THE BEST AHS so far. I love the theme song, the imagery, the characters, and the spells! My favorite spell was the one where they create a maze, cast a circle with stacks of money, release white mice and take over the corporation, it was definitely a bit more realistic. I absolutely looove their search for their new Supreme and Fiona's power struggle to keep her position as Queen of The Coven. I love that this season was all about witches, and covens, and magic! It's the Season of The Witch... and Power is the main theme.

As a witch, I can relate. I know that our abilities are not supernatural the way t.v. portrays them to be. We certainly can't perform any of the 7 wonders, but sometimes, when we manifest our intentions, when we gain insight, or grow our abilities, well, it sort of feels a bit supernatural. I'm still incredibly amazed when I manifest changes or things I need in my life. I grow each and every day and I love it.

I've noticed my own clairsenses growing, specifically, my clairvoyance, which is the lowest clairsense I have. I'm not saying I can see into the future, or that I get meaningful visions just yet, but my meditations feel a bit more... what's the word I'm looking for? I don't know, they feel palpable, somewhat concrete.

I'm still learning how to control and accept these experiences. Some sessions feel as if I've made some major breakthrough --learned something new, reached a new level of understanding. I get this big AHA moment, but then, I fall asleep and when I wake up, the AHA moment is gone. I feel this is because I tend to stay in meditation longer than I should, and I have yet to gain full control of my visions or what they mean to me. So by the time I'm conscious again, I've forgotten everything. :/ As of the last few days, my dreams have had quite the number of BIG messages. I wake up with a feeling of understanding, like everything is moving along as it should. Like my questions have been answered, but of course, I don't remember any specifics. Practice makes perfect; I know that with patience and perseverance I'll grow this sense until I'm able to understand the messages I receive.

Which leads me to, The Bell Jar. I don't know if you remember but back in week one or two I posted about Ariel and how I felt there was a message there since I kept crossing paths with something that pointed towards the little mermaid. Silly I know, anyway, in the process, I came across Sylvia Plath's Ariel and consequently, The Bell Jar. At the time, I was going through a stage of self doubt. When I read the description of The Bell Jar, I immediately connected with the character, and this scared me a bit. I even felt it was like an omen that would pin point my demise. Haha Yea, CRAZY, I know. I feel like Esther narrating her inner dialogues and sharing them with the world.

I've been depressed. I've considered suicide, I've felt insane at times, irrational and very hopeless. I knew that reading this book would shine a light into those old painful memories. I was afraid.

I was afraid what this would unravel for me, of the hidden message this might bring to me. I was afraid of unleashing this omen that would change me for good. This book is the story of a woman falling into the grip of insanity. Sylvia Plath's novel is shockingly realistic and intensely emotional. I sympathized and empathized with her, I understood her darkness and her obsessions fall down the abysm. I came back.

I actually got the audiobook a few weeks ago, but was debating whether I should even listen to it. I meditated on it for weeks, and after one of those big AHA moments I learned that The Bell Jar was a message, not an omen.

When I finally got around to creating a playlist and I heard Maggie Gyllenhaal's voice, I knew I was in for a GREAT novel. I was immediately hooked, Sylvia Plath's descriptive narration engrossed my every sense and Maggie's narration has me wanting to hear this book all over again.

In my opinion, Esther wasn't insane, she was depressed. She was a woman like any other, obsessed with big and small matters, over thinking, over analyzing, lost and confused. She dared to speak and was written off as a hysterical insane woman and sent to the crazy house for shock treatment. If she had been treated with compassion and understanding by a doctor that had her needs in mind, she would've never hit rock bottom. But alas, this is what makes this novel so hauntingly intense.

I have yet to decipher the message that's attached to the whole Ariel / Sylvia Plath sign; and even though I'm curious about what this could mean, I'm also patient. I know that I will understand it right when I'm intended to; I learned a great deal about myself from reading Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. I'm intrigued by Plath and her work; next on my list, Ariel. I hope I will gain more insight into this Ariel message, but until then, I'll ask for clarity and see what I get. 

On Becoming & BANGERZ (PBP 2014 wk 3)

I have to say, 2014 is starting out AWESOMELY!!! I honestly can not contain myself with how many blessings I'm receiving. I'm incredibly thankful because the Universe is providing me with the tools I need to become who I'm meant to be.

Life is great. ^_^

I'm still dealing with minor hiccups {love, relationships, changes} but overall life is pretty damn great. yay!

