tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8381467079446115072024-03-05T09:43:02.966-06:00An Eclectic Witch In TrainingAn introspective look at the magickal path I'm following. I'm learning as I go, sharing my findings and learning from my experiences.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-76224041581330120532014-05-21T00:05:00.003-05:002014-05-21T00:05:58.477-05:00Untitled - Self Realizations and Missed Opportunities. I honestly don't understand what I'm currently going through. Its like, I'm finally closer to having a stable life, closer to feeling ready to embark in the next phase of my life i.e. a relationship, I'm finally becoming who I'm meant to be. I mean, up until this point, I was hindered by many more obstacles and issues, and now, the only hindering issue is my health. Things have been improving drastically, so complaining about things not going my way seems petty in the greater scheme of things. Yet, my feelings matter, and they're very real. I owe them some attention at the very least. <br />
<br />
I've been emo for the past week and a half. I know it was partly PMS, but I also know that these feelings were there to begin with, otherwise they wouldn't be reacting to the environment's stimuli. <br />
<br />
I was feeling a bit rejected last week, and I couldn't shake that defeated feeling. I understand that sometimes things don't go our way, and this just means that these experiences or the lack there of are meant to teach us a lesson. I know that when I look back at these experiences, I'll understand the greater scheme of things.. but at the moment, they can really bum me out. <br />
<br />
My friends wedding is this Saturday. As of now, I'm on flake mode. My best friends decided they did not want to go, and well, I lost my safety net. I only really cared about my Gordito going, Roomate (my college roommate, I still call her this way) plain out told me she didn't want to go, but didn't want to hurt my feelings at the moment. And Mochila (a high school and college friend) has to work, this one is mainly my fault. There has been some iffy energy between us, or more of a misunderstood energy really, so I didn't contact her until this past weekend, and of course, it's too late and very last minute. <br />
<br />
I guess I figured that if I was meant to go, the Universe would give me a very clear sign of how to get there, or would provide me with a form of transportation. Gordo decided he didn't want to go to the middle of nowhere during a surprise party in Austin. He was out of his element and I know he reacted prematurely mainly based on how stressed he felt. I guess I sort of hoped he would change his mind, or that I would finally confess my ailments, so he'd understand why I needed a support system. :sigh: I still can't tell him. I sorta grazed the subject while having coffee with him during his last Houston visit, but I wasn't brave enough to ask if he had ever noticed my chronic issues. <br />
<br />
I know I can trust him, I know this to my core. I know he loves me unconditionally, I just don't know why I'm still unable to simply say it. I want to ask him, seek comfort, just clear up once and for all all of these burning questions. I mean, is it all in my head? I know I need to share this with him... I just need to face it and do it. blurt it out. rip the band-aid. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I thought that maybe if I told him, he would understand why I simply can not be in a car with Days and her boyfriend for 5 hours. I thought that maybe he'd support me by being my date to the wedding. But like I said, if I was meant to go, something would happen, and so far, everything that's happening keeps reinforcing this feeling that maybe it's ok to skip it. Like, just today, I found out that Days will be leaving Friday, but she'll stop by her family's along the way. She won't get to Brownsville until Saturday. So, it's not like I can ask to bum a ride. Which was my back up plan. <br />
<br />
I feel bad, but even my dreams have been very vivid and full of messages. Last night's was particularly vivid. I mean, I still remember the gist of it. Which usually happens when I'm dealing with heavy/stressful stuff. <br />
<br />
So the wedding, still on flake mode. I will call Gordo tomorrow, perhaps he'll talk me into going, or he'll have pity on me and join me. <br />
<br />
The wedding is not really a major issue for me; my feelings are. I was feeling rejected by The Architect. He's the first guy that I seem to really like, he's different, and he seemed to like me. I allowed myself to believe that maybe this could be something. And now, that there are so many doors opening up for me, well, I thought I could pursue something meaningful with him. <br />
<br />
Even the card reading I got from Jess Carlson was telling me to pursue these experiences. It told me to forgive myself for missed opportunities... which ironically enough, is currently happening. <br />
<br />
Which is of course another reason why I'm feeling a bit disillusioned. All of the guys that I'm somewhat interested in are suddenly becoming very unavailable. I mean, it's ironic that now that I'm closer to being stable and ready for something meaningful, all these options are closing. <br />
<br />
I found out Raver Leo is moving to San Francisco. Raver Leo is a guy that I've had on my radar for the best part of the last 3 years. We are like star crossed lovers in a way, we keep missing each other. It seems that every time he's in town, I'm not available or in town myself. We seem to be interested in one another, but we simply aren't making it happen. And now, he's moving, and I probably won't get the chance to get to know him anymore. I mean, I'll be in San Antonio at the end of the month, but of course, as luck would have it, he will be in Houston at, drum roll please, another rave / concert. <br />
<br />
Sagittarius guy is seeing someone. And she's pretty and short and she has a tight little body. :sigh: this one hurts my ego. He claimed to not want a relationship, he just didn't want one with me. I mean, I know we weren't meant to be, but it still hurts. It stings, and even more so because I liked him SO much. I thought I was over him, and I mean, I am, I'd say, 99.99% over him. The difference is so minute that the news of his new relationship bummed me out for about 60 seconds, then I shrugged it off and said, "oh well." and I meant it.<br />
<br />
I'm even upset about Emo A, and it's not like I care. I mean, our relationship is strictly friends with benefits. And I don't like him like that, I know this to my core, yet I still want him to ask me out to hang out. The sex is great, but I think it's time to end that situation. Nothing will come of that and I'm not honoring myself by sleeping with someone I don't see a future with.<br />
<br />
I was mostly upset about The Architect, he wasn't making an effort and he pretty much left me hanging with our text convo. I was questioning my actions, our interactions, whether I was coming on too strong, whether I overshared my crazy way too early, there were way too many insecurities. <br />
<br />
So I asked him Saturday night, because I'm a Leo and I wanted to see if he was in fact different from most guys, or if he would behave like another dick and make dick moves. I told him that I'd be in San Antonito on the 31st, and wanted to know if it was still ok to contact him since I never heard from him again. He saw the message on facebook and didn't respond immediately, which bummed me out further. I mean, why would the reading advice me to go for it, if he was gonna turn me down? <br />
<br />
He responded via facebook on Sunday, and honestly, I had been having a tough day, but as soon as I read his message, my energy shifted. He told me that he hadn't realized he left me hanging, he apologized and told me that it was perfectly fine to contact him to hang out whenever I made it into town. I responded immediately and admitted I was forward but just wanted to make sure he wasn't trying to get me to get the hint, and if he was, I just wanted to be sure. I don't like to pursue someone who's not interested. He didn't respond until Monday night. And his message couldn't have been any more perfect. <br />
<br />
He began by apologizing for not responding immediately, he wanted to have time to sit down and focus. (Our text exchanges are more like emails, we convey a lot this way) He told me that he'd gone through a change of heart and feels he's ready to seek an actual relationship. (which sort of works for me, since I didn't want a fling or another friends with benefits situation, although I was willing to give it a try because he's so appealing to me). He apologized for sending me mixed signals, and told me that I was still more than welcome to stick around in S.A. and hang out with him and his friends. He ended the text with clarifying that he wasn't just sending that text to shut me out. (which sort of made me feel like he was, somehow.) <br />
<br />
I'll just share it here. I don't want to miss anything. I tend to misinterpret texts or messages from time to time. <br />
<br />
The Architect: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Hey Selene! Sorry I've been taking my time getting back to you. I was in Dallas this weekend, and started driving right after messaging you. I should've responded sooner, but I wanted to wait until I could sit down and focus on this. I wanted to let you know that I've been having a change of heart these past few weeks. A while ago, I was able to hook up with someone who I thought was perfect for my situation: sex, no strings, similar kinks, fun... And it just hit me really hard that that's not what I wanted anymore. I don't think I'm capable of casual sex because I want a deeper relationship and getting involved even at the surface level seems to take more from me than it's worth. Of course I waiver all the time and debate about a casual fling, but whenever I get close, it just feels wrong. That's why I've probably been sending you mixed signals lately, and I'm sorry for that. You're still more than welcome to stick around in San Antonito that weekend. We don't have anything on the calendar yet, but I'm sure we will be out doing something fun if you want to see the downtown area. Would love to hear your thoughts. I'm not sending this to you to shut you out! </blockquote>
<br />
My response:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
:) / I totally understand. I know the feeling. We tend to have a change of heart after we experience stronger feelings. After we get a taste of intimacy/love, we crave more. More than sex, or immediate satisfaction. / Um, honestly, I know I talk sex a lot and we've clearly shared quite a bit of sex talk. And yes, I've fantasized about you a bit.. and even thought I could maybe have something casual. I know I seem a bit forward, but when it comes down to it, I'm not one to sleep around or hook up for the sake of hooking up. So, don't worry. I kinda just wanted to hang out and check out the scene. I'm coming down with my bestie. And since I thought you were pretty cool, I felt it would be fun to hang out and play it by ear. / Honestly, how you're feeling is totally normal and a sign of maturity. I remember feeling that way after THE EX. lol I wanted to slut around and get immediate satisfaction but couldn't. Still can't. Even when I think I can, even when I tell myself I will. ... I still don't. lol So no need to explain. What I'm hearing is that you'd like to be friends? And I'm ok with that. :) It'd be fun to hang out. But don't feel obliged. I'm an awesome friend, so if you ever wanna share just for the sake of sharing/girl advice/sex questions or discussions/etc. If not, well, I hope you find what you need. You seem like a great individual, and I hope you find the happiness you deserve. :) </blockquote>
The Architect: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Hey thanks for understanding. I'm hoping that I'm growing into a new phase in life and not just going through a phase in a reoccurring cycle. (Just saw your bit on maturing as I was typing this. You might be right!) And yes! Bring your friend, we can show you guys around. You won't be imposing. I agree, I haven't forgotten our talks, and the connection we had through them. I'd be happy to call you a friend. Like I said, I wasn't telling you all this so you'd go away. </blockquote>
My response: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
:) I know. But you seem like a sweet guy, and nice guys don't like to hurt girls feelings... Either way, I understand. :) I've been there. I go through the "maybe I should just hook up" phase a few times every month haha Deep down I know that's no longer enough... / Anyway, I'll be in town the 31st. Hope we can do something fun ^_^</blockquote>
The Architect: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Yea who knows, maybe I'll be singing a different tune in a month lol. I'm trying to brace myself because I have no clue what this will mean for my sex life moving forward :( / I'll keep my eye out. we are usually really bad planners and just do everything spur of the moment, so hopefully you guys don't mind the ride!</blockquote>
My response: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
haha we do that ourselves. I think it will be fun to just do spontaneous :) / And about your situation... well, just follow your gut. I know you'll go through different situations that will test your will and carnal needs. And you'll probably hook up again, or maybe you won't... one thing I do know is that you'll figure it out as you encounter these experiences. They'll either feel good, or they'll feel bad. Red flag the regretful feelings... you learn what not to do from those experiences. </blockquote>
The Architect: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Let's talk more soon because I'm falling asleep ( I can't believe I started typing your text an hour ago). Let me know if you have any thoughts or feelings you'd like to share, and if not I'll definitely see you soon! </blockquote>
My response: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
:) I have way too many thoughts and feelings lol I feel you'll be fine though, so don't stress and just do you. The right girl will come around and you'll just know. Good night.</blockquote>
The Architect:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Night Selene!!</blockquote>
<br />
It feels like a "sorry, not interested" but then again, and surprisingly enough, it didn't hurt my feelings. He was at least decent enough to let me down like a gentleman. Which gave me a sense of peace and closure. I mean, what can I do. He's on his journey and at least he's not being a dick about it. I respect that. And honestly, in a way, it takes off the pressure of meeting him at the end of the month. I imagine it will be just a fun drunken night full of laughs and maybe a bit of flirting. But I for see a fun experience either way. <br />
<br />
It sort of feels as if every guy situation I had is all of the sudden breaking ties and links. Raving Leo is moving, Sagittarius guy is in a relationship, even the guy who's been in love with me for the last decade has finally moved on. Emo A is a dead end, and The Architect is not interested. C'est la Vie...<br />
<br />
I'm not gonna lie, the Sagittarius guy news were the most upsetting, but that might be because I really liked him. I liked how I felt while with him, and even though I knew we weren't meant to work out, I couldn't help but care. <br />
<br />
I was starting to feel blue again when I came across this via facebook.<br />
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and of course, I was overcome with emotions. Perhaps I'm losing all my choices because they need to be out of the picture before I can start anew. I know I should trust, perhaps this is the way towards growth and positive change. Who knows, maybe the reading Jess gave me was so I'd learn to forgive myself for these missed opportunities. Maybe it was advising me about this situation, the fact that I've missed the window for all these "potential relationships."</div>
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I write this as "Can't help falling in love" plays in the background. I'm watching The Voice finale and Kristina Grimmie is singing this song, which coincidentally speaks to me in many different levels. The line that stood out, "Like the river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be." Gave me the feeling that perhaps, love should just flow easily and without force. </div>
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My heart wants, it wants to love freely and fully and it wants to be loved in return. I trust that I'm in a path of abundance and happiness, and I believe these experiences are shaping me into the woman I am meant to be. I only ask for the clarity to see the difference between experiences and the courage to follow my heart. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-52483065006562337422014-04-11T23:31:00.000-05:002014-04-30T15:38:40.256-05:00Dare to Hope... Healing & Finding Happiness. (PBP 2014 wk 15) <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For this week's post I decided to write about Hope, Healing and Happiness. Something that for me, goes hand in hand. I long with all my heart, to be truly happy. I know that what's keeping me from attaining this is my chronic health issues. Healing is an utmost priority.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know that these issues I'm experiencing make me a better person, and when these fears and obstacles are conquered, it will make me a stronger individual. I know that if I wasn't experiencing this, I wouldn't be on this path... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEgZnWSQWRb3qUJykeltYxXCj03nFZmd9FtrXcOPUAi0_Gr65H9ahPGphb9ZY91CQZTS2q7VbB2gCRfl9wW4-j282VB4SiFrdanrF-DlbIz9hCXtL3R2OlhweYzldAfUlsC_A8DKjy9S382F4oM0JrZRINnnA8MWtSTDutWCoszkbyPs69Fw-HDXmzEUYDLqJyQs0nnKvgJqsfPvdxdC50Uh6CSxacWnZ1yQYSVy4Nm4G5wa1s9uIwg6TkODauCnPZWN9RrRdzyk-9i_e8r-0yJnUWylX-CuJ8KudkB8aAQXzJCO8qOvhx9FEQzn0-_QXX-GkpKnRalQ2loSQ-3LasjGdDn6H02S3cKMads=" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://quotespictures.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/love-comes-to-those-who-still-hope-even-though-theyve-been-disappointedto-those-who-still-believe-even-though-theyve-been-hurt-before-hope-quote.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I dare to hope. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I dare to hope that one day I will attain the perfect health I long for. I believe with all my heart that God & Goddess, Divinity, The Universe will align me in a way that will help me attain the healthy mind, body, and soul I seek. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm holding on to hope for dear life. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My faith keeps me anchored. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I believe in miracles and I know that Divinity will not fail me. I am after all, one with The Universe. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I long for Love. True unconditional love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In the Tibetan meditation class I learned about attachment and conditional love.. We love with conditions. </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I want to simply love, unconditionally, and to be loved with as much intensity as my soul can handle. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I hope to find this love. </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Hope: </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That flickering light that holds on for dear life even in windy environments... the light that keeps your faith anchored, even when you're surrounded by darkness. That light of hope that assures you that in the end, you will find your happily ever after. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My heart wants... oh, it wants so much I can hardly hold it back. </span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.ghank.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/quotes-on-hope-13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.ghank.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/quotes-on-hope-13.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My Heart wants to give, it wants to love, it wants intimacy, it wants to care, to soar, and jump, it want's to rejoice and sing the sweet sweet melodies composed by the heart when in love. My heart wants to fall in love, and stay in love. It wants to experience the type of love soul mates have for one another. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My soul wants to be happy. My soul deserves to be happy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I hope to find Happiness through Healing. After all, balance is the key to everything... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">During last month's New Moon, I worked on a Healing / Happiness crystal grid. I am working with my Angels and guides, with Spirit and of course, the crystal's and their magick / medicine. The grid feels good, it's definitely helping me deal with my own short comings. It's helping me with the changes I need to make, and to love myself above all. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I feel more grounded, yet light. I feel this energy shift is what helped me attract the guy I met last Saturday. The Architect. A beautiful individual in every aspect of the word. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The last time I went out with the intention of meeting someone, my energy was so off that I ended with Emo A. The sexually confused emo guy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This time around, I went out expecting little since we were headed to a gay art show. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a href="http://funlava.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/chance-future-hope-quote-stars-Favim.com-433721.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://funlava.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/chance-future-hope-quote-stars-Favim.com-433721.jpg" height="216" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The odds of finding an attractive male were of course in my favor, the odds of encountering an attractive "straight" male were zero to none. In spite of the odds, I still dabbed a couple of drops of </span><a href="http://jesscarlson.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Jess Carlson</span></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'s Out All Night oil and walked out the door. I was ready for what the night would bring.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I was a bit hesitant when my best friend, Gordo, suggested we hit Barbarella (awesome bar in Austin Texas) after the art show. I wasn't ready to share him with his "other" woman but of course I obliged. I have a habit of saying "YES, LETS DO IT" (even when I don't feel like doing that particular "it.") While with my bestie, "no" does not exist. And, oh, am I glad. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As expected my friend got lost in chatter with his friends. I'm not a wallflower type, but didn't particularly feel like making small talk with the group. Sooo I walked off to the dance floor, I was there to dance after all. Plus, it was a regular night, which meant, lots of straight guys. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It seriously took me less than two songs to find the guy of my dreams. ^_^ </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I was surrounded by a group of guys dancing the night away. Straight guys out dancing and having fun --that's the type of atmosphere you get a Barbs. There was this tall and attractive chubby guy that was coming on strong but in a cute silly way. He was hip bumping me and dropping it like it was hot right in front of me. It was amusing, but he wasn't it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I was fully enjoying myself when all of the sudden I saw "Him" from across the dance floor, I smiled a few times, made eye contact and kept on dancing. I separated myself from the group of guys and next thing you know, He's next to me. He asked if I was "with the tall guy in plaid." I clarified and told him I was there with my gay best friend, who was at moment having a drink by the bar, technically, I was there "alone." hehe The rest was history. He didn't let go of me all night. Even when he'd go to get me a drink, he'd leave me with his group of friends so I wouldn't stand / dance there alone. (Or so I wouldn't get "picked up" by another guy.) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The Architect is SUCH a gentleman! Tall, handsome, fit, beautiful and most importantly, eloquent, clever, witty and smart. He has the softest beard, just the right shade of light brown/blond and a very nice ass. Oh gosh, I'm crushing. HARD. :sigh: I love the way he approached me, how sweet and good looking he is, but most of all, I love his personality and kind heart. :sigh: Crush at first sight. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHe6chvWDOlcQUBmnwzwC1klhEYrNjxW3iZ-1uXg50ejrVkX2lXUK2ZOXvU-C7fWd4ERFlYhGUB40g9d25FQI6WeAnc29Q5EHZzxVN5UjpB-JEQcSnRla103pt0xMkTDGfQy-Ra2c_2ue-/s1600/quotes-never-lose-hope-.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHe6chvWDOlcQUBmnwzwC1klhEYrNjxW3iZ-1uXg50ejrVkX2lXUK2ZOXvU-C7fWd4ERFlYhGUB40g9d25FQI6WeAnc29Q5EHZzxVN5UjpB-JEQcSnRla103pt0xMkTDGfQy-Ra2c_2ue-/s1600/quotes-never-lose-hope-.jpg" height="216" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">With most guys, I'll usually lose interest after I get to know the individual a little better. With The Architect, it's the complete opposite. The more I find out about him, the more I like him. I know it's waaay too soon but I'm daring to hope that maybe this can be something. His first text message was sent at 1:23 am... and another crucial message was sent at 3:33.. Even his phone number has a 444 in it. I mean, it definitely feels like something. :sigh: oh gosh, why do these signs feel like definite YES!?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Gordo LOVES him. In fact, he urges me to, (and I quote) "not fuck it up with this guy." He seems to be mesmerized by The Architect. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm not forcing anything, I'm just letting it be. I'm enjoying it to the fullest and allowing things to simply develop as they are meant to. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I dare to hope that maybe this individual will be a beautiful experience... I would love it if he was the one. I'm such a hopeless romantic... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I long to love... and I know the Universe will not disappoint. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know I need to get back on track with my diet in order to control my chronic issues, I am determined to achieve balance of mind, body and spirit. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"I will, therefore I am."</span>
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about signs and trying to figure out why it is that my feelings are so elusive. I'm having an interesting (and sometimes overwhelming) time fully grasping what they mean. Defining or fully expressing my feelings and emotions is proving to be more complicated than I anticipated. Letting him know this directly feels like an impossible task. I understand that my Ego is on the way, I know that my pride is keeping me from putting it all on the table. I'm holding back because I feel that rejection will force me to face the facts; I'll have to accept once and for all that it's over. I feel this is also one of the reasons why I've been avoiding my personal readings. Which by the way, I'm still doing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I read </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/1401938906/?tag=mh0b-20&hvadid=3525328374&ref=pd_sl_2lsuqfrayd_ee" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">E Squared</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> earlier in the week. Gordo (my best friend) suggested I read </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sugar-baby-Bridge-Brett-Edward-Stout/dp/0981947417/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1394409528&sr=1-1&keywords=sugar+baby+bridge" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Sugar-Baby Bridge</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">, a
