Messages from Ariel... (PBP 2014 wk 1)

January 6,2014

I can't believe a whole year has gone by and we're already starting a new Pagan Blog Project!!! I missed most of the entries from last years project due to external circumstances, procrastination, and general distractions, but I am fully committed to try again this year!

With all the energy from the New Moon / New Year alignment I was able to work on some release spells during the dark of the moon, and planting new seeds / New Moon Magick. Now, for some reason I've been procrastinating more than usual, I've been sleeping more, meditating more, daydreaming more.. and avoiding my personal tarot / angel readings, loud noises, and large crowds. {I seem to do this when I'm going through emotional stress.} As of now, I'm going with the flow of what my body needs, or seems to be asking for. I went through a high then low energy shift during last week / over the weekend, I was very active at first, accomplishing tasks, getting things done, etc and then my energy dropped and I got very emotional and sensitive and hormonal. {I'm blaming it on my cycle and choosing to ignore my love life here haha...although, my cycle coincided with the New Moon haha and I usually get hormonal BEFORE I get my period! haha oh gosh, I need a chakra realignment.}

I'll be honest about something, I didn't exactly go through the full rituals I had planned during the dark of the moon and the new moon celebrations, again, procrastination. I worked on a quick release negativity spell during new years eve, {as in, a few minutes before midnight hehe --the way I see it, this is still considered the dark of the moon since the New Moon was supposed to begin after 6am,} and worked on my goals with the new moon in Capricorn. I feel that's as much as I needed. There's another new moon at the end of the month, sooo, in a way, I kinda have a do-over in case there's any more release work. ^_^  There's this one spell I want to try, Indigo Witch shared it during the month of November, but again, I procrastinated haha. I told myself I'd work on that release spell during the December New Moon, but again, I missed the opportunity. Hopefully at the end of the month I'll be able to skyclad and release whatever I no longer need in my life. :)

I feel so bipolar at times; even this morning I was a bit sensitive, and now, I feel grounded and balanced. I've been going through highs and lows the past few days, I'm glad I've been able to regain some sort of balance with the help of the Angels and meditation. I had an "ugly crying" moment last night (I realized that the person I want in my life is not available the way I need him to be,) I meditated on the issues, asked the Angels for help and went to sleep. This morning I woke up feeling relieved, still a bit sensitive but relieved, and a lot lighter. I can't quite remember my dreams but I have a feeling something meaningful happened, in fact, most of the dreams I've been having lately have some big "AHA moment" feeling to them, but I can't seem to remember in the morning.

I feel better than I did last night, and what I keep discovering is that anytime I'm in distress and ask for help from guides and angels I'm usually comforted almost immediately. I'm learning to let go of the things I can not change and of the people that don't want to be in my life. I've been asking for signs, which is where this post originally came from, but even the signs were a bit confusing for a while.

The whole Ariel message has actually been repeating in my life for the past 3 months. These signs began in early October I believe because I remember thinking "wow another little mermaid costume" while out on 6th Street, Austin Tx during Halloween.

So, for the past few months I've been getting this very strong feeling that there's a message I need to understand that has to do with The Little Mermaid.... haha sounds crazy, I know. I thought so myself, but the more these kept repeating the harder it got to ignore.

I did a quick memory check to see what I could remember from the cartoon and how this could relate to my life and found nothing of importance. In a gist, Ariel falls in love with the prince, she gives up her legs becomes a mermaid, they defeat Ursula and end up happily ever after. Nothing major that relates to my life.

I forgot about this for another month or so, and then over the weekend of the dark of the moon a friend snapchatted me a video of the little mermaid, something they were watching in the middle of the night! how random! I figured, it was time to get to the bottom of this evasive message! 

I attempted to download the movie but encountered some issues, discussed my shortcomings with my cousin in Mexico and how I felt there was a message there. She shared the actual little mermaid story, which is a lot sadder than the Disney version. In a gist, the little mermaid sacrifices her legs, is in constant pain, refuses to kill her love in order to save herself and turns into foam. The messages we came across were of sacrifice for a loved one.

I thought about this and decided I needed more information. I finally got a hold of the movie and watched it. The Little Mermaid was one of my favorite movies as a child. I can't think of another movie I watched over and over other than The Lion King. I got some emotional reactions during certain scenes, these mostly dealt with love and intimacy. Issues I deal with more often than I'd like. So of course it was expected of me to get teary eyed. Ariel gave up a part of herself to be with her prince, and in a way, we sometimes give a part of ourselves up for a guy we want to be with... not ideal of course.

I sorta felt a bit of a pull over the Ursula deal. Sometimes I feel I let my dark side make decisions. I am not perfect, and I've made mistakes in the past, heck, I continue to make them from time to time. I get pissed and I think things I shouldn't be thinking about, these later happen or some version of these manifest and I can't help but feel a bit guilty{and this is only from my rants.}

So, after watching the movie, the messages I got were of sacrifice, and karma, unconditional love, and petty behavior. This still didn't feel completely right. I thought about simply writing what I had and then editing if I got any more insights in the future.

