I'd like to think that the art of cooking has been in my blood since I was a child. I started cooking, or well, I was attracted to the kitchen from an early age.
I clearly remember watching my mom cook our delicious meals daily, and sometimes, I was even allowed to help her flip tortillas. There's a key to cooking flour tortillas the right way, you flip them 3 times: you put it on the "comal" and allow the surface to bubble a bit leaving it undercooked, you flip it and allow the second surface to cook completely, you'll know this because the tortilla will start puffing up like a balloon, you then flip it back to the first surface and allow it to finish cooking. I was about 7 years old, and I absolutely fell in love with the kitchen.
As the oldest sibling I've always been in charge of feeding my two younger sisters. Both of my parents worked, and I was given the responsibility of taking care of the household from an early age. I spent most of middle school and high school in the kitchen cooking dinner for my sisters and my parents lunch for the following day.
I can't say that I always liked this responsibility, in fact, there were times when it overwhelmed me, but I had to do what I had to do in order to help my family.
As I grew up, my love for the kitchen only evolved. I have this natural ability to create savory and flavorful dishes out of mostly anything.
My soul card is the Empress, and I feel it clearly depicts my motherly nature. I absolutely love feeding people. I love it more when my food gets positive reviews. I sometimes worry that people will not like my food because I tend to improvise on the spot, but most of the time it turns out pretty yummy.
I feel the same way about spellwork. I'll find a spell that speaks to me, and I'll adapt it to resonate with who I am. I'm quite good at coming up with meaningful spells that get the job done.
When I first was introduced to The Kitchen Witch through my eclectic path, I knew that I possessed the ability and inspiration to make magickal meals that would not only nourish my loved ones but also help them with whatever needs they had.
I'm still the cook of the household. My mother no longer cooks, she's lost her touch he-he. My youngest sister and roommate doesn't know how to cook, so of course I am in charge of the kitchen. Which actually helps me, and consequently them to live harmoniously.
Every meal I make, is full of protection, love, and prosperity. My herb garden is full of all the ingredients I need to fill my meals with the magickal kick they need. I have a pantry full of dry herbs and a head full of knowledge.
I'm not saying that we are perfect, in fact, my family clashes quite a bit. I've found that through cooking I can deflect a lot of tension, drama and negativity. I cook with love and it shows in every meal.
Not to toot my own horn, but I can honestly whip up a meal out of whatever I find in the fridge and pantry. My repertoire of meals includes traditional Mexican meals, American cuisine, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, south American food, and eclectic meals which I can adapt in almost any fashion. I'll add a pinch of magick and voilà, a filling, nutritious meal, that's not only delicious but magickal.
Cooking honestly keeps me sane. I clear my head from whatever issues or drama that's currently afflicting the family, and the meal just comes to mind. I know exactly which ingredients I should use to maximize the spell's strength, --which will help them release stress, deflect negativity or attract money-- and I'll just cook up a storm.
I've embarked on the journey towards perfect health. After my 5 day veggie juice cleanse I thought I'd be able to turn vegetarian, but of course, that wasn't the case. I love meat, chicken, and fish waaay too much to give it up. So, instead, I've compromised with myself. I still have no intention of consuming carbs or sugars, which is absolutely HARD AS HELL!!! I've come to the conclusion that I will eat solids which will include meat, chicken or fish along side a large serving of veggies on the days that I can eat and on the other days I'll do my veggie fast. This way I can give my body a rest in between processing food. I've already lost about 12 pounds and I've been doing this since last Wednesday.
I'm optimistic about this journey. It is hard, but it will be worth it. I have to keep praying for help from the angels and guides. It's so hard not to eat sweets and carbs. As of the past couple of days I've been going through carb withdrawal and it's kicking my ass.
Just last night I made dinner, my own concoction of course. There was some week old cinnamon bread and whole grain bread that I definitely wanted to utilize, so I made bread pudding. And let me tell ya, it was PACKED with sweets and yummy goodness. I did not try it of course, but I was sooo close to breaking my diet. Even now, I want to walk downstairs and stuff my face with at least 3 pieces of that yummy goodness. But I won't. I've come to far to give in to temptation.
I am constantly craving subway sandwiches, flour tortilla tacos, and sweets. Withdrawal is raging within. I need help. I've worked on some spellwork to help me through this, and I have faith that I will get through it. I have a hard road ahead of me but I have the will to carry me through it.
I'm excited, and hungry but I rather take care of my body than give in to my cravings.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
Juicing, Oracle Messages & Magick (PBP 2013 wk 21)
I've taken on the challenge of healing all my problem areas. I want to be healthy and happy... truly healthy. I want a real relationship, actual intimacy, and love. I want to not be afraid of what relationships bring.
I want to be everything I am meant to be. My body is my only temple and I have not taken good care of it. It's been mistreated and abused for way too long and I've suffered the consequences for longer than I can handle.
I tried the 21 day meditation challenge - Journey to Perfect Health, but didn't make it past week 1. I'm giving it another go, along with some magickal work that will support my need to become dis-ease free.
For a while I'd lost hope in finding the solution to my problems. I'd almost given up on myself when I got very clear messages that urged me to keep at it.
My weekly readings have shown me that I should expect a miracle in the most peculiar of ways.