book written by a gay marine and social figure he follows. He wants to discuss it since he feels so disappointed by his writing and the overall plot of the book. I've yet to make up my mind about it, but then again, I'm on chapter 7.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">While I was on Kindle, I accidentally clicked on E squared. I read the first few lines and I simply could not stop. I had purchased E Squared because we'll be covering it in one of my </span><a href="http://www.wildspirittribe.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Tribe</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> groups. I've had it for months but had yet to even open it up. It was a happy accident because all of the sudden, it hit me, this is the book Gordo should
read to understand why magick works. He's an atheist or well, he was. It seems that
he's slowly changing his mind about the infinite possibilities that encompass our physical world. He wants me
to read his cards, and recently, he indirectly asked me to cast a spell for
him. Its exciting since he's been a non believer for so long. I want him to be
happy and fulfilled, he deserves nothing but the world. I want him to realize How amazing he truly is. He's an incredible friend and a genuinely good individual. I'd love nothing more than to cast for
him, help him believe in the unseen. However, before I even attempt this, I would like for him to believe first. I don't want him to block my
efforts. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So, I quickly vetted
the book and even saved some experiments for me to try out. One of them of
course had to do with Sagittarius Guy. Here's where my elusive feelings come into play. I keep wondering why it is that I feel so strongly for this guy. I've managed to keep my distance, keep busy, start dating (more or less) and yet, he's still there. My heart chakra has such strong reactions when it involves this guy. I'm one strong witch, I'm determined and I believe in my abilities even when I'm a bit doubtful. I've done clearing work, cleansing work, uncrossings, etc. I figured, I was opening myself up for new possibilities, new experiences and relationships. I'm meeting new guys, but Sagittarius guy is still there, in my heart, he's on my mind and on my skin... he's inside me...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I gave the Universe 48hrs for a sign. I asked my question at 11:34pm Wednesday night, and expected a response by Friday around that same time. The question was,
whether I should continue to pursue Sagittarius guy or not. A simple yes or no question. This is something I've been wondering for way too long. I wanted clear signs, something that I couldn't confuse for mere coincidences. I wanted to be sure before I placed myself on the line of fire. After I made my inquiry to the Universe I simply let it go. I did wonder how these signs would manifest, but other than that, I left it up to the Universe. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Most of Thursday was uneventful. Somewhere along
those first 12 hours I decided that if we logged into Facebook at the same time
at least three times then that would be my sign(s). As I went about my day, and after completely getting engrossed in the work I was doing, I thought of him, and logged in. He was online. This online coincidence counted as one. This happened once more that same day. On Friday these online coincidences were more frequent. It seemed that every time I logged in he was already on, or he would log in a few minutes after I would. This seemed like a pretty strong set of signs given that in the past we rarely had virtual run-ins. I needed more. I needed a stronger sign. I wanted him to contact me, or message me, or post something that would show me that there's something worth fighting for. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I decide to put my intentions out into the Universe in a more physical way. I posted a Facebook update hoping he'd see it and get the hint. Well, my friends started to comment, and before you know it, we're having an open conversation about signs. We joke, we play, they suggest I face my fear and simply tell him how I feel. I admit that my Ego is on the way and insist I wait for a sign. I somehow decide I want to look at his page, and that's when I saw it. The picture. His cousin was having a 3 day birthday celebration and on night 1 there seemed to be a group photo, and well, Sagittarius guy was there with his arm around a girl. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My emotional reaction was immediate and unavoidable. It's at times like these that I feel somewhat overwhelmed. I told myself, "well, that's a pretty clear sign, isn't it?" My reaction certainly pointed me towards yes. I updated my post and my friends on the latest developments and resigned to let it be. C'est la Vie, no? I had a mini emotional outburst... actually, it was pretty intense. To top it all off, I tried to check his Facebook again after my latest update and my phone could NOT reach his wall. I freaked out even more, suddenly I couldn't breathe. I felt like such a mess. Crying like a baby over a guy because he had someone else, and then crying harder because I thought he had unfriended me. Oh gosh. I sound so pathetic. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I regained my composure just on time; one of my close friends messaged me privately asking what had happened. Before I could begin my story, Sag guy's cousin messages me. It<strong> felt</strong> like a sign. Like Divine Intervention, a sign that would clear up my doubts. He asked me what I was up to and I confessed that I was a bit blue, "my feelings are stronger than I want to admit." He immediately asked me if I was referring to Sag guy. Seeing his name, having someone else know who this is makes me so uncomfortable. It's like, something inside of me refuses to admit how I feel for Sag guy. Sag guy's cousin is well aware of what's going on with me, it's not like it was news to him, and yet, it took some effort for me to admit that I was crying over him. Leo pride, I guess. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">His cousin tried to comfort me a bit. It feels though, as if he's trying to lead me away ...he keeps suggesting I sleep with someone else. I have a feeling he's interested in getting into my pants. I've expressed how I feel about this and have made it clear that there's no way in hell that anything could ever happen between us. Sag guy would NEVER forgive me for sleeping with his cousin, and besides, I'm not even attracted to him. When Sag guy and I were seeing each other, we'd have these random discussions about my past and he'd go a bit overboard with jealousy at the thought of me having anything to do with any of <em>his </em>friends. In fact this was a big issue during our relationship. I can't imagine how he would feel if his cousin was involved.</span> </div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">While I shared my troubles with the cousin I had the nagging feeling that Sag guy was with him. He'd been at the birthday celebration the night before, so it was easy to assume that he'd be present for night 2. I didn't ask to confirm but I felt it. I did however ask if he knew if Sag guy was seeing anyone, and even mentioned the picture. The cousin said he didn't think so, and that he wasn't aware of anything. This gave me some sort of comfort. I felt that maybe I had overreacted and misinterpreted the sign. Perhaps the sign was that my feelings are fucking strong enough for me to face the music. I mean, if I react that way over something so insignificant it must mean I have some pretty strong feelings that I need to explore... or well, in my case, face. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> I found out the next day that Sag guy had been RIGHT NEXT to his cousin while the cousin and I had a heart to heart. This made me a bit nervous, but at the same time, I wished that our conversation was fully disclosed. Perhaps this way he'd know how I feel and make up his mind. His cousin tells me that everything we discuss is between the two of us, so who knows. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">After realizing that perhaps my interpretation had been wrong I needed a distraction. I had planned on staying in to read my cards and write. There's sooo much catching up I need to do, and I just keep on procrastinating. I'd told myself that I'd be productive that night, that I'd finally face the cards and see what's going on. Of course this didn't happen. I evaded the truth and my cards by procrastinating some more. I even contacted Emo A. something I never do. He's usually the one to ask me to hang out. I deliberately went out of my way to avoid thinking about Sag Guy. I went to Emo A's and well... the inevitable happened. I know that I'm dealing with
my emotions the wrong way. Spending the night at Emo A's only made me long for time with Sag Guy. :/ </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I still don't know which path I'll follow... If only he'd reach out. If only things were as they were in the beginning... If only I hadn't made those first mistakes. There are so many "if only's," but "if only's" live in the past and I'm currently focusing on the present. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I'm letting the Universe guide me. I'm asking for guidance and I trust that I will receive it when the time is right. Until then, I'll continue to pursue my elusive feelings and my evasive card readings. One day at a time.</span> </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-49704340049718601042014-02-26T13:16:00.001-06:002014-02-26T13:16:43.852-06:00Feeling sick, dazed, and confused...I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm feeling very dazed right about now. My throat is sore, I have this dry yet phlegmy cough and my bod is a bit achy. I hope I'm not coming up with a cold or the flu. I have enough on my plate dealing with my PMS and my overly emotional heart chakra. <br />
<br />
I slept with Emo A. Monday night. I thought I could avoid it, but not when I'm under the influence. I was upset about the recent developments with Sagittarius guy, and Emo Aaron was inviting me over for Breaking Bad and drinks. I needed to get my favorite socks anyway, I blanked out the last time I was there and forgot them on his bed. Going over to Emo A's to watch Breaking Bad and have drinks seemed a lot more fun than staying home crying over my current situation with Sagittarius guy. I really thought I could avoid having sex. I was sore as hell from my Saturday night with Sagittarius guy and was actually mulling over the best way to end things with Emo A. I was trying to keep an open mind as the Romance Angels suggested, but the impromptu session I had with Sag Guy left me emotionally drained. It's not fair for me, or him.<br />
<br />
Although, by this point I'm getting even more confident about my theory for Emo A's sexual orientation. Yeah, I'm all over the place apparently. I can't remember if I mentioned this before, this is the guy I met at Barbs Houston over Thanksgiving holiday. I'd like to think that my gaydar is quite accurate, my body usually just knows. Nestor tells me that it's getting harder to define now days, and even HE has a hard time deciding sexual orientation for some men. Did I forget to mention Nestor's gay? <br />
<br />
So for the past couple of months I've been sort of hanging out with Aaron. It's been a handful of times only because I immediately knew that there is no chemistry or spark. I mean, we get along, he's funny and incredibly talented. He reminds me too much of Gay A. though. Gay A. is also a sexually confused male. Well, not really sexually confused, more like, in denial of his true orientation. Emo A gives me that same vibe. It's sooo confusing though. He invites me over and gets hard when around me, he knows EXACTLY where to touch me and in fact, sex is FUCKING GREAT with him. Like, I orgasm every time. I have NEVER experienced this before. It's like he knows the way around the body and where to press to cause the most pleasure possible. It's seriously beyond me how my body reacts when he touches me. I'm not attracted to him and yet, when he touches me I simply give in. I wanna say that this is because of the book I found in his bookshelf, <a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=ngakMuLJO7wC&printsec=frontcover&dq=touch+me+there!&hl=en&sa=X&ei=8DUOU9W3E8Wp2gWx1YAg&ved=0CCsQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=touch%20me%20there!&f=false" target="_blank">TOUCH ME THERE</a>! which of course, I HAD to purchase. I've yet to read it, but when I asked him why he got it and if he had read all the different spots described in the book he simply said that he only read the vagina part. <br />
<br />
I'd consider my gaydar being off if his mannerisms and overall behavior wasn't sooo tweenk gay. I mean, I LIVE IN THE GAY SCENE. Or well, it's not like I'm out clubbin' at gay bars every weekend, I hardly go out but when I do, I usually end up in the gay area. I feel the most comfortable there. My best friend, Nestor or Gordo how I lovingly call him, is a beautiful gay man. I'd say he's a pretty amazing catch. A man of career, an incredible friend, a beautiful soul, handsome looks, giving nature. Oh how I love my Gordito. If he were straight, or I a gay man we would be together. ^_^ But I'm getting side tracked. haha My point is, I know gay men. Also, my body knows straight men. Straight men look at me a very specific way while gay men admire me. It's like this magnetism that one just feels and knows. Now, perhaps I haven't been around many straight gay men, and yes, I believe this is actually a term. haha I remember hearing about it during one of those LOGO shows.<br />
<br />
I'm SO confused about this situation. Nestor tells me that no gay man will go through the trouble of even looking at a vagina, to them, it's disgusting. And I'm actually a witness of this. We went to an art show last year, Art Erotica, in Austin Texas, and there was this birdhouse display. Well, we observed the behavior of anyone that would step up to the box and take a peek. No kidding, EVERY SINGLE gay man that stepped up would back up almost immediately repelled by the image and with a look of disgust. Women and lesbians simply took a look and admired the piece of art, the few straight men stared a bit longer. It was SUCH a clear test, and in fact, Gordo and I joke about how THAT is the perfect test to figure out if a guy is gay or straight. His point being, why would Emo A go out of his way to spend time with me and get in my pants if he was a 30 year old gay man? This makes sense, but then again, you have all these gay men in denial for whatever reason, they marry women and have kids but are never really happy or in love because they have to continually play a certain role. <br />
<br />
Gay A is the perfect example. He says he doesn't like labels. Says he pursues women, says he like to mess around with women, finger fuck them, just because he gets turned on by sexuality. Yet, he only sleeps and frequents gay hook up spots. I feel this has more to do with disappointing his family if he comes out as a gay man. I love that he feels close enough to me to at least admit that he's hooking up with men. This wasn't always the case. That feeling I get with Gay A, that's the same feeling I get with Emo A. <br />
<br />
I began to consider whether we had come into each other's lives because we were meant to help each other. Perhaps I'll help him figure his shit out, and he can become a close friend. I don't know how this can play out if we continue to hook up... and quite honestly, I enjoy hooking up. It would be a good distraction from Sag guy. <br />
<br />
Oh Sag guy... I can't stop thinking about him. I replay the parts of the night that I remember in my head, day dream about our intense sexual encounter. The way he makes love to me... :sigh: ... how he kisses me with such passion as he strokes me rhythmically making me reach new intense levels of ecstasy. I might've said I love him in my drunken state that night :/ <br />
I gave myself over and over and over again to him... he gave himself to me. But I don't know if he meant it or if it was just the alcohol talking. <br />
<br />
My gut tells me that I should stop with Emo A. It also keeps me wanting more of Sag guy even though he's no good for me. I feel that the best thing to do will be to cut chords and purge over the dark of the moon. Actually, depending on the weather, I might begin tonight, if not definitely tomorrow night. It's time. <br />
<br />
I feel some serious distance will most definitely help me clear my thoughts and intentions. The way I see it is, if he's not reaching out, he doesn't want me the way I want him. And even though I haven't verbally said, <em>"Hey Sag guy, I have realized I have very strong feelings for you and would like to give US a chance. Lets start over</em>." He still knows my body language, he can tell because he knows me. This is a direct quote actually. He knew I liked him before I KNEW I liked him, and would tease me with this information. If he remembers anything from that night, from the way I was with him, the things I said... there's no doubt he knows. <br />
<br />
I've been procrastinating my cards again. It's been two weeks since my last reading. I feel today I'll get them done to see what's coming my way. I need guidance and all these experiences are confusing my mind, body and spirit. <br />
<br />
Today I get <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Fault-Stars-John-Green/dp/0525478817" target="_blank">The Fault In Our Stars,</a> I'm ready to engulf myself in this read. It's time to get back on track. I should be getting everything I need on time for the Dark of The Moon Purge, then I can start over with the New Moon. <br />
<br />
I feel a bit better today actually. I was very emotional Monday and Tuesday, got teary eyed while with Emo A. There's this song he played for me, which the title alone told me there would be a strong emotional reaction and perhaps some needed signs. Cigarettes by Noah Gundersen. Oh man. <br />
<br />
<em><strong>"Once you had me, you don't have me anymore. I don't crave you in the morning... I don't use you to escape... once you had me, you don't have me anymore."</strong></em><br />
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I think I might've freaked out Emo A. a bit. Shit, even now I'm getting emotional and I thought I was over my overly sensitive stage of my PMS cycle.<strong> .....<em>"But the truth is, that you do... not the way you used to, but I keep coming back to you." </em></strong>:sigh: <br />
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There's another man that stole my heart with a song this week. Actually, Jake Worthington from The Voice had me crying right before I left to hang out with Emo A Monday night. I even paid for his performance of the song on iTunes. I'm in love with the song, his voice, and the feelings it evokes in me. <br />
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I love this song....and I already love this kid. Oh gosh, I'm back to sensitive and emotional. haha I gotta love it! I feel good though. Like, this is necessary. I'm getting more writing done, I feel with ritual everything will absolutely fall into place. Time to focus on healing on every level. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-84547797254152936462014-02-23T20:28:00.000-06:002014-02-25T20:51:53.247-06:00 ...Reality Blues. The Emotional Aftermath.Damn me again. <br />
<br />
What am I doing? <br />
<br />
My heart chakra feels extremely overwhelmed. I've been on the verge of tears all day. I know I'm extra sensitive because of my period, but I also know and admit this goes deeper. Fuck.<br />
<br />
I honestly don't understand why I behave the way I do… its like, I forget about dignity, about his behavior, the way I feel afterwards, when he's still not around. :/<br />
<br />
I told myself that I wouldn't reach out, that I would let it go…. Only to compromise with my ego and my heart by wanting to contact him one last time. He was invited to the same party but I wasn't really expecting him to go to the club, although part of me felt he would. That part of me fantasized about a night of fun filled situations where he'd come to me because he simply couldn't stay away. Others where he'd come to my rescue like a knight in shining armor ready to defend my honor. I'm silly, I know. <br />
<br />
Thing is, my fantasies all happened. He couldn't stay away, he saved me a couple of times, was sweet and protective, also possessive and playful. That’s the thing, when I'm around him, everything seems fine, fun, exciting. I forget about his dickish behavior and get lost in the moment. <br />
<br />
He knows this well enough. He also knows how I feel about him, and knows my weaknesses and my sweet spots. He knows my body and knows my body remembers his touch only too well. <br />
<br />
Fuck. Me. <br />
<br />
I have feelings for him. He just wants my body… or at least that’s how it feels. He'll always want me, he'll always crave me. But this isn't enough to make him want to stick around. <br />
<br />
Shit. Admitting this is definitely hurting. <br />
<br />
Why do I feel this way? Shouldn't I have snapped out of it by now? He's sooo short, and chubby, AND HAIRY! dorky, and such a Dick!! I feel like Charlotte in that episode of Sex and the City where she realizes she has feelings for Charlie. He's short, bald, and hairy. lol <br />
Oh gosh, I got it bad. Thinking about his stupid laugh puts a smile on my face. When I first met him it was soooo annoying! Now, when I think about it, it makes me laugh or at the very least smile. <br />
<br />
We had such a good time last night, everything was perfect. He was perfect, right until we both fell asleep. <br />
<br />
He made love to me with such passion and intensity, kissed me the entire time, whispered sweet little nothings… I'm getting lost in my reminiscent moment. He even held me most of the night… it was almost perfect. <br />
<br />
Right around dawn he reverted back to Dick behavior. <br />
<br />
The morning felt like it was just a selfish fuck. I'm not saying I didn't want it, because I'm admitting that my body language was asking for more… he though I was asleep and said, "Sele, wake up." followed by him pressing against me as I'm faced down. He only lasted as long as it took him to cum. It was still really good, and I was really close but didn't get to finish. He had reverted to full Dick mode by this point. <br />
<br />
We both went to sleep after this. When we woke up a couple of hours later, the energy he was giving off was a bit more distant. The ride home was playful, light and fun. I can't seem to hold a grudge with this guy. Can't remember to forget you is definitely the theme song of this relationship. <br />
<br />
When I'm around him, I'm happy and careless. I was enjoying the last few moments with him… I feel like such a junkie. <br />
<br />
A junkie. :SIGH: What a description. <br />
<br />
I'm honestly trying to figure out why it is that I feel so strongly about this guy. Its frustratingly annoying. I know that these were choices I made, and therefore I should face the consequences they bring. I just feel I can't think clearly when I'm near him, my body wants him, my heart wants to be near him, I crave his presence.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;"><span lang=""></span></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-12587535790816545822014-02-21T22:30:00.000-06:002014-02-25T20:27:42.354-06:00Draining Distractions and a bit of Depression (PBP 2014 wk 8)I got back from my Austin getaway feeling more drained than when I got there. I had a fantastic time with my friends, and a less than an ideal time with the little hiccups we encountered on our way back. All in all, it was a successful trip. It sort of makes me wish my life was where it needs to be, and not where it is now. I see myself moving back to Austin and living the life I'm meant to be living, close to my friends and the city I've grown to love so much. <br />
<br />
Patience is a virtue.<br />
<br />
Part of me gets SO frustrated with my current situation, specifically my mother's Taurus ways. I feel like I just want to walk away... My ego wants me to say, FUCK IT! <br />
<br />
...and at times, I do. Or at least to different degrees. My spirit, my heart chakra, my loving side tells me to be patient and to try and understand the other person's perspective. At times this is easy to do, but every once in a while, it gets pretty fucking hard. <br />
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I was doing SO great with MAY CAUSE MIRACLES, I was on track, learning, feeling, growing... and then my trip happened and drinking happened, and DISTRACTIONS happened. This is no excuse of course, my choices, my actions. I got caught up in the happy feelings and the excitement that came with spending a few days with the people I love the most. <br />
<br />
I know that my drinking was definitely self destructive behavior, but I don't know. This time, it was like a purging or a "one-last-night" of fun debauchery. <br />
<br />
I feel I've been doing that since the year started. I keep eating things outside my diet, I keep telling myself that I'll start over next Monday, next new moon, next month and when the time comes, I choose to indulge instead of start over. I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself. It's only February. I just feel that I need to get back on track before I get back in the state I was before. <br />
<br />
I worked on a cleansing over the Full Moon last week. I even incorporated Crystals in my bath ^_^ ... I felt GREAT! The energy was high and full. I was expecting myself to jump back on track this past Monday but my sexcapade and my eating habits had me pushing my DIET back yet another week. By now, I have a feeling that this will come to full circle during the dark of the moon / new moon at the end of the month. <br />
<br />
I ordered some stones and crystals from amazon. Got some pink quartz, green quartz, and a new set of lapiz lazuli rune stones. I plan on incorporating these in a healing grid over the new moon to help me get back on my healing track and achieve my goals. I've been dealing with some chronic issues that are in definite need of alignment and balance. I feel that I finally have, or at least I will have, all the necessary items to optimize my return to balance. I'm treating my issues with western and eastern medicine: chakra alignment, natural remedies, diet changes, and medication. I feel Archangel Raphael has pointed me in the right direction, I trust that He's guiding me and helping me heal. ^_^ <br />
<br />
It's all about timing. <br />
<br />
I should have the last items by the 28th, I can work on the ritual and work with the Dark of the Moon to purge myself of any remaining negative behavior, thoughts, people, or energies so I can begin anew with the New Moon. <br />
<br />
My distractions have kept me procrastinating and extending my sabbatical. I want to believe that this is my body's way of taking a break before getting back on track; perhaps I've been pushing it back because I needed to experience what I did just a bit ago... another DISAPPOINTMENT that is definitely having me wanting to let go and cut chords that keep me linked to these people or these energies. <br />
<br />
I seriously just had a pretty intense crying episode over Justin ending our friendship the most cowardly way possible... by unfriending me. He gave me no explanation, he said nothing. He crossed my mind and when I went to his page I realized he had blocked me from seeing his wall. I asked and that's when I realized he unfriended me. I blocked him after that... and ugly cried for quite a bit. <br />
<br />
It reminded me of when Rhena ended our friendship because I was a witch. I cried for a week... <br />
<br />
I don't know what's going on with Justin. I know he tried calling me recently and I was a bit busy at the time. I can't think of anything that would make him behave in such a way. Maybe his ego was bruised when I didn't pick up, I don't know and I guess it no longer matters. His so called feelings were just a passing fad I guess.<br />
<br />
