Friday, November 30, 2012

The X Factor ... (PBP wk 48)

The last post I made was back in September.
I wanted to get on track, catch up, and focus on me... but of course that didn't happen.

We are already in week 48 and there's only 30 days left of the Pagan Blog Project. I thought about saying "fuck it," and starting over in January when the next project begins; but for some reason I felt the need to give it one last try.
I thought that if I focus on writing, and just writing I can get out of this endless cycle of obsessing over what is and what isn't.

For this week, we are writing a post with the letter X. I could have taken a look at Judika's Encyclopedia of Spirits for one that begins with X; but every time I thought of this letter, Lauryn Hill's The X Factor would come to mind. Lauryn Hill is a legend. I fell in love with her music many years ago and can honestly say that her one and only album is still one of my must-haves; I keep it with me at all times -phone, mp3 player, the cloud.

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will
So instead of avoiding the real issues that have me in a less than optimal form, I decided to let it out. The Ex is in fact a big factor in my life, and things are so complicated between us that I no longer know where I stand.

As I listened to this song for the millionth time taking comfort in her soothing voice and the honesty of her lyrics, I thought of no one else but him. She reached the line "cause no one's hurt me more than you... and no one ever will," and my chest contracted. I felt it so deep in me that I couldn't help but cry. It's true, no one's hurt me as much as this guy has, and no one ever will. I know this sounds pathetic, I shouldn't care about a guy that's put me through so much pain.. and, as much as I'd like to say otherwise, I still love him. "When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good..." another of Lauryn Hill 's legends. :sigh:

Just before my last post I remember discussing how toxic this guy is for me. I wanted to stay away from him, and focus on me. He's a bad addiction. When I do my personal readings he always comes up, can you guess which card comes up? The Devil of course... among others.

I'd managed to bounce back after our last encounter and was learning to deal with these old, but at the same time, very new feelings for him when I found he'd been in a motorcycle accident. One that I was partially responsible for...

I'm a new witch, and sometimes I forget that as a witch I need to be careful with my thoughts. We'd been having issues. He'd just gotten the motorcycle and kept driving somewhat recklessly. I remember thinking, I wish he'd get rid of that bike.

During his last visit I traced 3 sigils on his bike for protection. I asked Goddess to keep him safe above all. After he left we got into some discussions, I found out some things that really upset me. Things were off between us and I was upset and hurt; I cried a lot and sought Goddess's guidance. The next morning I find out that he's been in an accident and was in the hospital. 

I felt it'd been my fault.
He was misbehaving, I cried to God & Goddess and the next morning he's in the hospital. He was going 70 mph when a buck jumped in front of him, he avoided it but wiped out down the road. He could have killed himself...
:sigh: I had a serious breakdown.
He fractured his arm, and dislocated his shoulder, had road burn all over and couldn't even move.
I felt so guilty.

I'd cried all night, complaining to God & Goddess, asking for help, for him to learn his lesson and then he's in an accident. It could be ruled a coincidence but I know better. This isn't the first time the Universe spanks him for misbehaving. Call it intuition, or whatever, I know this because I've been present when it's happened before. Of course nothing had been as big or dangerous as an actual accident, but it's been specific enough to show me that he's lying, or doing things he shouldn't be doing.

I was so worried for him. I ran to his side of course. I took care of him from October 10th -25th and dropped everything in my life along the way...

What happened in those two weeks ranged from absolutely beautiful to incredibly depressing --going into detail will just point out at my inability to walk away from that which serves me no good.

:sigh: I don't know where we stand now. I made some irrational mistakes myself while I was with him; things just fell apart. There were other parties involved of course, I just thought we'd be able to get through it.

I know he's not good for me and that the best thing I should do is to just stay away; I know this. If I was giving advice to someone in my own situation I would've suggested they run for the hills. I just keep hoping he'll change for himself, that he'll open his eyes and realize that he's better than what he's currently doing. I've loved this guy for such a long time, he's been back in my life for less than 6 months and I'm a hot mess again.

Before I left and dropped out of civilization, I was working on this post for the letter T. I did a personal reading and Temperance came out as the key for my reading --coincidentally that was my Taroscope for October. Wish I'd taken the card more seriously, if would've kept my cool I wouldn't have made as many wrong choices as I did.

Should've could've and would've, but didn't.

Inspite of the havoc that was wrecked I can't help but feel that everything was meant to happen as it did.