I was doing a daily reading with my oracle decks and my tarot deck, but decided to switch to weekly readings instead. I've started to work with vision boards and I'm finding it very useful to meditate on the cards I pull during each reading. I feel that a week is enough for me to truly understand the message the oracles give me. I currently have the oracle cards that I pull on my wall, I've included affirmations, positive thoughts and the daily mantra from Journey to Perfect Health.
I work with Earth Magic, Healing with the Fairies, Romance Angels, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Michael and Oracle of Shadows and Light. I know that it may seem a bit over the top, but I've found that when I work with different decks I get a bigger picture of the areas that are important in my life at that given time. I shuffle and pull one card of each deck in that order. The messages are usually pretty clear.
For the past two weeks I've gotten the same messages from four different decks. One week I got Expect a Miracle Healing from Archangel Raphael and Innocence from Archangel Michael. At the time, I was hoping that the Miracle would manifest but didn't really understand the Innocence card. After that week was over, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I almost gave up. It was an emotional week, I had a fall-out with a guy I'd grown attached to, things seemed to simply fall apart.
Imagine my surprise when in my moment of despair I did my reading, and guess what came out as my first two cards. Childhood / Innocence from the Earth Magic deck and Miracle Healing from Healing with the fairies.
Message received!
This was just the message I needed to hear. I was filled with hope once more. I knew my guides were giving me a very clear and specific message. They were urging me not to give up on myself.
It's like I got a second wind.
There was a new moon that week and I decided to ask for help and guidance. I needed support, so I harnessed the energy from the new moon and asked for help. I worked on a cleansing bath / road-block remover and felt really positive afterwards.
I was still dealing with my guy issues, but definitely felt way more positive, stronger, determined. I did my reading the following Monday and in spite of my doubts over my love life, the Romance Angels' message was that my feelings were real, and worth exploring.
I can't say that my actions were logical, I let my jealousy get the best of me and acted on impulse. Which had some hurtful repercussions....
I faced the issue head on, confronted my "friend" and decided to let him go. I don't like to feel unhappy or rejected, and if this guy has that big of an effect on my emotions it means that I care more than I should. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I give love freely. I truly care about him, but I don't like to feel sad, and clearly, he's confused about the way he feels about me. I know that he cares, I can feel it, but the timing is wrong. The Romance Angels advised me to be patient, "Divine intervention" came out, and coincidentally the message was about timing. The angels are working on this relationship, and it's not yet ready.
I had to take control though, I could not get past his latest rejection. So I told him what was on my mind, everything that I felt, and wished him the best of luck. I know that it was the right thing to do. I followed my heart. After I sent that message and got his response I felt lighter. I knew that my message had hit home, he tried to apologize once more, but I'd said all I had to say about the matter.
I'm still waiting for him to call in a way... I'm no longer emotional, or upset because I've let him know how I really feel, it was sort of a closure. I feel great actually. I miss him. but alas, I need to focus on myself anyway. It's not like I'm ready for a relationship ... I need to take care of me first.
I have other suitors... that's never an issue. I'm quite charismatic and not that bad looking, so guys are always interested. I'm just cautious...
The ex is still in the picture, reaching out, trying to convince me to give him another chance. I've certainly given him a piece of my mind... I do NOT hold back anymore. I care about him, but he's so damaged and lost.... and, as much as I'd like to help him, he doesn't really want to help himself, so my efforts will be in vain.
So that's that.
I've had a spell on my mind for a while, it hadn't come to full completion until Thursday night actually. The moon entered my sign and I was filled with this determination to access as much help and support as possible. I called on the Ancestors, guides and Angels and I trust that they will be helping me along the way.
I started on a juice fast Wednesday. I plan on going for 5 days, until Sunday/Monday. After this fast, I plan on going vegetarian for a few months. I believe that juicing and veggies will help me nourish my body and bring it back to perfect health.
I've been considering holistic alternatives or Chinese medicine, but have yet to make up my mind on where I should go.
I feel good about the progress I'm making. My horoscope advised me to seek outside help... it also tells me that this is an auspicious time for wish making. The Universe is supporting me and I can manifest anything I truly want.
I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to be who I'm meant to be.
I want to have an intimate love relationship and I know that it's in my future, but I first need to take care of myself, otherwise I won't be comfortable.
It's time to take control of my life. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid to show it.
^_^
I want to be everything I am meant to be. My body is my only temple and I have not taken good care of it. It's been mistreated and abused for way too long and I've suffered the consequences for longer than I can handle.
I tried the 21 day meditation challenge - Journey to Perfect Health, but didn't make it past week 1. I'm giving it another go, along with some magickal work that will support my need to become dis-ease free.
For a while I'd lost hope in finding the solution to my problems. I'd almost given up on myself when I got very clear messages that urged me to keep at it.
My weekly readings have shown me that I should expect a miracle in the most peculiar of ways.
I was doing a daily reading with my oracle decks and my tarot deck, but decided to switch to weekly readings instead. I've started to work with vision boards and I'm finding it very useful to meditate on the cards I pull during each reading. I feel that a week is enough for me to truly understand the message the oracles give me. I currently have the oracle cards that I pull on my wall, I've included affirmations, positive thoughts and the daily mantra from Journey to Perfect Health.
I work with Earth Magic, Healing with the Fairies, Romance Angels, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Michael and Oracle of Shadows and Light. I know that it may seem a bit over the top, but I've found that when I work with different decks I get a bigger picture of the areas that are important in my life at that given time. I shuffle and pull one card of each deck in that order. The messages are usually pretty clear.