I'm done crying. Writing helps. <br />
<br />
I've been a bit depressed this week. I feel as if the St. Valentine's day blues were just delayed a week. Sagittarius guy is on my mind, but this little Justin episode is definitely making me stronger. Which means, THERE IS NO WAY I'M REACHING OUT TO THIS IDIOT now. He doesn't care, and having him show me yet again that he doesn't care will only upset me more. <br />
<br />
I thought I would reach out one last time, I wanted to be strong and just put it all out there. I wanted to follow LOVE and feelings and just jump and put myself out in the open, I wanted to let him know straight from my mouth that I have feelings for him, that I want to try a relationship with him. That I miss and want things to go back to how they were at first... I wanted to do this. To just rip off the bandage and take it from there. Either move forward or move on... but now, now I feel that I should just let it go now. There's no point in dragging it out any longer. As I type this, my heart chakra aches .. :sigh: <br />
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I know this is my Ego talking, being afraid of rejection... <br />
<br />
Perhaps I'll drunk message him one last time this weekend. Then I'll know for sure, and then I can at least not have any regrets. If I'm drunk, there are no inhibitions. I can be honest and careless and if it doesn't turn out to be what I want, then I'll just drink some more and dance the night away. Then I can purge myself, cut chords, and remove him completely with the Dark of The Moon. <br />
<br />
I want to be balanced and happy. I understand I need to experience certain situations that will teach me whatever lessons I need in order to move forward. I am mindful of my feelings and I honor myself by loving myself unconditionally. <br />
<br />
:) I trust that I will make the best out of every situation, even if I stumble along the way, I'll eventually find my way. :)<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-51757093997265258732014-02-07T15:33:00.000-06:002014-02-07T15:58:59.762-06:00In dire need of a Chakra realignment (PBP 2014 wk 6)I'm going through an emotional hiccup. My heart chakra feels as it did before, overactive. I'm overly emotional, and very sensitive as of lately. <br />
<br />
I <em>feel</em> everything. <br />
<br />
It's not uncontrollable or too overwhelming, but its enough to have me crying at the encounter of any triggers. I feel a bit depressed. It's not bad really, actually, I wouldn't say depressed, I'm just avoiding human interaction... and not really caring about my appearance. I look insane and I could care less. I'm considering a shower but maybe I'll do that after I'm done with yoga, which will be after this post. See, Yoga! that's definitely a sign I'm NOT depressed. My family is going through their own turmoil, their energies are really high or low, at times conflicting and offensive. I don't have the energy for that. I'm doing my thing, getting my life together one day at a time. <br />
<br />
I feel I should be more involved with my family; like, I should help them more in their journey... and, I want to, I'm just going through my own journey. I'm not ready to be the pillar of strength when I feel a bit shaky myself. <br />
<br />
I'm too sensitive at the moment. My mom is stressed and tends to lash out, I get it. I just don't appreciate her lashing out at me. I want to help out more, but I don't have the energy. Same with my sister, she's going through some inner struggles, she's soul searching. According to my mom, she's in a dark place. I've known this for so long that I had forgotten I was the only one that really understood where these issues stemmed from. Mom got a glimpse and it scared her. I just support my sister the best way I can. I keep her in my prayers and I am there when she needs me, when she reaches out for me. I can't really force her to speak to me. She's a Sagittarius, she works on her own terms. If I approach her before she's ready she lashes out, and I don't feel like dealing with that either. <br />
<br />
I started <a href="http://www.amazon.com/May-Cause-Miracles-Guidebook-Unlimited/dp/0307986934" target="_blank">May Cause Miracles</a> on Monday, and I'm focusing on changing my life for good. I know that this guidebook will help me find the way. I would looove to share this experience with my sister, but she's a skeptic and I doubt she'll want to do this with me. I think that I will suggest it once I'm done with the 40 days and she sees the change for herself. This way, she'll be more open to giving it a try. :) Here's to hoping! In the mean time, I will work on sending some positive loving energy her way. <br />
<br />
I have to say, the support of <a href="http://wildspirittribe.com/" target="_blank">The Wild Spirit Tribe</a> is really helping me focus. The support of like-minded individuals that are going through similar issues definitely helps to balance my magical path with my mundane life. Plus, it's freaking awesome!!! We have access to a vast library of tools for virtually every aspect of our magical journey! <a href="http://jesscarlson.com/" target="_blank">Jess Carlson</a> has created a pretty neat community that is there to help us grow and find our true inner guidance as pagans, witches, and spiritual beings. With <a href="https://www.facebook.com/jessjcarlson" target="_blank">Jess</a>, we have support on the tribe and on the facebook groups as well as monthly calls that allow us to be more interactive and action driven. Depending on which groups you're in, we have multiple calls a month and unlimited access to the tribe and her counsel! I can't stop raving! I mean, come on! She's responsible for THE PAGAN BLOG PROJECT!! haha<br />
<br />
I'm loving the Tribe! Some members I've known since my journey began, others I met through the tarot and angel course, and they continue to be strong members of my life and my spiritual community. There's so much to do, so much to learn, so much to accomplish and experience that there's no room for negativity or fears.<br />
<br />
I know that I'm going through an emotional patch, and this too is a learning experience. Matters of the heart seem to be my Achilles heel. haha hence why I feel it's time for a chakra realignment. I feel somewhat unstable. It's not too bad, just learning experiences. I'd like to be completely centered. I love to feel, and I know and understand that feelings sometimes include aches. I know these are all learning experiences...<br />
<br />
... I just went through like 10 minutes of trying to put into words how I'm feeling towards this guy, and it made no sense! How annoying! haha I feel clouded. I need a chakra realignment. In our angel course we're doing healing work with our Angels. This is the perfect opportunity to do some healing and chakra realignment. I need to center myself. I'll work on a chakra realignment ritual over the next few days. I need to be Zen again. :) <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-21889338499512763632014-01-31T01:47:00.000-06:002014-02-02T15:34:53.742-06:00AHS: Coven & The Bell Jar = my trip into Crazy town (PBP 2013 wk 5)C stands for Coven and Crazy, of course... <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhStPkd5HzXCk5YwfjXTZb6kHWxGIGGI4N2zDvG4X0bttoglgD7HpH0mZtClzysPcQ7fhETn8IVpnUuqfm-044RNiBfzceeOUqiVhZMP0CLAMr25athjziMhKoxlm_uV0oRq6n3-LlYH-_n/s1600/american-horror-story-coven-debuts-scary-opening-credits.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhStPkd5HzXCk5YwfjXTZb6kHWxGIGGI4N2zDvG4X0bttoglgD7HpH0mZtClzysPcQ7fhETn8IVpnUuqfm-044RNiBfzceeOUqiVhZMP0CLAMr25athjziMhKoxlm_uV0oRq6n3-LlYH-_n/s1600/american-horror-story-coven-debuts-scary-opening-credits.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
American Horror Story (AHS) Coven had it's final episode of the season this past Wednesday, and in spite of the criticism it receives from people that don't like it, I still think it's THE BEST AHS so far. I love the theme song, the imagery, the characters, and the spells! My favorite spell was the one where they create a maze, cast a circle with stacks of money, release white mice and take over the corporation, it was definitely a bit more realistic. I absolutely looove their search for their new Supreme and Fiona's power struggle to keep her position as Queen of The Coven. I love that this season was all about witches, and covens, and magic! It's the Season of The Witch... and Power is the main theme. <br />
<br />
As a witch, I can relate. I know that our abilities are not supernatural the way t.v. portrays them to be. We certainly can't perform any of the 7 wonders, but sometimes, when we manifest our intentions, when we gain insight, or grow our abilities, well, it sort of feels a bit supernatural. I'm still incredibly amazed when I manifest changes or things I need in my life. I grow each and every day and I love it. <br />
<br />
I've noticed my own clairsenses growing, specifically, my clairvoyance, which is the lowest clairsense I have. I'm not saying I can see into the future, or that I get meaningful visions just yet, but my meditations feel a bit more... what's the word I'm looking for? I don't know, they feel palpable, somewhat concrete. <br />
<br />
I'm still learning how to control and accept these experiences. Some sessions feel as if I've made some major breakthrough --learned something new, reached a new level of understanding. I get this big AHA moment, but then, I fall asleep and when I wake up, the AHA moment is gone. I feel this is because I tend to stay in meditation longer than I should, and I have yet to gain full control of my visions or what they mean to me. So by the time I'm conscious again, I've forgotten everything. :/ As of the last few days, my dreams have had quite the number of BIG messages. I wake up with a feeling of understanding, like everything is moving along as it should. Like my questions have been answered, but of course, I don't remember any specifics. Practice makes perfect; I know that with patience and perseverance I'll grow this sense until I'm able to understand the messages I receive. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCApv4PRMQYhogDMqd_nJOLy0pG8f47nh9gk3NYBJnMP_EldDBQM8xkr0PE8F0ex46F2CTpYHYlM7KDzRd2dcWzL2vAgN7WCe_aCgOwzOyKomDZtX50Ay4aVf_7smcoqbqFp44DtZpRdZ0/s1600/The_Bell_Jar_(1).png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCApv4PRMQYhogDMqd_nJOLy0pG8f47nh9gk3NYBJnMP_EldDBQM8xkr0PE8F0ex46F2CTpYHYlM7KDzRd2dcWzL2vAgN7WCe_aCgOwzOyKomDZtX50Ay4aVf_7smcoqbqFp44DtZpRdZ0/s1600/The_Bell_Jar_(1).png" height="320" width="208" /></a>Which leads me to, The Bell Jar. I don't know if you remember but back in week one or two I posted about Ariel and how I felt there was a message there since I kept crossing paths with something that pointed towards the little mermaid. Silly I know, anyway, in the process, I came across Sylvia Plath's Ariel and consequently, The Bell Jar. At the time, I was going through a stage of self doubt. When I read the description of The Bell Jar, I immediately connected with the character, and this scared me a bit. I even felt it was like an omen that would pin point my demise. Haha Yea, CRAZY, I know. I feel like Esther narrating her inner dialogues and sharing them with the world. <br />
<br />
I've been depressed. I've considered suicide, I've felt insane at times, irrational and very hopeless. I knew that reading this book would shine a light into those old painful memories. I was afraid. <br />
<br />
I was afraid what this would unravel for me, of the hidden message this might bring to me. I was afraid of unleashing this omen that would change me for good. This book is the story of a woman falling into the grip of insanity. Sylvia Plath's novel is shockingly realistic and intensely emotional. I sympathized and empathized with her, I understood her darkness and her obsessions fall down the abysm. I came back. <br />
<br />
I actually got the audiobook a few weeks ago, but was debating whether I should even listen to it. I meditated on it for weeks, and after one of those big AHA moments I learned that The Bell Jar <em>was </em>a message, not an omen. <br />
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When I finally got around to creating a playlist and I heard Maggie Gyllenhaal's voice, I knew I was in for a GREAT novel. I was immediately hooked, Sylvia Plath's descriptive narration engrossed my every sense and Maggie's narration has me wanting to hear this book all over again. <br />
<br />
In my opinion, Esther wasn't insane, she was depressed. She was a woman like any other, obsessed with big and small matters, over thinking, over analyzing, lost and confused. She dared to speak and was written off as a hysterical insane woman and sent to the crazy house for shock treatment. If she had been treated with compassion and understanding by a doctor that had her needs in mind, she would've never hit rock bottom. But alas, this is what makes this novel so hauntingly intense. <br />
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I have yet to decipher the message that's attached to the whole Ariel / Sylvia Plath sign; and even though I'm curious about what this could mean, I'm also patient. I know that I will understand it right when I'm intended to; I learned a great deal about myself from reading Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. I'm intrigued by Plath and her work; next on my list, Ariel. I hope I will gain more insight into this Ariel message, but until then, I'll ask for clarity and see what I get. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-26049770781708903012014-01-17T14:22:00.000-06:002014-01-21T18:33:35.726-06:00On Becoming & BANGERZ (PBP 2014 wk 3)I have to say, 2014 is starting out AWESOMELY!!! I honestly can not contain myself with how many blessings I'm receiving. I'm incredibly thankful because the Universe is providing me with the tools I need to become who I'm meant to be. <br />
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Life is great. ^_^ <br />
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I'm still dealing with minor hiccups {love, relationships, changes} but overall life is pretty damn great. yay! <br />
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The Universe is definitely supporting my efforts. I'd been thinking about a tablet or a laptop in order to maximize my productivity. I need portability and accessibility, and was actually going to purchase my friends laptop. I was putting the funds together and was about to ask him for it, when he shows up Saturday with one of his tablets! {Which happens to be a tablet AND a full computer.} HOW AWESOME IS THIS?!<br />
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I have to say, I was a bit unsure about windows 8 but OH EM GEE! It's AMAZING! I'm being sooo productive. I can't believe how much easier it is to have access to everything on the go. The Cloud is AWESOME! I'm just in awe. I'm not tech savvy but I'm definitely learning a great deal from this device. The point of this, I needed a better way to keep on track of my schedule, my spiritual growth, personal growth, and productivity and this facilitates my growth. The Universe heard my call and is supporting my cause. I'm BECOMING who I want to be. <br />
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I'll soon have access to a new world of opportunities that will lead me towards a more prosperous and financially stable life. <br />
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I feel GREAT about the course I'm following, and extremely determined to achieve my goals and dreams.<br />
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I've decided to focus more on myself and my personal growth instead of Sagittarius guy and our complicated "relationship." He's doing his thing and I'm doing mine.. we are no longer anything... there's no point in denying this anymore. There's no point on pinning or longing... I developed feelings but I'll get over them, I've gotten over more intense situations in the past. <br />
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As of lately, I've been obsessed with Miley Cyrus's new album, BANGERZ. haha Ironic since I was part of the crowd that was all super judgmental about her overly sexual coming of age. I mean, I'm open about sexuality in general, but Miley's overnight over sexual raunchy behavior had me judging her actions, and more importantly her influence over her fans. She's talented, no denying that, but her choices are less than desirable since she's in the public eye.<br />
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This still doesn't justify my unnecessary judgment, I should not judge others because I don't know their own personal demons. This girl has her own inner demons, and she's dealing with them the best she can. When I finally got a chance to listen to her entire album I realized and understood why she'd gone through such a radical change. This girl went through her first real heartbreak, she fell hard, she was naïve, she gave it her all and when she couldn't make it work out, she faced the music and poured her heart out into her work. You can feel her pain, her anguish, but also her strength. Miley is strong! I mean, she went through a very public heartbreak, and she picked herself up and shared it with the whole world. Now, her actions were not the best choices to make, but hey, we all make mistakes, and even more so when we are young, foolish, and in love. <br />
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I'm identifying with her album for some reason. You can hear her love, her passion, her anguish, her strength... she's putting it out there, which says a lot. It's like, she made one last effort to show her ex how much she really loves him, and at the same time, she's letting him know that she's strong enough to be alone and live on without him. I'm seriously obsessed with the album, something I never thought I would say. The girl is talented, and the collaborations she made in this album definitely gave it the edge she's after. <br />
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I decided to share one her songs here and went to youtube to search; coincidentally enough, the song I was thinking of was on the home screen, so I'm sharing it.... <br />
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... she's still reaching out. This video is overly sexual in a way, but it's because she's reaching out to him. She's so very young, and inexperienced, I was there once so I can relate. She's reaching for him, so he remembers how it used to be between the two... their sex life, their intimate moments, their relationship together. She made this song the first one of her album for that same reason, so he would know that she still loves him, that she needs him, and that he's "the one." <br />
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I came across this other video while looking through her vevo page; I was actually obsessed with the song a few years ago. My first time watching it, and wow, he was her first real love. The lyrics alone were enough to move me, understanding that this girl fell hard and is now dealing with the loss of her first real love, makes it that much more special. <br />
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First loves ... you never forget those. <br />
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Relationships are hard, I don't care who you are. <br />
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My love life is the only place where I experience hiccups and mishaps... I'm a hopeless romantic and I fall too quickly. It takes me forever to find someone I actually like, and when I do, I confuse sex with love. <br />
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I was watching the latest episode of The Carrie Diaries, and one of the characters immediately reminded me of myself. She realized and accepted this about herself, and attempted to change her natural instincts in order to have a meaningful relationship. The episode is called, <a href="http://www.cwtv.com/cw-video/the-carrie-diaries/hungry-like-the-wolf/?play=bcbcf697-833a-4826-bfe6-83d8f5dac3c0" target="_blank">Hungry Like the Wolf.</a> It's interesting how much insight we gain from the way that we relate to others. <br />
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My best friend describes my relationships as "hybrid." I have a "hybrid relationship theory" it seems, where I want to hang out and spend time with the guy I like, without having to define anything prematurely. I want to just have fun and enjoy my time with said guy without rushing into anything. Sagittarius guy wanted me to be his, he wanted me to be his girlfriend right from the get go, and I simply couldn't do that. this doesn't mean I didn't want to spend time with him, I just didn't need the pressure or expectations so early on the relationship. Nestor says I completely skip the dating phase of the relationship and jump to the intimate bf / gf behavior almost from the start. </div>
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He's right, in a way. The truth is, I don't know how to date. I never have. I didn't date throughout high school, I was sort of oblivious when it came to guys liking me. I didn't lose my virginity until I was in college, I was 20 and I decided I was ready. No relationship, just a guy I knew, and it happened only once. I didn't have sex again until 6 months after and it was a casual relationship. I had casual relationships for about 2 semesters, the college experience. Then I fell in love, and everything changed for me. After my first actual break up I did what any sad girl would do, cried, then tried to find a distraction. This distraction was the catalyst for my radical change. I experienced a terrible event, lost myself along the way. It took me over 2 years to find a glimpse of who I used to be. That's about the time I got involved with Collin. Fell hard, head over heels hard. He'd been the only one that's mattered for such a long time. I got over him, stayed single and abstinent for almost a year after our last relapse. I hadn't felt that sort of attraction in such a long time, or at least not one that I wanted to pursue. That's until I met Sagittarius guy. Sagittarius guy makes my heart race and my stomach flutter, but what was at first, how he treated me, how he wanted me, how special he made me feel... that is long gone. It's time to accept that and focus on me. </div>
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I need to set aside all these feelings and unnecessary emotions in order to focus on who I'm becoming. The Universe is supporting my needs, I trust that it will provide me with someone that will bring even more happiness into my life when the time is right. </div>
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My mantra for the year is :</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-75788189409577835002014-01-10T01:23:00.000-06:002014-02-02T15:27:49.475-06:00Angelic Numbers (PBP 2014 wk 2)<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border: 0px currentColor; color: #4a4a4a; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/1.6 "Trebuchet MS"; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 1.6;">I often find myself looking at patterns on the clock. Everyone loves the 11:11 make a wish game we play with ourselves, we do it without really knowing why. For a while, I'd look down at the clock and see 4:44, or 3:33, I'd even wake up in the middle of the night at exactly 3:33 on multiple occasions. I liked the patterns, I found them comforting and magical. I've always been drawn to numbers and numerology, math just makes sense. I find little messages in time, like, signs in number patterns. If I get a call at a certain time I'll quickly look at the numbers and assess the numerology meaning or the overall energy of the set. It's like second nature.</span><br />
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I knew that 444 was angelic in some way from reading one of Doreen's oracle booklets, but I had no idea what the other patterns meant. I made a mental note to look into it and surely enough, I came across this blog post. So I'm sharing it, full credit goes to the blogger who put it together and of course, Doreen Virtue.<br />
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It's short and sweet and straight to the point, and it explains why the 111 pattern works as wishful <span style="line-height: 1.6;">thinking, the Universe is listening. ^_^</span><br />
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<span style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://wellnessthroughwisdom.com/notes-from-my-intro-to-the-angels-class">ANGEL NUMBERS</a></span></div>
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<strong style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Here is an excerpt from the book “Angel Numbers” by Doreen Virtue & Lynette Brown (this is just a taste – you have to read the book for more!). Doreen Virtue is also the creator of many angel card decks – her cards are featured here, above.</strong></div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">111</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>– Monitor your thoughts carefully, and be sure to only think about what you want, not what you don’t want. The sequence is a sign that there is a gate of opportunity opening up, and your thoughts are manifesting into form at record speeds. The 111 is like the bright light of a flash bulb. It means that the universe has just taken a snapshot of your thoughts and is manifesting them into form. Are you pleased with what thoughts the universe has captured? If not, correct your thoughts…ask your angels to help you with this if you have difficulty controlling or monitoring your thoughts.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">123</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— Simplify your life. Get rid of anything that’s pulling at your energy, time, or finances—especially anything that pulls you away from your life purpose. The ascended masters are helping you with this simplification.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">222<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></b>— Have faith. Everything’s going to be all right. Don’t worry about anything, as this situation is resolving itself beautifully for everyone involved.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">333</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— The Ascended Masters are near you, desiring you to know that you have their help, love and companionship. Call upon the Ascended Masters often, especially when you see the number 3 patterns around you. Some of the more famous Ascended Masters include: Jesus, Moses, Mary, Quan Yin and Yogananda.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">444</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you. You have a very strong and clear connection with the angelic realm, and are an Earth angel yourself. You have nothing to fear—all is well.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">555</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— Buckle your seatbelts. A major life change is upon you. This change should not be viewed as being “positive” or “negative” since all change is but a natural part of life’s flow. Perhaps this change is an answer to your prayers, so continuing seeing and feeling yourself to be at peace.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">666</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— Your thoughts are out of balance right now, focused too much on the material world. This number sequence asks you to balance your thoughts between Heaven and Earth. Like the famous, “Sermon on the Mount” the angels ask you to focus on spirit and service, and know your material and emotional needs will be met as a result.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">777</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— The angels applaud you… “congratulations, you’re on a roll! Keep up the good work and know your wish is coming true.” This is an extremely positive sign and you should also expect more miracles to occur.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">888</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— A phase of your life is about to end, and this is a sign to give you forewarning to prepare. This number sequence may mean you are winding up an emotional career or relationship phase. It also means there is light at the end of the tunnel. In addition it means, The crops are ripe. Don’t wait to pick and enjoy them. In other words, don’t procrastinate in making your move or enjoying the fruits of your labor.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">875</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— The changes you’re making have put you on the right path for manifesting abundance in all ways.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">999</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— Get to work, Lightworker! The world needs your Divine life purpose right now. Fully embark upon your sacred mission without delay or hesitation.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px currentColor; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">000</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>— A reminder you are one with God, and to feel the presence of your Creator’s love within you. Also it is a sign that a situation has gone full circle.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-85704978460697077642014-01-03T23:11:00.000-06:002014-01-07T01:35:02.574-06:00Messages from Ariel... (PBP 2014 wk 1)<div align="right">