The Universe is definitely supporting my efforts. I'd been thinking about a tablet or a laptop in order to maximize my productivity. I need portability and accessibility, and was actually going to purchase my friends laptop. I was putting the funds together and was about to ask him for it, when he shows up Saturday with one of his tablets! {Which happens to be a tablet AND a full computer.} HOW AWESOME IS THIS?!

I have to say, I was a bit unsure about windows 8 but OH EM GEE! It's AMAZING! I'm being sooo productive. I can't believe how much easier it is to have access to everything on the go. The Cloud is AWESOME! I'm just in awe. I'm not tech savvy but I'm definitely learning a great deal from this device. The point of this, I needed a better way to keep on track of my schedule, my spiritual growth, personal growth, and productivity and this facilitates my growth. The Universe heard my call and is supporting my cause. I'm BECOMING who I want to be.

I'll soon have access to a new world of opportunities that will lead me towards a more prosperous and financially stable life.

I feel GREAT about the course I'm following, and extremely determined to achieve my goals and dreams.

I've decided to focus more on myself and my personal growth instead of Sagittarius guy and our complicated "relationship." He's doing his thing and I'm doing mine.. we are no longer anything... there's no point in denying this anymore. There's no point on pinning or longing... I developed feelings but I'll get over them, I've gotten over more intense situations in the past.

As of lately, I've been obsessed with Miley Cyrus's new album, BANGERZ. haha Ironic since I was part of the crowd that was all super judgmental about her overly sexual coming of age. I mean, I'm open about sexuality in general, but Miley's overnight over sexual raunchy behavior had me judging her actions, and more importantly her influence over her fans. She's talented, no denying that, but her choices are less than desirable since she's in the public eye.

This still doesn't justify my unnecessary judgment, I should not judge others because I don't know their own personal demons. This girl has her own inner demons, and she's dealing with them the best she can. When I finally got a chance to listen to her entire album I realized and understood why she'd gone through such a radical change. This girl went through her first real heartbreak, she fell hard, she was naïve, she gave it her all and when she couldn't make it work out, she faced the music and poured her heart out into her work. You can feel her pain, her anguish, but also her strength. Miley is strong! I mean, she went through a very public heartbreak, and she picked herself up and shared it with the whole world. Now, her actions were not the best choices to make, but hey, we all make mistakes, and even more so when we are young, foolish, and in love.

I'm identifying with her album for some reason. You can hear her love, her passion, her anguish, her strength... she's putting it out there, which says a lot. It's like, she made one last effort to show her ex how much she really loves him, and at the same time, she's letting him know that she's strong enough to be alone and live on without him. I'm seriously obsessed with the album, something I never thought I would say.  The girl is talented, and the collaborations she made in this album definitely gave it the edge she's after.

I decided to share one her songs here and went to youtube to search; coincidentally enough, the song I was thinking of was on the home screen, so I'm sharing it....

... she's still reaching out. This video is overly sexual in a way, but it's because she's reaching out to him. She's so very young, and inexperienced, I was there once so I can relate. She's reaching for him, so he remembers how it used to be between the two... their sex life, their intimate moments, their relationship together. She made this song the first one of her album for that same reason, so he would know that she still loves him, that she needs him, and that he's "the one."

I came across this other video while looking through her vevo page; I was actually obsessed with the song a few years ago. My first time watching it, and wow, he was her first real love. The lyrics alone were enough to move me, understanding that this girl fell hard and is now dealing with the loss of her first real love, makes it that much more special.

First loves ... you never forget those.

Relationships are hard, I don't care who you are.

My love life is the only place where I experience hiccups and mishaps... I'm a hopeless romantic and I fall too quickly. It takes me forever to find someone I actually like, and when I do, I confuse sex with love.

I was watching the latest episode of The Carrie Diaries, and one of the characters immediately reminded me of myself. She realized and accepted this about herself, and attempted to change her natural instincts in order to have a meaningful relationship. The episode is called, Hungry Like the Wolf. It's interesting how much insight we gain from the way that we relate to others.

My best friend describes my relationships as "hybrid." I have a "hybrid relationship theory" it seems, where I want to hang out and spend time with the guy I like, without having to define anything prematurely. I want to just have fun and enjoy my time with said guy without rushing into anything.  Sagittarius guy wanted me to be his, he wanted me to be his girlfriend right from the get go, and I simply couldn't do that. this doesn't mean I didn't want to spend time with him, I just didn't need the pressure or expectations so early on the relationship. Nestor says I completely skip the dating phase of the relationship and jump to the intimate bf / gf behavior almost from the start.