I'd avoided checking my cards since early November because I didn't want to see for myself that we're really over.
I finally did last night, and Temperance was the base of my anchor. The reading was actually extremely positive. The Sun was on the future position, the life spread reading showed the wish card on the future area, the rest all pointed towards getting what I've always wanted. I need to have patience.

It took me over 2 weeks to get over the stressful drama I had to deal with while I was with him. During this entire time I've neglected my spirituality and practice. Well, not completely, I had time with God, Goddess, the elements & the ancestors but didn't really cast any spells. I honored Goddess during Full & New Moon but didn't have the energy to cast for myself. Rowan always said that you procrastinate because it's your body's way of telling you that you need to rest; which is exactly what I did. I was exhausted emotionally.

I feel somewhat better. I'm trying once again to focus and persevere. I ordered some books from Rowan's book sale and I'm quite excited about getting lost in the craft. I have so many projects that I want to work on, books I'd like to read, posts I want to write. I just need to focus. I need to seek guidance from the higher beings.

I have a 6 card reading I purchased from Rowan during Halloween but I've yet to ask my question. Hopefully after I ground and center I'll be able to figure out what I need to know.

I've got a month to shed some pounds and reflect on my path, my relationships and where I'm going.

I'll follow the cards advice and I'll be patient.

I've got to trust in the advice I get from my higher being.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Xochitl (PBP wk 47)

Xochitl, 'flower' in Nahuatl.
December 2,2012

Since I'm working backwards and my last post was about my Ex I decided to write about an actual spirit for this second blog post.

I searched the X section of Judika Illes' Encyclopedia of Sprits for a spirit that spoke to me, the first two called my attention. The first spirit, Xichipilli [Sho-CHEE-pee-lee] the patron of life's pleasures: lord of flowers, love, maize, beauty, fun, games, music, art, dance, shamanism, and prophecy. The second, Xochiquetzal [Sho-CHEE-ket-zul] Aztec goddes of love, pleasure, flowers, and vegetation, lady of birds and butterflies; she's the very essence of youthful female sexuality and generative, creative power. When I came across the third one, I knew I'd found who I was looking for: Xochitl [Show-CHEE-tul]. Xochitl literally means "flower' in Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs.
I actually have a cousin named after this Aztec flower. An aunt & uncle decided to dig really deep into our native roots and named their kids after different Aztec rulers, deities and spirits; from oldest to youngest here are their names: Xochitl, Itzcóatl, Tonantzin or Tona & Huitzilihuitl or Huitzi.


My cousin Itzcóatl [Itzcōhuātl  [it͡sˈkoːaːt͡ɬ],] which means 'Obsidian Serpent' in Nahuatl, was named after the fourth king or emperor of the Tenochtitlan (1428-1440.) Under his ruling, Tenochtitlán formed alliances with Texococo and Tlacopan two neighboring states that aided him in becoming the dominant power in central Mexico.


Tonantzin, La Virgen de Guadalupe y Juan Diego
Tonantzin 'Our Revered Mother' is a general title given to female deities, particularly Mother Earth Godesses such as Goddess of Sustence, Honored Grandmother, Snake, Bringer of maize and Mother of Corn.  
The Basilica de Guadalupe, Mexico's city 17th century Roman Catholic church was built in honor of la Virgen de Guadalupe, also known as Our Lady of Guadalupe, at the base of the hill of Tepeyac. This hill is believed to be a site used for pre-Columbian worship of Tonantzin.


Huitzilihuit [wit͡si'liʔwit͡ɬ], the youngest of the bunch, was named after the second tlatoani of Tenochtitlan. Tlatoani is the Nahuatl term for the ruler of an altepetl (a pre-Hispanic state). Huitzilihuit means Hummingbird Feather.

Anyway, enough family history. This post is supposed to be about Xochitl; according to Judika Illes's research, Xochitl also possesses other implications:

* Xochitl names a type of power implicit in beauty, goodness, love, and purity.
* Xochitl is the power of creativity, Art may be a physical expression of this power.
* Xochitl means "to flower," as in to bloor or blossom.
* Xochitl also refers to genitals. Xochitl --the title of a small 1938 painting by Friday Kahlo, sometimes called The Flower of Life--portrays a flower consisting of two parts, one resembling a vulva, the other a phallus.

Frida Kahlo, Xochitl (1938)
Xochitl is the root word in the names of the twin deities Xochiquetzal and Xochipilli who epitomize this power.