January 6,2014</div>
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I can't believe a whole year has gone by and we're already starting a new Pagan Blog Project!!! I missed most of the entries from last years project due to external circumstances, procrastination, and general distractions, but I am fully committed to try again this year! <br />
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With all the energy from the New Moon / New Year alignment I was able to work on some release spells during the dark of the moon, and planting new seeds / New Moon Magick. Now, for some reason I've been procrastinating more than usual, I've been sleeping more, meditating more, daydreaming more.. and avoiding my personal tarot / angel readings, loud noises, and large crowds. {I seem to do this when I'm going through emotional stress.} As of now, I'm going with the flow of what my body needs, or seems to be asking for. I went through a high then low energy shift during last week / over the weekend, I was very active at first, accomplishing tasks, getting things done, etc and then my energy dropped and I got very emotional and sensitive and hormonal. {I'm blaming it on my cycle and choosing to ignore my love life here haha...although, my cycle coincided with the New Moon haha and I usually get hormonal BEFORE I get my period! haha oh gosh, I need a chakra realignment.}<br />
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I'll be honest about something, I didn't exactly go through the full rituals I had planned during the dark of the moon and the new moon celebrations, again, procrastination. I worked on a quick release negativity spell during new years eve, {as in, a few minutes before midnight hehe --the way I see it, this is still considered the dark of the moon since the New Moon was supposed to begin after 6am,} and worked on my goals with the new moon in Capricorn. I feel that's as much as I needed. There's another new moon at the end of the month, sooo, in a way, I kinda have a do-over in case there's any more release work. ^_^ There's this one spell I want to try, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Indigo-Witch/193514427346330">Indigo Witch</a> shared it during the month of November, but again, I procrastinated haha. I told myself I'd work on that release spell during the December New Moon, but again, I missed the opportunity. Hopefully at the end of the month I'll be able to skyclad and release whatever I no longer need in my life. :) <br />
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I feel so bipolar at times; even this morning I was a bit sensitive, and now, I feel grounded and balanced. I've been going through highs and lows the past few days, I'm glad I've been able to regain some sort of balance with the help of the Angels and meditation. I had an "ugly crying" moment last night (I realized that the person I want in my life is not available the way I need him to be,) I meditated on the issues, asked the Angels for help and went to sleep. This morning I woke up feeling relieved, still a bit sensitive but relieved, and a lot lighter. I can't quite remember my dreams but I have a feeling something meaningful happened, in fact, most of the dreams I've been having lately have some big "AHA moment" feeling to them, but I can't seem to remember in the morning. <br />
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I feel better than I did last night, and what I keep discovering is that anytime I'm in distress and ask for help from guides and angels I'm usually comforted almost immediately. I'm learning to let go of the things I can not change and of the people that don't want to be in my life. I've been asking for signs, which is where this post originally came from, but even the signs were a bit confusing for a while. <br />
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The whole Ariel message has actually been repeating in my life for the past 3 months. These signs began in early October I believe because I remember thinking "wow another little mermaid costume" while out on 6th Street, Austin Tx during Halloween. <br />
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So, for the past few months I've been getting this very strong feeling that there's a message I need to understand that has to do with The Little Mermaid.... haha sounds crazy, I know. I thought so myself, but the more these kept repeating the harder it got to ignore. <br />
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I did a quick memory check to see what I could remember from the cartoon and how this could relate to my life and found nothing of importance. In a gist, Ariel falls in love with the prince, she gives up her legs becomes a mermaid, they defeat Ursula and end up happily ever after. Nothing major that relates to my life. <br />
<br />
I forgot about this for another month or so, and then over the weekend of the dark of the moon a friend snapchatted me a video of the little mermaid, something they were watching in the middle of the night! how random! I figured, it was time to get to the bottom of this evasive message! <br />
<br />
I attempted to download the movie but encountered some issues, discussed my shortcomings with my cousin in Mexico and how I felt there was a message there. She shared the actual little mermaid story, which is a lot sadder than the Disney version. In a gist, the little mermaid sacrifices her legs, is in constant pain, refuses to kill her love in order to save herself and turns into foam. The messages we came across were of sacrifice for a loved one. <br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KR2np1Tt-fw/UkrlkwHTK5I/AAAAAAAABw0/3wjjJooM_cM/s320/The+Little+Mermaid,+screencap+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KR2np1Tt-fw/UkrlkwHTK5I/AAAAAAAABw0/3wjjJooM_cM/s320/The+Little+Mermaid,+screencap+5.jpg" /></a></div>
I thought about this and decided I needed more information. I finally got a hold of the movie and watched it. The Little Mermaid was one of my favorite movies as a child. I can't think of another movie I watched over and over other than The Lion King. I got some emotional reactions during certain scenes, these mostly dealt with love and intimacy. Issues I deal with more often than I'd like. So of course it was expected of me to get teary eyed. Ariel gave up a part of herself to be with her prince, and in a way, we sometimes give a part of ourselves up for a guy we want to be with... not ideal of course.<br />
<br />
I sorta felt a bit of a pull over the Ursula deal. Sometimes I feel I let my dark side make decisions. I am not perfect, and I've made mistakes in the past, heck, I continue to make them from time to time. I get pissed and I think things I shouldn't be thinking about, these later happen or some version of these manifest and I can't help but feel a bit guilty{and this is only from my rants.}<br />
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So, after watching the movie, the messages I got were of sacrifice, and karma, unconditional love, and petty behavior. This still didn't feel completely right. I thought about simply writing what I had and then editing if I got any more insights in the future. <br />
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Then on Sunday I came across a quote that spoke to me {I was in my emo state bummed out about my current relationship status so this immediately called my attention.} <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong> "I desire the things which will destroy me in the end." - Sylvia Plath.</strong> </div>
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I shared this quote on Facebook and immediately became curious about the author. I remembered hearing about Sylvia Plath but in all honesty, I didn't really know much about her. <br />
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I found that she was an American poet and novelist, who suffered from depression throughout her adult life and eventually committed suicide. <br />
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DARK. isn't it? <br />
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I mean, I've personally dealt with depression in the past, and well, it's not a pretty place. I even considered suicide and was so low that I never thought I'd ever feel normal again, so of course I can relate. These signs began to feel a bit darker because of the nature of the subject, but at the same time, I felt strong enough and protected enough to trust that these were just messages I needed to be aware of, and not some ominous curse from someone that hates me and wants me dead by the ago of 30. Dark I know, but honestly, this crossed my mind. <br />
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<a href="http://bks0.books.google.com/books?id=2YiHXU0ngHMC&printsec=frontcover&img=1&zoom=1&edge=curl&imgtk=AFLRE70yUXeDL5fBavU8jG7F8EqvN-ruCmxaDocg4ibDJk6c16g0vYbsHgmIrGI8k4nc3mwX5x8X5lJB2Th6SCIM-hWCZhjrYntQwKfCFaCJoW9O2_q8rrBha29P8egDtxX-Y6fHfuop" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://bks0.books.google.com/books?id=2YiHXU0ngHMC&printsec=frontcover&img=1&zoom=1&edge=curl&imgtk=AFLRE70yUXeDL5fBavU8jG7F8EqvN-ruCmxaDocg4ibDJk6c16g0vYbsHgmIrGI8k4nc3mwX5x8X5lJB2Th6SCIM-hWCZhjrYntQwKfCFaCJoW9O2_q8rrBha29P8egDtxX-Y6fHfuop" /></a>I set aside my momentary fears and immediately wanted to know more about Sylvia Plath and her tortured soul. I got The Bell Jar and as many books about her as I could find on Amazon {wish list of course}. Along the way, I came across one of her later works, Ariel --a compilation of poems written after her first suicidal attempt. This book was published two years after her death by suicide. So of course, I got a hold of the pdf version of this book. I didn't get a chance to read all the poems, in fact I only read the one titled Ariel. Her poetry is raw and intense, and hard to understand. I've re-read this poem a few times and I still can't understand half of it. <br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"></span><div align="LEFT">
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Stasis in darkness.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;">
<div align="LEFT">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Then the substanceless blue</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Pour of tor and distances.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
God's lioness,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
How one we grow,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Pivot of heels and knees!--The furrow</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Splits and passes, sister to</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
The brown arc</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Of the neck I cannot catch,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Nigger-eye</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Berries cast dark</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Hooks----</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Black sweet blood mouthfuls,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Shadows.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Something else</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Hauls me through air----</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Thighs, hair;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Flakes from my heels.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
White</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Godiva, I unpeel----</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Dead hands, dead stringencies.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
And now I</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
The child's cry</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Melts in the wall.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
And I</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Am the arrow,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
The dew that flies,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Suicidal, at one with the drive</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Into the red</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
Eye, the cauldron of morning.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"> -Sylvia Plath, Ariel.</span></span><br />
<br />
{This moment actually feels like a deja-vu, I feel as if I've already performed these actions. Written a blog post, analyzed a poem, gotten incredibly confused and felt somewhat cloudy about the subject.}<br />
<br />
<a href="http://wellnessthroughwisdom.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Ariel-Spread-Your-Wings-713x1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://wellnessthroughwisdom.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Ariel-Spread-Your-Wings-713x1024.jpg" height="320" width="222" /></a>But anyway, on to the Ariel messages... I thought I was done with the research part of this message, but then today, as I was catching up with my Angel Class course load I got another message. I was listening to the audio lessons and as I'm writing this blog post, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/jessjcarlson?ref=br_tf">Jess</a> starts talking about the acronym for "FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real, we fear things that haven't even happened yet." We need to learn to face fear, step around it, and through it, we need to understand how this relates to our personal blocks with respect to our clairsenses and our ego, or false messages from the spirit world. This immediately jumped out of the recording. So I figured it had to do with my post. Shortly after, I hear her go over the archangels and she starts with Ariel, which means, Lioness of God. I get this YES! THAT'S IT feeling. Perhaps the message has been to connect more with Archangel Ariel all along. Sylvia Plath's Ariel poem mentions God's Lioness in reference to the Archangel. I still haven't processed the full poem, but the Archangel's reference is giving me the YES, THAT'S IT, sign. <br />
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After encountering these literary obstacles during the "Ariel messages" scavenger hunt, I got a sense of the many different issues and blocks in my life that are currently affecting my spiritual journey. I'm still not 100% sure that I've in fact deciphered the Ariel Messages fully, but it feels like I've gotten a good sense of what needs to be addressed. <br />
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From the Disney movie I got the sense that I can't give up major aspects of who I am for a guy or a relationship. If I must sacrifice for love, it must be reciprocated. Sacrifice and love go hand in hand, but I can't allow myself to get completely lost in the notion of falling in love with such desperation. From Ursula's connection, I reminded myself to make the right choices, not out of spite or obsession but out of what's right for my higher self. Obsession can turn into a downward spiral that will leave me where I was with my ex a couple of years ago. <br />
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From Sylvia Plath's Ariel, I got nothing. Other than the reference made to the archangel. I however feel a strong connection with this writer, and so I've decided to go back to basics and read The Bell Jar to become more familiar with her work. I have a lot on my plate already, but I feel that reading her poetry and books will give me a better understanding of myself and the depression I've suffered in the past. <br />
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We are entering the second half of Talk To Your Angels, an advanced level course I'm taking with <a href="http://jesscarlson.com/">Jess Carlson</a>, and I know that I will get a chance to connect deeper to Archangel Ariel. Hopefully she will have more messages for me that will help and guide me towards the right path. <br />
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I'm excited about this new year and the beginning of this new cycle! I can feel the changes in the air and I'm loving it! I expect great changes, happy experiences, and tons of growth from this upcoming year. :) Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-15242520094453021082013-12-20T09:30:00.000-06:002013-12-20T09:30:03.355-06:00Learning from the Zodiac (PBP 2013 wk 52) I've always been drawn to the astrological signs, but I guess that holds true for most old souls. I remember flipping through the newspapers or magazines searching for the Horoscopes in order to gain some type of insight into who I was as a Leo. <br />
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I know that this isn't a science but to me, it makes sense. As you go through life you realize that you make easier connections with certain people that have similar personalities or personality traits. For me, this is easier to recognize via their astrological sign. The 12 Zodiac Signs represent the major traits shared by all those born under each zodiac. <br />
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I did a quick search for my zodiac sign and found this description at <a href="http://www.psychicguild.com/horoscopes_zodiac.php?sign=Leo">Universal Psychic Guild</a> .<br />
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<em><strong>Leo </strong> <img align="absmiddle" border="0" height="30" src="http://www.psychicguild.com/images/starsign/leo2.gif" width="30" /></em><br />
<table align="center"><tbody>
<tr><td class="normal_txt" colspan="2"><em>Your element: Fire </em><br />
<em>Your ruling planets: The Sun </em><br />
<em>Symbol: The Lion </em><br />
<em>Your stone: Peridot </em><br />
<em> Life Pursuit: To lead the way<br />Vibration: Radiant Energy<br />Leo's Secret Desire: To be a star </em></td></tr>
<tr><td><div style="float: right; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px;">
<a href="http://www.psychicguild.com/reports_compatibility.php#28" target="_blank" type="image/gif"><br /></a><em> </em></div>
<em><b>Description:</b><br /> Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too. Leo's are born fortunate. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style and good humour.<br /> Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good.<br /> There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother's side).) They can't bear to be alone.<br /> No matter what level they have attained, all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying "flattery will get you everything" applies, but be warned criticism will slam the relationship door right in your face.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
For me, these general descriptions of my personality fit. I'm not making the assumption that this is the case for everyone; for many skeptics these general descriptions say little about their own personalities. From experience, however, I've found that even though some people may not necessarily agree or admit to certain aspects of these traits, they actually happen to show signs of them in their personalities. <br />
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Whenever I'm trying to gain further insight into someone that I don't personally know, I always ask for their sign. At times, I can even guess their sign based on descriptions of behavior and personality traits. <br />
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I know that I get along with almost any sign, or well, mostly every sign. There are certainly some signs that I clash with but overall I get along with everyone. I have found however, that certain signs draw me in more. I surround myself with these signs because we are compatible and we click. <br />
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I have 5 Virgo close friends, 3 Aries, 3 Sagittarius, 2 Gemini and 2 Scorpio friends. I've noticed that among these similar traits, at times, I'll find extreme differences in personalities. For instance, I have the most friends that are Virgos, they fall on either one extreme or the other of the Virgo spectrum --they're either meticulous, sexually reserved, and calculating or impulsive, extroverted, and sexually wild. Both extremes are analytical and use their logic and judgment above all, but their overall their personalities are opposite. <br />
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For me, finding these differences is fascinating. <br />
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I've dated in the past, Capricorn, Tauro, Pisces, Leos and most recently a Sagittarius. I clash way too much with my own sign, but I definitely enjoy and appreciate the genuine love and appreciation we have for one another. Sagittarius draws me in, but immediately turns me off with how vicious they can be when upset. <br />
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For some reason, I've refrained from dating Scorpios since my dad is one and my middle sister's girlfriend and life partner is also one. From past experiences I know that their overbearing and sometimes controlling personalities can be toxic and difficult to deal with. Having reservations about dating a Scorpio has more to do with my dad being one than anything, I refuse to add on to my "father" issues. haha <br />
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Although, I have to admit. There's this one old college friend whom I've always been attracted to... we've maintained a "flirtationship" throughout all these years and talk about hooking-up every now and then. The chemistry and attraction is definitely there but what holds me back is the fact that he's a Scorpio. haha <br />
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Now, my best friend, and roommate. The one I'm currently staying with is a Scorpio and I could NOT love her more. I click with the sign immediately I just don't want to date it. haha But of course, this might change in the future. <br />
<br />
My most recent "relationship" was with a Sagittarius. I was immediately drawn to him, I loved spending time with him, the chemistry was absolutely there. We clicked until things had unexpected turn of events. When this happened, everything turned sour. Sagittarius can be very blunt, honest, and at time viciously cruel when they want to cause emotional pain. I know this very well since my youngest sister is one. She can be the most positive, loving, individual until she's going through her own issues and dealing with her shortcomings. When this happens, she lashes out and openly hurts others emotionally. I understand that this comes from her inability to address her issues in a healthy manner. And even though, what Sagittarius say in the heat of the moment hurts, it usually holds some truth to it. The issue is not so much on the message, but more on how it's delivered. <br />
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Like I said, I was beginning to get attached to my Sagittarius friend, but his behavior when going through a rough time definitely left me wishing for less "ouch" and more "love." <br />
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Over the week, I've spent it mostly with my Virgo *gay & male* best friend, my Scorpio *female, straight* best friend and old college roommate, and my Aries *straight, female* high school and college friend. We had a discussion over my Sagittarius fling and their frustrations were definitely evident. Mainly at me. I went through ups and downs with that Sag fling and they were witness to how it affected me. <br />
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I confessed I had another rendevouz with him the day before my trip and of course they shared their views and opinions about the subject matter. <br />
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I understand where their frustration comes from. I get emotionally involved and get hurt from time to time, and easily forgive others because I can relate to them in one way or another. My friends however, are not quick to forgive. So, they are annoyed at the fact that I was crying about this a couple of weeks ago and now I'm completely nonchalant about our latest hook up. <br />
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I honestly don't know what may happen in the near future. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like to be in situations where my feelings are purposely hurt, and He does that. So, even if we can get past the bullshit, the bottom line is, when push comes to shove he will behave the same way. <br />
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Lesson Learned. <br />
<br />
Or well... Lesson in progress. I know my head is telling me to simply stay away, but my heart center up until recently was sending me the opposite way. I guess being out of town for a week after an unexpected hook-up was the best thing I could do. <br />
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I'll be in town today and back to reality. :)<br />
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I feel incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to reconnect with my twin souls. I was able to celebrate the Full Moon, and enjoy it's wonderful energy with my loved ones. ^_^<br />
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</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-25826388597177935212013-12-13T15:33:00.000-06:002013-12-16T15:31:24.834-06:00Yearnings... (PBP 2013 wk 51)<div align="right">
Monday, December 16, 2013</div>
<br />
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I tend to fall behind and get sidetracked, it's my inability to fully juggle all the projects I'm currently working on. I feel, I take on too many things and sometimes have a hard time focusing all my energy into finishing one. I'm so behind with the <a href="http://www.paganblogproject.com/">Pagan Blog Project</a> that we are now entering the last two weeks of it and I've skipped most of the entries. smh.<br />
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I will admit, and as much as it pains me to do so, that the main reason why I get the most sidetracked with my projects is because I get involved with someone and get lost in the excitement of the relationship. ... I'm aware this is not ideal, and quite honestly, it's quite annoying. I'm very intense about most things I do, I mean come on, I'm a Leo --passionate, intense, and loyal. <br />
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I'm not ashamed of my emotions, they are part of who I am; just as my passionate way of being is another aspect of the personality that defines me, my intensity makes me the care and love deeply. It's not ideal, but it's what makes me who I am. <br />
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I know I've discussed this in the past, it's a lesson that keeps reoccurring in my life, and I know it's a lesson that's party of my soul lesson's for this lifetime, in fact, my tarot profile shows the 3 of swords as a life lesson, which explains why the love department always manages to dishevel my life. <br />