 

He's right, in a way. The truth is, I don't know how to date. I never have. I didn't date throughout high school, I was sort of oblivious when it came to guys liking me. I didn't lose my virginity until I was in college, I was 20 and I decided I was ready. No relationship, just a guy I knew, and it happened only once. I didn't have sex again until 6 months after and it was a casual relationship. I had casual relationships for about 2 semesters, the college experience. Then I fell in love, and everything changed for me. After my first actual  break up I did what any sad girl would do, cried, then tried to find a distraction. This distraction was the catalyst for my radical change. I experienced a terrible event, lost myself along the way. It took me over 2 years to find a glimpse of who I used to be. That's about the time I got involved with Collin. Fell hard, head over heels hard. He'd been the only one that's mattered for such a long time. I got over him, stayed single and abstinent for almost a year after our last relapse. I hadn't felt that sort of attraction in such a long time, or at least not one that I wanted to pursue.  That's until I met Sagittarius guy. Sagittarius guy makes my heart race and my stomach flutter, but what was at first, how he treated me, how he wanted me, how special he made me feel... that is long gone. It's time to accept that and focus on me.

 

I need to set aside all these feelings and unnecessary emotions in order to focus on who I'm becoming. The Universe is supporting my needs, I trust that it will provide me with someone that will bring even more happiness into my life when the time is right.

 

My mantra for the year is :

 

 

Angelic Numbers (PBP 2014 wk 2)

I often find myself looking at patterns on the clock. Everyone loves the 11:11 make a wish game we play with ourselves, we do it without really knowing why. For a while, I'd look down at the clock and see 4:44, or 3:33, I'd even wake up in the middle of the night at exactly 3:33 on multiple occasions. I liked the patterns, I found them comforting and magical. I've always been drawn to numbers and numerology, math just makes sense. I find little messages in time, like, signs in number patterns. If I get a call at a certain time I'll quickly look at the numbers and assess the numerology meaning or the overall energy of the set. It's like second nature.

I knew that 444 was angelic in some way from reading one of Doreen's oracle booklets, but I had no idea what the other patterns meant. I made a mental note to look into it and surely enough, I came across this blog post. So I'm sharing it, full credit goes to the blogger who put it together and of course, Doreen Virtue.

It's short and sweet and straight to the point, and it explains why the 111 pattern works as wishful thinking, the Universe is listening. ^_^



ANGEL NUMBERS

Here is an excerpt from the book “Angel Numbers” by Doreen Virtue & Lynette Brown (this is just a taste – you have to read the book for more!). Doreen Virtue is also the creator of many angel card decks – her cards are featured here, above.

111 – Monitor your thoughts carefully, and be sure to only think about what you want, not what you don’t want. The sequence is a sign that there is a gate of opportunity opening up, and your thoughts are manifesting into form at record speeds. The 111 is like the bright light of a flash bulb. It means that the universe has just taken a snapshot of your thoughts and is manifesting them into form. Are you pleased with what thoughts the universe has captured? If not, correct your thoughts…ask your angels to help you with this if you have difficulty controlling or monitoring your thoughts.

123 — Simplify your life. Get rid of anything that’s pulling at your energy, time, or finances—especially anything that pulls you away from your life purpose. The ascended masters are helping you with this simplification.

222 — Have faith. Everything’s going to be all right. Don’t worry about anything, as this situation is resolving itself beautifully for everyone involved.

333 — The Ascended Masters are near you, desiring you to know that you have their help, love and companionship. Call upon the Ascended Masters often, especially when you see the number 3 patterns around you. Some of the more famous Ascended Masters include: Jesus, Moses, Mary, Quan Yin and Yogananda.

444 — Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you. You have a very strong and clear connection with the angelic realm, and are an Earth angel yourself. You have nothing to fear—all is well.

555 — Buckle your seatbelts. A major life change is upon you. This change should not be viewed as being “positive” or “negative” since all change is but a natural part of life’s flow. Perhaps this change is an answer to your prayers, so continuing seeing and feeling yourself to be at peace.

666 — Your thoughts are out of balance right now, focused too much on the material world. This number sequence asks you to balance your thoughts between Heaven and Earth. Like the famous, “Sermon on the Mount” the angels ask you to focus on spirit and service, and know your material and emotional needs will be met as a result.

