Birthday Blues...

I guess I'm not so much blue as I am a tiny bit numb.

Today's my birthday... today marks yet another year of stagnation.

I've made much progress in my spiritual path, but I haven't made as much progress in my mundane life. I feel the weight of this major truth on my shoulders.

I'd like nothing more than to be successful in my craft. I know that this is the path I must follow, and that at this time, I'm developing my abilities. It is a time to search my inner soul for the guidance from my higher self. Like the Hermit, I must spend this time in seclusion in order to find my way.

I absolutely love this path, I just wish I had a way to make a living doing what I love. I love to help people, and I do this selflessly; making a difference in someone's life, helping them find hope and happiness through their own means is priceless.

I'd hate to be such a petty being at this time, I shouldn't put out negative thoughts out into the Universe. In a way, this isn't really negative, it's just an honest view of my current emotional state. I'd have to say that I'm feeling a bit numb... and a bit lonely.

I'm not celebrating or doing anything special today other than read my books, and clean my magickal room / study and my bedroom. I've got spell-work that I'd like to work on, but as of now, I honestly don't have the energy for it.

Ever since the Chakra Healing session I had with Jess, I've felt rejuvenated and balanced. I am thankful for this.

I can't help but compare myself to how I was last year, dealing with fucking Collin, a liar and a selfish cheat, promising all these things for his own benefit only to crush my dreams right on my fucking birthday. He ruined it. He's the single one person that's hurt me the most and I forgave him time after time... he certainly does not deserve a happy ending..  :sigh: He's had his influence over this month of course, changing plans once more, lying, showing me his true colors... he's such a joke. He'll get what he deserves soon enough...

If it wasn't for this Chakra alignment I would be a mess. Depressed, drowning in self pity.. crying myself to sleep because things haven't turned out as I'd wished them to be, because I'm lonely, because none of my friends are here to celebrate my birthday with me, and because they guy I have feelings for has yet to call me (and I doubt he will.) He's currently online, so it's not like he doesn't know. I even told him how difficult birthdays are for me earlier last week... I wasn't fishing for attention, it came out naturally, something I would share with my closest friends. There's no excuse for him not to call me or even leave me a message on my wall... I mean, facebook reminds you... :Sigh:

Given my track record on how depressing my past birthdays have been, I would've been a mess today, instead, I'm calm, and cool ... a bit emotional and somewhat numb, but not overwhelmed.. if that makes sense.

I'm a bit bummed at the current relationship I have with my sister. For the past month, we've been not speaking. I don't know what's going on with her and I don't have the energy to decipher her actions. I just feel she's selfish and still somewhat immature, causing pain because she's experiencing it and refusing to acknowledge that her selfishness affects others. I mean, she's currently downstairs with her boyfriend... she's invited people over to drink and smoke, and all the while ignoring the fact that I'm here... completely alone. I mean, she wished me a happy birthday over facebook... facebook. This stings. I would honestly much rather have an empty house today so I can be alone with my thoughts than this moronic nonsense they are doing. How sad is this? It's borderline depressing.

I'm overwhelmed by emotions now. The Chakra session closed and aligned my overactive heart chakra but this doesn't keep me from feeling altogether.... well, at least it's not overwhelming. :sigh:

I wish I had someone who cared for me... and I'm not saying that I don't have people that do, because I know I have friends that love me unconditionally. I just mean in the sense of a loving partner. One that would be happy to celebrate my birthday even when I'm not, one who would drag me out of the house and refuse to have me skip out on doing something special... or at the very least, one that will crawl in bed with me and simply cuddle, watch a movie or love me.

.... so much for my numbness. ha-ha.

I don't like to be petty this way. It's unnecessary. I'm sure I sound like an ungrateful child complaining about being all alone on a day that marks my birth and nothing more... I don't like this about myself right now. It's petty of me...

I know how blessed I am, how thankful I am for the people I have in my life, the gifts I've been blessed with in this lifetime... There is much to be happy about... I am alive. I might not have the job I want, the relationship I long for, the love I yearn for... the health I desperately need... but I have loving friendships and caring friends and a family that loves me in spite of my shortcomings. I am very much thankful for this.

I think I will take a cleansing bath and see if it helps lift my spirits.

I just finished watching The House of the Spirits, and got so enthralled by this movie that I cried for a bit during some of the scenes. I'm not completely numb, since I can still relate and feel. I know that if I get into that mindset of thinking and obsessing on the things I'm lacking in my life at this time I will certainly fall into depression. So I choose to get lost in a good book.

