Friday, April 11, 2014

Dare to Hope... Healing & Finding Happiness. (PBP 2014 wk 15)

For this week's post I decided to write about Hope, Healing and Happiness. Something that for me, goes hand in hand. I long with all my heart, to be truly happy. I know that what's keeping me from attaining this is my chronic health issues. Healing is an utmost priority.

I know that these issues I'm experiencing make me a better person, and when these fears and obstacles are conquered, it will make me a stronger individual. I know that if I wasn't experiencing this, I wouldn't be on this path...

I dare to hope.

I dare to hope that one day I will attain the perfect health I long for. I believe with all my heart that God & Goddess, Divinity, The Universe will align me in a way that will help me attain the healthy mind, body, and soul I seek.

I'm holding on to hope for dear life.
My faith keeps me anchored.

I believe in miracles and I know that Divinity will not fail me. I am after all, one with The Universe.

I long for Love. True unconditional love.

In the Tibetan meditation class I learned about attachment and conditional love.. We love with conditions. I want to simply love, unconditionally, and to be loved with as much intensity as my soul can handle.

I hope to find this love. Hope: That flickering light that holds on for dear life even in windy environments... the light that keeps your faith anchored, even when you're surrounded by darkness. That light of hope that assures you that in the end, you will find your happily ever after.

My heart wants... oh, it wants so much I can hardly hold it back. 

My Heart wants to give, it wants to love, it wants intimacy, it wants to care, to soar, and jump, it want's to rejoice and sing the sweet sweet melodies composed by the heart when in love. My heart wants to fall in love, and stay in love. It wants to experience the type of love soul mates have for one another.

My soul wants to be happy. My soul deserves to be happy.

I hope to find Happiness through Healing. After all, balance is the key to everything...  

During last month's New Moon, I worked on a Healing / Happiness crystal grid. I am working with my Angels and guides, with Spirit and of course, the crystal's and their magick / medicine. The grid feels good, it's definitely helping me deal with my own short comings. It's helping me with the changes I need to make, and to love myself above all.

I feel more grounded, yet light. I feel this energy shift is what helped me attract the guy I  met last Saturday. The Architect. A beautiful individual in every aspect of the word.

The last time I went out with the intention of meeting someone, my energy was so off that I ended with Emo A. The sexually confused emo guy.

This time around, I went out expecting little since we were headed to a gay art show.

The odds of finding an attractive male were of course in my favor, the odds of encountering an attractive "straight" male were zero to none. In spite of the odds, I still dabbed a couple of drops of Jess Carlson's Out All Night oil and walked out the door. I was ready for what the night would bring.

I was a bit hesitant when my best friend, Gordo, suggested we hit Barbarella (awesome bar in Austin Texas) after the art show. I wasn't ready to share him with his "other" woman but of course I obliged. I have a habit of saying "YES, LETS DO IT" (even when I don't feel like doing that particular "it.") While with my bestie, "no" does not exist. And, oh, am I glad.

As expected my friend got lost in chatter with his friends. I'm not a wallflower type, but didn't particularly feel like making small talk with the group. Sooo I walked off to the dance floor, I was there to dance after all. Plus, it was a regular night, which meant, lots of straight guys.

It seriously took me less than two songs to find the guy of my dreams.  ^_^

I was surrounded by a group of guys dancing the night away. Straight guys out dancing and having fun --that's the type of atmosphere you get a Barbs. There was this tall and attractive chubby guy that was coming on strong but in a cute silly way. He was hip bumping me and dropping it like it was hot right in front of me. It was amusing, but he wasn't it.

I was fully enjoying myself when all of the sudden I saw "Him" from across the dance floor, I smiled a few times, made eye contact and kept on dancing. I separated myself from the group of guys and next thing you know, He's next to me. He asked if I was "with the tall guy in plaid."  I clarified and told him I was there with my gay best friend, who was at moment having a drink by the bar, technically, I was there "alone." hehe The rest was history. He didn't let go of me all night. Even when he'd go to get me a drink, he'd leave me with his group of friends so I wouldn't stand / dance there alone. (Or so I wouldn't get "picked up" by another guy.)

The Architect is SUCH a gentleman! Tall, handsome, fit, beautiful and most importantly, eloquent, clever, witty and smart. He has the softest beard, just the right shade of light brown/blond and a very nice ass. Oh gosh, I'm crushing. HARD. :sigh: I love the way he approached me, how sweet and good looking he is, but most of all, I love his personality and kind heart. :sigh: Crush at first sight.

With most guys, I'll usually lose interest after I get to know the individual a little better. With The Architect, it's the complete opposite. The more I find out about him, the more I like him. I know it's waaay too soon but I'm daring to hope that maybe this can be something. His first text message was sent at 1:23 am... and another crucial message was sent at 3:33..  Even his phone number has a 444 in it. I mean, it definitely feels like something. :sigh: oh gosh, why do these signs feel like definite YES!?

Gordo LOVES him. In fact, he urges me to, (and I quote) "not fuck it up with this guy." He seems to be mesmerized by The Architect.
I'm not forcing anything, I'm just letting it be. I'm enjoying it to the fullest and allowing things to simply develop as they are meant to.

I dare to hope that maybe this individual will be a beautiful experience... I would love it if he was the one. I'm such a hopeless romantic...

I long to love... and I know the Universe will not disappoint.

I know I need to get back on track with my diet in order to control my chronic issues, I am determined to achieve balance of mind, body and spirit.

"I will, therefore I am."