777 — The angels applaud you… “congratulations, you’re on a roll! Keep up the good work and know your wish is coming true.” This is an extremely positive sign and you should also expect more miracles to occur.

888 — A phase of your life is about to end, and this is a sign to give you forewarning to prepare. This number sequence may mean you are winding up an emotional career or relationship phase. It also means there is light at the end of the tunnel. In addition it means, The crops are ripe. Don’t wait to pick and enjoy them. In other words, don’t procrastinate in making your move or enjoying the fruits of your labor.

875 — The changes you’re making have put you on the right path for manifesting abundance in all ways.

999 — Get to work, Lightworker! The world needs your Divine life purpose right now. Fully embark upon your sacred mission without delay or hesitation.

000 — A reminder you are one with God, and to feel the presence of your Creator’s love within you. Also it is a sign that a situation has gone full circle.

Messages from Ariel... (PBP 2014 wk 1)

January 6,2014

I can't believe a whole year has gone by and we're already starting a new Pagan Blog Project!!! I missed most of the entries from last years project due to external circumstances, procrastination, and general distractions, but I am fully committed to try again this year!

With all the energy from the New Moon / New Year alignment I was able to work on some release spells during the dark of the moon, and planting new seeds / New Moon Magick. Now, for some reason I've been procrastinating more than usual, I've been sleeping more, meditating more, daydreaming more.. and avoiding my personal tarot / angel readings, loud noises, and large crowds. {I seem to do this when I'm going through emotional stress.} As of now, I'm going with the flow of what my body needs, or seems to be asking for. I went through a high then low energy shift during last week / over the weekend, I was very active at first, accomplishing tasks, getting things done, etc and then my energy dropped and I got very emotional and sensitive and hormonal. {I'm blaming it on my cycle and choosing to ignore my love life here haha...although, my cycle coincided with the New Moon haha and I usually get hormonal BEFORE I get my period! haha oh gosh, I need a chakra realignment.}

I'll be honest about something, I didn't exactly go through the full rituals I had planned during the dark of the moon and the new moon celebrations, again, procrastination. I worked on a quick release negativity spell during new years eve, {as in, a few minutes before midnight hehe --the way I see it, this is still considered the dark of the moon since the New Moon was supposed to begin after 6am,} and worked on my goals with the new moon in Capricorn. I feel that's as much as I needed. There's another new moon at the end of the month, sooo, in a way, I kinda have a do-over in case there's any more release work. ^_^  There's this one spell I want to try, Indigo Witch shared it during the month of November, but again, I procrastinated haha. I told myself I'd work on that release spell during the December New Moon, but again, I missed the opportunity. Hopefully at the end of the month I'll be able to skyclad and release whatever I no longer need in my life. :)

I feel so bipolar at times; even this morning I was a bit sensitive, and now, I feel grounded and balanced. I've been going through highs and lows the past few days, I'm glad I've been able to regain some sort of balance with the help of the Angels and meditation. I had an "ugly crying" moment last night (I realized that the person I want in my life is not available the way I need him to be,) I meditated on the issues, asked the Angels for help and went to sleep. This morning I woke up feeling relieved, still a bit sensitive but relieved, and a lot lighter. I can't quite remember my dreams but I have a feeling something meaningful happened, in fact, most of the dreams I've been having lately have some big "AHA moment" feeling to them, but I can't seem to remember in the morning.

I feel better than I did last night, and what I keep discovering is that anytime I'm in distress and ask for help from guides and angels I'm usually comforted almost immediately. I'm learning to let go of the things I can not change and of the people that don't want to be in my life. I've been asking for signs, which is where this post originally came from, but even the signs were a bit confusing for a while.

The whole Ariel message has actually been repeating in my life for the past 3 months. These signs began in early October I believe because I remember thinking "wow another little mermaid costume" while out on 6th Street, Austin Tx during Halloween.

So, for the past few months I've been getting this very strong feeling that there's a message I need to understand that has to do with The Little Mermaid.... haha sounds crazy, I know. I thought so myself, but the more these kept repeating the harder it got to ignore.

I did a quick memory check to see what I could remember from the cartoon and how this could relate to my life and found nothing of importance. In a gist, Ariel falls in love with the prince, she gives up her legs becomes a mermaid, they defeat Ursula and end up happily ever after. Nothing major that relates to my life.