I've got a handful of books I'm in the process of reading. La Casa de los Espiritus is one of them. I should've waited and finished the book before watching the movie, but somehow, the movie called my attention.... besides, the movies never meet up to the expectations one has after reading the book.

I have to remember to breathe and have patience. There's a lesson in today that I've yet to see or appreciate.

A nice hot bath and some time alone will certainly do me good. :)  There's so much to do... I'd like to get some progress done before the day ends... but I won't force myself, I need to be gentle with myself.

Perhaps, meditation will clear my mind and center me once more.

Lets see what the rest of the day has waiting for me...

Nauthiz, the Rune of Necessity (PBP 2013 WK 29)

http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/nauthiz

"Consciousness is the Necessity."

"That which does not destroy me makes me stronger." -Nietzsche

 

I absolutely love Rune Secrets, I've been meaning to get the book, but according to reviews, the site posts have more information and depth. For this week's post I've decided to talk about Nauthiz, pronounced "Not-this." It literally means "need-fire" or "necessity."

 

This is the 10th rune of the Elder Futhark, it comes after Hagalaz the rune of crisis or radical change. Nauthiz's key concepts are of need, resistance, constraint, conflict, and drama. It's energy also has to do with efforts, necessity, urgency and hard work. Nauthiz literally means "need-fire," it's energy is of transformation through action and necessity. It has to do with life lessons, creative friction, distress and force of growth. It relates to our individual growth through different experiences, the consequences of past actions, short term pain for long term gain. It's the process through which we learn from our mistakes and grow as individuals.

 

The Nordic name for this rune is Nied, and it's one of the three great runes of delay. According to Lisa Peschel, Nied counsels you to be patient. "You may find yourself enmeshed in delays, constraints, ill health or oppression, but this rune indicates that tiresome though these may be they will work out in their own good time, and no amount of haste or worry on your part will cause them to work out any faster."

 

In The Runes, Peschel explains that "Nied always indicates a time of passing through a difficult learning situation. This time is known as "crossing the abyss" by many occult writers and is often a time of extreme emotional travail. However, meeting this emotional challenge head-on and conquering your fear of it can be the catalysts that drives you to overcome whatever obstacles may appear in your path later."

 

Just like Nietzsche's quote above says, "that which does not destroy me makes me stronger." The energy of this rune incorporates resistance, need and our personal efforts to gain the growth and knowledge of the lessons we experience with each obstacle we overcome.

 

Nauthiz or Nied speaks of necessity, urgency, it reminds us of what must be done, the hard work we need to put into experiences and situations in order to reap the benefits or learn the lesson at hand. 

 

In divination, its meaning encompasses resistance leading to strength, the recognition of örlög (ultimate law, primal truth), the need for fire or self-reliance. Personal development and life lessons, innovations, achievements through efforts, or constraint of freedom, distress, toil, drudgery, laxity, warnings, worry, guilty, moral cowardice, unfulfilled or unrecognized needs. 

 

Tis rune ay also signify a need to think twice before taking on any new projects, for it shows tat at this time you have neither the ability nor the energy at hand to carry them successfully. This rune nearly always implied failure, and it advises you to hold fast, stay as you are, and conserve your energy for the moment.

 

Peschel explains that this rune indicates your needs as opposed to your wants, and when it appears, you should ask yourself if you are distressed over minor inconveniences which you may be selfishly blowing out of proportion, or if you truly have a problem.

 

Tyrel's analysis of this rune explains that it governs the strength to overcome distress or negative örlög, it helps you accept the unchangeable, with the development of magical will and the manipulation of wyrd. This rune helps you understand the dynamic forces of "resistance" in the process of creating. Nauthiz inspires you to generate creative energy for problem solving, it helps you protect one's own needs and recognize them too. According to Tyrel, this rune can be worked for love magick, especially to obtain a lover.

 

The following excerpt is from Tyrel's Notes on Nauthiz:

 

Without resistance, form would fall apart. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It is the basic resistance of unconscious forces against newly evolved consciousness, but also the overwhelming need for evolution of consciousness, and that unconscious resistance to it.
The mysteries of necessity are at the core of Nauthiz. It is central to manipulating Wyrd so that desired outcomes can be attained through negotiating with the energies of the Norns. Invoking need is more powerful than wishing, but what we need and what we desire are not always the same. In this sense, Nauthiz can protect us from ourselves, but its lessons are often harsh. The force of the past exerts its effect on us in the present. Previous action catches up with us and attempts to restrain and restrict future action, which is the counter-movement of the cyclical processions of JERA. However, armed with humility we can learn our lessons from not only our own errors, but the mistakes and successes of others.
Action governed by Nauthiz is rooted in common sense. The magic of common sense is that it is not so common, because our desires and ideals eclipse our true need and perception of real circumstances. As a war rune, Nauthiz empowers the invoker to have the courage and wisdom to recognize what must be done in an otherwise complex situation. Necessity is the mother of invention. No pain, no gain. It is connected with the harshness of reality, like Hagalaz.
We have a painful fear of necessity and a love hate relationship with our needs. This is illustrated most excellently in the symbol of Nauthiz as two sticks rubbing together to create the ‘Need-Fire’. Our need for fire as a species is balanced with our fear of the power of fire. Consider this well and you will develop a profound understanding of this rune.