Then on Sunday I came across a quote that spoke to me {I was in my emo state bummed out about my current relationship status so this immediately called my attention.}

 "I desire the things which will destroy me in the end." - Sylvia Plath.

I shared this quote on Facebook and immediately became curious about the author. I remembered hearing about Sylvia Plath but in all honesty, I didn't really know much about her.

I found that she was an American poet and novelist, who suffered from depression throughout her adult life and eventually committed suicide.

DARK. isn't it?

I mean, I've personally dealt with depression in the past, and well, it's not a pretty place. I even considered suicide and was so low that I never thought I'd ever feel normal again, so of course I can relate. These signs began to feel a bit darker because of the nature of the subject, but at the same time, I felt strong enough and protected enough to trust that these were just messages I needed to be aware of, and not some ominous curse from someone that hates me and wants me dead by the ago of 30. Dark I know, but honestly, this crossed my mind.

I set aside my momentary fears and immediately wanted to know more about Sylvia Plath and her tortured soul. I got The Bell Jar and as many books about her as I could find on Amazon {wish list of course}. Along the way, I came across one of her later works, Ariel --a compilation of poems written after her first suicidal attempt. This book was published two years after her death by suicide. So of course, I got a hold of the pdf version of this book. I didn't get a chance to read all the poems, in fact I only read the one titled Ariel. Her poetry is raw and intense, and hard to understand. I've re-read this poem a few times and I still can't understand half of it.

Stasis in darkness.

Then the substanceless blue

Pour of tor and distances.
God's lioness,
How one we grow,
Pivot of heels and knees!--The furrow
Splits and passes, sister to
The brown arc
Of the neck I cannot catch,
Nigger-eye
Berries cast dark
Hooks----
Black sweet blood mouthfuls,
Shadows.
Something else
Hauls me through air----
Thighs, hair;
Flakes from my heels.
White
Godiva, I unpeel----
Dead hands, dead stringencies.
And now I
Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.
The child's cry
Melts in the wall.
And I
Am the arrow,
The dew that flies,
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red
Eye, the cauldron of morning.

                 -Sylvia Plath, Ariel.

{This moment actually feels like a deja-vu, I feel as if I've already performed these actions. Written a blog post, analyzed a poem, gotten incredibly confused and felt somewhat cloudy about the subject.}

But anyway, on to the Ariel messages... I thought I was done with the research part of this message, but then today, as I was catching up with my Angel Class course load I got another message. I was listening to the audio lessons and as I'm writing this blog post, Jess starts talking about the acronym for "FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real, we fear things that haven't even happened yet." We need to learn to face fear, step around it, and through it, we need to understand how this relates to our personal blocks with respect to our clairsenses and our ego, or false messages from the spirit world. This immediately jumped out of the recording. So I figured it had to do with my post. Shortly after, I hear her go over the archangels and she starts with Ariel, which means, Lioness of God. I get this YES! THAT'S IT feeling. Perhaps the message has been to connect more with Archangel Ariel all along. Sylvia Plath's Ariel poem mentions God's Lioness in reference to the Archangel. I still haven't processed the full poem, but the Archangel's reference is giving me the YES, THAT'S IT, sign.

After encountering these literary obstacles during the "Ariel messages" scavenger hunt, I got a sense of the many different issues and blocks in my life that are currently affecting my spiritual journey. I'm still not 100% sure that I've in fact deciphered the Ariel Messages fully, but it feels like I've gotten a good sense of what needs to be addressed.

From the Disney movie I got the sense that I can't give up major aspects of who I am for a guy or a relationship. If I must sacrifice for love, it must be reciprocated. Sacrifice and love go hand in hand, but I can't allow myself to get completely lost in the notion of falling in love with such desperation. From Ursula's connection, I reminded myself to make the right choices, not out of spite or obsession but out of what's right for my higher self. Obsession can turn into a downward spiral that will leave me where I was with my ex a couple of years ago.

From Sylvia Plath's Ariel, I got nothing. Other than the reference made to the archangel. I however feel a strong connection with this writer, and so I've decided to go back to basics and read The Bell Jar to become more familiar with her work. I have a lot on my plate already, but I feel that reading her poetry and books will give me a better understanding of myself and the depression I've suffered in the past.

We are entering the second half of Talk To Your Angels, an advanced level course I'm taking with Jess Carlson, and I know that I will get a chance to connect deeper to Archangel Ariel. Hopefully she will have more messages for me that will help and guide me towards the right path.