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The most recent experience had me dragging for the past few weeks. I feel I'm back to normal, but who knows if I'm completely over it. More on this subject later, these are aspects of my life that I need to put in writing in order to learn from them better. I've spent my share of time meditating on the subject matter, and I've come to many realizations, but even though I know better, for some reason I'm still impulsive and somewhat careless of the consequences. I feel, that I rather deal with the aftermath rather than regret not acting on a gut feeling. <br />
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Since this post is about yearnings, I guess that aspect of my life fits since I yearn to have a loving, caring, honest, and sexually driven relationship with someone that is compatible with me and that will take me for who I am, flaws and all. <br />
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The main reason why I chose "Yearnings" for this week's post is because my yearnings are driving me towards what my soul wants. Or at least, that's how it feels. Life is finally aligning it self towards my higher purpose it feels. Or well, towards a goal I had given up due to unfortunate events and unexpected issues. I'd like to go back to school and finish my degree, specifically, I want to graduate from the University of Texas. I had to take a long hiatus from school, it was disappointing but necessary. The lessons I've learned along these years have changed me for the better, they've given me the skills I need to value and manifest my life and lead it towards a better future. I feel like I'm following my path. I had an intense strong heart chakra reaction while I was attempting to log into my school to request a transcript, I felt with all that I this intense need, yearning, want, and desire for this one aspect of my life I let go of not too long ago. I want this. ... and I will manifest it. <br />
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I'm currently in Austin, or well, an outside city, Leander. I've reconnected with my college Roommate. A very close friend of mine that has been a big part of my life. We lost contact, life got on the way and we both went our separate ways. We've been through much and we've grown and changed but our friendship is still intact. I feel incredibly blessed. ^_^<br />
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I'm big on signs and coincidences, I mean, I'm a witch after all. I'd been thinking about her a lot in November, her birthday came around and I contacted her. As it turns out, the Universe was working to reunite us. She finally dropped the deadweight from her cheating boyfriend and is now single. Her boyfriend hates me by the way. He believes I'm a lesbian and I want to be with my Roommate, haha. I mean, come on! If I were a lesbian, WE WOULD BE TOGETHER! haha Anyway, he's out of the picture, we are back in touch and I'm absolutely, positively happy about this. <br />
<br />
My Roommate (that's how I call her actually,) bought a house out here and she's currently living alone :( ... I want to more than anything visit more often so she doesn't feel so lonely. When we arrived and I saw the number on her house, 403, I immediately liked it and felt like it was a good sign. Throughout these last couple of days I've gotten a really strong feeling like I should be here, in this area. I man, ALL of my closest friends live up here, I don't have any close friends my age back in Houston. UT is also here, my friend is single and living alone, when I mentioned to her that I had these very strong yearnings to move back here she immediately supported them and encouraged them. I could live with her, pay rent, work and go back to school. I'd get to see my friends and live the life I was meant to live, only this time around I'll be much wiser and prepared to achieve and succeed. <br />
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I want it badly. I don't think I can do it immediately, but perhaps within the next year or two I'll be able to pick up and move up here. In the mean time, I'll continue working on my immediate goals. <br />
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I feel big changes happening, and I am sooo excited to welcome them into my life. <br />
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I am loved by my loved ones, I am incredibly blessed, and I thank the Universe for providing me with what I need in my life in order to stay true to my path. :) Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-27435410391877078872013-10-18T02:22:00.000-05:002013-10-18T02:31:35.010-05:00Uruz Rune of Endurance, Formation and Manifestation (PBP 2013 wk 43)There's a Full Moon tonight. I can feel the sizzling energy humming throughout my body. It's so exciting! I personally love October! I mean, I don't know a single witch who doesn't love Halloween / Samhain / Day of the Dead. This is the time where the veil is thinnest, the time which links us to our Ancestors and the Spirit World. October is to witches what December is to Christians. <br />
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My day of the Dead Altar was set on the first week of October. :) It's a work in progress, but so far, it looks pretty great. ^_^ We've yet to decorate the house; my sister has a bunch of creative ideas that she got from pintrest, and I can't wait to decorate this place. This is definitely my favorite time of the year! :) <br />
<br />
For this week's Pagan Blog Post, I decided to discuss my relationship with Uruz, the Rune of Endurance, Formation and Manifestation. I've been working with this rune for quite some time actually. Uruz is helping me attain that which I crave the most, perfect health. <br />
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Uruz literally means "Aurochs," {the ancestor of domestic cattle}. Uruz's key concepts include: life force, physical health, courage, organic structure, manifestation, formation, healing, vigor and endurance. {This information comes to you courtesy of <a href="http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/uruz">Rune Secrets</a> :)}<br />
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Uruz governs: The shaping and forcing fortunate circumstances creatively through will and inspiration. Self-healing and maintenance of good mental and physical health. Assertion of home ground, personal space, independence and freedom. Strength and tenacity, courage, persistence against all odds. The ability to control aggression and take responsibility. Rites of passage, especially into adulthood. <br />
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This Rune's energy has helped me with my path towards self healing. I'm happy to share that my progress has been increasingly beneficial. I will continue to work with this rune in the hopes that it will bring me the balance I so desperately need. <br />
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I'm working with this rune's energy to help and support my endurance throughout this journey. Uruz is helping me manifest the life I want. I have faith that all this work and energy will help me succeed against all odds. <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-57688770329877872812013-08-30T14:22:00.000-05:002013-08-30T14:22:00.214-05:00My Lovely Rune Set (PBP 2013 wk 36)I've definitely been slacking off. Or well, not really slacking.. more like, I've been distracted. My energy levels have been fluctuating as of the past couple of months. I honestly haven't made the time to post any Pagan Blog Project updates. <br />
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For this week, we are taking a look at the letter R. The first magickally related word that came to mind was of course, the Runes. <br />
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I have a set that I got from <a href="http://jesscarlson.com/">Jess Carlson</a>, aka Rowan Pendragon. They're made out of pebbles she found along a river. Originally, they were all marked with gold ink, but this was very light and I soon found that the markings were wearing off. I decided to make them my own by using my favorite color ever to retrace the runes.<br />
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I resonate with the color red a lot! I was born in July, I'm a Leo and my stone is the Ruby. I'm a fire sign and red is the color of fire and passion. I have to admit, when I was little I really disliked the color but as I grew older I found the many different aspect and powers it possesses. <br />
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Here's a pic of the reading I did for myself on Monday. The message is quite interesting actually... <br />
Laguz, Ansuz, Dagaz and Wunjo ... all of these relate in a way to the psychic abilities one possesses.<br />
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My go-to-Rune-related-site is of course <a href="http://runesecrets.com/">Rune Secrets</a>!<br />
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For those of you not familiar with the Runes I'll share a few tidbits of each, all of these come of course from Rune Secrets! :)<br />
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<strong><a href="http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/laguz">Laguz</a> </strong>- “Log-uhz” – Literally: “Water” or Ocean – Esoteric: Unconscious, Collective Memory</div>
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<strong>Rune of the unconscious context of becoming or the evolutionary process. Rune of Life’s longing for itself.</strong></div>
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<strong>Key Concepts: </strong>Transpersonal powers, Mastery of emotion in order to shape wyrd, Guidance through difficult initiatory tests, ie. initiation into life, Increase in vitality and life force, Communication between your conscious mind to another’s unconscious mind, Development of ‘second sight’ or prophetic wisdom, All powers of dreaming (lucid dreams, astral projection).</div>
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<strong><a href="http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/ansuz">Ansuz</a> </strong>- “Anne – suhz” – Literally: “Woden” – Esoteric: “Breath” or “Ancestral Sovereign God”</div>
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<strong>Key Concepts: </strong>order, gods, Odin, transmission of intelligence, communication, reason, inspiration, language, breath, sound, origins of language, the Voice of the Universe, spellsong, casting, chanting, ancestors, passing of the breath along the ancestral line, evolution of gods, speech, poetry, discussion of runes, memetics, semiotics, etymology, linguistics.</div>
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<strong><a href="http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/dagaz">Dagaz</a> </strong>- “Day-gahz” – Literally: “Day” or Dawn – Esoteric: Awakening</div>
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<strong>Rune of the hyper-consciousness. The process of concept becoming realized.</strong></div>
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<strong>Key Concepts:</strong> Attaining the mystical moment through penetration of the secret of paradox or non-duality, Reception of mystical inspiration – the gift of Odin, Disappearance and the act of becoming the invisible, Invisibility as an organizing principle of Higher Consciousness, Synthesis of right-left brain dynamics, Transformation of one thing into its opposite, Integration of female and male into complete being.</div>
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<strong><a href="http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/wunjo">Wunjo</a></strong> – “Won-joe” – Literally: “Joy” – Esoteric: Hope, Harmony, Perfection</div>
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<strong>Key Concepts:</strong> joy, perfection, the art of correct wishing, correct application of the will, well-being, contentment, hope, expectation, relationship, family, bonding, trusted kinsfolk, shared ideals or aims, group harmony, symbols of shared identity, optimism, cooperative effort, like-mindedness, friendship.</div>
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When I do a Rune casting, I stick my hand in the pouch and shake them. I wait for the Runes to jump on my hand and pull them out as they land. This is my message for this week. Most of the time the message from the Runes coincide with my Tarot and Oracle readings {which I do following the Rune cast}. Developing my psychic abilities is definitely something I've been working on for the past year. As of this week, I've been having very vivid dreams which feel very real. I know I should be writing them down but I have failed at this. <br />
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I actually hadn't been dreaming much, or well, I didn't really remember my dreams as of lately. But for some reason, this week I've been having and remembering my dreams clearly... <br />
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Since I didn't write them in my dream journal, I'm writing a quick summary of the dreams I remember from this week. <br />
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I remember dreaming of my ex-best friend and how in my dream she seemed to be standing behind me 100%. I had allowed her back in my life and she was happy to be in it, I was too. I still don't know if that's a good idea, but it's a message I received in my dreams. <br />
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Another night I dreamt with Walter White, haha, I'm such a <a href="http://www.amctv.com/shows/breaking-bad">Breaking Bad</a> Addict! haha This was a very disturbing dream, actually. He was my father. I was older and close to him... but then the dream turned sour. He became a perv and tried to take advantage of me and then of a younger sister. I of course protected her, refused to let him harm her. When as before I was standing 100% behind him, once I found this out, I definitely wanted him dead. This dream was definitely weird. I guess, since my sister and I have been discussing the characters and I had told her that I definitely don't want Walter to die, the dream got mixed with other issues... I don't know. <br />
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I had a pleasant dream the following night, with the Leo guy I'm currently sort-of-involved with. It felt very real and very lovely ^_^. I'm a little disappointed that I don't remember much more... all the details are now gone. I just remember the feeling and having him in my life. :) I really like this guy hehe I feel very blessed. :) <br />
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My dream from last night was a mixture of fun & adventure. I was at this Bazaar, and was being hit on by different men, not all at once of course, but throughout the first part of the dream. I danced with one, something resembling a tango / salsa / fun dance, another one bought me dinner, and others got me little gifts (a flower here, a drink there, etc). There was this guy, who actually pissed me off. He was one of the merchants and was "offended" by my behavior. He even called me a slut. He said he thought that my dance partner was my husband, and how bad of me it was to flirt with others. I was enraged! I immediately told him off! I'm single and owe no explanations to anybody! His sister and I were close and soon I dismissed the incident. <br />
The second part of my dream involved a group of youngsters and myself breaking into a chemical plant... we were trying to find the formulas for certain chemicals. We never did. It was sort-of a fun experience... until of course I made a mistake. There was a back room and I turned on the lights, on my way out I forgot to turn one of them off. I asked one of the guys to turn it off for me and he couldn't seem to find the switch. I thought of going back and doing it myself but thought "whatever, he can get it done." Well, I was wrong. The guy called on a different guy, who also didn't figure out the light switch and instead turned off the entire circuit box, this of course set the plant into havoc. We had to run out of there to avoid getting caught. For some reason I had left behind my Angel Meditation Altar and all my stones {I have NO clue why I brought this with me to begin with.} This was the my main concern, losing my precious things, I did not want us to get caught, and by me leaving this behind we'd most likely be found, that and I REALLY LOVE my meditation station items. hehe Most of us escaped, we cut the wired fence and ran out of there. A part of the group however, stayed behind. I'm not sure if they got caught or if they were stuck in the chemical plant when the explosion happened... yes, there was an explosion. This actually removed my doubts of getting caught since my items were most likely destroyed. It was another odd dream. When I shared with my sister she told me that I definitely need to cut back my Breaking Bad time haha. <br />
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I don't know if there are any actual messages in these dreams, but they were interesting non the less. I actually woke up super sore this morning. I have no clue as to why this is the case since I didn't perform and strenuous activities last night. My entire body is achy. <br />
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I'm getting the sense that my Rune casting's message is of Awakening to my Path and my connection the unconscious. Manifesting my dreams and needs as I need them and growing my abilities. <br />
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I absolutely love my Runes. They always provide me with the guidance that I need. Learning to work with the Runes is a process; understanding and interpreting their messages is not easy, but it is definitely rewarding. I know that I have a long way to go but I'm looking forward to learning more about them with each reading I do. As of now, I only read for myself. I enjoy the one-on-one time I get to spend with my Runes meditating on their meanings and the messages that will help me align with my higher self, this is my life's purpose. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-44478213305203484912013-07-27T16:44:00.001-05:002013-07-27T16:52:48.357-05:00Birthday Blues...<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I guess I'm not so much blue as I am a tiny bit numb. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Today's my birthday... today marks yet another year of stagnation. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've made much progress in my spiritual path, but I haven't made as much progress in my mundane life. I feel the weight of this major truth on my shoulders. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'd like nothing more than to be successful in my craft</span>. I know that this is the path I must follow, and that at this time, I'm developing my abilities. It is a time to search my inner soul for the guidance from my higher self. Like the Hermit, I must spend this time in seclusion in order to find my way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I absolutely love this path, I just wish I had a way to make a living doing what I love. I love to help people, and I do this selflessly; making a difference in someone's life, helping them find hope and happiness through their own means is priceless.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I'd hate to be such a petty being at this time, I shouldn't put out negative thoughts out into the Universe. In a way, this isn't really negative, it's just an honest view of my current emotional state. I'd have to say that I'm feeling a bit numb... and a bit lonely. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I'm not celebrating or doing anything special today other than read my books, and clean my magickal room / study and my bedroom. I've got spell-work that I'd like to work on, but as of now, I honestly don't have the energy for it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Ever since the <a href="http://jesscarlson.com/healing-index/">Chakra Healing session</a> I had with Jess, I've felt rejuvenated and balanced. I am thankful for this. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I can't help but compare myself to how I was last year, dealing with fucking Collin, a liar and a selfish cheat, promising all these things for his own benefit only to crush my dreams right on my fucking birthday. He ruined it. He's the single one person that's hurt me the most and I forgave him time after time... he certainly does not deserve a happy ending.. :sigh: He's had his influence over this month of course, changing plans once more, lying, showing me his true colors... he's such a joke. He'll get what he deserves soon enough... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">If it wasn't for this Chakra alignment I would be a mess. Depressed, drowning in self pity.. crying myself to sleep because things haven't turned out as I'd wished them to be, because I'm lonely, because none of my friends are here to celebrate my birthday with me, and because they guy I have feelings for has yet to call me (and I doubt he will.) He's currently online, so it's not like he doesn't know. I even told him how difficult birthdays are for me earlier last week... I wasn't fishing for attention, it came out naturally, something I would share with my closest friends. There's no excuse for him not to call me or even leave me a message on my wall... I mean, facebook reminds you... :Sigh: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Given my track record on how depressing my past birthdays have been, I would've been a mess today, instead, I'm calm, and cool ... a bit emotional and somewhat numb, but not overwhelmed.. if that makes sense. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I'm a bit bummed at the current relationship I have with my sister. For the past month, we've been not speaking. I don't know what's going on with her and I don't have the energy to decipher her actions. I just feel she's selfish and still somewhat immature, causing pain because she's experiencing it and refusing to acknowledge that her selfishness affects others. I mean, she's currently downstairs with her boyfriend... she's invited people over to drink and smoke, and all the while ignoring the fact that I'm here... completely alone. I mean, she wished me a happy birthday over facebook... facebook. This stings. I would honestly much rather have an empty house today so I can be alone with my thoughts than this moronic nonsense they are doing. How sad is this? It's borderline depressing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I'm overwhelmed by emotions now. The Chakra session closed and aligned my overactive heart chakra but this doesn't keep me from feeling altogether.... well, at least it's not overwhelming. :sigh: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I wish I had someone who cared for me... and I'm not saying that I don't have people that do, because I know I have friends that love me unconditionally. I just mean in the sense of a loving partner. One that would be happy to celebrate my birthday even when I'm not, one who would drag me out of the house and refuse to have me skip out on doing something special... or at the very least, one that will crawl in bed with me and simply cuddle, watch a movie or love me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">.... so much for my numbness. ha-ha. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I don't like to be petty this way. It's unnecessary. I'm sure I sound like an ungrateful child complaining about being all alone on a day that marks my birth and nothing more... I don't like this about myself right now. It's petty of me... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I know how blessed I am, how thankful I am for the people I have in my life, the gifts I've been blessed with in this lifetime... There is much to be happy about... I am alive. I might not have the job I want, the relationship I long for, the love I yearn for... the health I desperately need... but I have loving friendships and caring friends and a family that loves me in spite of my shortcomings. I am very much thankful for this. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I think I will take a cleansing bath and see if it helps lift my spirits.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I just finished watching The House of the Spirits, and got so enthralled by this movie that I cried for a bit during some of the scenes. I'm not completely numb, since I can still relate and feel. I know that if I get into that mindset of thinking and obsessing on the things I'm lacking in my life at this time I will certainly fall into depression. So I choose to get lost in a good book. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I've got a handful of books I'm in the process of reading. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0060951303">La Casa de los Espiritus</a> is one of them. I should've waited and finished the book before watching the movie, but somehow, the movie called my attention.... besides, the movies never meet up to the expectations one has after reading the book. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I have to remember to breathe and have patience. There's a lesson in today that I've yet to see or appreciate. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">A nice hot bath and some time alone will certainly do me good. :) There's so much to do... I'd like to get some progress done before the day ends... but I won't force myself, I need to be gentle with myself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Perhaps, meditation will clear my mind and center me once more. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Lets see what the rest of the day has waiting for me... </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-26330289585170053192013-07-12T00:12:00.000-05:002013-07-12T01:46:29.619-05:00Nauthiz, the Rune of Necessity (PBP 2013 WK 29)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<em><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">"Consciousness is the Necessity." </span></em></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">"That which does not destroy me makes me stronger." -</span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Nietzsche</span></em></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I absolutely love Rune Secrets, I've been meaning to get the book, but according to reviews, the site posts have more information and depth. For this week's post I've decided to talk about Nauthiz, pronounced "Not-this." It literally means "need-fire" or "necessity."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is the 10th rune of the Elder Futhark, it comes after <a href="http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/hagalaz">Hagalaz</a> the rune of crisis or radical change. Nauthiz's key concepts are of need, resistance, constraint, conflict, and drama. It's energy also has to do with efforts, necessity, urgency and hard work. Nauthiz literally means "need-fire," it's energy is of transformation through action and necessity. It has to do with life lessons, creative friction, distress and force of growth. It relates to our individual growth through different experiences, the consequences of past actions, short term pain for long term gain. It's the process through which we learn from our mistakes and grow as </span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">individuals. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The Nordic name for this rune is Nied, and it's one of the three great runes of delay. According to Lisa Peschel, Nied counsels you to be patient. "You may find yourself enmeshed in delays, constraints, ill health or oppression, but this rune indicates that tiresome though these may be they will work out in their own good time, and no amount of haste or worry on your part will cause them to work out any faster."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">In <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Guide-Runes-Divination-Llewellyns/dp/0875425933/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373610719&sr=1-1&keywords=the+runes">The Runes</a>, Peschel explains that "Nied always indicates a time of <em>passing through a difficult learning situation.</em> This time is known as "crossing the abyss" by many occult writers and is often a time of extreme emotional travail. However, meeting this emotional challenge head-on and conquering your fear of it can be the catalysts that drives you to overcome whatever obstacles may appear in your path later."