Xochitl is also the name of a goddess who is the perfect embodiment of this force.

Usually Xochitl refers to Xochiquetzal but may refer to Mayahuel, her brother's wife.

In Frida Kahlo's originally private but now plublished letters written to her lover, photographer Nikolas Muray, this contemporary goddess adopts Xochitl as her nom d'amour. (From The Encyclopedia of Spirits by Judika Illes)

Friday, September 28, 2012

Timing, Trust & Thankfulness (PBP wk 39)

In the Craft, planning & timing go hand in hand. We learn early that timing is everything when it comes to manifesting our desires. We work with different energies depending on the intention; we plan and visualize our spells/rituals/etc. We take into account the right day of the week, phase of the moon, planetary hour. Sometimes we even take into consideration planet's retrogrades and any cosmic event that might support or affect our magick.
While doing research I cam across this site, Carolina Dean - A Modern Witch's Book of Shadows. I really enjoyed the information found on her site and decided to share about timing your spells, planetary hours, magickal days, and astrological correspondences.
The Lore of the Moon )O(

When the moon is new,
draw positive things to you;
under a moon full & round,
all acts of magick may be found.
When the moon wanes,
Banish that which is bane;
& when the moon has turned black,
for protection you shall not lack.

The Moon Signs of the Zodiac.

Aries, the Head- Initiating action, new beginnings, confronting things, getting in other people's head, controlling and dominating people and situations, breaking habits.
Taurus, the Neck- money matters, planning long-range goals, public speaking, dental work, putting up preserves.
Gemini, the Arms- intellectual pursuits, juggling task, travel, protection.
Cancer, the Chest- attending to family and home matters, weddings, signing agreements.
Leo, the Heart- creativity, protection, love, children, self confidence, good for making large purchases, and doing that that youant to last.
Virgo, the Bowels- organizing, alayzing, getting a job, healing, breaking bad habits, buying medicine, healing pets.
Libra, the Kidneys- partnerships of all kinds, marriage, creativity, socializing, diplomacy, writing contracts.
Scorpio, the Genitals- research, investigation, psychic development, divination, seduction, lust, buying antiques.
Sagittarius, the Thighs- expanding the mind, freedom beginning a diet or exercises program, spiritual pursuits.
Capricorn, the Knees- pursuing ambitions, self-control, protection, organizing, focusing on your career.
Aquarius, the Legs- friendship, volunteering, originality, art, socializing.
Pisces, the Ankles- banishing negativity, psychic development.

The Magickal Days

On Sunday, cast spells of health,
Ambition, power,& of wealth.
Work magick of empathy & psychic vision,
When on Monday, the moon shares her wisdom.
If on Tuesday, you are called to action,
Cast spells of protection, war, lust, & passion.
For healing, to communicate great, & travel well,
Invoke Mercury on Wednesday to empower your spell.
On Thursday call upon Jupiter to increase,
Your prosperity & all ill luck cease.
Make magick of love, friendship, & romance,
When  on Friday, Venus has you entranced.
Invoke ancient Saturn on Saturday,
For protection & to open the way.

I've found along the way that I'm quite good at creating spells on the spot; but then again, all witches are. It's all about trust, trust in our own abilities. We learn to trust our intuition from early on the path; things either scream yes or no, there are signs that point us towards a path, an answer we seek, all we have to do is trust in ourselves to decipher these clues.

Trusting in my own magick comes naturally. As a Leo, I tend to follow my heart, I do what feels right. I act from a place of love, sending out good energy and loving thoughts. I can't say my life is perfect, in fact its far from it. I more than often I have to deal with unnecessary unhappy & stressful situations. It's not ideal, but you learn from each experience. Always aim to grow.If you practice whole heartedly how can you not trust that your magick will manifest?

Unless you forget to thank the energies that have aided your petition of course, then you should be doubting your own magick. When you ask Divinity/Deity /the Elements for help in some way, these energies manifest in your work; they guide your petition out into the Universe to help it manifest. Thanking these energies by honoring them in some way is what closes the circle you've opened. I honor daily, votive candles, incense, offerings, food, prayer, etc.

Thankfulness connects you to these energies; it builds a relationship that strengthens your magick. 

Friday, September 14, 2012

STICKING to Resolutions: No matter what... SWEAT Everyday... I WILL (PBP wk 37)

I just got inspired.