I forgot about this for another month or so, and then over the weekend of the dark of the moon a friend snapchatted me a video of the little mermaid, something they were watching in the middle of the night! how random! I figured, it was time to get to the bottom of this evasive message! 

I attempted to download the movie but encountered some issues, discussed my shortcomings with my cousin in Mexico and how I felt there was a message there. She shared the actual little mermaid story, which is a lot sadder than the Disney version. In a gist, the little mermaid sacrifices her legs, is in constant pain, refuses to kill her love in order to save herself and turns into foam. The messages we came across were of sacrifice for a loved one.

I thought about this and decided I needed more information. I finally got a hold of the movie and watched it. The Little Mermaid was one of my favorite movies as a child. I can't think of another movie I watched over and over other than The Lion King. I got some emotional reactions during certain scenes, these mostly dealt with love and intimacy. Issues I deal with more often than I'd like. So of course it was expected of me to get teary eyed. Ariel gave up a part of herself to be with her prince, and in a way, we sometimes give a part of ourselves up for a guy we want to be with... not ideal of course.

I sorta felt a bit of a pull over the Ursula deal. Sometimes I feel I let my dark side make decisions. I am not perfect, and I've made mistakes in the past, heck, I continue to make them from time to time. I get pissed and I think things I shouldn't be thinking about, these later happen or some version of these manifest and I can't help but feel a bit guilty{and this is only from my rants.}

So, after watching the movie, the messages I got were of sacrifice, and karma, unconditional love, and petty behavior. This still didn't feel completely right. I thought about simply writing what I had and then editing if I got any more insights in the future.

Then on Sunday I came across a quote that spoke to me {I was in my emo state bummed out about my current relationship status so this immediately called my attention.}

 "I desire the things which will destroy me in the end." - Sylvia Plath.

I shared this quote on Facebook and immediately became curious about the author. I remembered hearing about Sylvia Plath but in all honesty, I didn't really know much about her.

I found that she was an American poet and novelist, who suffered from depression throughout her adult life and eventually committed suicide.

DARK. isn't it?

I mean, I've personally dealt with depression in the past, and well, it's not a pretty place. I even considered suicide and was so low that I never thought I'd ever feel normal again, so of course I can relate. These signs began to feel a bit darker because of the nature of the subject, but at the same time, I felt strong enough and protected enough to trust that these were just messages I needed to be aware of, and not some ominous curse from someone that hates me and wants me dead by the ago of 30. Dark I know, but honestly, this crossed my mind.

I set aside my momentary fears and immediately wanted to know more about Sylvia Plath and her tortured soul. I got The Bell Jar and as many books about her as I could find on Amazon {wish list of course}. Along the way, I came across one of her later works, Ariel --a compilation of poems written after her first suicidal attempt. This book was published two years after her death by suicide. So of course, I got a hold of the pdf version of this book. I didn't get a chance to read all the poems, in fact I only read the one titled Ariel. Her poetry is raw and intense, and hard to understand. I've re-read this poem a few times and I still can't understand half of it.

Stasis in darkness.

Then the substanceless blue

Pour of tor and distances.
God's lioness,
How one we grow,
Pivot of heels and knees!--The furrow
Splits and passes, sister to
The brown arc
Of the neck I cannot catch,
Nigger-eye
Berries cast dark
Hooks----
Black sweet blood mouthfuls,
Shadows.
Something else
Hauls me through air----
Thighs, hair;
Flakes from my heels.
White
Godiva, I unpeel----
Dead hands, dead stringencies.
And now I
Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.
The child's cry
Melts in the wall.
And I
Am the arrow,
The dew that flies,
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red
Eye, the cauldron of morning.

                 -Sylvia Plath, Ariel.

{This moment actually feels like a deja-vu, I feel as if I've already performed these actions. Written a blog post, analyzed a poem, gotten incredibly confused and felt somewhat cloudy about the subject.}

But anyway, on to the Ariel messages... I thought I was done with the research part of this message, but then today, as I was catching up with my Angel Class course load I got another message. I was listening to the audio lessons and as I'm writing this blog post, Jess starts talking about the acronym for "FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real, we fear things that haven't even happened yet." We need to learn to face fear, step around it, and through it, we need to understand how this relates to our personal blocks with respect to our clairsenses and our ego, or false messages from the spirit world. This immediately jumped out of the recording. So I figured it had to do with my post. Shortly after, I hear her go over the archangels and she starts with Ariel, which means, Lioness of God. I get this YES! THAT'S IT feeling. Perhaps the message has been to connect more with Archangel Ariel all along. Sylvia Plath's Ariel poem mentions God's Lioness in reference to the Archangel. I still haven't processed the full poem, but the Archangel's reference is giving me the YES, THAT'S IT, sign.