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just like Nietzsche's quote above says, "that which does not destroy me makes me stronger." The energy of this rune incorporates resistance, need and our personal efforts to gain the growth and knowledge of the lessons we experience with each obstacle we overcome.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Nauthiz or Nied speaks of necessity, urgency, it reminds us of what must be done, the hard work we need to put into experiences and situations in order to reap the benefits or learn the lesson at hand. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In divination, its meaning encompasses resistance leading to strength, the </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">recognition of örlög (ultimate law, primal truth), the need for fire or self-reliance. Personal development and life lessons, innovations, achievements through efforts, or constraint of freedom, distress, toil, drudgery, laxity, warnings, worry, guilty, moral cowardice, unfulfilled or unrecognized needs. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Tis rune ay also signify a need to <em>think twice </em>before taking on any new projects, for it shows tat at this time you have neither the ability nor the energy at hand to carry them successfully. This rune nearly always implied <em>failure, </em>and it advises you to hold fast, stay as you are, and conserve your energy for the moment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Peschel explains that this rune indicates your <em>needs</em> as opposed to your wants, and when it appears, you should ask yourself if you are distressed over minor inconveniences which you may be selfishly blowing out of proportion, or if you truly have a problem. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Tyrel's analysis of this rune explains that it governs the strength to overcome distress or negative örlög, it helps you accept the unchangeable, with the development of magical will and the manipulation of wyrd. This rune helps you understand the dynamic forces of </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"resistance" in the process of creating. Nauthiz inspires you to generate creative energy for problem solving, it helps you protect one's own needs and recognize them too. According to Tyrel, this rune can be worked for love magick, especially to obtain a lover. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The following excerpt is from Tyrel's <a href="http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/nauthiz">Notes</a> on Nauthiz:</span></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Without resistance, form would fall apart. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It is the basic resistance of unconscious forces against newly evolved consciousness, but also the overwhelming need for evolution of consciousness, and that unconscious resistance to it.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">The mysteries of necessity are at the core of Nauthiz. It is central to manipulating Wyrd so that desired outcomes can be attained through negotiating with the energies of the Norns. Invoking need is more powerful than wishing, but what we need and what we desire are not always the same. In this sense, Nauthiz can protect us from ourselves, but its lessons are often harsh. The force of the past exerts its effect on us in the present. Previous action catches up with us and attempts to restrain and restrict future action, which is the counter-movement of the cyclical processions of </span></em><a href="http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/jera"><em><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">JERA</span></em></a><em><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">. However, armed with humility we can learn our lessons from not only our own errors, but the mistakes and successes of others.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Action governed by Nauthiz is rooted in common sense. The magic of common sense is that it is not so common, because our desires and ideals eclipse our true need and perception of real circumstances. As a war rune, Nauthiz empowers the invoker to have the courage and wisdom to recognize what must be done in an otherwise complex situation. Necessity is the mother of invention. No pain, no gain. It is connected with the harshness of reality, like Hagalaz.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">We have a painful fear of necessity and a love hate relationship with our needs. This is illustrated most excellently in the symbol of Nauthiz as two sticks rubbing together to create the ‘Need-Fire’. Our need for fire as a species is balanced with our fear of the power of fire. Consider this well and you will develop a profound understanding of this rune.</span></em><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-57600619283075274642013-06-21T18:00:00.000-05:002013-06-24T17:25:48.941-05:00On Matters of The Heart... (PBP 2013 wk 26)<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My heart rules who I am, my higher self. I follow my heart and honor my feelings; I'm aware that these feelings in me need to be nurtured, whether they're good or bad. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Love happens when you least expect it. We encounter all these people that are meant to teach us a certain lesson during our lifetimes; sometimes they stay in your life for extended periods of time, and other times they're only with you momentarily. Regardless of the situation, they were meant to cross paths with you and you should cherish the time you had to spend with them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm completely aware of this major truth; I know that our lives are constantly in a state of change, evolving and growing to better connect with our higher selves. Somehow, the lessons do not get any easier to master, the feelings and emotions that come with caring about someone, loving them even, do not become any easier to understand. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">:sigh: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm in the middle of understanding why I'm feeling the way I am about a certain someone, "J". I'll admit that I never expected to feel this way about this guy. In fact, he was extremely annoying right from the start. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Isn't that the way it usually goes? You fall for the one you never expected... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I wasn't even attracted to him. I tolerated our interactions because somehow he awakened a feisty aspect of me; I enjoyed debating issues, proving him wrong, just having a conversation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Getting to know someone of the opposite sex with the same astrological sign is definitely a challenge. It pin points a lot of your own flaws, it makes you see how your behavior affects others, it opens your eyes to the reality of your personality's core. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you can get through this, if you can learn from each other, the relationship has a chance. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He seemed to be getting attached at first, and when I didn't reciprocate he pulled away. It's not that I didn't feel anything, because the Gods know I did. I just needed time to sort out my feelings; not rushing was the key for me, and I felt he was pressuring me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> "J" pulled away, I was hurt. I pulled my self together and shrugged it off, life goes on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He came back into my life, this time as friends only. I welcomed this, friendship was something I could definitely deal with. The expectations of starting a new relationship put way too much pressure on me. He was in the process of getting to know another girl, and even though part of me felt jealous, I knew this was the best situation for the both of us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">His attempts at starting new relationships failed, and time after time I was there for support. I cherished the friendship, his honesty, the fact that he genuinely cared for me... we developed this sort of "flirtationship" which kept the relationship interesting and fun. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We, or well, <i>he, </i>talked about being together. He'd say things like "You know, we fight like an old married couple." And when I'd question him about whether this was a good or bad thing, his response would be that it definitely wasn't bad. There were so many hypothetical situations that involved the both of us being together that I really couldn't help myself, I wanted to be with him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The second I realized he could hurt my feelings I pulled away. I needed to regain some sort of balance; I don't like feeling sad, or upset over a guy. We had so many arguments, some playful other's with some basis to them; he'd hurt my feelings often due to misunderstandings --it wasn't his intention, I'm just too sensitive, and when I care I tend to over analyze and take things to heart-- and after he'd realize this, he'd apologize, he'd call and we'd talk things through. I honestly don't make a habit of picking up when I'm upset, but somehow, I'd always pick up for him. He was trying, no one can deny this. Leo's have difficult personalities. But our heart, our heart is loyal and giving and so very honest. Perhaps this was one of the major factors that I loved so much about him... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">:sigh: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's only been over two weeks since we last exchanged messages... 23 days since I last heard his voice. June 1st was the last conversation... I might have overreacted with our last exchange of messages. I was sensitive because I hadn't heard from him since our last call, and given how things had gotten between us, I was feeling a bit neglected... and then, I received a half-ass response. I mean, come on. I deserve a little more than a two-word response.... I simply gave up. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I could not continue this way, getting my feelings hurt over and over and over again, and for petty things, things that shouldn't upset me as much as they did... I felt it was unnecessary. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Why should I feel bad about myself? Why should I feel inadequate when I know how amazing and loving I am. When I know I have nothing but love to offer... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I know I'm overly sensitive, I also know that this helps me connect to humanity better... I know that my sensitivity and my ego keep me a bit doubtful and afraid of getting hurt again. Love can hurt, it can break us, it can change us forever... I work my magick with my heart, and I can't work my magick when my spirits are low. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I've been in love before, and I've had my heartbroken too... It left me numb for so long that when I started feeling again I honestly could not handle these emotions. It took me so long to be able to <em>feel</em> again that once I recovered this very essential part of me I promised myself I would never let go of it again. I don't like feeling jaded, or like there's no point to life's happiness. Love makes the world go round, it gives us the ability to connect with others, give freely and without restrain, and find the wonders of life which makes us dare to dream. </span><br />
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I know that timing is of essence, the Angels have given me this message many times before. I know that anything I want or need will come to me when I am ready and not before. How is it possible that after having all this knowledge I'm still hurting? <br />
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My eyes burn with unshed tears, my throat closes, my chest tightens, I miss him... <br />
And it's not like I'm not keeping busy. I'm studying, learning, expanding my knowledge, my tarot and Angel communication classes keep me busy. My family keeps me busy too, I have all these tasks, chores, and magickal to-do lists that keep me occupied... <br />
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If I know this major truth about love and the Universe, why is it that I'm still missing him? <br />
He knows how I feel, given my behavior and the talks we've had he's more than aware that I feel for him more than a simple friendship. Isn't that what he wanted? for me to feel as much as he felt for me? <br />
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:sigh: As I write this post this song came up ... it's kind of like this...<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Take time to realize,<br /> That your warmth is. </span><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Crashing down on in.<br /> Take time to realize,<br /> That I am on your side<br /> Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.<br /><br /> But I can't spell it out for you,<br /> No it's never gonna be that simple<br /> No I cant spell it out for you</span></div>
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If you just realize what I just realized,<br /> Then we'd be perfect for each other<br /> and will never find another<br /> Just realized what I just realized<br /> we'd never have to wonder if <br /> we missed out on each other now.</div>
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Take time to realize<br /> Oh-oh I'm on your side<br /> didn't I, didn't I tell you.<br /> Take time to realize<br /> This all can pass you by.. Didn't I tell you<br /><br /> But I can't spell it out for you,<br /> no its never gonna be that simple<br /> no I can't spell it out for you.<br /><br /> If you just realized what I just realized<br /> then we'd be perfect for each other <br /> then we'd never find another <br /> Just realized what I just realized<br /> we'd never have to wonder if <br /> we missed out on each other now.<br /><br /> It's not always the same<br /> no it's never the same <br /> if you don't feel it to.<br /> If you meet me half way<br /> If you would meet me half way.<br /> It could be the same for you.<br /><br /> If you just realized what I just realized<br /> then we'd be perfect for each other <br /> then we'd never find another <br /> Just realized what I just realized<br /> we'd never have to wonder <br /> Just realized what I just realized</div>
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<br /><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">But like the song says, "I can't spell it out for you.." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Maybe what I feel is what I'm supposed to feel. There's a lesson here, I know this. I'm just too close to decipher it. Maybe we aren't meant for each other, and that's ok. I still wish I had my friend... I miss him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I realize that this distance is necessary and it's showing me what I need to feel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">This doesn't keep me from thinking about him from time to time, and I know with all that I am that he HAS to be thinking of me too. I know this. My mind is very strong, I've proven this time after time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Just last week a guy I was sort of interested in a few years ago crossed my mind. He's also a Leo, and it reminded me how prideful and dignified Leo's can be. We had a fall-out and that was the end of that. I hurt his Leo pride and he pretty much said I'M DONE. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">This guy crossed my mind for less than a minute... guess who's contacting me this week? That same guy. From a single thought. This happens anytime any guy crosses my mind, I'll think of them and they contact me, call me or text me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">How is it possible that I've been thinking of "J" on a daily basis and all with no result? I know he's thinking of me... I know this. But he won't contact me, and I honestly can no longer put my feelings on the line. It sets me back a couple of days every time I've given in, I end up getting my feelings hurt... it's not something I like. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I don't know where this will lead me, or what the outcome will be. I am trying my best to give other guys a chance. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The night the other leo guy crossed my mind, I'd been crying over "J," I'd given in to my sensitive emotions and I just let it out. I had a conversation with Goddess and asked why I was feeling that way, why I had feelings for someone that didn't reciprocate the way I needed... the other leo guy crossed my mind and I knew that one of the Leo traits was pride, and pride keeps us from reaching out even when we want to. I let these thoughts go and went to bed.. and within a few days, the other Leo guy contacted me. I know Goddess sent me a little distraction, someone compatible that would keep my mind occupied for the time being... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The other Leo guy, "M" seems to be ready for something more meaningful this time around. We spent most of that night discussing religion and the occult. He's an intelligent guy, and he seems to be drawn to my thirst for knowledge. I feel I might be able to open up completely and tell him about my path when the time is right, and IF he sticks around long enough for us to have that talk. The simple fact that he doesn't view religion as most people do, gives me the sense that there might be a chance for him to be accepting of my spirituality.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I don't know what the future holds for me... I'm taking it one day at a time. I have faith and hope that wherever I'm heading, is the right place for me. </span><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/18px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><em><strong>“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>―<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=215179778985&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/MarilynMonroe?directed_target_id=0" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: none;">Marilyn Monroe</a></span></strong></em></span></span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/18px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span class="userContentSecondary fcg" style="color: #89919c;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-78437322898014372072013-06-14T02:22:00.000-05:002013-06-14T09:41:49.520-05:00The Moon is in Leo, time for some Lunar Magick (PBP 2013 wk 25)<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Moon is currently on the sign of Leo until Friday 5 am central time. I like to follow <a href="http://www.drstandley.com/June_2013_Void_of_Course_Moon_Calendar.shtml" target="_blank">Dr. Loretta Standley's moon void calendar.</a> Her moon void tables are like no other I've ever seen. She believes that when the moon is in transition it's hard to focus, things sometimes go awry or are misunderstood and the energy is overall a bit chaotic. She compares a moon void with the tedious task of moving to a different residence and the stress we feel when we are going through the process. I agree. I personally HATE moving. I don't like the packing process, and consequently the unpacking and set up. It is one of the most stressful situations one can go through in life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'd originally planned on casting some spells to help me open my psychic senses, but of course life got in the way. I've been wanting to make a pendulum for almost a year, this Wednesday seemed perfect since there was New Moon last Saturday and the moon was in my sign. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tuesday and Wednesday had some unexpected plans. Family came to visit from out of town and they decided to stay the night at the last minute. Sooo I was busy with them mostly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thought they'd be leaving early Wednesday, which would give me enough time to catch up with my Angel Class, the blog posts, and my spell-work, but of course that also did not happen. Since I had to give up my bed, and sleep on the couch, I was drained and tired for most of the day. I've also got a college paper due Monday and other than research, I've done nothing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I feel like I've taken a bigger bite than I can chew, I'm not entirely overwhelmed but I'm falling behind. I work best under pressure, and I know I can get the paper done in no time. Stress actually gives me the kick I need to get it done. The rest, like the blog posts, and my angel class study definitely needs a push. There's so much I want to do but I'm always busy doing things for other people. I need to focus. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't want to completely miss the energy's moon in my sign, so even though I was tired by the end of the day Thursday, I decided to try a quick meditation and then I'd get on with my magickal to-do list. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After my Angel meditation I took an uncrossing bath to remove any blocks or negativity I might have been carrying with me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As of the last few days, I've been feeling somewhat emotional. I know that I talk about my outbursts of emotions way too much, but it's part of who I am. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm an emotional being, I'm in touch with my feelings and I express them openly. As of lately, love had been on my mind. I feel a bit lonely and somewhat disconnected from the previous links I'd made with this one guy in particular. We have a "flirtationship" that keeps us in the "friend" zone. We care about each other, we, have feelings for each other {or well I know for a fact that he had feelings for me at a certain point,} and we both know that there is something special there. Distance is the obstacle. Our flirtationship got a bit more real for me, and for a while it affected me more than I wanted to admit. Since then, I've maintained some distance in order to avoid feeling neglected. It's worked to a certain extent... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't like feeling this way, and I know that timing is of the essence. This relationship is simply not meant to be, so I should not push it and I should not get overwhelmed by the fact that I feel lonely. I don't like feeling sad, and not having him reciprocate at the level my feelings were resonating hurt. So detachment and distance were necessary. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, I attempted the light meditation before I took my cleansing bath. It took me into a dream state that depicted some emotional scenes with family members... I don't believe that it was for more than a few minutes, yet I know I was dreaming.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was tired and sleepy and all I wanted to do was take a nap, but my naps are never really naps, they last 4-6 hours and sometimes all night.The short dream state lasted for about 20 minutes, or so I think; when I woke up, I felt refreshed and somewhat confused. I didn't even notice I'd fallen asleep, I was meditating and then went into this dream. It all happened so fast, I must have gone into REM sleep pretty quickly since that's the only phase where we have actual vivid dreams. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had my cleansing / uncrossing bath, and as I soaked I meditated. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I worked on the light meditation as directed by <a href="http://jesscarlson.com/">Jess</a>, and once again I got a purple / indigo light ... I've yet to figure out which Angel this color is associated with. I kept seeing this light pull me towards the center. It'd start off large and move towards the center. I kept trying to see what it was trying to show me but all I got was that pulling sensation. I then was engulfed by this indigo light; shapes swirled in front of me, but I couldn't make anything specific. I'll try it again today. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have a lot of work to get through and not enough motivation, but I definitely wanted to work some magick before the moon went into void again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There's a waxing moon in Leo, which means I can continue to attract anything I want to make my life better. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I managed to tackle every magickal spell I had in mind before the moon left my sign. I worked some prosperity spells, some defensive magick and love/friendship magick. It all felt great! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've already discussed the different phases of the moon in a previous Pagan Blog Project <a href="http://aneclecticwitchintraining.blogspot.com/2012/09/timing-trust-thankfulness-pbp-wk-39.html">post.</a> This post discusses the best time for Lunar spell-work. Timing is the key. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Triple Goddess' energy is always present. We can work with her energy according to the many phases it goes through, from waxing to waning, full and new, each moon phase provides you with the energy you need to manifest your desires, it all depends on whether you want to remove things from your life or attract them. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Everything you need comes to you at the right time. Patience is the key. You believe, you trust and you thank The Goddess for her help and soon enough you'll find the clues that will show you that your spell-work was in fact successful. ^_^</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know that my work will come to fruition, I no longer have doubts. That's the beauty of the this path, you get what you put into it, attract what you put out into the world. It's quite wonderful and the more I learn, the more I fall in love with it. </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-60902501245555689492013-06-07T17:55:00.000-05:002013-06-15T20:52:53.951-05:00Learning to Listen and Love with Laguz ... (PBP 2013 wk 24)<div style="text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://runesecrets.com/img/laguz-100x100.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://runesecrets.com/img/laguz-100x100.gif" /></a></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"Our future selves call us from infinite pasts, and each night are eroded with our dreams."</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This week I've decided to focus on Laguz for my<a href="http://paganblogproject.com/" target="_blank"> Pagan Blog Project</a> post. All the information found here comes from my favorite Rune site, <a href="http://runesecrets.com/" target="_blank">Rune Secrets</a>, a study community that helps with their meaning and personal development. I'm also reading<a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/0875425933/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=28427481355&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1531010831638701391&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_7z3f6thv4a_b" target="_blank"> A Practical Guide to THE RUNES by Lisa Peschel</a>. It's a small pocket book that fits perfectly in my bag of divination tools. I won't go into detail citing each entry but I am giving full credit to both these authors for the information provided below. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGVIV5NrArtqNEEjH2gwoeg84twd4bvyc8hCXK7f2p8fVpIjSy4INFOiav8hhL7lzTLGUw5CSLNk3LwSCpPp75eqIjs3hOlq2uBnzjl6OpkzV1znXUzVhzHYTtqPWlIIWOuoUyKTS7HtE/s1600/Intuition.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGVIV5NrArtqNEEjH2gwoeg84twd4bvyc8hCXK7f2p8fVpIjSy4INFOiav8hhL7lzTLGUw5CSLNk3LwSCpPp75eqIjs3hOlq2uBnzjl6OpkzV1znXUzVhzHYTtqPWlIIWOuoUyKTS7HtE/s320/Intuition.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Laguz, or Lagaz has been making an appearance in my weekly readings. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I debated it's meaning since I'm not that familiar with this rune, and it's appearance is quite recent. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm highly emotional and as of lately I've been feeling a bit melancholic and lonely. I don't wallow in self pity, in fact I allow these feelings to emerge and flow, I address them and remind myself that everything has a connection to the bigger picture of life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm enrolled in a tarot and Angel class that basically helps us develop our intuitive senses; the times Laguz has come out, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">it reminds me that intuition and love are in the picture. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This may be because this rune, pronounced "Log-uhz," literally means </span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">water </i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">or</span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> ocean. </i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The element of </span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Water </i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">usually deals with intuition and emotions, inspiration, healing, and love. </span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The esoteric meaning of Laguz is the unconscious, the collective memory. </i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Rune Secrets</b> states that Laguz is the <b>rune of the unconscious context of becoming or the evolutionary process. </b></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is the </span><b style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Rune of Life's longing for itself. </b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Lisa Peschel describes Lagaz (Laguz) as a rune of <i>intuitive knowledge</i> which during a reading indicates you should follow your intuition closely in the matter in question. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Lagaz is the principal <b>female</b> rune; if the querent is female, it usually represents her and it indicates that no matter what troubles beset her, she will be more than capable of dealing with them. If a man is the querent, this rune shows the presence of a strong and supportive female, possibly the most important female in his life. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://gratitudeplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/intuition.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://gratitudeplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/intuition.jpg" width="320" /></a></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Rune Secrets describes the energy of Laguz as the</span><i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> life energy, the ocean spirit, the origins of life, the collective unconscious, the astral plane, love as unity and evolution. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This rune governs trans-personal powers, the mastery of emotion in order to shape wyrd. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Laguz governs guidance through difficult initiatory tests, an increase in vitality and life force, and the communication between your conscious mind to another's unconscious mind. </span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This rune is about the <i>development of a "second sight" or prophetic wisdom, all the powers of dreaming, lucid dreams, and astral projection. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Laguz aids with the ability to develop and see with a clairvoyant sense;<i> </i>this <i>rune can be used in establishing a communication link from your conscious mind, under willful intent, to the unconscious mind of another. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>"Water is the symbol of unconscious and invisible Life forces. All of life is dependent on water, and therefore Laguz represents the universal ocean, the supreme unity of all life: past, present and future." </i></span><br />