Was watching TV while I re-arranged my bag of books and this very inspiring commercial caught my attention. I seriously felt like I should and need to be doing that: sweating every day. Sweating every day and releasing my stress that way will most definitely help me keep a clear mind. Sweat rids the body of toxins, exercise energizes and revitalizes the body as well as tightens and keeps the body in shape.

I've been wanting to start back on a workout regimen. I do yoga but not nearly as much as I should.

The last few days my daily tarot & oracle messages have been pointing out my need to connect with Spirit through meditation and yoga; as well as better, healthy eating habits.

I'm not treating my body as I should and I definitely need to make a commitment to myself.

If my body is not at its optimal shape, I can't very well harness all the energy that I need for my practice. As of the past week, I've noticed that I'm way too out of energy. I just want to sleep. I eat like once a day, and then I just want to sleep. Not a great combo...

I might be a bit depressed actually. Stress is getting the best of me and I've been avoiding it by getting lost in books, sleep, or random movies. My sleeping schedule is out of whack, I stay up for most of the night and I'm left with a zombie-like attitude during the day.

All these changes are stressing me out more than I'd like to admit. I can not wait for everything to settle down so I can start my new routine.

I haven't neglected my daily practice, that's one good thing. I still make time to meditate and analyze my actions. I've cast a few times in the past month, but it might not have been my best, since I've been lacking the energy I need for successful spells. I trust my magick, and so I feel that even though I might not be in my best shape the energy I've sent is still working towards it's goal.

I know I've been talking about sticking to resolutions for the past few posts, but in all honesty, that's my biggest struggle as of now.

I first and foremost need to change my sleeping habits, then I can tackle my eating habits. Time management is something I need to get a grip on, otherwise I'll never accomplish everything I set for myself on a daily basis.

I was checking the Pagan Blog Project scheduled page and I have about 15 weeks left to catch up. Feels like more than enough time since I'm missing about 13 letters, he he, that's 26 posts. If I can stick to posting 3 a week I should catch up by the time the Project ends.

I know I can do it. I have it in me to get things done, but for some reason I've been procrastinating. Rowan says that procrastination is your body's way of letting you know that you need rest. I doubt I need rest, I've been resting way too much, I wish I could get to the bottom of my lack of motivation.

Changes are imminent, and necessary. I feel that once things are settled it will be easier to stick to a routine. For now, I plan on sweating every day! There's a new moon tomorrow night, and I plan on asking for some help. I'll start with the new moon, Sunday will be my kickoff for sweating every day. I'm sure that by next weekend I'll have a better grip on my routine.

Having a concrete plan definitely settles my mind. If I approach the issue from all angles and I harness energy from different sources, how could I fail?

I'm making a commitment to myself, I'm sticking to my resolutions and I'm SWEATING EVERY DAY... no matter what.


Friday, September 7, 2012

Rainy days, perfect time for Relaxation, Reflection & Renewal. (PBP wk 36)

I have to say, I absolutely adore rainy days. I've always enjoyed the relaxing tip-tap of raindrops against the windows, the gentle dancing of the rain as it hits the pavement. The amazingly fulfilling earthy scent that fills the air as soon as the first drops hit the ground.

Rainy days are possibly my favorite kind of days. I feel as if the rain, along with the cloudy skies, give me the perfect environment to relax and ponder. It really is the best environment for reflection.

I love to watch the raindrops, the sound of them is the perfect white noise for meditation. I actually enjoy lightning and thunder. I love them when they are far away and no more than a murmur, or when they are so close and loud they startle me and make me laugh. Everything that comes with rainy days & stormy nights inspires me.

For some, rainy days bring forth feelings of melancholy and sadness, that's been the case for me at times. I feel that if one feels inspired to allow these feelings to emerge, we should let them happen. We should allow these emotions to surface and exit our bodies. 

This energy we've been bottling up needs some type of release; we need to be in touch with our emotions in order to tap into the energy we need to access during spell casting.

I personally love to crawl in bed with a good book, or a good movie. Add hot cocoa and a snuggie and it's the perfect environment for relaxation.

I also love to meditate and reflect during stormy days or nights. I feel that the rain hitting against the window is the perfect soundtrack for deep meditation.

Sometimes I just like to stare out the window and watch lightning strike as I ponder about whatever is going on in my life. It's like the rain puts me in  some sort of trance; I'm aware of my surroundings but not totally present, I'm in my mind thinking, traveling, daydreaming.
It's not unusual for feelings of melancholy to arise during these periods of time, I welcome them as they come because these feelings need to be addressed. I find that when this happens I usually come to some sort of awakening or conclusion about whatever issue I'm dealing with at the moment.