For the past two weeks I've gotten the same messages from four different decks. One week I got Expect a Miracle Healing from Archangel Raphael and Innocence from Archangel Michael. At the time, I was hoping that the Miracle would manifest but didn't really understand the Innocence card. After that week was over, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I almost gave up. It was an emotional week, I had a fall-out with a guy I'd grown attached to, things seemed to simply fall apart.
Imagine my surprise when in my moment of despair I did my reading, and guess what came out as my first two cards. Childhood / Innocence from the Earth Magic deck and Miracle Healing from Healing with the fairies.
Message received!
This was just the message I needed to hear. I was filled with hope once more. I knew my guides were giving me a very clear and specific message. They were urging me not to give up on myself.
It's like I got a second wind.
There was a new moon that week and I decided to ask for help and guidance. I needed support, so I harnessed the energy from the new moon and asked for help. I worked on a cleansing bath / road-block remover and felt really positive afterwards.
I was still dealing with my guy issues, but definitely felt way more positive, stronger, determined. I did my reading the following Monday and in spite of my doubts over my love life, the Romance Angels' message was that my feelings were real, and worth exploring.
I can't say that my actions were logical, I let my jealousy get the best of me and acted on impulse. Which had some hurtful repercussions....
I faced the issue head on, confronted my "friend" and decided to let him go. I don't like to feel unhappy or rejected, and if this guy has that big of an effect on my emotions it means that I care more than I should. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I give love freely. I truly care about him, but I don't like to feel sad, and clearly, he's confused about the way he feels about me. I know that he cares, I can feel it, but the timing is wrong. The Romance Angels advised me to be patient, "Divine intervention" came out, and coincidentally the message was about timing. The angels are working on this relationship, and it's not yet ready.
I had to take control though, I could not get past his latest rejection. So I told him what was on my mind, everything that I felt, and wished him the best of luck. I know that it was the right thing to do. I followed my heart. After I sent that message and got his response I felt lighter. I knew that my message had hit home, he tried to apologize once more, but I'd said all I had to say about the matter.
I'm still waiting for him to call in a way... I'm no longer emotional, or upset because I've let him know how I really feel, it was sort of a closure. I feel great actually. I miss him. but alas, I need to focus on myself anyway. It's not like I'm ready for a relationship ... I need to take care of me first.
I have other suitors... that's never an issue. I'm quite charismatic and not that bad looking, so guys are always interested. I'm just cautious...
The ex is still in the picture, reaching out, trying to convince me to give him another chance. I've certainly given him a piece of my mind... I do NOT hold back anymore. I care about him, but he's so damaged and lost.... and, as much as I'd like to help him, he doesn't really want to help himself, so my efforts will be in vain.
So that's that.
I've had a spell on my mind for a while, it hadn't come to full completion until Thursday night actually. The moon entered my sign and I was filled with this determination to access as much help and support as possible. I called on the Ancestors, guides and Angels and I trust that they will be helping me along the way.
I started on a juice fast Wednesday. I plan on going for 5 days, until Sunday/Monday. After this fast, I plan on going vegetarian for a few months. I believe that juicing and veggies will help me nourish my body and bring it back to perfect health.
I've been considering holistic alternatives or Chinese medicine, but have yet to make up my mind on where I should go.
I feel good about the progress I'm making. My horoscope advised me to seek outside help... it also tells me that this is an auspicious time for wish making. The Universe is supporting me and I can manifest anything I truly want.
I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to be who I'm meant to be.
I want to have an intimate love relationship and I know that it's in my future, but I first need to take care of myself, otherwise I won't be comfortable.
It's time to take control of my life. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid to show it.
^_^
Friday, May 10, 2013
Justice, Jera, and my Journey towards Happiness & Prosperity (PBP 2013 wk 20)
For this week's Pagan Blog Project I decided to talk about Justice, Jera and my current Journey towards Happiness and Prosperity.
I'm actually having some mixed feelings about the meaning of Justice. When I think of Justice I think of Karma, balance, and fairness above all. The RWS tarot deck depicts Lady Justice sitting solemnly on a stone bench while holding a balanced scale on her left hand, and a sword on her right hand. To me, this represents how Lady Justice is always weighing situations, actions, people, etc.. she weights both sides and her verdict is the ultimate Karmic retribution. Her right arm holds the sword which will pardon or punish. Her robes are red and green, which to me, signify passion and growth. You can see her foot peaking out of her red robe which shows her core is pure.
I regularly trust the Universe in it's infinite wisdom... I am genuinely a caring individual. I have a strong set of beliefs that compel me to stand up for those who can not stand up for themselves. I'm a GLBTQ advocate, I'm highly political, and very liberal. In fact, my facebook wall is full of political memes, articles, statistics and facts that pretty much disprove and republican / conservative fear mongering bigotry.
I feel that in this day and age we MUST stand for what we believe in, otherwise we will be taken advantage of by those who have the means.
I'm not a lesbian, but I have many friends in the community as well as a sibling that is one, and I strongly believe that they have just as many rights as any other citizen in this nation. The reality of life is this, you can not impose your religious views / homophobic fears on the rest of society simply because you're not comfortable seeing two people of the same sex kiss / have sex. Love is Love and nothing or no one can limit the amount of love you give or receive.