I'm excited about this new year and the beginning of this new cycle! I can feel the changes in the air and I'm loving it! I expect great changes, happy experiences, and tons of growth from this upcoming year. :)

Learning from the Zodiac (PBP 2013 wk 52)

I've always been drawn to the astrological signs, but I guess that holds true for most old souls. I remember flipping through the newspapers or magazines searching for the Horoscopes in order to gain some type of insight into who I was as a Leo.

I know that this isn't a science but to me, it makes sense. As you go through life you realize that you make easier connections with certain people that have similar personalities or personality traits. For me, this is easier to recognize via their astrological sign. The 12 Zodiac Signs represent the major traits shared by all those born under each zodiac.

I did a quick search for my zodiac sign and found this description at Universal Psychic Guild .

Leo

Your element: Fire Your ruling planets: The Sun Symbol: The Lion Your stone: Peridot Life Pursuit: To lead the way Vibration: Radiant Energy Leo's Secret Desire: To be a star

Description: Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too. Leo's are born fortunate. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style and good humour. Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good. There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother's side).) They can't bear to be alone. No matter what level they have attained, all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying "flattery will get you everything" applies, but be warned criticism will slam the relationship door right in your face. For me, these general descriptions of my personality fit. I'm not making the assumption that this is the case for everyone; for many skeptics these general descriptions say little about their own personalities. From experience, however, I've found that even though some people may not necessarily agree or admit to certain aspects of these traits, they actually happen to show signs of them in their personalities. Whenever I'm trying to gain further insight into someone that I don't personally know, I always ask for their sign. At times, I can even guess their sign based on descriptions of behavior and personality traits. I know that I get along with almost any sign, or well, mostly every sign. There are certainly some signs that I clash with but overall I get along with everyone. I have found however, that certain signs draw me in more. I surround myself with these signs because we are compatible and we click. I have 5 Virgo close friends, 3 Aries, 3 Sagittarius, 2 Gemini and 2 Scorpio friends. I've noticed that among these similar traits, at times, I'll find extreme differences in personalities. For instance, I have the most friends that are Virgos, they fall on either one extreme or the other of the Virgo spectrum --they're either meticulous, sexually reserved, and calculating or impulsive, extroverted, and sexually wild. Both extremes are analytical and use their logic and judgment above all, but their overall their personalities are opposite. For me, finding these differences is fascinating. I've dated in the past, Capricorn, Tauro, Pisces, Leos and most recently a Sagittarius. I clash way too much with my own sign, but I definitely enjoy and appreciate the genuine love and appreciation we have for one another. Sagittarius draws me in, but immediately turns me off with how vicious they can be when upset. For some reason, I've refrained from dating Scorpios since my dad is one and my middle sister's girlfriend and life partner is also one. From past experiences I know that their overbearing and sometimes controlling personalities can be toxic and difficult to deal with. Having reservations about dating a Scorpio has more to do with my dad being one than anything, I refuse to add on to my "father" issues. haha Although, I have to admit. There's this one old college friend whom I've always been attracted to... we've maintained a "flirtationship" throughout all these years and talk about hooking-up every now and then. The chemistry and attraction is definitely there but what holds me back is the fact that he's a Scorpio. haha Now, my best friend, and roommate. The one I'm currently staying with is a Scorpio and I could NOT love her more. I click with the sign immediately I just don't want to date it. haha But of course, this might change in the future. My most recent "relationship" was with a Sagittarius. I was immediately drawn to him, I loved spending time with him, the chemistry was absolutely there. We clicked until things had unexpected turn of events. When this happened, everything turned sour. Sagittarius can be very blunt, honest, and at time viciously cruel when they want to cause emotional pain. I know this very well since my youngest sister is one. She can be the most positive, loving, individual until she's going through her own issues and dealing with her shortcomings. When this happens, she lashes out and openly hurts others emotionally. I understand that this comes from her inability to address her issues in a healthy manner. And even though, what Sagittarius say in the heat of the moment hurts, it usually holds some truth to it. The issue is not so much on the message, but more on how it's delivered. Like I said, I was beginning to get attached to my Sagittarius friend, but his behavior when going through a rough time definitely left me wishing for less "ouch" and more "love." Over the week, I've spent it mostly with my Virgo *gay & male* best friend, my Scorpio *female, straight* best friend and old college roommate, and my Aries *straight, female* high school and college friend. We had a discussion over my Sagittarius fling and their frustrations were definitely evident. Mainly at me. I went through ups and downs with that Sag fling and they were witness to how it affected me. I confessed I had another rendevouz with him the day before my trip and of course they shared their views and opinions about the subject matter. I understand where their frustration comes from. I get emotionally involved and get hurt from time to time, and easily forgive others because I can relate to them in one way or another. My friends however, are not quick to forgive. So, they are annoyed at the fact that I was crying about this a couple of weeks ago and now I'm completely nonchalant about our latest hook up. I honestly don't know what may happen in the near future. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like to be in situations where my feelings are purposely hurt, and He does that. So, even if we can get past the bullshit, the bottom line is, when push comes to shove he will behave the same way. Lesson Learned. Or well... Lesson in progress. I know my head is telling me to simply stay away, but my heart center up until recently was sending me the opposite way. I guess being out of town for a week after an unexpected hook-up was the best thing I could do. I'll be in town today and back to reality. :) I feel incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to reconnect with my twin souls. I was able to celebrate the Full Moon, and enjoy it's wonderful energy with my loved ones. ^_^