It's healthy to have a good cry. Rainy days inspire these emotions. They are the perfect setting for cathartic realizations. Usually after I have an intense emotional outburst I'm left with a feeling of peace and renewal. It's like hitting the reset button. You're spent from all the crying, your body is humming from the release of energy and ready to be filled with positivity. 

Rain represents the element of water, it's associated with the West. Water is like a mirror that reflects our inner most deep desires, our emotions; it inspires us, it heals, it nurtures.
Love resides with the element of water; and just like water, love is fluid, it has no shape because it takes on the shape of the vessel. We are the vessels, and in order to have a healthy love relationship we must keep ourselves in top shape; by nurturing ourselves, keeping ourselves in touch with our emotions and addressing sadness and melancholy as it occurs --taking an active role in the healing process.

It's absolutely necessary to be in touch with our emotions; after all, our magick emanates from the heart. Our intentions are guided by the power of love, our magick comes from love, the love of God & Goddess, the Spirit, our higher self. We send out love and receive it back with the power of attraction. If we're not in tune with this element it might be harder to manifest our desires.

If you haven't danced in the rain you haven't experienced the cleansing power of mother nature at it's best.
It's such an amazing experience, to feel the cool drops soak the body, soak the soul; it releases bottled up energy, it cleanses the body and mind. 
It feels like being kissed by mother nature, surrounded by her love; this love isn't perfect but it's full of energy and healing love. It cleanses the soul and fills it with happiness and positive energy. Overall, it's fun. 

If you haven't cried under the rain you're also missing out on the healing properties the element of water has to offer.
Yes, it seems a bit cliché since these images are portrayed during sappy romantic movies; in reality there's a science to it, rain helps to cleanse the soul exponentially.

I absolutely love rainy days... they're good for the soul and necessary for mother earth. It quenches earth's thirst renewing life with each drop. Rainy days are God sent. 

Friday, August 31, 2012

Rosemary, the multifaceted magickal herb (PBP wk 35)

According to Scott Cunningham, you can replace any unavailable herb with Rosemary when working magick. When I first came across this statement I did not really understand why this was the case.

It took me some research and actual interaction with the plant to fully understand why its so versatile.  Aside from adding great flavor to my cooking, Rosemary is one of the most widely used herbs in magickal practice.

It wasn't until I started to grow it in my garden that I was able to connect with the spirit of the plant. I absolutely love the scent it emits, the aromatics found in this plant are so high that you can practically catch a whif if you're standing a foot away.

I love to incorporate Rosemary into my cooking; I love to work on my kitchen magick every time I cook a meal for my family. The intention is always love, abundace, prosperity and happiness. I absolutely love baked Rosemary chicken, its flavor-full in the most decadent way.

I remember a few months back I was working on an uncrossing bath for myself. I incorporated rosemary, lavender, thyme and sage. As I filled the tub with hot water, I began to work with each plant's energy. When I came across Rosemary, I noticed that there was a spider with it's egg sack attached to the underside of one of the leaves.

During that time, I was having a lot of encounters with Spider, so I took this as a sign. I apologized to Spider for upsetting her home and promised to take her outside as soon as I finished my bath. I did some quick research over my phone's internet and found out that Spider's eggsack is called 'Spider pearls' and is actually a sign of good luck and used in magickal practice. Of course I couldn't just take Spider's babies, that wasn't even a choice for me. I explained to Spider that I would find her a better home, as I did that, Spider picked up her eggsack and began to web a link towards my incense holder. I watched mesmerized as Spider went back and forth from rosemary to incense holder until her web was strong enough to move her eggs. Spider actually decided to settle on the underside of my incense stick holder. I couldn't believe it, but took it as a good sign. I thanked her for trusting me and reassured her that I would take her outside as soon as I finished with my bath.

I did just as promised and placed my incense holder inside my rosemary and sage pot. I asked Spider to make herself at home and thanked her spirit for making itself known to me for the past few months.

The next day, I let my dog Luna out into the backyard and go out running errands. It wasn't until I got back that I remembered my incense holder. Now, if you knew my dog, you'd know how destructive she tends to be. I for sure thought my incense stick holder was a goner. I checked my rosemary & sage pot and just as expected my main altar's incense holder was gone. I searched the entire backyard and found nothing. I'd covered every inch and almost given up when I decided to ask for help.