One of Mahatma Gandhi's famous quote is "Be the change you wish to see in the world." I follow this with all that I am because it resonates with my belief system, it resonates with who I am. I simply can not stay quiet, follow the crowd and only speak up when things affect me. I've tried, it doesn't work. I spend more time and energy trying to keep my views to myself / not standing up for those that are clearly misjudged than if I were to just follow my intuition and speak up.
I could go on and on about all the political injustices that are currently going on with our government, but that would take forever and this isn't a political blog. Besides, my facebook wall is already filled with all these rants.
I feel, that I am a good human being. I have my low moments and I sometimes turn bitchy and angry, but I am not ashamed of this. I am human after all.
I pride myself in being a good friend. I am there for my friends when they need me, they value who I am and respect my guidance and advice. I love that. I love giving what can not be easily bought. It is part of my life's purpose to help others get through difficult situations and low points in their lives.
I guess where I'm going with this is the fact that sometimes, even when we follow the rules, when we give and help others, bad things still happen.
Last Friday, I felt as if the Universe was punishing us. I kept asking myself, "Why would this happen? Why would this happen to my mom?" I didn't understand, I felt that since we were good hard working individuals that it was simply unfair. As a witch, I keep my family protected above all. I honestly couldn't understand why such things would happen when I've been so meticulous about keeping everything together.
My mother called me Friday morning, she was hysterical. I was busy working on some magazine issues for my sister's boyfriends business; and all of the sudden, I get this call with my mom on the other line crying hysterically. She tells me they've broken into the company's car and have taken EVERYTHING she has. She was heading to Austin that same day and had some money that belong to my aunt as well as money she had earned doing some extra jobs. The fuckers that broke into her car got away with $600+ cash, plus about $1200 in credit card purchases.
They ripped us off even though I immediately got on the phone and started the tedious task of cancelling / reporting credit cards stolen. The whole time I kept asking my guides and angels why something like this would happen when we were so close to being ok.
... and then, for some reason I decide to check a bank that we hardly use; we had some loans out on
one of the accounts and I wanted to make sure no purchases were made with those cards. Imagine my surprise when I speak with the representative and find out that there's $411 dollars in the account we no longer used. Apparently I kept making payments after the loan was fully paid and there was this extra money just hanging out in that account. The representative was kind enough to transfer the money into our main account. My mom was absolutely relieved to have found that money. We lost $300, [the other $300 were my aunt's] and we found $411, which definitely came in handy.
After dealing with all the hassle of reporting everything that was stolen, calming my mom down, and assuring her everything would be ok, I finally had a moment to let everything sink in. I allowed myself to let it out, to lose it, to process. I held it together all day, I kept calm, I took care of what needed to be done, I was the voice of reason, the one that made everything better. Once I was all alone and everything was taken care of, it all sunk in.
Those fuckers emptied our bank accounts, made charges on credit cards and got away with cash that we desperately needed. They had my mom hysterical, and crying, I snapped at my sister and made her lose it at her job.
This incident was not something we deserved, it wasn't karmic retribution, it wasn't a random event.
This had purpose, an intention.
I'd seen some money issues during my tarot readings; at the time I thought it referred to our constant struggle to make the bills on time. It also showed someone that influenced these events and my family coming out of it stronger than before. At the time, I interpreted it differently because of the positive cards in the future position. After second analysis I realized that all this shit was someone's intention.
I became enraged.
I was so overwhelmed with rage that the only thing I knew would give us some retribution would be to take care of whomever was responsible for this fucked up situation.
I'm way beyond the Wiccan tradition which states only good should be sent out to the Universe. I started off strongly Wiccan, but as I experienced life and the cruel reality of how many people behave sending out curses and negativity, I realized that the only way to deal with these fuckers is to give them a taste of their own medicine. I'm not ashamed, I don't feel guilty, I have owned up to my actions and the consequences that they bring.
The only time I act is to protect my family or return whatever fucked up shit they send our way... and let me tell you, I'm quite good at it.
I tried to let it go. I tried to be the bigger person and trust in the Universe, trust that Justice would be served. I even meditated on it, and tried to release my anger but I simply could not do it. And let me tell you, I am one strong pacifist, so for someone to enrage me to that point, means they had to push me hard enough for me to push back.
I started on the curse I had in mind, I wanted to hurt these people and remove them from our lives once and for all... and I even stopped a few times along the way, but every time I questioned my actions, the image of my hysterical mother would come to mind. To top it all off, I also got these very clear and vivid images of these people making those fucking purchases at Walmart. They were so clear, that the second I envisioned them, I was enraged all over again. I knew then that I could not, and would not let it go.
While in the middle of rite, one of the vials that I was going to use completely broke. I keep my oils in small boxes and I had never had issues with broken vials. Imagine my surprise when I drop the box and hear glass breaking. The only vial that broke is the one that I'd plan on using.
I wanted to take it as a sign that maybe I should stop. I immediately contacted Jess Carlson and asked for advice. She told me that the energy was high and that I should keep going, which is what I was doing anyway.
Even if I wanted to stop, I simply couldn't.
I was able to save whatever was left of that vial and finished my curse stronger than when I began. I returned whatever they had sent our way, and added a kick for sending it in the first place.... anyone involved with that incident is certainly getting a taste of karmic retribution.... and then some.