  

On Matters of The Heart... (PBP 2013 wk 26)

My heart rules who I am, my higher self. I follow my heart and honor my feelings; I'm aware that these feelings in me need to be nurtured, whether they're good or bad. 

Love happens when you least expect it. We encounter all these people that are meant to teach us a certain lesson during our lifetimes; sometimes they stay in your life for extended periods of time, and other times they're only with you momentarily. Regardless of the situation, they were meant to cross paths with you and you should cherish the time you had to spend with them. 

I'm completely aware of this major truth; I know that our lives are constantly in a state of change, evolving and growing to better connect with our higher selves. Somehow, the lessons do not get any easier to master, the feelings and emotions that come with caring about someone, loving them even, do not become any easier to understand. 

:sigh: 
 I'm in the middle of understanding why I'm feeling the way I am about a certain someone, "J". I'll admit that I never expected to feel this way about this guy. In fact, he was extremely annoying right from the start.

Isn't that the way it usually goes? You fall for the one you never expected... 

 I wasn't even attracted to him. I tolerated our interactions because somehow he awakened a feisty aspect of me; I enjoyed debating issues, proving him wrong, just having a conversation.  
Getting to know someone of the opposite sex with the same astrological sign is definitely a challenge. It pin points a lot of your own flaws, it makes you see how your behavior affects others, it opens your eyes to the reality of your personality's core.
If you can get through this, if you can learn from each other, the relationship has a chance. 

He seemed to be getting attached at first, and when I didn't reciprocate he pulled away. It's not that I didn't feel anything, because the Gods know I did. I just needed time to sort out my feelings; not rushing was the key for me, and I felt he was pressuring me. 

"J" pulled away, I was hurt. I pulled my self together and shrugged it off, life goes on. 

He came back into my life, this time as friends only. I welcomed this, friendship was something I could definitely deal with. The expectations of starting a new relationship put way too much pressure on me. He was in the process of getting to know another girl, and even though part of me felt jealous, I knew this was the best situation for the both of us. 

His attempts at starting new relationships failed, and time after time I was there for support. I cherished the friendship, his honesty, the fact that he genuinely cared for me... we developed this sort of "flirtationship" which kept the relationship interesting and fun. 

We, or well, he, talked about being together. He'd say things like "You know, we fight like an old married couple." And when I'd question him about whether this was a good or bad thing, his response would be that it definitely wasn't bad. There were so many hypothetical situations that involved the both of us being together that I really couldn't help myself, I wanted to be with him. 

The second I realized he could hurt my feelings I pulled away. I needed to regain some sort of balance; I don't like feeling sad, or upset over a guy. We had so many arguments, some playful other's with some basis to them; he'd hurt my feelings often due to misunderstandings --it wasn't his intention, I'm just too sensitive, and when I care I tend to over analyze and take things to heart-- and after he'd realize this, he'd apologize, he'd call and we'd talk things through. I honestly don't make a habit of picking up when I'm upset, but somehow, I'd always pick up for him. He was trying, no one can deny this. Leo's have difficult personalities. But our heart, our heart is loyal and giving and so very honest. Perhaps this was one of the major factors that I loved so much about him... 

:sigh: 

It's only been over two weeks since we last exchanged messages... 23 days since I last heard his voice. June 1st was the last conversation... I might have overreacted with our last exchange of messages. I was sensitive because I hadn't heard from him since our last call, and given how things had gotten between us, I was feeling a bit neglected... and then, I received a half-ass response. I mean, come on. I deserve a little more than a two-word response.... I simply gave up. 

I could not continue this way, getting my feelings hurt over and over and over again, and for petty things, things that shouldn't upset me as much as they did... I felt it was unnecessary. 
  Why should I feel bad about myself? Why should I feel inadequate when I know how amazing and loving I am. When I know I have nothing but love to offer... 

I know I'm overly sensitive, I also know that this helps me connect to humanity better... I know that my sensitivity and my ego keep me a bit doubtful and afraid of getting hurt again. Love can hurt, it can break us, it can change us forever... I work my magick with my heart, and I can't work my magick when my spirits are low.

