Friday, April 26, 2013

Inspiration That Moves Me (PBP 2013 wk 18)


video
 
All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air said show me something
He said, if you dare come a little closer

Round, and around, and around, and around we go
Ohhh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
 
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it takes me out the way
I want you to stay

It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given
Round, and around, and around, and around, we go
Oohhh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it take me all the way
I want you to stay

Oohh oohh the reason I hold on
Oohh oohh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us
is caving

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it take me all the way
I want you to stay
Stay

I want you to stay ...
 
 
 
The first time I heard this song I was moved to my very core... I felt it from the first note of the melody, until the last line of the lyrics. It touched me, it moved me, it haunted me... And then of course, I watched the video ...

I don't think I was really prepared for the honesty behind Rihanna's stripped down face. 

You can clearly see, feel, and touch her pain.  For anyone who doesn't like Rihanna or judges her over the whole Chris Brown fiasco, I say, "Haven't you ever been in a toxic relationship?"

Love is undeniably blind. We love because something in the other's soul speaks to us like no other. It awakens feelings in us that up until that point we never thought would be possible. Clearly, this isn't always ideal. Sometimes we fall for someone that doesn't deserve our love... but again, love knows no reservations.

I understand Rihanna's toxic love. I spent most of the last few years dealing with the aftermath of a heartbreak / unrequited love. I've come to realize that my "toxic" love is the result of past-life issues / karma.

I trust in higher guidance. My higher self / spirit guides / ancestors have no reason to lie to me. It's been a reoccurring theme during my readings...

Once I figured out the meaning behind our crossed paths I knew this whole thing was higher than myself.

I don't know what I did in my past life, --if I hurt him, or if he hurt me-- if we will continue to encounter each other in future lives until we fix this karmic unbalance.

The love I have for him will always be there... I understand now that we aren't meant to be together. I'm meant to help him in different ways. Which is where I'm focusing my energy now days.

I guess this song reminds me of the way I used to feel about him. 

I wanted him in my life so badly that I spent a lot of time missing what we used to have, wanting him back in my life... needing to feel that love which we once shared. 

Things aren't that simple anymore... I know too much. I've seen too much... He's too damaged and oh so very lost.  He's now part of my life, but things are SO different now... I know that what we have isn't the love I want, and that it will never be anything more than what it currently is... it sort of makes me feel the way Rihanna looks in her video.
Not because I need him, but because I no longer do...

It's a different kind of acceptance. Healing mainly.

This song is haunting me, even now, as I write...

The first time I watched the video and saw Mikky Ekko I was lost for a moment... 

Ekko looks so much like him, or the way he did when we used to be... which might be another reason why I'm so in love with this song.  Ekko's shaggy hair reminds me of the past, of how we were, once upon a time.

"Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving."  Is a line that touches me so deeply... he saved me from myself. He helped find myself when I thought all was lost. I love him for that. He helped me when I mostly needed of someone. He showed me love and I believed again... No matter what's happened between us, I can never regret that.

I would like to do the same for him. Help him heal... help him become the man he's meant to be. Even and most importantly if that's not with me. This is one of my life's purposes.

I don't know what the future holds for us. All I know is that I need to help him... I'm reaching real closure and I'd like to end all unfinished business before my next lifetime.

I've realized that my purpose in life is to help others.  I was blessed enough to realize my true path... I'll admit that the road was full of pain and losses, and that I continue to suffer oh so deeply because I have issues that hinder me like nothing else ever has.

And yet, without all this pain and suffering I would've never discovered my true path. It's the sacrifice I must make in order to enlighten myself.

I believe that all this I've endured and overcome will eventually bring me to the ultimate reward, happiness on earth.

I believe in the healing energy of Mother Earth, God & Goddess, the fairies, elements and Ancestors... I know they all want my happiness and will help me attain perfect health. How else do they expect me to fulfill my destiny? I need, no, I DESERVE, happiness and perfect health.

Trust and Believe that everything you need will come to you at the right moment in time...

The Universe, with it's infinite knowledge gives us signs and guidance that eventually places us where we need to be. I trust with all my being ...

I'm deeply inspired to follow my path and make the necessary changes to stay true to my higher self.