Yearnings... (PBP 2013 wk 51)

Monday, December 16, 2013

I tend to fall behind and get sidetracked, it's my inability to fully juggle all the projects I'm currently working on. I feel, I take on too many things and sometimes have a hard time focusing all my energy into finishing one. I'm so behind with the Pagan Blog Project that we are now entering the last two weeks of it and I've skipped most of the entries. smh.

I will admit, and as much as it pains me to do so, that the main reason why I get the most sidetracked with my projects is because I get involved with someone and get lost in the excitement of the relationship. ... I'm aware this is not ideal, and quite honestly, it's quite annoying. I'm very intense about most things I do, I mean come on, I'm a Leo --passionate, intense, and loyal.

I'm not ashamed of my emotions, they are part of who I am; just as my passionate way of being is another aspect of the personality that defines me, my intensity makes me the care and love deeply. It's not ideal, but it's what makes me who I am.

I know I've discussed this in the past, it's a lesson that keeps reoccurring in my life, and I know it's a lesson that's party of my soul lesson's for this lifetime, in fact, my tarot profile shows the 3 of swords as a life lesson, which explains why the love department always manages to dishevel my life.

The most recent experience had me dragging for the past few weeks. I feel I'm back to normal, but who knows if I'm completely over it. More on this subject later, these are aspects of my life that I need to put in writing in order to learn from them better. I've spent my share of time meditating on the subject matter, and I've come to many realizations, but even though I know better, for some reason I'm still impulsive and somewhat careless of the consequences. I feel, that I rather deal with the aftermath rather than regret not acting on a gut feeling.

Since this post is about yearnings, I guess that aspect of my life fits since I yearn to have a loving, caring, honest, and sexually driven relationship with someone that is compatible with me and that will take me for who I am, flaws and all.

The main reason why I chose "Yearnings" for this week's post is because my yearnings are driving me towards what my soul wants. Or at least, that's how it feels. Life is finally aligning it self towards my higher purpose it feels. Or well, towards a goal I had given up due to unfortunate events and unexpected issues. I'd like to go back to school and finish my degree, specifically, I want to graduate from the University of Texas. I had to take a long hiatus from school, it was disappointing but necessary. The lessons I've learned along these years have changed me for the better, they've given me the skills I need to value and manifest my life and lead it towards a better future. I feel like I'm following my path. I had an intense strong heart chakra reaction while I was attempting to log into my school to request a transcript, I felt with all that I this intense need, yearning, want, and desire for this one aspect of my life I let go of not too long ago. I want this. ... and I will manifest it.

I'm currently in Austin, or well, an outside city, Leander. I've reconnected with my college Roommate. A very close friend of mine that has been a big part of my life. We lost contact, life got on the way and we both went our separate ways. We've been through much and we've grown and changed but our friendship is still intact. I feel incredibly blessed. ^_^

I'm big on signs and coincidences, I mean, I'm a witch after all. I'd been thinking about her a lot in November, her birthday came around and I contacted her. As it turns out, the Universe was working to reunite us. She finally dropped the deadweight from her cheating boyfriend and is now single. Her boyfriend hates me by the way. He believes I'm a lesbian and I want to be with my Roommate, haha. I mean, come on! If I were a lesbian, WE WOULD BE TOGETHER! haha Anyway, he's out of the picture, we are back in touch and I'm absolutely, positively happy about this.

My Roommate (that's how I call her actually,) bought a house out here and she's currently living alone :( ... I want to more than anything visit more often so she doesn't feel so lonely. When we arrived and I saw the number on her house, 403, I immediately liked it and felt like it was a good sign. Throughout these last couple of days I've gotten a really strong feeling like I should be here, in this area. I man, ALL of my closest friends live up here, I don't have any close friends my age back in Houston. UT is also here, my friend is single and living alone, when I mentioned to her that I had these very strong yearnings to move back here she immediately supported them and encouraged them. I could live with her, pay rent, work and go back to school. I'd get to see my friends and live the life I was meant to live, only this time around I'll be much wiser and prepared to achieve and succeed.

I want it badly. I don't think I can do it immediately, but perhaps within the next year or two I'll be able to pick up and move up here. In the mean time, I'll continue working on my immediate goals.

I feel big changes happening, and I am sooo excited to welcome them into my life.