I've been in love before, and I've had my heartbroken too... It left me numb for so long that when I started feeling again I honestly could not handle these emotions.  It took me so long to be able to feel again that once I recovered this very essential part of me I promised myself I would never let go of it again. I don't like feeling jaded, or like there's no point to life's happiness. Love makes the world go round, it gives us the ability to connect with others, give freely and without restrain, and find the wonders of life which makes us dare to dream.

I know that timing is of essence, the Angels have given me this message many times before. I know that anything I want or need will come to me when I am ready and not before. How is it possible that after having all this knowledge I'm still hurting?

My eyes burn with unshed tears, my throat closes, my chest tightens, I miss him...
And it's not like I'm not keeping busy. I'm studying, learning, expanding my knowledge, my tarot and Angel communication classes keep me busy. My family keeps me busy too, I have all these tasks, chores, and magickal to-do lists that keep me occupied...

If I know this major truth about love and the Universe, why is it that I'm still missing him?
He knows how I feel, given my behavior and the talks we've had he's more than aware that I feel for him more than a simple friendship. Isn't that what he wanted? for me to feel as much as he felt for me?

:sigh: As I write this post this song came up ... it's kind of like this...
 
 

 

Take time to realize,
 That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
 Take time to realize,
 That I am on your side
 Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

 But I can't spell it out for you,
 No it's never gonna be that simple
 No I cant spell it out for you

 

 If you just realize what I just realized,
 Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

 

Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by.. Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
no its never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

 If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

 It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

 If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realized what I just realized

 

But like the song says, "I can't spell it out for you.."

 

Maybe what I feel is what I'm supposed to feel. There's a lesson here, I know this. I'm just too close to decipher it. Maybe we aren't meant for each other, and that's ok. I still wish I had my friend... I miss him.

 

I realize that this distance is necessary and it's showing me what I need to feel.

 

This doesn't keep me from thinking about him from time to time, and I know with all that I am that he HAS to be thinking of me too. I know this. My mind is very strong, I've proven this time after time.

 

Just last week a guy I was sort of interested in a few years ago crossed my mind. He's also a Leo, and it reminded me how prideful and dignified Leo's can be. We had a fall-out and that was the end of that. I hurt his Leo pride and he pretty much said I'M DONE.

 

This guy crossed my mind for less than a minute... guess who's contacting me this week? That same guy. From a single thought. This happens anytime any guy crosses my mind, I'll think of them and they contact me, call me or text me.

 

How is it possible that I've been thinking of "J" on a daily basis and all with no result? I know he's thinking of me... I know this. But he won't contact me, and I honestly can no longer put my feelings on the line. It sets me back a couple of days every time I've given in, I end up getting my feelings hurt... it's not something I like. 

I don't know where this will lead me, or what the outcome will be. I am trying my best to give other guys a chance.

The night the other leo guy crossed my mind, I'd been crying over "J," I'd given in to my sensitive emotions and I just let it out. I had a conversation with Goddess and asked why I was feeling that way, why I had feelings for someone that didn't reciprocate the way I needed... the other leo guy crossed my mind and I knew that one of the Leo traits was pride, and pride keeps us from reaching out even when we want to. I let these thoughts go and went to bed.. and within a few days, the other Leo guy contacted me. I know Goddess sent me a little distraction, someone compatible that would keep my mind occupied for the time being...

The other Leo guy, "M" seems to be ready for something more meaningful this time around. We spent most of that night discussing religion and the occult. He's an intelligent guy, and he seems to be drawn to my thirst for knowledge. I feel I might be able to open up completely and tell him about my path when the time is right, and IF he sticks around long enough for us to have that talk. The simple fact that he doesn't view religion as most people do, gives me the sense that there might be a chance for him to be accepting of my spirituality.

I don't know what the future holds for me... I'm taking it one day at a time. I have faith and hope that wherever I'm heading, is the right place for me.

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soulmate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.” ― Marilyn Monroe 

 

 

The Moon is in Leo, time for some Lunar Magick (PBP 2013 wk 25)

The Moon is currently on the sign of  Leo until Friday 5 am central time. I like to follow Dr. Loretta Standley's moon void calendar.  Her moon void tables are like no other I've ever seen. She believes that when the moon is in transition it's hard to focus, things sometimes go awry or are misunderstood and the energy is overall a bit chaotic. She compares a moon void with the tedious task of moving to a different residence and the stress we feel when we are going through the process. I agree. I personally HATE moving. I don't like the packing process, and consequently the unpacking and set up. It is one of the most stressful situations one can go through in life. 