After encountering these literary obstacles during the "Ariel messages" scavenger hunt, I got a sense of the many different issues and blocks in my life that are currently affecting my spiritual journey. I'm still not 100% sure that I've in fact deciphered the Ariel Messages fully, but it feels like I've gotten a good sense of what needs to be addressed.

From the Disney movie I got the sense that I can't give up major aspects of who I am for a guy or a relationship. If I must sacrifice for love, it must be reciprocated. Sacrifice and love go hand in hand, but I can't allow myself to get completely lost in the notion of falling in love with such desperation. From Ursula's connection, I reminded myself to make the right choices, not out of spite or obsession but out of what's right for my higher self. Obsession can turn into a downward spiral that will leave me where I was with my ex a couple of years ago.

From Sylvia Plath's Ariel, I got nothing. Other than the reference made to the archangel. I however feel a strong connection with this writer, and so I've decided to go back to basics and read The Bell Jar to become more familiar with her work. I have a lot on my plate already, but I feel that reading her poetry and books will give me a better understanding of myself and the depression I've suffered in the past.

We are entering the second half of Talk To Your Angels, an advanced level course I'm taking with Jess Carlson, and I know that I will get a chance to connect deeper to Archangel Ariel. Hopefully she will have more messages for me that will help and guide me towards the right path.

I'm excited about this new year and the beginning of this new cycle! I can feel the changes in the air and I'm loving it! I expect great changes, happy experiences, and tons of growth from this upcoming year. :)

Learning from the Zodiac (PBP 2013 wk 52)

I've always been drawn to the astrological signs, but I guess that holds true for most old souls. I remember flipping through the newspapers or magazines searching for the Horoscopes in order to gain some type of insight into who I was as a Leo.

I know that this isn't a science but to me, it makes sense. As you go through life you realize that you make easier connections with certain people that have similar personalities or personality traits. For me, this is easier to recognize via their astrological sign. The 12 Zodiac Signs represent the major traits shared by all those born under each zodiac.

I did a quick search for my zodiac sign and found this description at Universal Psychic Guild .

Leo

Your element: Fire Your ruling planets: The Sun Symbol: The Lion Your stone: Peridot Life Pursuit: To lead the way Vibration: Radiant Energy Leo's Secret Desire: To be a star