I am loved by my loved ones, I am incredibly blessed, and I thank the Universe for providing me with what I need in my life in order to stay true to my path. :)

Uruz Rune of Endurance, Formation and Manifestation (PBP 2013 wk 43)

There's a Full Moon tonight. I can feel the sizzling energy humming throughout my body. It's so exciting! I personally love October! I mean, I don't know a single witch who doesn't love Halloween / Samhain / Day of the Dead. This is the time where the veil is thinnest, the time which links us to our Ancestors and the Spirit World. October is to witches what December is to Christians.

My day of the Dead Altar was set on the first week of October. :) It's a work in progress, but so far, it looks pretty great. ^_^  We've yet to decorate the house; my sister has a bunch of creative ideas that she got from pintrest, and I can't wait to decorate this place. This is definitely my favorite time of the year! :)

For this week's Pagan Blog Post, I decided to discuss my relationship with Uruz, the Rune of Endurance, Formation and Manifestation. I've been working with this rune for quite some time actually. Uruz is helping me attain that which I crave the most, perfect health.

Uruz literally means "Aurochs," {the ancestor of domestic cattle}. Uruz's key concepts include: life force, physical health, courage, organic structure, manifestation, formation, healing, vigor and endurance. {This information comes to you courtesy of Rune Secrets :)}

Uruz governs: The shaping and forcing fortunate circumstances creatively through will and inspiration. Self-healing and maintenance of good mental and physical health. Assertion of home ground, personal space, independence and freedom. Strength and tenacity, courage, persistence against all odds. The ability to control aggression and take responsibility. Rites of passage, especially into adulthood.

This Rune's energy has helped me with my path towards self healing. I'm happy to share that my progress has been increasingly beneficial. I will continue to work with this rune in the hopes that it will bring me the balance I so desperately need.

I'm working with this rune's energy to help and support my endurance throughout this journey. Uruz is helping me manifest the life I want. I have faith that all this work and energy will help me succeed against all odds.

My Lovely Rune Set (PBP 2013 wk 36)

I've definitely been slacking off. Or well, not really slacking.. more like, I've been distracted. My energy levels have been fluctuating as of the past couple of months. I honestly haven't made the time to post any Pagan Blog Project updates.

For this week, we are taking a look at the letter R. The first magickally related word that came to mind was of course, the Runes.

I have a set that I got from Jess Carlson, aka Rowan Pendragon. They're made out of pebbles she found along a river. Originally, they were all marked with gold ink, but this was very light and I soon found that the markings were wearing off. I decided to make them my own by using my favorite color ever to retrace the runes.

I resonate with the color red a lot! I was born in July, I'm a Leo and my stone is the Ruby. I'm a fire sign and red is the color of fire and passion. I have to admit, when I was little I really disliked the color but as I grew older I found the many different aspect and powers it possesses.

Here's a pic of the reading I did for myself on Monday. The message is quite interesting actually...  
Laguz, Ansuz, Dagaz and Wunjo ... all of these relate in a way to the psychic abilities one possesses.

My go-to-Rune-related-site is of course Rune Secrets!

For those of you not familiar with the Runes I'll share a few tidbits of each, all of these come of course from Rune Secrets! :)

 

Laguz - “Log-uhz” – Literally: “Water” or Ocean – Esoteric: Unconscious, Collective Memory

Rune of the unconscious context of becoming or the evolutionary process. Rune of Life’s longing for itself.

Key Concepts: Transpersonal powers, Mastery of emotion in order to shape wyrd, Guidance through difficult initiatory tests, ie. initiation into life, Increase in vitality and life force, Communication between your conscious mind to another’s unconscious mind, Development of ‘second sight’ or prophetic wisdom, All powers of dreaming (lucid dreams, astral projection).

 

Ansuz - “Anne – suhz” – Literally: “Woden” – Esoteric: “Breath” or “Ancestral Sovereign God”

Key Concepts: order, gods, Odin, transmission of intelligence, communication, reason, inspiration, language, breath, sound, origins of language, the Voice of the Universe, spellsong, casting, chanting, ancestors, passing of the breath along the ancestral line, evolution of gods, speech, poetry, discussion of runes, memetics, semiotics, etymology, linguistics.

 

Dagaz - “Day-gahz” – Literally: “Day” or Dawn – Esoteric: Awakening

Rune of the hyper-consciousness. The process of concept becoming realized.

Key Concepts: Attaining the mystical moment through penetration of the secret of paradox or non-duality, Reception of mystical inspiration – the gift of Odin, Disappearance and the act of becoming the invisible, Invisibility as an organizing principle of Higher Consciousness, Synthesis of right-left brain dynamics, Transformation of one thing into its opposite, Integration of female and male into complete being.