I'd originally planned on casting some spells to help me open my psychic senses, but of course life got in the way. I've been wanting to make a pendulum for almost a year, this Wednesday seemed perfect since there was New Moon last Saturday and the moon was in my sign. 

Tuesday and Wednesday had some unexpected plans. Family came to visit from out of town and they decided to stay the night at the last minute. Sooo I was busy with them mostly.

I thought they'd be leaving early Wednesday, which would give me enough time to catch up with my Angel Class, the blog posts, and my spell-work, but of course that also did not happen. Since I had to give up my bed, and sleep on the couch, I was drained and tired for most of the day. I've also got a college paper due Monday and other than research, I've done nothing. 

I feel like I've taken a bigger bite than I can chew, I'm not entirely overwhelmed but I'm falling behind. I work best under pressure, and I know I can get the paper done in no time. Stress actually gives me the kick I need to get it done. The rest, like the blog posts, and my angel class study definitely needs a push. There's so much I want to do but I'm always busy doing things for other people. I need to focus. 

I didn't want to completely miss the energy's moon in my sign, so even though I was tired by the end of the day Thursday, I decided to try a quick meditation and then I'd get on with my magickal to-do list. 

After my Angel meditation I took an uncrossing bath to remove any blocks or negativity I might have been carrying with me. 

As of the last few days, I've been feeling somewhat emotional. I know that I talk about my outbursts of emotions way too much, but it's part of who I am. 

I'm an emotional being, I'm in touch with my feelings and I express them openly. As of lately, love had been on my mind. I feel a bit lonely and somewhat disconnected from the previous links I'd made with this one guy in particular. We have a "flirtationship" that keeps us in the "friend" zone. We care about each other, we, have feelings for each other {or well I know for a fact that he had feelings for me at a certain point,} and we both know that there is something special there. Distance is the obstacle. Our flirtationship got a bit more real for me, and for a while it affected me more than I wanted to admit. Since then, I've maintained some distance in order to avoid feeling neglected. It's worked to a certain extent... 

I don't like feeling this way, and I know that timing is of the essence. This relationship is simply not meant to be, so I should not push it and I should not get overwhelmed by the fact that I feel lonely. I don't like feeling sad, and not having him reciprocate at the level my feelings were resonating hurt. So detachment and distance were necessary. 

Anyway, I attempted the light meditation before I took my cleansing bath. It took me into a dream state that depicted some emotional scenes with family members... I don't believe that it was for more than a few minutes, yet I know I was dreaming.

I was tired and sleepy and all I wanted to do was take a nap, but my naps are never really naps, they last 4-6 hours and sometimes all night.The short dream state lasted for about 20 minutes, or so I think; when I woke up, I felt refreshed and somewhat confused. I didn't even notice I'd fallen asleep, I was meditating and then went into this dream. It all happened so fast, I must have gone into REM sleep pretty quickly since that's the only phase where we have actual vivid dreams. 

I had my cleansing / uncrossing bath, and as I soaked I meditated. 

I worked on the light meditation as directed by Jess, and once again I got a purple / indigo light ... I've yet to figure out which Angel this color is associated with. I kept seeing this light pull me towards the center. It'd start off large and move towards the center. I kept trying to see what it was trying to show me but all I got was that pulling sensation. I then was engulfed by this indigo light; shapes swirled in front of me, but I couldn't make anything specific. I'll try it again today. 

I have a lot of work to get through and not enough motivation, but I definitely wanted to work some magick before the moon went into void again. 

There's a waxing moon in Leo, which means I can continue to attract anything I want to make my life better. 

I managed to tackle every magickal spell I had in mind before the moon left my sign. I worked some prosperity spells, some defensive magick and love/friendship magick. It all felt great! 

I've already discussed the different phases of the moon in a previous Pagan Blog Project post. This post discusses the best time for Lunar spell-work. Timing is the key. 

The Triple Goddess' energy is always present. We can work with her energy according to the many phases it goes through, from waxing to waning, full and new, each moon phase provides you with the energy you need to manifest your desires, it all depends on whether you want to remove things from your life or attract them. 

Everything you need comes to you at the right time. Patience is the key. You believe, you trust and you thank The Goddess for her help and soon enough you'll find the clues that will show you that your spell-work was in fact successful. ^_^

I know that my work will come to fruition, I no longer have doubts. That's the beauty of the this path, you get what you put into it, attract what you put out into the world. It's quite wonderful and the more I learn, the more I fall in love with it. 

Learning to Listen and Love with Laguz ... (PBP 2013 wk 24)

"Our future selves call us from infinite pasts, and each night are eroded with our dreams."