I don't feel regret, I don't feel bad, I don't feel anything. They deserve it.
Like I've said before, I'm done playing doormat. I'm done being the nice girl. If you push me, I WILL push back ... and I WILL win.
I could have waited for Lady Justice to weight this out and eventually give the parties responsible for this a little karmic retribution, but honestly, this needed a push.
Which leads me to the next topic of this blog...
Jera, “Patience up to a point. Know your time, but work your wyrd always.”
I really love Rune Secrets. This site is absolutely perfect. It gives a different perspective of each rune while making them relatable and easy to understand. I love the quotes that are at the top of each Rune's analysis, it helps me grasp the concept of the overall energy of each rune. This site is my go-to website when I'm studying the runes; I keep it bookmarked for whenever I do my personal readings. I'll read up on the entire analysis taking note of whatever my intuition tells me, and usually I'll get a very specific and clear message from my rune casting. I've been learning the runes adamantly and I absolutely love them, they resonate with me on a completely different level than the Tarot or oracle decks.
Jera means "Year" literally, esoterically, it means harvest. Jera is the "[r]une of harvest and reward for, or reaction to, right actions in a horizontal (naturally ordered) cyclical process. [It is the] rune of peace on the land and in the heart."
The energy of this rune vibrates with cycles, progress, biorhythms and good harvest, the right effort one makes with every action. It governs the "realization of the cyclical nature of the multiverse, invoking the power of time and cycles." It is about manifesting and initiating gradual and lasting change in the flow of life. Jera has "an unstoppable energy, gradual but unrelenting, unhurried but persistent..."
"Jera is a rune of patience and movement," it has to do with "right timing." It states that everything you need in life, will come to you at the perfect time. What I find interesting about Jera is that it "can magically speed things up or slow things down, and manipulation of subjective time in this manner is governed by this rune." We reap what we sow, and Jera will mirror our actions.
I worked with this Rune during my Return-to-Sender spell to help me speed up the Karmic smack those fuckers needed. I focused my intention on letting them rip what they sow. I've had patience up to a point, and I've known my timing was for the best. I know that they WILL get what they deserve.
We are doing much better. That incident was only a minor setback, and like my cards showed, we are coming back stronger than ever.
I've done some house cleansings, as well as personal and family cleansings. I've reinforced my protections, and made protective talismans for my family and loved ones.
I've decided to embark on a Journey towards Happiness and Prosperity.
I'm focusing my energy on creating a happy environment at home while helping my family and loved ones with any magickal aspect they might need.
We have the ability to manifest our own lives however we see fit. We attract and create what our minds envision, this is the reason why we must keep a positive outlook on life.
We might come across obstacles and blocks that may seem too hard or too difficult to overcome, but if we trust in the Higher Powers we will learn the lesson behind each unfortunate event. This, in the end, makes us wiser and stronger.
My mom no longer carries all her cards with her, she only carries her debit card. She is mindful of all the negative people in her life, and we are taking the measure to protect her from any curse that may be sent her way.
We appreciate the blessings we have in our lives. The fact that we are living together, happy, with unconditional love. Yes, we might have altercations with one another, we might fight and argue at times, but at the end of the day, we know that we love each other... and Love trunks everything else that might try to destroy it. We are a strong bunch, and we know it.
I'm actually having some mixed feelings about the meaning of Justice. When I think of Justice I think of Karma, balance, and fairness above all. The RWS tarot deck depicts Lady Justice sitting solemnly on a stone bench while holding a balanced scale on her left hand, and a sword on her right hand. To me, this represents how Lady Justice is always weighing situations, actions, people, etc.. she weights both sides and her verdict is the ultimate Karmic retribution. Her right arm holds the sword which will pardon or punish. Her robes are red and green, which to me, signify passion and growth. You can see her foot peaking out of her red robe which shows her core is pure.
I regularly trust the Universe in it's infinite wisdom... I am genuinely a caring individual. I have a strong set of beliefs that compel me to stand up for those who can not stand up for themselves. I'm a GLBTQ advocate, I'm highly political, and very liberal. In fact, my facebook wall is full of political memes, articles, statistics and facts that pretty much disprove and republican / conservative fear mongering bigotry. I feel that in this day and age we MUST stand for what we believe in, otherwise we will be taken advantage of by those who have the means.
I'm not a lesbian, but I have many friends in the community as well as a sibling that is one, and I strongly believe that they have just as many rights as any other citizen in this nation. The reality of life is this, you can not impose your religious views / homophobic fears on the rest of society simply because you're not comfortable seeing two people of the same sex kiss / have sex. Love is Love and nothing or no one can limit the amount of love you give or receive.
One of Mahatma Gandhi's famous quote is "Be the change you wish to see in the world." I follow this with all that I am because it resonates with my belief system, it resonates with who I am. I simply can not stay quiet, follow the crowd and only speak up when things affect me. I've tried, it doesn't work. I spend more time and energy trying to keep my views to myself / not standing up for those that are clearly misjudged than if I were to just follow my intuition and speak up.
I could go on and on about all the political injustices that are currently going on with our government, but that would take forever and this isn't a political blog. Besides, my facebook wall is already filled with all these rants.
I feel, that I am a good human being. I have my low moments and I sometimes turn bitchy and angry, but I am not ashamed of this. I am human after all.