 

Wunjo – “Won-joe” – Literally: “Joy” – Esoteric: Hope, Harmony, Perfection

Key Concepts: joy, perfection, the art of correct wishing, correct application of the will, well-being, contentment, hope, expectation, relationship, family, bonding, trusted kinsfolk, shared ideals or aims, group harmony, symbols of shared identity, optimism, cooperative effort, like-mindedness, friendship.

 

When I do a Rune casting, I stick my hand in the pouch and shake them. I wait for the Runes to jump on my hand and pull them out as they land. This is my message for this week. Most of the time the message from the Runes coincide with my Tarot and Oracle readings {which I do following the Rune cast}. Developing my psychic abilities is definitely something I've been working on for the past year. As of this week, I've been having very vivid dreams which feel very real. I know I should be writing them down but I have failed at this.

I actually hadn't been dreaming much, or well, I didn't really remember my dreams as of lately. But for some reason, this week I've been having and remembering my dreams clearly...

Since I didn't write them in my dream journal, I'm writing a quick summary of the dreams I remember from this week.

I remember dreaming of my ex-best friend and how in my dream she seemed to be standing behind me 100%. I had allowed her back in my life and she was happy to be in it, I was too. I still don't know if that's a good idea, but it's a message I received in my dreams.

Another night I dreamt with Walter White, haha, I'm such a Breaking Bad Addict! haha This was a very disturbing dream, actually. He was my father. I was older and close to him... but then the dream turned sour. He became a perv and tried to take advantage of me and then of a younger sister. I of course protected her, refused to let him harm her. When as before I was standing 100% behind him, once I found this out, I definitely wanted him dead. This dream was definitely weird. I guess, since my sister and I have been discussing the characters and I had told her that I definitely don't want Walter to die, the dream got mixed with other issues... I don't know.

I had a pleasant dream the following night, with the Leo guy I'm currently sort-of-involved with. It felt very real and very lovely ^_^. I'm a little disappointed that I don't remember much more... all the details are now gone. I just remember the feeling and having him in my life. :) I really like this guy hehe I feel very blessed. :)

My dream from last night was a mixture of fun & adventure. I was at this Bazaar, and was being hit on by different men, not all at once of course, but throughout the first part of the dream. I danced with one, something resembling a tango / salsa / fun dance, another one bought me dinner, and others got me little gifts (a flower here, a drink there, etc). There was this guy, who actually pissed me off. He was one of the merchants and was "offended" by my behavior. He even called me a slut. He said he thought that my dance partner was my husband, and how bad of me it was to flirt with others. I was enraged! I immediately told him off! I'm single and owe no explanations to anybody! His sister and I were close and soon I dismissed the incident.
The second part of my dream involved a group of youngsters and myself breaking into a chemical plant... we were trying to find the formulas for certain chemicals. We never did. It was sort-of a fun experience... until of course I made a mistake. There was a back room and I turned on the lights, on my way out I forgot to turn one of them off. I asked one of the guys to turn it off for me and he couldn't seem to find the switch. I thought of going back and doing it myself but thought "whatever, he can get it done." Well, I was wrong. The guy called on a different guy, who also didn't figure out the light switch and instead turned off the entire circuit box, this of course set the plant into havoc. We had to run out of there to avoid getting caught. For some reason I had left behind my Angel Meditation Altar and all my stones {I have NO clue why I brought this with me to begin with.} This was the my main concern, losing my precious things, I did not want us to get caught, and by me leaving this behind we'd most likely be found, that and I REALLY LOVE my meditation station items. hehe Most of us escaped, we cut the wired fence and ran out of there. A part of the group however, stayed behind. I'm not sure if they got caught or if they were stuck in the chemical plant when the explosion happened... yes, there was an explosion. This actually removed my doubts of getting caught since my items were most likely destroyed. It was another odd dream. When I shared with my sister she told me that I definitely need to cut back my Breaking Bad time haha.

I don't know if there are any actual messages in these dreams, but they were interesting non the less. I actually woke up super sore this morning. I have no clue as to why this is the case since I didn't perform and strenuous activities last night. My entire body is achy.

I'm getting the sense that my Rune casting's message is of Awakening to my Path and my connection the unconscious. Manifesting my dreams and needs as I need them and growing my abilities. 

 

I absolutely love my Runes. They always provide me with the guidance that I need. Learning to work with the Runes is a process; understanding and interpreting their messages is not easy, but it is definitely rewarding. I know that I have a long way to go but I'm looking forward to learning more about them with each reading I do. As of now, I only read for myself. I enjoy the one-on-one time I get to spend with my Runes meditating on their meanings and the messages that will help me align with my higher self, this is my life's purpose.

Birthday Blues...

I guess I'm not so much blue as I am a tiny bit numb.

Today's my birthday... today marks yet another year of stagnation.

I've made much progress in my spiritual path, but I haven't made as much progress in my mundane life. I feel the weight of this major truth on my shoulders.