This week I've decided to focus on Laguz for my Pagan Blog Project post. All the information found here comes from my favorite Rune site, Rune Secrets, a study community that helps with their meaning and personal development. I'm also reading A Practical Guide to THE RUNES by Lisa Peschel. It's a small pocket book that fits perfectly in my bag of divination tools. I won't go into detail citing each entry but I am giving full credit to both these authors for the information provided below. 

Laguz, or Lagaz has been making an appearance in my weekly readings. I debated it's meaning since I'm not that familiar with this rune, and it's appearance is quite recent. 

I'm highly emotional and as of lately I've been feeling a bit melancholic and lonely. I don't wallow in self pity, in fact I allow these feelings to emerge and flow, I address them and remind myself that everything has a connection to the bigger picture of life. 

I'm enrolled in a tarot and Angel class that basically helps us develop our intuitive senses; the times Laguz has come out, it reminds me that intuition and love are in the picture. This may be because this rune, pronounced "Log-uhz," literally means water or ocean. The element of Water usually deals with intuition and emotions, inspiration, healing, and love. The esoteric meaning of Laguz is the unconscious, the collective memory. 

Rune Secrets states that Laguz is the rune of the unconscious context of becoming or the evolutionary process. It is the Rune of Life's longing for itself. 

Lisa Peschel describes Lagaz (Laguz) as a rune of intuitive knowledge which during a reading indicates you should follow your intuition closely in the matter in question. 

Lagaz is the principal female rune; if the querent is female, it usually represents her and it indicates that no matter what troubles beset her, she will be more than capable of dealing with them. If a man is the querent, this rune shows the presence of a strong and supportive female, possibly the most important female in his life. 

Rune Secrets describes the energy of Laguz as the life energy, the ocean spirit, the origins of life, the collective unconscious, the astral plane, love as unity and evolution. 

This rune governs trans-personal powers, the mastery of emotion in order to shape wyrd. 
Laguz governs guidance through difficult initiatory tests, an increase in vitality and life force, and the communication between your conscious mind to another's unconscious mind. 

This rune is about the development of a "second sight" or prophetic wisdom, all the powers of dreaming, lucid dreams, and astral projection. 

Laguz aids with the ability to develop and see with a clairvoyant sense; this rune can be used in establishing a communication link from your conscious mind, under willful intent, to the unconscious mind of another. 


"Water is the symbol of unconscious and invisible Life forces. All of life is dependent on water, and therefore Laguz represents the universal ocean, the supreme unity of all life: past, present and future." 

Without water we can not survive. 
Our bodies are made up of 50-60% of water; aside from the nourishment we get from food, water is absolutely necessary and we are dependent of it's life force.

Every living thing that surrounds us needs water to survive, this very important link connects us to absolutely everyone and every living thing, like a living network that connects us as it flows through us, water is life.  

"Water is a psychically chargeable medium." 

The Beings of the West govern this element, and guide our intuitive senses. Water is transparent and it'll take the shape of it's container, water will fit anywhere; and just like water our feelings and emotions flow through us to shine a light on whatever issues need addressing. 

As of lately, I've been very much in touch with my emotions.

These are not dooming feelings associated with irrational outbursts, they are more of an empathetic synchronicity with anything that relates to matters of the heart. 

I honestly can not help myself. Something will resonate with me, and next thing you know I am experiencing this knot in my throat, stinging in my eyes, and tears that flow freely.

I honor these emotions. 
If they are there, it must be for a reason. 
I rather feel than be numb. 
I allow them to flow through me, out of me, and back into the Universe. 
These feelings and emotions need to be released, and they keep me connected to humanity. 

Connecting with the element of water keeps me linked to my intuitive senses. My dreams offer a window into my unconscious and point out and highlight anything that may be happening in my life. 

Every time I connect with the elements I ask for guidance so that I stay true to each; I strengthen the bond I have with the elements during circle each and every time and in turn, I have a direct line with each. I don't complain, even when my emotions are running high, I couldn't, this link keeps me true to myself. It is my duty to grow, learn, and follow my higher self into enlightenment. 

Kitchen Witchery Keeps Me Sane... (PBP 2013 wk 22)

I'd like to think that the art of cooking has been in my blood since I was a child. I started cooking, or well, I was attracted to the kitchen from an early age.

I clearly remember watching my mom cook our delicious meals daily, and sometimes, I was even allowed to help her flip tortillas. There's a key to cooking flour tortillas the right way, you flip them 3 times: you put it on the "comal" and allow the surface to bubble a bit leaving it undercooked, you flip it and allow the second surface to cook completely, you'll know this because the tortilla will start puffing up like a balloon, you then flip it back to the first surface and allow it to finish cooking. I was about 7 years old, and I absolutely fell in love with the kitchen.