I pride myself in being a good friend. I am there for my friends when they need me, they value who I am and respect my guidance and advice. I love that. I love giving what can not be easily bought. It is part of my life's purpose to help others get through difficult situations and low points in their lives. I guess where I'm going with this is the fact that sometimes, even when we follow the rules, when we give and help others, bad things still happen.
Last Friday, I felt as if the Universe was punishing us. I kept asking myself, "Why would this happen? Why would this happen to my mom?" I didn't understand, I felt that since we were good hard working individuals that it was simply unfair. As a witch, I keep my family protected above all. I honestly couldn't understand why such things would happen when I've been so meticulous about keeping everything together.
My mother called me Friday morning, she was hysterical. I was busy working on some magazine issues for my sister's boyfriends business; and all of the sudden, I get this call with my mom on the other line crying hysterically. She tells me they've broken into the company's car and have taken EVERYTHING she has. She was heading to Austin that same day and had some money that belong to my aunt as well as money she had earned doing some extra jobs. The fuckers that broke into her car got away with $600+ cash, plus about $1200 in credit card purchases.
They ripped us off even though I immediately got on the phone and started the tedious task of cancelling / reporting credit cards stolen. The whole time I kept asking my guides and angels why something like this would happen when we were so close to being ok.
... and then, for some reason I decide to check a bank that we hardly use; we had some loans out on one of the accounts and I wanted to make sure no purchases were made with those cards. Imagine my surprise when I speak with the representative and find out that there's $411 dollars in the account we no longer used. Apparently I kept making payments after the loan was fully paid and there was this extra money just hanging out in that account. The representative was kind enough to transfer the money into our main account. My mom was absolutely relieved to have found that money. We lost $300, [the other $300 were my aunt's] and we found $411, which definitely came in handy.
After dealing with all the hassle of reporting everything that was stolen, calming my mom down, and assuring her everything would be ok, I finally had a moment to let everything sink in. I allowed myself to let it out, to lose it, to process. I held it together all day, I kept calm, I took care of what needed to be done, I was the voice of reason, the one that made everything better. Once I was all alone and everything was taken care of, it all sunk in.
Those fuckers emptied our bank accounts, made charges on credit cards and got away with cash that we desperately needed. They had my mom hysterical, and crying, I snapped at my sister and made her lose it at her job.
This incident was not something we deserved, it wasn't karmic retribution, it wasn't a random event.
This had purpose, an intention.
I'd seen some money issues during my tarot readings; at the time I thought it referred to our constant struggle to make the bills on time. It also showed someone that influenced these events and my family coming out of it stronger than before. At the time, I interpreted it differently because of the positive cards in the future position. After second analysis I realized that all this shit was someone's intention.
I became enraged.
I was so overwhelmed with rage that the only thing I knew would give us some retribution would be to take care of whomever was responsible for this fucked up situation.
I'm way beyond the Wiccan tradition which states only good should be sent out to the Universe. I started off strongly Wiccan, but as I experienced life and the cruel reality of how many people behave sending out curses and negativity, I realized that the only way to deal with these fuckers is to give them a taste of their own medicine. I'm not ashamed, I don't feel guilty, I have owned up to my actions and the consequences that they bring.
The only time I act is to protect my family or return whatever fucked up shit they send our way... and let me tell you, I'm quite good at it.
I tried to let it go. I tried to be the bigger person and trust in the Universe, trust that Justice would be served. I even meditated on it, and tried to release my anger but I simply could not do it. And let me tell you, I am one strong pacifist, so for someone to enrage me to that point, means they had to push me hard enough for me to push back.
While in the middle of rite, one of the vials that I was going to use completely broke. I keep my oils in small boxes and I had never had issues with broken vials. Imagine my surprise when I drop the box and hear glass breaking. The only vial that broke is the one that I'd plan on using.
I wanted to take it as a sign that maybe I should stop. I immediately contacted Jess Carlson and asked for advice. She told me that the energy was high and that I should keep going, which is what I was doing anyway.
Even if I wanted to stop, I simply couldn't.
I was able to save whatever was left of that vial and finished my curse stronger than when I began. I returned whatever they had sent our way, and added a kick for sending it in the first place.... anyone involved with that incident is certainly getting a taste of karmic retribution.... and then some.
I don't feel regret, I don't feel bad, I don't feel anything. They deserve it.
Like I've said before, I'm done playing doormat. I'm done being the nice girl. If you push me, I WILL push back ... and I WILL win.
I could have waited for Lady Justice to weight this out and eventually give the parties responsible for this a little karmic retribution, but honestly, this needed a push.
Which leads me to the next topic of this blog...
Jera, “Patience up to a point. Know your time, but work your wyrd always.”I really love Rune Secrets. This site is absolutely perfect. It gives a different perspective of each rune while making them relatable and easy to understand. I love the quotes that are at the top of each Rune's analysis, it helps me grasp the concept of the overall energy of each rune. This site is my go-to website when I'm studying the runes; I keep it bookmarked for whenever I do my personal readings. I'll read up on the entire analysis taking note of whatever my intuition tells me, and usually I'll get a very specific and clear message from my rune casting. I've been learning the runes adamantly and I absolutely love them, they resonate with me on a completely different level than the Tarot or oracle decks.
