Friday, December 13, 2013

Yearnings... (PBP 2013 wk 51)

Monday, December 16, 2013

I tend to fall behind and get sidetracked, it's my inability to fully juggle all the projects I'm currently working on. I feel, I take on too many things and sometimes have a hard time focusing all my energy into finishing one. I'm so behind with the Pagan Blog Project that we are now entering the last two weeks of it and I've skipped most of the entries. smh.

I will admit, and as much as it pains me to do so, that the main reason why I get the most sidetracked with my projects is because I get involved with someone and get lost in the excitement of the relationship. ... I'm aware this is not ideal, and quite honestly, it's quite annoying. I'm very intense about most things I do, I mean come on, I'm a Leo --passionate, intense, and loyal.

I'm not ashamed of my emotions, they are part of who I am; just as my passionate way of being is another aspect of the personality that defines me, my intensity makes me the care and love deeply. It's not ideal, but it's what makes me who I am.

I know I've discussed this in the past, it's a lesson that keeps reoccurring in my life, and I know it's a lesson that's party of my soul lesson's for this lifetime, in fact, my tarot profile shows the 3 of swords as a life lesson, which explains why the love department always manages to dishevel my life.

The most recent experience had me dragging for the past few weeks. I feel I'm back to normal, but who knows if I'm completely over it. More on this subject later, these are aspects of my life that I need to put in writing in order to learn from them better. I've spent my share of time meditating on the subject matter, and I've come to many realizations, but even though I know better, for some reason I'm still impulsive and somewhat careless of the consequences. I feel, that I rather deal with the aftermath rather than regret not acting on a gut feeling.

Since this post is about yearnings, I guess that aspect of my life fits since I yearn to have a loving, caring, honest, and sexually driven relationship with someone that is compatible with me and that will take me for who I am, flaws and all.

The main reason why I chose "Yearnings" for this week's post is because my yearnings are driving me towards what my soul wants. Or at least, that's how it feels. Life is finally aligning it self towards my higher purpose it feels. Or well, towards a goal I had given up due to unfortunate events and unexpected issues. I'd like to go back to school and finish my degree, specifically, I want to graduate from the University of Texas. I had to take a long hiatus from school, it was disappointing but necessary. The lessons I've learned along these years have changed me for the better, they've given me the skills I need to value and manifest my life and lead it towards a better future. I feel like I'm following my path. I had an intense strong heart chakra reaction while I was attempting to log into my school to request a transcript, I felt with all that I this intense need, yearning, want, and desire for this one aspect of my life I let go of not too long ago. I want this. ... and I will manifest it.

I'm currently in Austin, or well, an outside city, Leander. I've reconnected with my college Roommate. A very close friend of mine that has been a big part of my life. We lost contact, life got on the way and we both went our separate ways. We've been through much and we've grown and changed but our friendship is still intact. I feel incredibly blessed. ^_^

I'm big on signs and coincidences, I mean, I'm a witch after all. I'd been thinking about her a lot in November, her birthday came around and I contacted her. As it turns out, the Universe was working to reunite us. She finally dropped the deadweight from her cheating boyfriend and is now single. Her boyfriend hates me by the way. He believes I'm a lesbian and I want to be with my Roommate, haha. I mean, come on! If I were a lesbian, WE WOULD BE TOGETHER! haha Anyway, he's out of the picture, we are back in touch and I'm absolutely, positively happy about this.

My Roommate (that's how I call her actually,) bought a house out here and she's currently living alone :( ... I want to more than anything visit more often so she doesn't feel so lonely. When we arrived and I saw the number on her house, 403, I immediately liked it and felt like it was a good sign. Throughout these last couple of days I've gotten a really strong feeling like I should be here, in this area. I man, ALL of my closest friends live up here, I don't have any close friends my age back in Houston. UT is also here, my friend is single and living alone, when I mentioned to her that I had these very strong yearnings to move back here she immediately supported them and encouraged them. I could live with her, pay rent, work and go back to school. I'd get to see my friends and live the life I was meant to live, only this time around I'll be much wiser and prepared to achieve and succeed.

I want it badly. I don't think I can do it immediately, but perhaps within the next year or two I'll be able to pick up and move up here. In the mean time, I'll continue working on my immediate goals.

I feel big changes happening, and I am sooo excited to welcome them into my life.

I am loved by my loved ones, I am incredibly blessed, and I thank the Universe for providing me with what I need in my life in order to stay true to my path. :)