As the oldest sibling I've always been in charge of feeding my two younger sisters. Both of my parents worked, and I was given the responsibility of taking care of the household from an early age.  I spent most of middle school and high school in the kitchen cooking dinner for my sisters and my parents lunch for the following day. 
 
I can't say that I always liked this responsibility, in fact, there were times when it overwhelmed me, but I had to do what I had to do in order to help my family. 
 
As I grew up, my love for the kitchen only evolved. I have this natural ability to create savory and flavorful dishes out of mostly anything.
 
My soul card is the Empress, and I feel it clearly depicts my motherly nature. I absolutely love feeding people. I love it more when my food gets positive reviews. I sometimes worry that people will not like my food because I tend to improvise on the spot, but most of the time it turns out pretty yummy.
 
I feel the same way about spellwork. I'll find a spell that speaks to me, and I'll adapt it to resonate with who I am. I'm quite good at coming up with meaningful spells that get the job done.
 
When I first was introduced to The Kitchen Witch through my eclectic path, I knew that I possessed the ability and inspiration to make magickal meals that would not only nourish my loved ones but also help them with whatever needs they had.
 
I'm still the cook of the household. My mother no longer cooks, she's lost her touch he-he. My youngest sister and roommate doesn't know how to cook, so of course I am in charge of the kitchen. Which actually helps me, and consequently them to live harmoniously.
 
Every meal I make, is full of protection, love, and prosperity. My herb garden is full of all the ingredients I need to fill my meals with the magickal kick they need. I have a pantry full of dry herbs and a head full of knowledge.
 
I'm not saying that we are perfect, in fact, my family clashes quite a bit. I've found that through cooking I can deflect a lot of tension, drama and negativity. I cook with love and it shows in every meal.
  
Not to toot my own horn, but I can honestly whip up a meal out of whatever I find in the fridge and pantry. My repertoire of meals includes traditional Mexican meals, American cuisine, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, south American food, and eclectic meals which I can adapt in almost any fashion. I'll add a pinch of magick and voilà, a filling, nutritious meal, that's not only delicious but magickal.

Cooking honestly keeps me sane. I clear my head from whatever issues or drama that's currently afflicting the family, and the meal just comes to mind. I know exactly which ingredients I should use to maximize the spell's strength, --which will help them release stress, deflect negativity or attract money-- and I'll just cook up a storm.

I've embarked on the journey towards perfect health. After my 5 day veggie juice cleanse I thought I'd be able to turn vegetarian, but of course, that wasn't the case. I love meat, chicken, and fish waaay too much to give it up. So, instead, I've compromised with myself. I still have no intention of consuming carbs or sugars, which is absolutely HARD AS HELL!!! I've come to the conclusion that I will eat solids which will include meat, chicken or fish along side a large serving of veggies on the days that I can eat and on the other days I'll do my veggie fast. This way I can give my body a rest in between processing food. I've already lost about 12 pounds and I've been doing this since last Wednesday.

I'm optimistic about this journey. It is hard, but it will be worth it. I have to keep praying for help from the angels and guides. It's so hard not to eat sweets and carbs. As of the past couple of days I've been going through carb withdrawal and it's kicking my ass.

Just last night I made dinner, my own concoction of course. There was some week old cinnamon bread and whole grain bread that I definitely wanted to utilize, so I made bread pudding. And let me tell ya, it was PACKED with sweets and yummy goodness. I did not try it of course, but I was sooo close to breaking my diet. Even now, I want to walk downstairs and stuff my face with at least 3 pieces of that yummy goodness. But I won't. I've come to far to give in to temptation.

I am constantly craving subway sandwiches, flour tortilla tacos, and sweets. Withdrawal is raging within. I need help. I've worked on some spellwork to help me through this, and I have faith that I will get through it. I have a hard road ahead of me but I have the will to carry me through it.

I'm excited, and hungry but I rather take care of my body than give in to my cravings.

Juicing, Oracle Messages & Magick (PBP 2013 wk 21)

I've taken on the challenge of healing all my problem areas. I want to be healthy and happy... truly healthy. I want a real relationship, actual intimacy, and love. I want to not be afraid of what relationships bring.

I want to be everything I am meant to be. My body is my only temple and I have not taken good care of it. It's been mistreated and abused for way too long and I've suffered the consequences for longer than I can handle.

I tried the 21 day meditation challenge - Journey to Perfect Health, but didn't make it past week 1. I'm giving it another go, along with some magickal work that will support my need to become dis-ease free.

