Friday, January 3, 2014

Messages from Ariel... (PBP 2014 wk 1)

January 6,2014

I can't believe a whole year has gone by and we're already starting a new Pagan Blog Project!!! I missed most of the entries from last years project due to external circumstances, procrastination, and general distractions, but I am fully committed to try again this year!

With all the energy from the New Moon / New Year alignment I was able to work on some release spells during the dark of the moon, and planting new seeds / New Moon Magick. Now, for some reason I've been procrastinating more than usual, I've been sleeping more, meditating more, daydreaming more.. and avoiding my personal tarot / angel readings, loud noises, and large crowds. {I seem to do this when I'm going through emotional stress.} As of now, I'm going with the flow of what my body needs, or seems to be asking for. I went through a high then low energy shift during last week / over the weekend, I was very active at first, accomplishing tasks, getting things done, etc and then my energy dropped and I got very emotional and sensitive and hormonal. {I'm blaming it on my cycle and choosing to ignore my love life here haha...although, my cycle coincided with the New Moon haha and I usually get hormonal BEFORE I get my period! haha oh gosh, I need a chakra realignment.}

I'll be honest about something, I didn't exactly go through the full rituals I had planned during the dark of the moon and the new moon celebrations, again, procrastination. I worked on a quick release negativity spell during new years eve, {as in, a few minutes before midnight hehe --the way I see it, this is still considered the dark of the moon since the New Moon was supposed to begin after 6am,} and worked on my goals with the new moon in Capricorn. I feel that's as much as I needed. There's another new moon at the end of the month, sooo, in a way, I kinda have a do-over in case there's any more release work. ^_^  There's this one spell I want to try, Indigo Witch shared it during the month of November, but again, I procrastinated haha. I told myself I'd work on that release spell during the December New Moon, but again, I missed the opportunity. Hopefully at the end of the month I'll be able to skyclad and release whatever I no longer need in my life. :)

I feel so bipolar at times; even this morning I was a bit sensitive, and now, I feel grounded and balanced. I've been going through highs and lows the past few days, I'm glad I've been able to regain some sort of balance with the help of the Angels and meditation. I had an "ugly crying" moment last night (I realized that the person I want in my life is not available the way I need him to be,) I meditated on the issues, asked the Angels for help and went to sleep. This morning I woke up feeling relieved, still a bit sensitive but relieved, and a lot lighter. I can't quite remember my dreams but I have a feeling something meaningful happened, in fact, most of the dreams I've been having lately have some big "AHA moment" feeling to them, but I can't seem to remember in the morning.

I feel better than I did last night, and what I keep discovering is that anytime I'm in distress and ask for help from guides and angels I'm usually comforted almost immediately. I'm learning to let go of the things I can not change and of the people that don't want to be in my life. I've been asking for signs, which is where this post originally came from, but even the signs were a bit confusing for a while.

The whole Ariel message has actually been repeating in my life for the past 3 months. These signs began in early October I believe because I remember thinking "wow another little mermaid costume" while out on 6th Street, Austin Tx during Halloween.

So, for the past few months I've been getting this very strong feeling that there's a message I need to understand that has to do with The Little Mermaid.... haha sounds crazy, I know. I thought so myself, but the more these kept repeating the harder it got to ignore.

I did a quick memory check to see what I could remember from the cartoon and how this could relate to my life and found nothing of importance. In a gist, Ariel falls in love with the prince, she gives up her legs becomes a mermaid, they defeat Ursula and end up happily ever after. Nothing major that relates to my life.

I forgot about this for another month or so, and then over the weekend of the dark of the moon a friend snapchatted me a video of the little mermaid, something they were watching in the middle of the night! how random! I figured, it was time to get to the bottom of this evasive message! 

I attempted to download the movie but encountered some issues, discussed my shortcomings with my cousin in Mexico and how I felt there was a message there. She shared the actual little mermaid story, which is a lot sadder than the Disney version. In a gist, the little mermaid sacrifices her legs, is in constant pain, refuses to kill her love in order to save herself and turns into foam. The messages we came across were of sacrifice for a loved one.

I thought about this and decided I needed more information. I finally got a hold of the movie and watched it. The Little Mermaid was one of my favorite movies as a child. I can't think of another movie I watched over and over other than The Lion King. I got some emotional reactions during certain scenes, these mostly dealt with love and intimacy. Issues I deal with more often than I'd like. So of course it was expected of me to get teary eyed. Ariel gave up a part of herself to be with her prince, and in a way, we sometimes give a part of ourselves up for a guy we want to be with... not ideal of course.

I sorta felt a bit of a pull over the Ursula deal. Sometimes I feel I let my dark side make decisions. I am not perfect, and I've made mistakes in the past, heck, I continue to make them from time to time. I get pissed and I think things I shouldn't be thinking about, these later happen or some version of these manifest and I can't help but feel a bit guilty{and this is only from my rants.}

So, after watching the movie, the messages I got were of sacrifice, and karma, unconditional love, and petty behavior. This still didn't feel completely right. I thought about simply writing what I had and then editing if I got any more insights in the future.