I stood there, grounded myself and drew a circle with a branch I found. As soon as I close the circle and look down I see a small white feather, which reminded me of Indigo Witch's message about my angels. Whenever I find a tiny white feather, its a sign my angels are there to guide and protect me.

Immediately after I see the feather I look about 8 feet to my left and what do I see? My incense holder! I couldn't believe it! I'd searched every inch and didn't see it before, and there it was, on the ground, some feet away from where I stood. I thanked the elements and my angels, closed the circle and inspected my incense holder. Surprisingly enough, the damage was minimal. There was only a small piece chipped off. Luna usually destroys any wooden thing! I was definitely lucky. I've had this holder for years, it speaks to me because it has a metal Sun; and well, it was a gift from my sister.

Here's another Rosemary related anecdote:

Not too long ago, I came across this recipe for watermelon water with rosemary. I made this refreshing drink during the first full moon of the month of August. I was actually thinking about my ex as I made it, I wanted him to come back and see me.

I like to have a small celebration during every Esbat. It's a very simple gathering, usually just another friend and myself.  We drink a glass of wine in honor of Goddess, play music and relax. It's a nice time to have a one-on-one with Goddess. Sometimes I cast petitons, others we just eat and drink. We like to take in the beauty of the moon along with Goddess's blessings.

During the first Full Moon of August my friend came over for a small celebration. We had dinner and sat outside with offerings for Goddess. We listened to music and talked about what we wanted to manifest in our lives. We drank the watermelon & rosemary water as we enjoyed the wonderful full moon. I remember 'he' was on my mind, I actually had a heart-to-heart with Goddess about my feelings for this guy. I wondered if there was anything worth saving between us, if his intentions were honorable, if we were meant to be...

Anyway, the next day, I decided to make a floor wash to cleanse the house and bring in loving energy, and of course I decided to use rosemary. As I mopped the house and asked to rid it of negativity and fill it with love, 'he' crossed my mind and I got lost daydreaming about his return. That Friday, 'he' calls me and tells me he's coming to see me for the weekend. :) :p

I feel Rosemary played an important role for me during the entire month of August. 'He' actually made up for the fact that he sort of ruined my birthday the previous week. I don't know if we are meant to be, or if our paths are just crossing once more for the time being; what I do know is that I trust Goddess's guidance. He's in my life now, my feelings for him are still very present. I'm not rushing into anything because we are both going through some changes, all I can do is enjoy the now.

Here's some magickal attributes of Rosemary, from Scott Cunninghams Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs.

Name: Rosemary (Rosemarinus officinalis)
Folk Names: Compass Weed, Dew of the Sea, Elf Leaf, Guardrobe, Incensier, Libanotis (Greek), Polar Plant, Sea Dew
Gender: Masculine
Planet: Sun
Element: Fire
Powers: Protection, Love, Lust, Mental Powers, Exorcism, Purification, Healing, Sleep, Youth
Magical Uses: Rosemary, when burned, emits powerful cleansing and purifying vibrations, and so is smouldered to rid a place of negativity, especially prior to performing magic. It is one of the oldest incenses.
    When placed beneath the pillow rosemary ensures a good sleep and drives away nightmares. Laid under the bed it protects the sleeper from all harm. Rosemary is also hung on the porch and doorposts to keep thieves from the house and is carried to remain healthy. Placed in the bath it purifies.
    A chaplet of rosemary, worn, aids the memory, while the wood, smelled often, preserves youthfulness. To ensure the latter add a rosemary infusion to the bath water.
    Rosemary has long been used in love and lust incenses and other mixtures, and healing poppets are stuffed with rosemary to take advantage of its curative vibrations. Rosemary infusion is used to wash the hands before healing work, and the leaves mixed with Juniper berries are burned in sickrooms to promote healing.
    If you wish to receive knowledge or the answer to a question, burn rosemary on charcoal and smell its smoke. Rosemary is also grown to attract elves, and the powdered leaves wrapped in linen cloth and bound to the right arm dispel depression and make the emotions light and merry.
    Rosemary is generally used as a substitute for frankincense.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Quitting - My Quest To End Bad Habits (PBP wk 34)

I've been posting about my many negative habits and my current attempt to turn things around. I feel that I'm making slow progress though. Ideally, I'd have my shit together by now, but for some reason I'm finding it hard to get motivated enough to make permanent changes.

