C stands for Coven and Crazy, of course...
As a witch, I can relate. I know that our abilities are not supernatural the way t.v. portrays them to be. We certainly can't perform any of the 7 wonders, but sometimes, when we manifest our intentions, when we gain insight, or grow our abilities, well, it sort of feels a bit supernatural. I'm still incredibly amazed when I manifest changes or things I need in my life. I grow each and every day and I love it.
I've noticed my own clairsenses growing, specifically, my clairvoyance, which is the lowest clairsense I have. I'm not saying I can see into the future, or that I get meaningful visions just yet, but my meditations feel a bit more... what's the word I'm looking for? I don't know, they feel palpable, somewhat concrete.
I'm still learning how to control and accept these experiences. Some sessions feel as if I've made some major breakthrough --learned something new, reached a new level of understanding. I get this big AHA moment, but then, I fall asleep and when I wake up, the AHA moment is gone. I feel this is because I tend to stay in meditation longer than I should, and I have yet to gain full control of my visions or what they mean to me. So by the time I'm conscious again, I've forgotten everything. :/ As of the last few days, my dreams have had quite the number of BIG messages. I wake up with a feeling of understanding, like everything is moving along as it should. Like my questions have been answered, but of course, I don't remember any specifics. Practice makes perfect; I know that with patience and perseverance I'll grow this sense until I'm able to understand the messages I receive.
Which leads me to, The Bell Jar. I don't know if you remember but back in week one or two I posted about Ariel and how I felt there was a message there since I kept crossing paths with something that pointed towards the little mermaid. Silly I know, anyway, in the process, I came across Sylvia Plath's Ariel and consequently, The Bell Jar. At the time, I was going through a stage of self doubt. When I read the description of The Bell Jar, I immediately connected with the character, and this scared me a bit. I even felt it was like an omen that would pin point my demise. Haha Yea, CRAZY, I know. I feel like Esther narrating her inner dialogues and sharing them with the world.
I've been depressed. I've considered suicide, I've felt insane at times, irrational and very hopeless. I knew that reading this book would shine a light into those old painful memories. I was afraid.
I was afraid what this would unravel for me, of the hidden message this might bring to me. I was afraid of unleashing this omen that would change me for good. This book is the story of a woman falling into the grip of insanity. Sylvia Plath's novel is shockingly realistic and intensely emotional. I sympathized and empathized with her, I understood her darkness and her obsessions fall down the abysm. I came back.
I actually got the audiobook a few weeks ago, but was debating whether I should even listen to it. I meditated on it for weeks, and after one of those big AHA moments I learned that The Bell Jar was a message, not an omen.
When I finally got around to creating a playlist and I heard Maggie Gyllenhaal's voice, I knew I was in for a GREAT novel. I was immediately hooked, Sylvia Plath's descriptive narration engrossed my every sense and Maggie's narration has me wanting to hear this book all over again.
In my opinion, Esther wasn't insane, she was depressed. She was a woman like any other, obsessed with big and small matters, over thinking, over analyzing, lost and confused. She dared to speak and was written off as a hysterical insane woman and sent to the crazy house for shock treatment. If she had been treated with compassion and understanding by a doctor that had her needs in mind, she would've never hit rock bottom. But alas, this is what makes this novel so hauntingly intense.
I have yet to decipher the message that's attached to the whole Ariel / Sylvia Plath sign; and even though I'm curious about what this could mean, I'm also patient. I know that I will understand it right when I'm intended to; I learned a great deal about myself from reading Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. I'm intrigued by Plath and her work; next on my list, Ariel. I hope I will gain more insight into this Ariel message, but until then, I'll ask for clarity and see what I get.