Description: Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too. Leo's are born fortunate. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style and good humour. Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good. There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother's side).) They can't bear to be alone. No matter what level they have attained, all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying "flattery will get you everything" applies, but be warned criticism will slam the relationship door right in your face. For me, these general descriptions of my personality fit. I'm not making the assumption that this is the case for everyone; for many skeptics these general descriptions say little about their own personalities. From experience, however, I've found that even though some people may not necessarily agree or admit to certain aspects of these traits, they actually happen to show signs of them in their personalities. Whenever I'm trying to gain further insight into someone that I don't personally know, I always ask for their sign. At times, I can even guess their sign based on descriptions of behavior and personality traits. I know that I get along with almost any sign, or well, mostly every sign. There are certainly some signs that I clash with but overall I get along with everyone. I have found however, that certain signs draw me in more. I surround myself with these signs because we are compatible and we click. I have 5 Virgo close friends, 3 Aries, 3 Sagittarius, 2 Gemini and 2 Scorpio friends. I've noticed that among these similar traits, at times, I'll find extreme differences in personalities. For instance, I have the most friends that are Virgos, they fall on either one extreme or the other of the Virgo spectrum --they're either meticulous, sexually reserved, and calculating or impulsive, extroverted, and sexually wild. Both extremes are analytical and use their logic and judgment above all, but their overall their personalities are opposite. For me, finding these differences is fascinating. I've dated in the past, Capricorn, Tauro, Pisces, Leos and most recently a Sagittarius. I clash way too much with my own sign, but I definitely enjoy and appreciate the genuine love and appreciation we have for one another. Sagittarius draws me in, but immediately turns me off with how vicious they can be when upset. For some reason, I've refrained from dating Scorpios since my dad is one and my middle sister's girlfriend and life partner is also one. From past experiences I know that their overbearing and sometimes controlling personalities can be toxic and difficult to deal with. Having reservations about dating a Scorpio has more to do with my dad being one than anything, I refuse to add on to my "father" issues. haha Although, I have to admit. There's this one old college friend whom I've always been attracted to... we've maintained a "flirtationship" throughout all these years and talk about hooking-up every now and then. The chemistry and attraction is definitely there but what holds me back is the fact that he's a Scorpio. haha Now, my best friend, and roommate. The one I'm currently staying with is a Scorpio and I could NOT love her more. I click with the sign immediately I just don't want to date it. haha But of course, this might change in the future. My most recent "relationship" was with a Sagittarius. I was immediately drawn to him, I loved spending time with him, the chemistry was absolutely there. We clicked until things had unexpected turn of events. When this happened, everything turned sour. Sagittarius can be very blunt, honest, and at time viciously cruel when they want to cause emotional pain. I know this very well since my youngest sister is one. She can be the most positive, loving, individual until she's going through her own issues and dealing with her shortcomings. When this happens, she lashes out and openly hurts others emotionally. I understand that this comes from her inability to address her issues in a healthy manner. And even though, what Sagittarius say in the heat of the moment hurts, it usually holds some truth to it. The issue is not so much on the message, but more on how it's delivered. Like I said, I was beginning to get attached to my Sagittarius friend, but his behavior when going through a rough time definitely left me wishing for less "ouch" and more "love." Over the week, I've spent it mostly with my Virgo *gay & male* best friend, my Scorpio *female, straight* best friend and old college roommate, and my Aries *straight, female* high school and college friend. We had a discussion over my Sagittarius fling and their frustrations were definitely evident. Mainly at me. I went through ups and downs with that Sag fling and they were witness to how it affected me. I confessed I had another rendevouz with him the day before my trip and of course they shared their views and opinions about the subject matter. I understand where their frustration comes from. I get emotionally involved and get hurt from time to time, and easily forgive others because I can relate to them in one way or another. My friends however, are not quick to forgive. So, they are annoyed at the fact that I was crying about this a couple of weeks ago and now I'm completely nonchalant about our latest hook up. I honestly don't know what may happen in the near future. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like to be in situations where my feelings are purposely hurt, and He does that. So, even if we can get past the bullshit, the bottom line is, when push comes to shove he will behave the same way. Lesson Learned. Or well... Lesson in progress. I know my head is telling me to simply stay away, but my heart center up until recently was sending me the opposite way. I guess being out of town for a week after an unexpected hook-up was the best thing I could do. I'll be in town today and back to reality. :) I feel incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to reconnect with my twin souls. I was able to celebrate the Full Moon, and enjoy it's wonderful energy with my loved ones. ^_^

Yearnings... (PBP 2013 wk 51)

Monday, December 16, 2013

I tend to fall behind and get sidetracked, it's my inability to fully juggle all the projects I'm currently working on. I feel, I take on too many things and sometimes have a hard time focusing all my energy into finishing one. I'm so behind with the Pagan Blog Project that we are now entering the last two weeks of it and I've skipped most of the entries. smh.

I will admit, and as much as it pains me to do so, that the main reason why I get the most sidetracked with my projects is because I get involved with someone and get lost in the excitement of the relationship. ... I'm aware this is not ideal, and quite honestly, it's quite annoying. I'm very intense about most things I do, I mean come on, I'm a Leo --passionate, intense, and loyal.

I'm not ashamed of my emotions, they are part of who I am; just as my passionate way of being is another aspect of the personality that defines me, my intensity makes me the care and love deeply. It's not ideal, but it's what makes me who I am.

I know I've discussed this in the past, it's a lesson that keeps reoccurring in my life, and I know it's a lesson that's party of my soul lesson's for this lifetime, in fact, my tarot profile shows the 3 of swords as a life lesson, which explains why the love department always manages to dishevel my life.

The most recent experience had me dragging for the past few weeks. I feel I'm back to normal, but who knows if I'm completely over it. More on this subject later, these are aspects of my life that I need to put in writing in order to learn from them better. I've spent my share of time meditating on the subject matter, and I've come to many realizations, but even though I know better, for some reason I'm still impulsive and somewhat careless of the consequences. I feel, that I rather deal with the aftermath rather than regret not acting on a gut feeling.

Since this post is about yearnings, I guess that aspect of my life fits since I yearn to have a loving, caring, honest, and sexually driven relationship with someone that is compatible with me and that will take me for who I am, flaws and all.