Jera means "Year" literally, esoterically, it means harvest. Jera is the "[r]une of harvest and reward for, or reaction to, right actions in a horizontal (naturally ordered) cyclical process. [It is the] rune of peace on the land and in the heart."
The energy of this rune vibrates with cycles, progress, biorhythms and good harvest, the right effort one makes with every action. It governs the "realization of the cyclical nature of the multiverse, invoking the power of time and cycles." It is about manifesting and initiating gradual and lasting change in the flow of life. Jera has "an unstoppable energy, gradual but unrelenting, unhurried but persistent..." "Jera is a rune of patience and movement," it has to do with "right timing." It states that everything you need in life, will come to you at the perfect time. What I find interesting about Jera is that it "can magically speed things up or slow things down, and manipulation of subjective time in this manner is governed by this rune." We reap what we sow, and Jera will mirror our actions.
I worked with this Rune during my Return-to-Sender spell to help me speed up the Karmic smack those fuckers needed. I focused my intention on letting them rip what they sow. I've had patience up to a point, and I've known my timing was for the best. I know that they WILL get what they deserve.
We are doing much better. That incident was only a minor setback, and like my cards showed, we are coming back stronger than ever. I've done some house cleansings, as well as personal and family cleansings. I've reinforced my protections, and made protective talismans for my family and loved ones.
I've decided to embark on a Journey towards Happiness and Prosperity.
I'm focusing my energy on creating a happy environment at home while helping my family and loved ones with any magickal aspect they might need.
We have the ability to manifest our own lives however we see fit. We attract and create what our minds envision, this is the reason why we must keep a positive outlook on life.
We might come across obstacles and blocks that may seem too hard or too difficult to overcome, but if we trust in the Higher Powers we will learn the lesson behind each unfortunate event. This, in the end, makes us wiser and stronger. My mom no longer carries all her cards with her, she only carries her debit card. She is mindful of all the negative people in her life, and we are taking the measure to protect her from any curse that may be sent her way.
We appreciate the blessings we have in our lives. The fact that we are living together, happy, with unconditional love. Yes, we might have altercations with one another, we might fight and argue at times, but at the end of the day, we know that we love each other... and Love trunks everything else that might try to destroy it. We are a strong bunch, and we know it.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Intuitive Spellwork (PBP 2013 wk 19)
At times I'm still surprised by the level of intuitive guidance I receive when it comes to creating spells and working magick. As of lately, I've been working with the Runes. I actually got my set of Runes from Jess Carlson and I have to say, these are so honest and straight to the point. I always get the guidance I need at the time of my reading.
I have this long ritual when it comes to reading my own cards. I first cast a few Runes, as I do this I get the opportunity to learn about each Rune which I've found really resonates with me. I absolutely LOVE Rune Secrets and it is my go-to site when I want to connect with the Runes of the day.
I also do a life spread and anchor which I picked up from this one Tarot How To book. I didn't really connect with the rest of the book but this spread has proven to be useful. I really like how it gives me a glimpse of every aspect of my life. I follow these spreads with my own extended version of the Celtic cross, which is quite long. And finally, I do a 6 different Oracle spread for overall guidance. I was doing this daily, which seriously takes FOREVER... but it feels right. I get so much information [sometimes too much] which helps me see where I am at any given moment.
These readings even help me with spellwork! The runes specifically. I then get reassurance from the oracles and a better understanding of what's going on from the Celtic cross.
I've decided to cut back on my daily readings in order to focus on more tasks that I've been neglecting.
I find it hard to keep up to my schedule and post as much as I'd like, I mean, come on, I'm suuuuper behind with the Pagan Blog Project! There's always so much to do! I have sooo many unfinished blog posts from past weeks that I simply don't finish and therefore never post. :/
But alas, I am catching up with life... in every aspect. I'm working on myself, managing my time better without squandering my energy. It feels good.
That's what I mean about Intuitive spellwork, I am getting great guidance from my oracle decks which are helping me optimize myself.
I've come to the conclusion that I need to stay true to myself by any means necessary. I wasted so much energy trying not to help others during the past few weeks because I felt unappreciated, when in fact, it took more out of me to be selfish than to simply give.
I've accepted this... it's part of my life's purpose, so why fight it?
I've been blessed with an apt ability for spellwork. Things just make sense, links happen even before I realize I'm working on a spell. Higher guidance shows me the way. It seriously amazes me how easy it is to come up with a strong spell that fulfills the exact needs of whatever issue I'm dealing with... it's uncanny. I love that. Just earlier today I was working on some spellwork to help my sister and her boyfriend , the candle was positively humming with energy. The Runes I needed to complete the spell simply came to me. I trust that every single sigil used will help in it's highest way.
I love magick.
I seriously kept muttering that to myself as I crafted...
Everything makes sense. Things fall into place right at the time when you mostly need them. You just have to trust... ask for help, and accept it. Trust that your magick will manifest because you've made it so, it's an incredible feeling.
I love being in touch with nature, the elements, elementals and magickal beings that help and guide our every step. Intuition is at times taken for granted. Fear is the cause of this.
I've let go of my fear. When you work from a place of love, you really can't do wrong.
I'm a young witch, confident in my abilities and eager to learn as much as the Universe has to offer...