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<a href="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcThyCfbGE6seqwJlbz7kLG_ny3m6wh78rtUFh_QSDhFr90LI9iX" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcThyCfbGE6seqwJlbz7kLG_ny3m6wh78rtUFh_QSDhFr90LI9iX" width="249" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Without water we can not survive. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Our bodies are made up of 50-60% of water; aside from the nourishment we get from food, water is absolutely necessary and we are dependent of it's life force.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Every living thing that surrounds us needs water to survive, this very important link connects us to absolutely everyone and every living thing, like a living network that connects us as it flows through us, water is life. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"Water is a psychically chargeable medium." </i><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">The Beings of the West govern this element, and guide our intuitive senses. Water is transparent and it'll take the shape of it's container, water will fit anywhere; and just like water our feelings and emotions flow through us to shine a light on whatever issues need addressing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As of lately, I've been very much in touch with my emotions.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">These are not dooming feelings associated with irrational outbursts, they are more of an empathetic synchronicity</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> with anything that relates to matters of the heart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I honestly can not help myself. Something will resonate with me, and next thing you know I am experiencing this knot in my throat, stinging in my eyes, and tears that flow freely.</span><br />
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<a href="http://blog.freepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/water.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://blog.freepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/water.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I honor these emotions. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If they are there, it must be for a reason. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I rather feel than be numb. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I allow them to flow through me, out of me, and back into the Universe. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">These feelings and emotions need to be released, and t</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">hey keep me connected to humanity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Connecting with the element of water keeps me linked to my intuitive senses. My dreams offer a window into my unconscious and point out and highlight anything that may be happening in my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Every time I connect with the elements I ask for guidance so that I stay true to each; I strengthen the bond I have with the elements during circle each and every time and in turn, I have a direct line with each. I don't complain, even when my emotions are running high, I couldn't, this link keeps me true to myself. It is my duty to grow, learn, and follow my higher self into enlightenment. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-89990459735846140752013-05-24T02:16:00.000-05:002013-05-24T02:21:00.392-05:00Kitchen Witchery Keeps Me Sane... (PBP 2013 wk 22)<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'd like to think that the art of cooking has been in my blood since I was a child. I started cooking, or well, I was attracted to the kitchen from an early age. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I clearly remember watching my mom cook our delicious meals daily, and sometimes, I was even allowed to help her flip tortillas. There's a key to cooking flour tortillas the right way, you flip them 3 times: you put it on the "comal" and allow the surface to bubble a bit leaving it undercooked, you flip it and allow the second surface to cook completely, you'll know this because the tortilla will start puffing up like a balloon, you then flip it back to the first surface and allow it to finish cooking. I was about 7 years old, and I absolutely fell in love with the kitchen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As the oldest sibling I've always been in charge of feeding my two younger sisters. Both of my parents worked, and I was given the responsibility of taking care of the household from an early age. I spent most of middle school and high school in the kitchen cooking dinner for my sisters and my parents lunch for the following day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I can't say that I always liked this responsibility, in fact, there were times when it overwhelmed me, but I had to do what I had to do in order to help my family. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As I grew up, my love for the kitchen only evolved. I have this natural ability to create savory and flavorful dishes out of mostly anything. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My soul card is the Empress, and I feel it clearly depicts my motherly nature. I absolutely love feeding people. I love it more when my food gets positive reviews. I sometimes worry that people will not like my food because I tend to improvise on the spot, but most of the time it turns out pretty yummy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I feel the same way about spellwork. I'll find a spell that speaks to me, and I'll adapt it to resonate with who I am. I'm quite good at coming up with meaningful spells that get the job done. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When I first was introduced to The Kitchen Witch through my eclectic path, I knew that I possessed the ability and inspiration to make magickal meals that would not only nourish my loved ones but also help them with whatever needs they had. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm still the cook of the household. My mother no longer cooks, she's lost her touch he-he. My youngest sister and roommate doesn't know how to cook, so of course I am in charge of the kitchen. Which actually helps me, and consequently them to live harmoniously. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Every meal I make, is full of protection, love, and prosperity. My herb garden is full of all the ingredients I need to fill my meals with the magickal kick they need. I have a pantry full of dry herbs and a head full of knowledge. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm not saying that we are perfect, in fact, my family clashes quite a bit. I've found that through cooking I can deflect a lot of tension, drama and negativity. I cook with love and it shows in every meal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Not to toot my own horn, but I can honestly whip up a meal out of whatever I find in the fridge and pantry. My repertoire of meals includes traditional Mexican meals, American cuisine, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, south American food, and eclectic meals which I can adapt in almost any fashion. I'll add a pinch of magick and voilà, a filling, nutritious meal, that's not only delicious but magickal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Cooking honestly keeps me sane. I clear my head from whatever issues or drama that's currently afflicting the family, and the meal just comes to mind. I know exactly which ingredients I should use to maximize the spell's strength, --which will help them release stress, deflect negativity or attract money-- and I'll just cook up a storm. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've embarked on the journey towards perfect health. After my 5 day veggie juice cleanse I thought I'd be able to turn vegetarian, but of course, that wasn't the case. I love meat, chicken, and fish waaay too much to give it up. So, instead, I've compromised with myself. I still have no intention of consuming carbs or sugars, which is absolutely HARD AS HELL!!! I've come to the conclusion that I will eat solids which will include meat, chicken or fish along side a large serving of veggies on the days that I can eat and on the other days I'll do my veggie fast. This way I can give my body a rest in between processing food. I've already lost about 12 pounds and I've been doing this since last Wednesday. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm optimistic about this journey. It is hard, but it will be worth it. I have to keep praying for help from the angels and guides. It's so hard not to eat sweets and carbs. As of the past couple of days I've been going through carb withdrawal and it's kicking my ass. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Just last night I made dinner, my own concoction of course. There was some week old cinnamon bread and whole grain bread that I definitely wanted to utilize, so I made bread pudding. And let me tell ya, it was PACKED with sweets and yummy goodness. I did not try it of course, but I was sooo close to breaking my diet. Even now, I want to walk downstairs and stuff my face with at least 3 pieces of that yummy goodness. But I won't. I've come to far to give in to temptation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am constantly craving subway sandwiches, flour tortilla tacos, and sweets. Withdrawal is raging within. I need help. I've worked on some spellwork to help me through this, and I have faith that I will get through it. I have a hard road ahead of me but I have the will to carry me through it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm excited, and hungry but I rather take care of my body than give in to my cravings.</span> </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-27917867430293467982013-05-17T00:12:00.000-05:002013-05-17T08:00:20.438-05:00Juicing, Oracle Messages & Magick (PBP 2013 wk 21)<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I've taken on the challenge of healing all my problem areas. I want to be healthy and happy... truly healthy. I want a real relationship, actual intimacy, and love. I want to not be afraid of what relationships bring. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I want to be everything I am meant to be. My body is my only temple and I have not taken good care of it. It's been mistreated and abused for way too long and I've suffered the consequences for longer than I can handle. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I tried the 21 day meditation challenge - Journey to Perfect Health, but didn't make it past week 1. I'm giving it another go, along with some magickal work that will support my need to become dis-ease free. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">For a while I'd lost hope in finding the solution to my problems. I'd almost given up on myself when I got very clear messages that urged me to keep at it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My weekly readings have shown me that I should expect a miracle in the most peculiar of ways. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was doing a daily reading with my oracle decks and my tarot deck, but decided to switch to weekly readings instead. I've started to work with vision boards and I'm finding it very useful to meditate on the cards I pull during each reading. I feel that a week is enough for me to truly understand the message the oracles give me. I currently have the oracle cards that I pull on my wall, I've included affirmations, positive thoughts and the daily mantra from Journey to Perfect Health. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I work with </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1401925359/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=1535523722&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0688031579&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=19F11D1VCAJZ0ZZ4T61Z" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Earth Magic</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">, </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Fairies-Oracle-Cards-Booklet/dp/B006U1TYHS/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368771904&sr=8-1&keywords=healing+with+the+fairies+oracle+cards" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Healing with the Fairies</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">, </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Romance-Angels-Oracle-Cards/dp/140192476X/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368771977&sr=1-1&keywords=romance+angels+oracle" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Romance Angels</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">, </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Archangel-Raphael-Healing-Oracle-Cards/dp/1401924743/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368772016&sr=1-1&keywords=archangel+raphael+healing+oracle+cards" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Archangel Raphael</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">, </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Archangel-Michael-Oracle-Cards-Guidebook/dp/1401922732/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368772016&sr=1-2&keywords=archangel+raphael+healing+oracle+cards" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Archangel Michael</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> and </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Oracle-Shadows-Light-Lucy-Cavendish/dp/1582703051/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368772043&sr=1-1&keywords=oracle+of+shadows+and+light" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Oracle of Shadows and Light</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">. I know that it may seem a bit over the top, but I've found that when I work with different decks I get a bigger picture of the areas that are important in my life at that given time. I shuffle and pull one card of each deck in that order. The messages are usually pretty clear.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">For the past two weeks I've gotten the same messages from four different decks. One week I got Expect a Miracle Healing from Archangel Raphael and Innocence from Archangel Michael. At the time, I was hoping that the Miracle would manifest but didn't really understand the Innocence card. After that week was over, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I almost gave up. It was an emotional week, I had a fall-out with a guy I'd grown attached to, things seemed to simply fall apart. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Imagine my surprise when in my moment of despair I did my reading, and guess what came out as my first two cards. Childhood / Innocence from the Earth Magic deck and Miracle Healing from Healing with the fairies. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Message received! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This was just the message I needed to hear. I was filled with hope once more. I knew my guides were giving me a very clear and specific message. They were urging me not to give up on myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's like I got a second wind. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There was a new moon that week and I decided to ask for help and guidance. I needed support, so I harnessed the energy from the new moon and asked for help. I worked on a cleansing bath / road-block remover and felt really positive afterwards. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was still dealing with my guy issues, but definitely felt way more positive, stronger, determined. I did my reading the following Monday and in spite of my doubts over my love life, the Romance Angels' message was that my feelings were real, and worth exploring. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I can't say that my actions were logical, I let my jealousy get the best of me and acted on impulse. Which had some hurtful repercussions.... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I faced the issue head on, confronted my "friend" and decided to let him go. I don't like to feel unhappy or rejected, and if this guy has that big of an effect on my emotions it means that I care more than I should. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I give love freely. I truly care about him, but I don't like to feel sad, and clearly, he's confused about the way he feels about me. I know that he cares, I can feel it, but the timing is wrong. The Romance Angels advised me to be patient, "Divine intervention" came out, and coincidentally the message was about timing. The angels are working on this relationship, and it's not yet ready. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I had to take control though, I could not get past his latest rejection. So I told him what was on my mind, everything that I felt, and wished him the best of luck. I know that it was the right thing to do. I followed my heart. After I sent that message and got his response I felt lighter. I knew that my message had hit home, he tried to apologize once more, but I'd said all I had to say about the matter. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I'm still waiting for him to call in a way... I'm no longer emotional, or upset because I've let him know how I really feel, it was sort of a closure. I feel great actually. I miss him. but alas, I need to focus on myself anyway. It's not like I'm ready for a relationship ... I need to take care of me first.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I have other suitors... that's never an issue. I'm quite charismatic and not that bad looking, so guys are always interested. I'm just cautious... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The ex is still in the picture, reaching out, trying to convince me to give him another chance. I've certainly given him a piece of my mind... I do NOT hold back anymore. I care about him, but he's so damaged and lost.... and, as much as I'd like to help him, he doesn't really want to help himself, so my efforts will be in vain. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So that's that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I've had a spell on my mind for a while, it hadn't come to full completion until Thursday night actually. The moon entered my sign and I was filled with this determination to access as much help and support as possible. I called on the Ancestors, guides and Angels and I trust that they will be helping me along the way. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I started on a juice fast Wednesday. I plan on going for 5 days, until Sunday/Monday. After this fast, I plan on going vegetarian for a few months. I believe that juicing and veggies will help me nourish my body and bring it back to perfect health. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I've been considering holistic alternatives or Chinese medicine, but have yet to make up my mind on where I should go. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I feel good about the progress I'm making. My horoscope advised me to seek outside help... it also tells me that this is an auspicious time for wish making. The Universe is supporting me and I can manifest anything I truly want. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to be who I'm meant to be. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I want to have an intimate love relationship and I know that it's in my future, but I first need to take care of myself, otherwise I won't be comfortable. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's time to take control of my life. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid to show it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">^_^</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-87292373860796078982013-05-10T15:33:00.000-05:002013-05-30T01:51:27.232-05:00Justice, Jera, and my Journey towards Happiness & Prosperity (PBP 2013 wk 20)For this week's <a href="http://paganblogproject.com/?p=498" target="_blank">Pagan Blog Project</a> I decided to talk about Justice, Jera and my current Journey towards Happiness and Prosperity.<br />
<br />
I'm actually having some mixed feelings about the meaning of Justice. When I think of Justice I think of Karma, balance, and fairness above all. The RWS tarot deck depicts Lady Justice sitting solemnly on a stone bench while holding a balanced scale on her left hand, and a sword on her right hand. To me, this represents how Lady Justice is always weighing situations, actions, people, etc.. she weights both sides and her verdict is the ultimate Karmic retribution. Her right arm holds the sword which will pardon or punish. Her robes are red and green, which to me, signify passion and growth. You can see her foot peaking out of her red robe which shows her core is pure. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.tarotofcolor.com/universal_waite/11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.tarotofcolor.com/universal_waite/11.jpg" width="186" /></a>I regularly trust the Universe in it's infinite wisdom... I am genuinely a caring individual. I have a strong set of beliefs that compel me to stand up for those who can not stand up for themselves. I'm a GLBTQ advocate, I'm highly political, and very liberal. In fact, my facebook wall is full of political memes, articles, statistics and facts that pretty much disprove and republican / conservative fear mongering bigotry. <br />
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I feel that in this day and age we MUST stand for what we believe in, otherwise we will be taken advantage of by those who have the means. <br />
<br />
I'm not a lesbian, but I have many friends in the community as well as a sibling that is one, and I strongly believe that they have just as many rights as any other citizen in this nation. The reality of life is this, you can not impose your religious views / homophobic fears on the rest of society simply because you're not comfortable seeing two people of the same sex kiss / have sex. Love is Love and nothing or no one can limit the amount of love you give or receive. <br />
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One of Mahatma Gandhi's famous quote is <strong>"Be the change you wish to see in the world."</strong> I follow this with all that I am because it resonates with my belief system, it resonates with who I am. I simply can not stay quiet, follow the crowd and only speak up when things affect me. I've tried, it doesn't work. I spend more time and energy trying to keep my views to myself / not standing up for those that are clearly misjudged than if I were to just follow my intuition and speak up. <br />
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I could go on and on about all the political injustices that are currently going on with our government, but that would take forever and this isn't a political blog. Besides, my facebook wall is already filled with all these rants. <br />
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I feel, that I am a good human being. I have my low moments and I sometimes turn bitchy and angry, but I am not ashamed of this. I am human after all. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0khL-kmXiHWgs0JFhWDCW-QQpafSbHY7ZbbSCb9dHffkop54qb1E9MMvWkBGKx9EdhdI9rEb9erdqS8R7B0eBJ7jornT9hX_QL8Uj4tsIzJCdELm3I7giXSew5QwmuuOv8sRCmM5zzDhG/s1600/under+protection+of+the+goddess.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0khL-kmXiHWgs0JFhWDCW-QQpafSbHY7ZbbSCb9dHffkop54qb1E9MMvWkBGKx9EdhdI9rEb9erdqS8R7B0eBJ7jornT9hX_QL8Uj4tsIzJCdELm3I7giXSew5QwmuuOv8sRCmM5zzDhG/s320/under+protection+of+the+goddess.png" width="320" /></a>I pride myself in being a good friend. I am there for my friends when they need me, they value who I am and respect my guidance and advice. I love that. I love giving what can not be easily bought. It is part of my life's purpose to help others get through difficult situations and low points in their lives. <br />
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I guess where I'm going with this is the fact that sometimes, even when we follow the rules, when we give and help others, bad things still happen. <br />