Then on Sunday I came across a quote that spoke to me {I was in my emo state bummed out about my current relationship status so this immediately called my attention.}

 "I desire the things which will destroy me in the end." - Sylvia Plath.

I shared this quote on Facebook and immediately became curious about the author. I remembered hearing about Sylvia Plath but in all honesty, I didn't really know much about her.

I found that she was an American poet and novelist, who suffered from depression throughout her adult life and eventually committed suicide.

DARK. isn't it?

I mean, I've personally dealt with depression in the past, and well, it's not a pretty place. I even considered suicide and was so low that I never thought I'd ever feel normal again, so of course I can relate. These signs began to feel a bit darker because of the nature of the subject, but at the same time, I felt strong enough and protected enough to trust that these were just messages I needed to be aware of, and not some ominous curse from someone that hates me and wants me dead by the ago of 30. Dark I know, but honestly, this crossed my mind.

I set aside my momentary fears and immediately wanted to know more about Sylvia Plath and her tortured soul. I got The Bell Jar and as many books about her as I could find on Amazon {wish list of course}. Along the way, I came across one of her later works, Ariel --a compilation of poems written after her first suicidal attempt. This book was published two years after her death by suicide. So of course, I got a hold of the pdf version of this book. I didn't get a chance to read all the poems, in fact I only read the one titled Ariel. Her poetry is raw and intense, and hard to understand. I've re-read this poem a few times and I still can't understand half of it.

Stasis in darkness.
Then the substanceless blue
Pour of tor and distances.
God's lioness,
How one we grow,
Pivot of heels and knees!--The furrow
Splits and passes, sister to
The brown arc
Of the neck I cannot catch,
Nigger-eye
Berries cast dark
Hooks----
Black sweet blood mouthfuls,
Shadows.
Something else
Hauls me through air----
Thighs, hair;
Flakes from my heels.
White
Godiva, I unpeel----
Dead hands, dead stringencies.
And now I
Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.
The child's cry
Melts in the wall.
And I
Am the arrow,
The dew that flies,
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red
Eye, the cauldron of morning.

                 -Sylvia Plath, Ariel.


{This moment actually feels like a deja-vu, I feel as if I've already performed these actions. Written a blog post, analyzed a poem, gotten incredibly confused and felt somewhat cloudy about the subject.}

But anyway, on to the Ariel messages... I thought I was done with the research part of this message, but then today, as I was catching up with my Angel Class course load I got another message. I was listening to the audio lessons and as I'm writing this blog post, Jess starts talking about the acronym for "FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real, we fear things that haven't even happened yet." We need to learn to face fear, step around it, and through it, we need to understand how this relates to our personal blocks with respect to our clairsenses and our ego, or false messages from the spirit world. This immediately jumped out of the recording. So I figured it had to do with my post. Shortly after, I hear her go over the archangels and she starts with Ariel, which means, Lioness of God. I get this YES! THAT'S IT feeling. Perhaps the message has been to connect more with Archangel Ariel all along. Sylvia Plath's Ariel poem mentions God's Lioness in reference to the Archangel. I still haven't processed the full poem, but the Archangel's reference is giving me the YES, THAT'S IT, sign.

After encountering these literary obstacles during the "Ariel messages" scavenger hunt, I got a sense of the many different issues and blocks in my life that are currently affecting my spiritual journey. I'm still not 100% sure that I've in fact deciphered the Ariel Messages fully, but it feels like I've gotten a good sense of what needs to be addressed.

From the Disney movie I got the sense that I can't give up major aspects of who I am for a guy or a relationship. If I must sacrifice for love, it must be reciprocated. Sacrifice and love go hand in hand, but I can't allow myself to get completely lost in the notion of falling in love with such desperation. From Ursula's connection, I reminded myself to make the right choices, not out of spite or obsession but out of what's right for my higher self. Obsession can turn into a downward spiral that will leave me where I was with my ex a couple of years ago.

From Sylvia Plath's Ariel, I got nothing. Other than the reference made to the archangel. I however feel a strong connection with this writer, and so I've decided to go back to basics and read The Bell Jar to become more familiar with her work. I have a lot on my plate already, but I feel that reading her poetry and books will give me a better understanding of myself and the depression I've suffered in the past.

We are entering the second half of Talk To Your Angels, an advanced level course I'm taking with Jess Carlson, and I know that I will get a chance to connect deeper to Archangel Ariel. Hopefully she will have more messages for me that will help and guide me towards the right path.

I'm excited about this new year and the beginning of this new cycle! I can feel the changes in the air and I'm loving it! I expect great changes, happy experiences, and tons of growth from this upcoming year. :)