I guess I shouldn't be so negative about my progress. I have made some major changes, I'm just not where I envisioned myself.

I decided to blog about "quitting" for this week because I'm obviously having issues quitting certain things in my life.

"I wish I could quit you."
As of lately, "he" (my guy) has been my addiction. A bad one at that. He flips my world upside down every time; yet, I can't and don't want to imagine my life without him. Is that so wrong of me? Am I damaging my self and my practice by allowing him back in my life? I can't help but think of that line from Brokeback Mountain, "I wish I could quit you."

I know that I am strong. I've been through hell and back, and I've never felt more in control of my life as I do now; this is all thanks to "The Path." As long as I keep grounded and realistic about my expectations with him I feel I'm fine. However, there are those times when my feelings simply override my logic. When this happens, my energy drops and I'm a typical girl with guy issues. How lame is that?

I can't help but think about that time I read Marina's cards and well, her recent divorce came up. I asked her how she was doing, and her whole aura shifted. I could feel her energy lower, her sudden emotional change. At that moment, I thought "wow, we're all the same; even this strong powerful witch priestess suffers from heartache." :sigh: Love can either make you or break you.

How do experienced witches deal with these things? I'm curious to know how others handle these situations. I've tried not loving this guy, I know that he's not ideal for me... somehow, and in spite of my logic, I've yet to remove him completely from my heart. Even if he wasn't back in my life I'd still love him. You can't chose who you love, you love because the heart loves. It gives without question or reason.

Even if we aren't meant to be, he will always have a special place in my heart. That's the thing about Leo's, we give unconditionally.

One thing I need to make clear, just because I have feelings for this guy and I allow myself to get lost in the moment with him, doesn't mean that I'm a doormat. I stand my ground when it counts. I have to, otherwise he'd take control; and as a Leo, I need to be in control. We're currently in a long distance relationship, which of course, is NEVER a good idea. His job keeps him working almost every day of the week, but whenever he has weekends off he comes to see me. This is about every two weeks or so. Which works for me, I miss him, but I can't deal with having him every day. It'd never get anything done. We spend too much time in bed; sex and sleep takes over both of us when we're together.

My major issues come with living in the moment and completely neglecting my duties. I don't drink as much as I did in college. I used to enjoy the party scene way too much back in the day. As the years passed I lost interest; I tend to revert to my party girl days whenever friends come into town, but even then I don't get drunk as I used to. I do enjoy it from time to time though, once I get in party-mode, I want to go all night. It just happens that whenever "he" comes to visit, I tend to drink a bit. We like to play beer pong with friends, and most of the time end up going to bed late and waking up even later. I drink too much, sleep too much and end up taking over 2 days to recuperate after he's gone. So, this behavior is only acceptable every once in a while... actually, it isn't really acceptable, but it sure is fun.

Aside from my addiction to spending time in and out of bed with "him," I really need to get a grip on my eating habits. I've failed miserably at keeping up with a healthy diet. For some reason, I've completely thrown caution to the wind for the past month. Fast food and lack of exercise is definitely having a negative effect on my appearance. I need to regain control.

I'm actually looking forward to having my sister and her girl friend move in with us. They are seriously healthy eaters; my sister in law has lost soo much weight in past few months. It will definitely help out to eat healthy and work out as a family unit. There are so many changes currently under progress at the moment that it's a bit harder to commit to a routine. I feel that once everyone is settled things will definitely change for everyone.

My goal is to make them all good ones.
What do I plan to do? Well, for starters, I will work out more and eat better. Yoga in the morning always helps me start off my day on a good note. Zumba in the afternoon keeps my energy high.
I really want to incorporate jogging, but I'm so out of shape that this activity definitely proves to be a challenge. I can dance for hours, do yoga for over an hour, but jogging kicks my ass.

Eating healthier will have to wait until we're all settled. At the moment, we are going through the moving process and until we finish and settle down it will be hard to stick to healthy eating. I'm trying to keep my calorie intake to a minimum to balance out what I'm not consuming. One high calorie meal a day, and the rest is healthy snacks and lots of salads.

I keep wanting to buckle down and catch up with the Pagan Blog Project, but of course, life gets in the way. I have so many drafts that I've yet to finish and post. So, I am making a commitment to myself to finish and post at least 3 entries a day. Otherwise the project will end and I will be left behind, and I really want to finish this project with everyone else. I'm enjoying it so much, but obviously not making it a priority. This will change.