The main reason why I chose "Yearnings" for this week's post is because my yearnings are driving me towards what my soul wants. Or at least, that's how it feels. Life is finally aligning it self towards my higher purpose it feels. Or well, towards a goal I had given up due to unfortunate events and unexpected issues. I'd like to go back to school and finish my degree, specifically, I want to graduate from the University of Texas. I had to take a long hiatus from school, it was disappointing but necessary. The lessons I've learned along these years have changed me for the better, they've given me the skills I need to value and manifest my life and lead it towards a better future. I feel like I'm following my path. I had an intense strong heart chakra reaction while I was attempting to log into my school to request a transcript, I felt with all that I this intense need, yearning, want, and desire for this one aspect of my life I let go of not too long ago. I want this. ... and I will manifest it.

I'm currently in Austin, or well, an outside city, Leander. I've reconnected with my college Roommate. A very close friend of mine that has been a big part of my life. We lost contact, life got on the way and we both went our separate ways. We've been through much and we've grown and changed but our friendship is still intact. I feel incredibly blessed. ^_^

I'm big on signs and coincidences, I mean, I'm a witch after all. I'd been thinking about her a lot in November, her birthday came around and I contacted her. As it turns out, the Universe was working to reunite us. She finally dropped the deadweight from her cheating boyfriend and is now single. Her boyfriend hates me by the way. He believes I'm a lesbian and I want to be with my Roommate, haha. I mean, come on! If I were a lesbian, WE WOULD BE TOGETHER! haha Anyway, he's out of the picture, we are back in touch and I'm absolutely, positively happy about this.

My Roommate (that's how I call her actually,) bought a house out here and she's currently living alone :( ... I want to more than anything visit more often so she doesn't feel so lonely. When we arrived and I saw the number on her house, 403, I immediately liked it and felt like it was a good sign. Throughout these last couple of days I've gotten a really strong feeling like I should be here, in this area. I man, ALL of my closest friends live up here, I don't have any close friends my age back in Houston. UT is also here, my friend is single and living alone, when I mentioned to her that I had these very strong yearnings to move back here she immediately supported them and encouraged them. I could live with her, pay rent, work and go back to school. I'd get to see my friends and live the life I was meant to live, only this time around I'll be much wiser and prepared to achieve and succeed.

I want it badly. I don't think I can do it immediately, but perhaps within the next year or two I'll be able to pick up and move up here. In the mean time, I'll continue working on my immediate goals.

I feel big changes happening, and I am sooo excited to welcome them into my life.

I am loved by my loved ones, I am incredibly blessed, and I thank the Universe for providing me with what I need in my life in order to stay true to my path. :)

Uruz Rune of Endurance, Formation and Manifestation (PBP 2013 wk 43)

There's a Full Moon tonight. I can feel the sizzling energy humming throughout my body. It's so exciting! I personally love October! I mean, I don't know a single witch who doesn't love Halloween / Samhain / Day of the Dead. This is the time where the veil is thinnest, the time which links us to our Ancestors and the Spirit World. October is to witches what December is to Christians.

My day of the Dead Altar was set on the first week of October. :) It's a work in progress, but so far, it looks pretty great. ^_^  We've yet to decorate the house; my sister has a bunch of creative ideas that she got from pintrest, and I can't wait to decorate this place. This is definitely my favorite time of the year! :)

For this week's Pagan Blog Post, I decided to discuss my relationship with Uruz, the Rune of Endurance, Formation and Manifestation. I've been working with this rune for quite some time actually. Uruz is helping me attain that which I crave the most, perfect health.

Uruz literally means "Aurochs," {the ancestor of domestic cattle}. Uruz's key concepts include: life force, physical health, courage, organic structure, manifestation, formation, healing, vigor and endurance. {This information comes to you courtesy of Rune Secrets :)}

Uruz governs: The shaping and forcing fortunate circumstances creatively through will and inspiration. Self-healing and maintenance of good mental and physical health. Assertion of home ground, personal space, independence and freedom. Strength and tenacity, courage, persistence against all odds. The ability to control aggression and take responsibility. Rites of passage, especially into adulthood.

This Rune's energy has helped me with my path towards self healing. I'm happy to share that my progress has been increasingly beneficial. I will continue to work with this rune in the hopes that it will bring me the balance I so desperately need.

I'm working with this rune's energy to help and support my endurance throughout this journey. Uruz is helping me manifest the life I want. I have faith that all this work and energy will help me succeed against all odds.