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Last Friday, I felt as if the Universe was punishing us. I kept asking myself, "Why would this happen? Why would this happen to my mom?" I didn't understand, I felt that since we were good hard working individuals that it was simply unfair. As a witch, I keep my family protected above all. I honestly couldn't understand why such things would happen when I've been so meticulous about keeping everything together. <br />
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My mother called me Friday morning, she was hysterical. I was busy working on some magazine issues for my sister's boyfriends business; and all of the sudden, I get this call with my mom on the other line crying hysterically. She tells me they've broken into the company's car and have taken EVERYTHING she has. She was heading to Austin that same day and had some money that belong to my aunt as well as money she had earned doing some extra jobs. The fuckers that broke into her car got away with $600+ cash, plus about $1200 in credit card purchases. <br />
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They ripped us off even though I immediately got on the phone and started the tedious task of cancelling / reporting credit cards stolen. The whole time I kept asking my guides and angels why something like this would happen when we were so close to being ok. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.quick-good-fortune.com/images/luck-shamrock-horseshoe.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.quick-good-fortune.com/images/luck-shamrock-horseshoe.png" /></a>... and then, for some reason I decide to check a bank that we hardly use; we had some loans out on <br />
one of the accounts and I wanted to make sure no purchases were made with those cards. Imagine my surprise when I speak with the representative and find out that there's $411 dollars in the account we no longer used. Apparently I kept making payments after the loan was fully paid and there was this extra money just hanging out in that account. The representative was kind enough to transfer the money into our main account. My mom was absolutely relieved to have found that money. We lost $300, [the other $300 were my aunt's] and we found $411, which definitely came in handy. <br />
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After dealing with all the hassle of reporting everything that was stolen, calming my mom down, and assuring her everything would be ok, I finally had a moment to let everything sink in. I allowed myself to let it out, to lose it, to process. I held it together all day, I kept calm, I took care of what needed to be done, I was the voice of reason, the one that made everything better. Once I was all alone and everything was taken care of, it all sunk in. <br />
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Those fuckers emptied our bank accounts, made charges on credit cards and got away with cash that we desperately needed. They had my mom hysterical, and crying, I snapped at my sister and made her lose it at her job. <br />
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This incident was not something we deserved, it wasn't karmic retribution, it wasn't a random event.<br />
This had purpose, an intention. <br />
<br />
I'd seen some money issues during my tarot readings; at the time I thought it referred to our constant struggle to make the bills on time. It also showed someone that influenced these events and my family coming out of it stronger than before. At the time, I interpreted it differently because of the positive cards in the future position. After second analysis I realized that all this shit was someone's intention.<br />
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I became enraged. <br />
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I was so overwhelmed with rage that the only thing I knew would give us some retribution would be to take care of whomever was responsible for this fucked up situation. <br />
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I'm way beyond the Wiccan tradition which states only good should be sent out to the Universe. I started off strongly Wiccan, but as I experienced life and the cruel reality of how many people behave sending out curses and negativity, I realized that the only way to deal with these fuckers is to give them a taste of their own medicine. I'm not ashamed, I don't feel guilty, I have owned up to my actions and the consequences that they bring. <br />
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The only time I act is to protect my family or return whatever fucked up shit they send our way... and let me tell you, I'm quite good at it. <br />
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I tried to let it go. I tried to be the bigger person and trust in the Universe, trust that Justice would be served. I even meditated on it, and tried to release my anger but I simply could not do it. And let me tell you, I am one strong pacifist, so for someone to enrage me to that point, means they had to push me hard enough for me to push back. <br />
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I started on the curse I had in mind, I wanted to hurt these people and remove them from our lives once and for all... and I even stopped a few times along the way, but every time I questioned my actions, the image of my hysterical mother would come to mind. To top it all off, I also got these very clear and vivid images of these people making those fucking purchases at Walmart. They were so clear, that the second I envisioned them, I was enraged all over again. I knew then that I could not, and would not let it go. <br />
<br />
While in the middle of rite, one of the vials that I was going to use completely broke. I keep my oils in small boxes and I had never had issues with broken vials. Imagine my surprise when I drop the box and hear glass breaking. The only vial that broke is the one that I'd plan on using. <br />
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I wanted to take it as a sign that maybe I should stop. I immediately contacted <a href="http://jesscarlson.com/" target="_blank">Jess Carlson</a> and asked for advice. She told me that the energy was high and that I should keep going, which is what I was doing anyway. <br />
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Even if I wanted to stop, I simply couldn't. <br />
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I was able to save whatever was left of that vial and finished my curse stronger than when I began. I returned whatever they had sent our way, and added a kick for sending it in the first place.... anyone involved with that incident is certainly getting a taste of karmic retribution.... and then some. <br />
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I don't feel regret, I don't feel bad, I don't feel anything. They deserve it. <br />
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Like I've said before, I'm done playing doormat. I'm done being the nice girl. If you push me, I WILL push back ... and I WILL win. <br />
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I could have waited for Lady Justice to weight this out and eventually give the parties responsible for this a little karmic retribution, but honestly, this needed a push. <br />
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Which leads me to the next topic of this blog... <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTCrVvevWkl-8yy42DQziOzjzmtsuWdL2SC85YHe8X0x_OcTEB7aWPhMsKuGD4ZHEx7AXLaKcbFIT3z9IosBak0XxiWb5N6duBvis4cbfji-pxs9Ssod8sTELmDb0BzvgnOZTkmkEFDbDV/s1600/jera-100x100.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTCrVvevWkl-8yy42DQziOzjzmtsuWdL2SC85YHe8X0x_OcTEB7aWPhMsKuGD4ZHEx7AXLaKcbFIT3z9IosBak0XxiWb5N6duBvis4cbfji-pxs9Ssod8sTELmDb0BzvgnOZTkmkEFDbDV/s1600/jera-100x100.gif" /></a><strong>Jera, </strong><em>“Patience up to a point. Know your time, but work your wyrd always.”</em><br />
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I really love <a href="http://runesecrets.com/" target="_blank">Rune Secrets</a>. This site is absolutely perfect. It gives a different perspective of each rune while making them relatable and easy to understand. I love the quotes that are at the top of each Rune's analysis, it helps me grasp the concept of the overall energy of each rune. This site is my go-to website when I'm studying the runes; I keep it bookmarked for whenever I do my personal readings. I'll read up on the entire analysis taking note of whatever my intuition tells me, and usually I'll get a very specific and clear message from my rune casting. I've been learning the runes adamantly and I absolutely love them, they resonate with me on a completely different level than the Tarot or oracle decks. <br />
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Jera means "Year" literally, esoterically, it means harvest. Jera is the "[r]une of harvest and reward for, or reaction to, right actions in a horizontal (naturally ordered) cyclical process. [It is the] rune of peace on the land and in the heart."<br />
<br />
<a href="http://sun-gazing.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/307752_10151214357907464_467736796_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="http://sun-gazing.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/307752_10151214357907464_467736796_n.jpg" width="320" /></a>The energy of this rune vibrates with cycles, progress, biorhythms and good harvest, the right effort one makes with every action. It governs the "realization of the cyclical nature of the multiverse, invoking the power of time and cycles." It is about manifesting and initiating gradual and lasting change in the flow of life. Jera has "an unstoppable energy, gradual but unrelenting, unhurried but persistent..." <br />
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"Jera is a rune of patience and movement," it has to do with "right timing." It states that everything you need in life, will come to you at the perfect time. What I find interesting about Jera is that it "can magically speed things up or slow things down, and manipulation of subjective time in this manner is governed by this rune." We reap what we sow, and Jera will mirror our actions.<br />
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I worked with this Rune during my Return-to-Sender spell to help me speed up the Karmic smack those fuckers needed. I focused my intention on letting them rip what they sow. I've had patience up to a point, and I've known my timing was for the best. I know that they WILL get what they deserve. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://emilystroia.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/happiness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://emilystroia.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/happiness.jpg" width="255" /></a>We are doing much better. That incident was only a minor setback, and like my cards showed, we are coming back stronger than ever. <br />
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I've done some house cleansings, as well as personal and family cleansings. I've reinforced my protections, and made protective talismans for my family and loved ones. <br />
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I've decided to embark on a Journey towards Happiness and Prosperity. <br />
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I'm focusing my energy on creating a happy environment at home while helping my family and loved ones with any magickal aspect they might need. <br />
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We have the ability to manifest our own lives however we see fit. We attract and create what our minds envision, this is the reason why we must keep a positive outlook on life. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://happytruelife.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/i-have-chosen-to-be-happy.jpg?w=652" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://happytruelife.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/i-have-chosen-to-be-happy.jpg?w=652" width="232" /></a>We might come across obstacles and blocks that may seem too hard or too difficult to overcome, but if we trust in the Higher Powers we will learn the lesson behind each unfortunate event. This, in the end, makes us wiser and stronger. <br />
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My mom no longer carries all her cards with her, she only carries her debit card. She is mindful of all the negative people in her life, and we are taking the measure to protect her from any curse that may be sent her way. <br />
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We appreciate the blessings we have in our lives. The fact that we are living together, happy, with unconditional love. Yes, we might have altercations with one another, we might fight and argue at times, but at the end of the day, we know that we love each other... and Love trunks everything else that might try to destroy it. We are a strong bunch, and we know it. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-87823081962416589242013-05-03T15:33:00.000-05:002013-05-03T15:33:00.109-05:00Intuitive Spellwork (PBP 2013 wk 19)<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3IaRoHc0yDPeZhn8vLQtPVeJPyhG11hrsQcgSVe7zNEJ8M0dYtbSiuzcanvAqxqcXfaolN6Vd1EWhMWm-cVTdBQgnZBseCHfJoXIUXCekPpX379ZbeOjfal24zpMBELI_NTEIrapgtXh5/s1600/71447_10151641182743185_1132745737_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3IaRoHc0yDPeZhn8vLQtPVeJPyhG11hrsQcgSVe7zNEJ8M0dYtbSiuzcanvAqxqcXfaolN6Vd1EWhMWm-cVTdBQgnZBseCHfJoXIUXCekPpX379ZbeOjfal24zpMBELI_NTEIrapgtXh5/s320/71447_10151641182743185_1132745737_n.jpg" width="231" /></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At times I'm still surprised by the level of intuitive guidance I receive when it comes to creating spells and working magick. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As of lately, I've been working with the Runes. I actually got my set of Runes from <a href="http://jesscarlson.com/" target="_blank">Jess Carlson</a> and I have to say, these are so honest and straight to the point. I always get the guidance I need at the time of my reading. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I have this long ritual when it comes to reading my own cards. I first cast a few Runes, as I do this I get the opportunity to learn about each Rune which I've found really resonates with me. I absolutely LOVE <a href="http://runesecrets.com/" target="_blank">Rune Secrets</a> and it is my go-to site when I want to connect with the Runes of the day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I also do a life spread and anchor which I picked up from this one Tarot How To book. I didn't really connect with the rest of the book but this spread has proven to be useful. I really like how it gives me a glimpse of every aspect of my life. I follow these spreads with my own extended version of the Celtic cross, which is quite long. And finally, I do a 6 different Oracle spread for overall guidance. I was doing this daily, which seriously takes FOREVER... but it feels right. I get so much information [sometimes too much] which helps me see where I am at any given moment. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">These readings even help me with spellwork! The runes specifically. I then get reassurance from the oracles and a better understanding of what's going on from the Celtic cross. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I've decided to cut back on my daily readings in order to focus on more tasks that I've been neglecting. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie2CbK4P2d8pw2__qSDZ3TR5jNlrhdKLA_Zkf00H5McA8ti3Dxx4jZT0EEjXSw9hEUJbb-Dhy-Rj7DhQUKJtOtjrYIVuDkmkH9M_1-LKLU26ZDmW0ZgMDFJGdUrinAmkLx28lyPYdBdsO_/s1600/522117_10151937473805942_1608113607_n1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie2CbK4P2d8pw2__qSDZ3TR5jNlrhdKLA_Zkf00H5McA8ti3Dxx4jZT0EEjXSw9hEUJbb-Dhy-Rj7DhQUKJtOtjrYIVuDkmkH9M_1-LKLU26ZDmW0ZgMDFJGdUrinAmkLx28lyPYdBdsO_/s320/522117_10151937473805942_1608113607_n1.jpg" width="319" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I have to admit that I'm a Tarot neebie. I'm enrolled in Jess Carlson's <em>In The Cards</em> Tarot class. It's an 8 week course that teaches us how to read the cards intuitively. I'm behind already as it was expected, but I'm learning so much from the group and the assignments that being behind isn't really as upsetting as I thought it would be. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I find it hard to keep up to my schedule and post as much as I'd like, I mean, come on, I'm suuuuper behind with the <a href="http://paganblogproject.com/" target="_blank">Pagan Blog Project</a>! There's always so much to do! I have sooo many unfinished blog posts from past weeks that I simply don't finish and therefore never post. :/</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">But alas, I am catching up with life... in every aspect. I'm working on myself, managing my time better without squandering my energy. It feels good. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">That's what I mean about Intuitive spellwork, I am getting great guidance from my oracle decks which are helping me optimize myself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I've come to the conclusion that I need to stay true to myself by any means necessary. I wasted so much energy trying <em>not </em>to help others during the past few weeks because I felt unappreciated, when in fact, it took more out of me to be selfish than to simply give. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I've accepted this... it's part of my life's purpose, so why fight it? </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwKVABf46_otcODbUYliDjqoTPQjGHVikoNJ2n3O4Wk-BuvPM5tvsTE45yAu6KfyFeUzFnZp5U5dRqvfNKQJUTpKL-zwIxEulPNvOmSd9H5Mqb-TNHnPCTV2fWHadw3dY6M5eskWebVN74/s1600/300070_10102592673363670_575018331_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwKVABf46_otcODbUYliDjqoTPQjGHVikoNJ2n3O4Wk-BuvPM5tvsTE45yAu6KfyFeUzFnZp5U5dRqvfNKQJUTpKL-zwIxEulPNvOmSd9H5Mqb-TNHnPCTV2fWHadw3dY6M5eskWebVN74/s1600/300070_10102592673363670_575018331_n.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I've been blessed with an apt ability for spellwork. Things just make sense, links happen even before I realize I'm working on a spell. Higher guidance shows me the way. It seriously amazes me how easy it is to come up with a strong spell that fulfills the exact needs of whatever issue I'm dealing with... it's uncanny. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I love that. Just earlier today I was working on some spellwork to help my sister and her boyfriend , the candle was positively humming with energy. The Runes I needed to complete the spell simply came to me. I trust that every single sigil used will help in it's highest way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I love magick. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I seriously kept muttering that to myself as I crafted... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Everything makes sense. Things fall into place right at the time when you mostly need them. You just have to trust... ask for help, and accept it. Trust that your magick will manifest because you've made it so, it's an incredible feeling. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8PpN-r6U-2YCyrbIsYKfY0Qpis-wPjG8QYF64qnUwxsaJ_T9vK75MS1VbAjgMxxbdXzs5iSZV9nJM-b4sGnuPz7bq79ali5g-uul3NlDcVf4kp47MXeWaJOLjPQl3MymOVuvKEBKSozAM/s1600/albert-einstein-intuition.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8PpN-r6U-2YCyrbIsYKfY0Qpis-wPjG8QYF64qnUwxsaJ_T9vK75MS1VbAjgMxxbdXzs5iSZV9nJM-b4sGnuPz7bq79ali5g-uul3NlDcVf4kp47MXeWaJOLjPQl3MymOVuvKEBKSozAM/s320/albert-einstein-intuition.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I love being in touch with nature, the elements, elementals and magickal beings that help and guide our every step. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Intuition is at times taken for granted. Fear is the cause of this. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I've let go of my fear. When you work from a place of love, you really can't do wrong. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I'm a young witch, confident in my abilities and eager to learn as much as the Universe has to offer... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I am open to all teachings. I love knowledge. The more we learn the better we understand ourselves, our surroundings, and others. I don't think I could give up my path... it's part of me as I am part of it and every single resonating energy within our Universe. </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-838146707944611507.post-81826083767107446742013-04-26T16:44:00.000-05:002013-05-02T01:07:01.932-05:00Inspiration That Moves Me (PBP 2013 wk 18)<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">All along it was a fever<br /> A cold sweat hot-headed believer<br /> I threw my hands in the air said show me something<br /> He said, if you dare come a little closer<br /> <br /> Round, and around, and around, and around we go<br /> Ohhh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know<br /> <br /> Not really sure how to feel about it<br /> Something in the way you move</span><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Makes me feel like I can't live without you<br /> And it takes me out the way<br /> I want you to stay<br /> <br /> It's not much of a life you're living<br /> It's not just something you take, it's given<br /> Round, and around, and around, and around, we go<br /> Oohhh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know<br /> <br /> Not really sure how to feel about it<br /> Something in the way you move<br /> Makes me feel like I can't live without you<br /> And it take me all the way<br /> I want you to stay<br /> <br /> Oohh oohh the reason I hold on<br /> Oohh oohh cause I need this hole gone<br /> Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving<br /> Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us <br /> is caving<br /> <br /> Not really sure how to feel about it<br /> Something in the way you move<br /> Makes me feel like I can't live without you<br /> And it take me all the way<br /> I want you to stay<br /> Stay<br /> <br /> I want you to stay ...</span> </span></span></div>
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<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The first time I heard this song I was moved to my very core... I felt it from the first note of the melody, until the last line of the lyrics. It touched me, it moved me, it haunted me... And then of course, I watched the video ... </span></span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I don't think I was really prepared for the honesty behind Rihanna's stripped down face. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Arial;">You can clearly see, feel, and touch her pain. For anyone who doesn't like Rihanna or judges her over the whole Chris Brown fiasco, I say, "Haven't you ever been in a toxic relationship?" </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Love is undeniably blind. We love because something in the other's soul speaks to us like no other. It awakens feelings in us that up until that point we never thought would be possible. Clearly, this isn't always ideal. Sometimes we fall for someone that doesn't deserve our love... but again, love knows no reservations. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I understand Rihanna's toxic love. I spent most of the last few years dealing with the aftermath of a heartbreak / unrequited love. I've come to realize that my "toxic" love is the result of past-life issues / karma. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I trust in higher guidance. My higher self / spirit guides / ancestors have no reason to lie to me. It's been a reoccurring theme during my readings... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Once I figured out the meaning behind our crossed paths I knew this whole thing was higher than myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I don't know what I did in my past life, --if I hurt him, or if he hurt me-- if we will continue to encounter each other in future lives until we fix this karmic unbalance.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The love I have for him will always be there... I understand now that we aren't meant to be together. I'm meant to help him in different ways. Which is where I'm focusing my energy now days. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I guess this song reminds me of the way I used to feel about him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I wanted him in my life so badly that I spent a lot of time missing what we used to have, wanting him back in my life... needing to feel that love which we once shared. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Things aren't that simple anymore... I know too much. I've seen too much... He's too damaged and oh so very lost. He's now part of my life, but things are SO different now... I know that what we have isn't the love I want, and that it will never be anything more than what it currently is... it sort of makes me feel the way Rihanna looks in her video. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Not because I need him, but because I no longer do... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It's a different kind of acceptance. Healing mainly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This song is haunting me, even now, as I write... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The first time I watched the video and saw Mikky Ekko I was lost for a moment... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Ekko looks so much like him, or the way he did when we used to be... which might be another reason why I'm so in love with this song. Ekko's shaggy hair reminds me of the past, of how we were, once upon a time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">"Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving." Is a line that touches me so deeply... he saved me from myself. He helped find myself when I thought all was lost. I love him for that. He helped me when I mostly needed of someone. He showed me love and I believed again... No matter what's happened between us, I can never regret that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I would like to do the same for him. Help him heal... help him become the man he's meant to be. Even and most importantly if that's not with me. This is one of my life's purposes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I don't know what the future holds for us. All I know is that I <strong>need</strong> to help him... I'm reaching real closure and I'd like to end all unfinished business before my next lifetime. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I've realized that my purpose in life is to help others. I was blessed enough to realize my true path... I'll admit that the road was full of pain and losses, and that I continue to suffer oh so deeply because I have issues that hinder me like nothing else ever has. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And yet, without all this pain and suffering I would've never discovered my true path. It's the sacrifice I must make in order to enlighten myself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I believe that all this I've endured and overcome will eventually bring me to the ultimate reward, happiness on earth. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I believe in the healing energy of Mother Earth, God & Goddess, the fairies, elements and Ancestors... I know they all want my happiness and will help me attain perfect health. How else do they expect me to fulfill my destiny? I need, no, I DESERVE, happiness and perfect health.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Trust and Believe that everything you need will come to you at the right moment in time... </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The Universe, with it's infinite knowledge gives us signs and guidance that eventually places us where we need to be. I trust with all my being ... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I'm deeply inspired to follow my path and make the necessary changes to stay true to my higher self. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span> </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08814176795321939661noreply@blogger.com0