For a while I'd lost hope in finding the solution to my problems. I'd almost given up on myself when I got very clear messages that urged me to keep at it.

My weekly readings have shown me that I should expect a miracle in the most peculiar of ways.

I was doing a daily reading with my oracle decks and my tarot deck, but decided to switch to weekly readings instead. I've started to work with vision boards and I'm finding it very useful to meditate on the cards I pull during each reading. I feel that a week is enough for me to truly understand the message the oracles give me. I currently have the oracle cards that I pull on my wall, I've included affirmations, positive thoughts and the daily mantra from Journey to Perfect Health.

I work with Earth Magic, Healing with the Fairies, Romance Angels, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Michael and Oracle of Shadows and Light. I know that it may seem a bit over the top, but I've found that when I work with different decks I get a bigger picture of the areas that are important in my life at that given time. I shuffle and pull one card of each deck in that order. The messages are usually pretty clear.

For the past two weeks I've gotten the same messages from four different decks. One week I got Expect a Miracle Healing from Archangel Raphael and Innocence from Archangel Michael. At the time, I was hoping that the Miracle would manifest but didn't really understand the Innocence card. After that week was over, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I almost gave up. It was an emotional week, I had a fall-out with a guy I'd grown attached to, things seemed to simply fall apart.

Imagine my surprise when in my moment of despair I did my reading, and guess what came out as my first two cards. Childhood / Innocence from the Earth Magic deck and Miracle Healing from Healing with the fairies.

Message received!

This was just the message I needed to hear. I was filled with hope once more. I knew my guides were giving me a very clear and specific message. They were urging me not to give up on myself.

It's like I got a second wind.

There was a new moon that week and I decided to ask for help and guidance. I needed support, so I harnessed the energy from the new moon and asked for help. I worked on a cleansing bath / road-block remover and felt really positive afterwards.

I was still dealing with my guy issues, but definitely felt way more positive, stronger, determined. I did my reading the following Monday and in spite of my doubts over my love life, the Romance Angels' message was that my feelings were real, and worth exploring.

I can't say that my actions were logical, I let my jealousy get the best of me and acted on impulse. Which had some hurtful repercussions....

I faced the issue head on, confronted my "friend" and decided to let him go. I don't like to feel unhappy or rejected, and if this guy has that big of an effect on my emotions it means that I care more than I should. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I give love freely. I truly care about him, but I don't like to feel sad, and clearly, he's confused about the way he feels about me. I know that he cares, I can feel it, but the timing is wrong. The Romance Angels advised me to be patient, "Divine intervention" came out, and coincidentally the message was about timing. The angels are working on this relationship, and it's not yet ready.

I had to take control though, I could not get past his latest rejection. So I told him what was on my mind, everything that I felt, and wished him the best of luck. I know that it was the right thing to do. I followed my heart. After I sent that message and got his response I felt lighter. I knew that my message had hit home, he tried to apologize once more, but I'd said all I had to say about the matter.

I'm still waiting for him to call in a way... I'm no longer emotional, or upset because I've let him know how I really feel, it was sort of a closure. I feel great actually. I miss him. but alas, I need to focus on myself anyway. It's not like I'm ready for a relationship ... I need to take care of me first.

I have other suitors... that's never an issue. I'm quite charismatic and not that bad looking, so guys are always interested. I'm just cautious...

The ex is still in the picture, reaching out, trying to convince me to give him another chance. I've certainly given him a piece of my mind... I do NOT hold back anymore. I care about him, but he's so damaged and lost.... and, as much as I'd like to help him, he doesn't really want to help himself, so my efforts will be in vain.

So that's that.

I've had a spell on my mind for a while, it hadn't come to full completion until Thursday night actually. The moon entered my sign and I was filled with this determination to access as much help and support as possible. I called on the Ancestors, guides and Angels and I trust that they will be helping me along the way.

I started on a juice fast Wednesday. I plan on going for 5 days, until Sunday/Monday. After this fast, I plan on going vegetarian for a few months. I believe that juicing and veggies will help me nourish my body and bring it back to perfect health.

I've been considering holistic alternatives or Chinese medicine, but have yet to make up my mind on where I should go.

I feel good about the progress I'm making. My horoscope advised me to seek outside help... it also tells me that this is an auspicious time for wish making. The Universe is supporting me and I can manifest anything I truly want.

I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to be who I'm meant to be.
I want to have an intimate love relationship and I know that it's in my future, but I first need to take care of myself, otherwise I won't be comfortable.

It's time to take control of my life. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid to show it.

^_^