I'd like nothing more than to be successful in my craft. I know that this is the path I must follow, and that at this time, I'm developing my abilities. It is a time to search my inner soul for the guidance from my higher self. Like the Hermit, I must spend this time in seclusion in order to find my way.

I absolutely love this path, I just wish I had a way to make a living doing what I love. I love to help people, and I do this selflessly; making a difference in someone's life, helping them find hope and happiness through their own means is priceless.

I'd hate to be such a petty being at this time, I shouldn't put out negative thoughts out into the Universe. In a way, this isn't really negative, it's just an honest view of my current emotional state. I'd have to say that I'm feeling a bit numb... and a bit lonely.

I'm not celebrating or doing anything special today other than read my books, and clean my magickal room / study and my bedroom. I've got spell-work that I'd like to work on, but as of now, I honestly don't have the energy for it.

Ever since the Chakra Healing session I had with Jess, I've felt rejuvenated and balanced. I am thankful for this.

I can't help but compare myself to how I was last year, dealing with fucking Collin, a liar and a selfish cheat, promising all these things for his own benefit only to crush my dreams right on my fucking birthday. He ruined it. He's the single one person that's hurt me the most and I forgave him time after time... he certainly does not deserve a happy ending..  :sigh: He's had his influence over this month of course, changing plans once more, lying, showing me his true colors... he's such a joke. He'll get what he deserves soon enough...

If it wasn't for this Chakra alignment I would be a mess. Depressed, drowning in self pity.. crying myself to sleep because things haven't turned out as I'd wished them to be, because I'm lonely, because none of my friends are here to celebrate my birthday with me, and because they guy I have feelings for has yet to call me (and I doubt he will.) He's currently online, so it's not like he doesn't know. I even told him how difficult birthdays are for me earlier last week... I wasn't fishing for attention, it came out naturally, something I would share with my closest friends. There's no excuse for him not to call me or even leave me a message on my wall... I mean, facebook reminds you... :Sigh:

Given my track record on how depressing my past birthdays have been, I would've been a mess today, instead, I'm calm, and cool ... a bit emotional and somewhat numb, but not overwhelmed.. if that makes sense.

I'm a bit bummed at the current relationship I have with my sister. For the past month, we've been not speaking. I don't know what's going on with her and I don't have the energy to decipher her actions. I just feel she's selfish and still somewhat immature, causing pain because she's experiencing it and refusing to acknowledge that her selfishness affects others. I mean, she's currently downstairs with her boyfriend... she's invited people over to drink and smoke, and all the while ignoring the fact that I'm here... completely alone. I mean, she wished me a happy birthday over facebook... facebook. This stings. I would honestly much rather have an empty house today so I can be alone with my thoughts than this moronic nonsense they are doing. How sad is this? It's borderline depressing.

I'm overwhelmed by emotions now. The Chakra session closed and aligned my overactive heart chakra but this doesn't keep me from feeling altogether.... well, at least it's not overwhelming. :sigh:

I wish I had someone who cared for me... and I'm not saying that I don't have people that do, because I know I have friends that love me unconditionally. I just mean in the sense of a loving partner. One that would be happy to celebrate my birthday even when I'm not, one who would drag me out of the house and refuse to have me skip out on doing something special... or at the very least, one that will crawl in bed with me and simply cuddle, watch a movie or love me.

.... so much for my numbness. ha-ha.

I don't like to be petty this way. It's unnecessary. I'm sure I sound like an ungrateful child complaining about being all alone on a day that marks my birth and nothing more... I don't like this about myself right now. It's petty of me...

I know how blessed I am, how thankful I am for the people I have in my life, the gifts I've been blessed with in this lifetime... There is much to be happy about... I am alive. I might not have the job I want, the relationship I long for, the love I yearn for... the health I desperately need... but I have loving friendships and caring friends and a family that loves me in spite of my shortcomings. I am very much thankful for this.

I think I will take a cleansing bath and see if it helps lift my spirits.

I just finished watching The House of the Spirits, and got so enthralled by this movie that I cried for a bit during some of the scenes. I'm not completely numb, since I can still relate and feel. I know that if I get into that mindset of thinking and obsessing on the things I'm lacking in my life at this time I will certainly fall into depression. So I choose to get lost in a good book.

I've got a handful of books I'm in the process of reading. La Casa de los Espiritus is one of them. I should've waited and finished the book before watching the movie, but somehow, the movie called my attention.... besides, the movies never meet up to the expectations one has after reading the book.

I have to remember to breathe and have patience. There's a lesson in today that I've yet to see or appreciate.

A nice hot bath and some time alone will certainly do me good. :)  There's so much to do... I'd like to get some progress done before the day ends... but I won't force myself, I need to be gentle with myself.

Perhaps, meditation will clear my mind and center me once more.

Lets see what the rest of the day has waiting for me...

Nauthiz, the Rune of Necessity (PBP 2013 WK 29)

http://runesecrets.com/rune-meanings/nauthiz

"Consciousness is the Necessity."

"That which does not destroy me makes me stronger." -Nietzsche

 

I absolutely love Rune Secrets, I've been meaning to get the book, but according to reviews, the site posts have more information and depth. For this week's post I've decided to talk about Nauthiz, pronounced "Not-this." It literally means "need-fire" or "necessity."

 

This is the 10th rune of the Elder Futhark, it comes after Hagalaz the rune of crisis or radical change. Nauthiz's key concepts are of need, resistance, constraint, conflict, and drama. It's energy also has to do with efforts, necessity, urgency and hard work. Nauthiz literally means "need-fire," it's energy is of transformation through action and necessity. It has to do with life lessons, creative friction, distress and force of growth. It relates to our individual growth through different experiences, the consequences of past actions, short term pain for long term gain. It's the process through which we learn from our mistakes and grow as individuals.

 

The Nordic name for this rune is Nied, and it's one of the three great runes of delay. According to Lisa Peschel, Nied counsels you to be patient. "You may find yourself enmeshed in delays, constraints, ill health or oppression, but this rune indicates that tiresome though these may be they will work out in their own good time, and no amount of haste or worry on your part will cause them to work out any faster."

 

In The Runes, Peschel explains that "Nied always indicates a time of passing through a difficult learning situation. This time is known as "crossing the abyss" by many occult writers and is often a time of extreme emotional travail. However, meeting this emotional challenge head-on and conquering your fear of it can be the catalysts that drives you to overcome whatever obstacles may appear in your path later."

 

Just like Nietzsche's quote above says, "that which does not destroy me makes me stronger." The energy of this rune incorporates resistance, need and our personal efforts to gain the growth and knowledge of the lessons we experience with each obstacle we overcome.

 

Nauthiz or Nied speaks of necessity, urgency, it reminds us of what must be done, the hard work we need to put into experiences and situations in order to reap the benefits or learn the lesson at hand. 

 

In divination, its meaning encompasses resistance leading to strength, the recognition of örlög (ultimate law, primal truth), the need for fire or self-reliance. Personal development and life lessons, innovations, achievements through efforts, or constraint of freedom, distress, toil, drudgery, laxity, warnings, worry, guilty, moral cowardice, unfulfilled or unrecognized needs. 

 

Tis rune ay also signify a need to think twice before taking on any new projects, for it shows tat at this time you have neither the ability nor the energy at hand to carry them successfully. This rune nearly always implied failure, and it advises you to hold fast, stay as you are, and conserve your energy for the moment.

 

Peschel explains that this rune indicates your needs as opposed to your wants, and when it appears, you should ask yourself if you are distressed over minor inconveniences which you may be selfishly blowing out of proportion, or if you truly have a problem.

 

Tyrel's analysis of this rune explains that it governs the strength to overcome distress or negative örlög, it helps you accept the unchangeable, with the development of magical will and the manipulation of wyrd. This rune helps you understand the dynamic forces of "resistance" in the process of creating. Nauthiz inspires you to generate creative energy for problem solving, it helps you protect one's own needs and recognize them too. According to Tyrel, this rune can be worked for love magick, especially to obtain a lover.

 

The following excerpt is from Tyrel's Notes on Nauthiz:

 

Without resistance, form would fall apart. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. It is the basic resistance of unconscious forces against newly evolved consciousness, but also the overwhelming need for evolution of consciousness, and that unconscious resistance to it.
The mysteries of necessity are at the core of Nauthiz. It is central to manipulating Wyrd so that desired outcomes can be attained through negotiating with the energies of the Norns. Invoking need is more powerful than wishing, but what we need and what we desire are not always the same. In this sense, Nauthiz can protect us from ourselves, but its lessons are often harsh. The force of the past exerts its effect on us in the present. Previous action catches up with us and attempts to restrain and restrict future action, which is the counter-movement of the cyclical processions of JERA. However, armed with humility we can learn our lessons from not only our own errors, but the mistakes and successes of others.
Action governed by Nauthiz is rooted in common sense. The magic of common sense is that it is not so common, because our desires and ideals eclipse our true need and perception of real circumstances. As a war rune, Nauthiz empowers the invoker to have the courage and wisdom to recognize what must be done in an otherwise complex situation. Necessity is the mother of invention. No pain, no gain. It is connected with the harshness of reality, like Hagalaz.
We have a painful fear of necessity and a love hate relationship with our needs. This is illustrated most excellently in the symbol of Nauthiz as two sticks rubbing together to create the ‘Need-Fire’. Our need for fire as a species is balanced with our fear of the power of fire. Consider this well and you will develop a profound understanding of this rune.