I am open to all teachings. I love knowledge. The more we learn the better we understand ourselves, our surroundings, and others. I don't think I could give up my path... it's part of me as I am part of it and every single resonating energy within our Universe.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Inspiration That Moves Me (PBP 2013 wk 18)
All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air said show me something
He said, if you dare come a little closer
Round, and around, and around, and around we go
Ohhh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it takes me out the way
I want you to stay
It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given
Round, and around, and around, and around, we go
Oohhh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it take me all the way
I want you to stay
Oohh oohh the reason I hold on
Oohh oohh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us
is caving
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it take me all the way
I want you to stay
Stay
I want you to stay ...
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air said show me something
He said, if you dare come a little closer
Round, and around, and around, and around we go
Ohhh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it takes me out the way
I want you to stay
It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given
Round, and around, and around, and around, we go
Oohhh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now, you know
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it take me all the way
I want you to stay
Oohh oohh the reason I hold on
Oohh oohh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us
is caving
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
And it take me all the way
I want you to stay
Stay
I want you to stay ...
The first time I heard this song I was moved to my very core... I felt it from the first note of the melody, until the last line of the lyrics. It touched me, it moved me, it haunted me... And then of course, I watched the video ...
I don't think I was really prepared for the honesty behind Rihanna's stripped down face.
You can clearly see, feel, and touch her pain. For anyone who doesn't like Rihanna or judges her over the whole Chris Brown fiasco, I say, "Haven't you ever been in a toxic relationship?"
Love is undeniably blind. We love because something in the other's soul speaks to us like no other. It awakens feelings in us that up until that point we never thought would be possible. Clearly, this isn't always ideal. Sometimes we fall for someone that doesn't deserve our love... but again, love knows no reservations.
I understand Rihanna's toxic love. I spent most of the last few years dealing with the aftermath of a heartbreak / unrequited love. I've come to realize that my "toxic" love is the result of past-life issues / karma.
I trust in higher guidance. My higher self / spirit guides / ancestors have no reason to lie to me. It's been a reoccurring theme during my readings...
Once I figured out the meaning behind our crossed paths I knew this whole thing was higher than myself.
I don't know what I did in my past life, --if I hurt him, or if he hurt me-- if we will continue to encounter each other in future lives until we fix this karmic unbalance.
The love I have for him will always be there... I understand now that we aren't meant to be together. I'm meant to help him in different ways. Which is where I'm focusing my energy now days.
I guess this song reminds me of the way I used to feel about him.
I wanted him in my life so badly that I spent a lot of time missing what we used to have, wanting him back in my life... needing to feel that love which we once shared.
Things aren't that simple anymore... I know too much. I've seen too much... He's too damaged and oh so very lost. He's now part of my life, but things are SO different now... I know that what we have isn't the love I want, and that it will never be anything more than what it currently is... it sort of makes me feel the way Rihanna looks in her video.
Not because I need him, but because I no longer do...
It's a different kind of acceptance. Healing mainly.
This song is haunting me, even now, as I write...
The first time I watched the video and saw Mikky Ekko I was lost for a moment...
Ekko looks so much like him, or the way he did when we used to be... which might be another reason why I'm so in love with this song. Ekko's shaggy hair reminds me of the past, of how we were, once upon a time.
"Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving." Is a line that touches me so deeply... he saved me from myself. He helped find myself when I thought all was lost. I love him for that. He helped me when I mostly needed of someone. He showed me love and I believed again... No matter what's happened between us, I can never regret that.
I would like to do the same for him. Help him heal... help him become the man he's meant to be. Even and most importantly if that's not with me. This is one of my life's purposes.
I don't know what the future holds for us. All I know is that I need to help him... I'm reaching real closure and I'd like to end all unfinished business before my next lifetime.
I've realized that my purpose in life is to help others. I was blessed enough to realize my true path... I'll admit that the road was full of pain and losses, and that I continue to suffer oh so deeply because I have issues that hinder me like nothing else ever has.
And yet, without all this pain and suffering I would've never discovered my true path. It's the sacrifice I must make in order to enlighten myself.
I believe that all this I've endured and overcome will eventually bring me to the ultimate reward, happiness on earth.
I believe in the healing energy of Mother Earth, God & Goddess, the fairies, elements and Ancestors... I know they all want my happiness and will help me attain perfect health. How else do they expect me to fulfill my destiny? I need, no, I DESERVE, happiness and perfect health.
Trust and Believe that everything you need will come to you at the right moment in time...
The Universe, with it's infinite knowledge gives us signs and guidance that eventually places us where we need to be. I trust with all my being ...
I'm deeply inspired to follow my path and make the necessary changes to stay true to my higher self.
I don't think I was really prepared for the honesty behind Rihanna's stripped down face.
You can clearly see, feel, and touch her pain. For anyone who doesn't like Rihanna or judges her over the whole Chris Brown fiasco, I say, "Haven't you ever been in a toxic relationship?"
Love is undeniably blind. We love because something in the other's soul speaks to us like no other. It awakens feelings in us that up until that point we never thought would be possible. Clearly, this isn't always ideal. Sometimes we fall for someone that doesn't deserve our love... but again, love knows no reservations.
I understand Rihanna's toxic love. I spent most of the last few years dealing with the aftermath of a heartbreak / unrequited love. I've come to realize that my "toxic" love is the result of past-life issues / karma.
I trust in higher guidance. My higher self / spirit guides / ancestors have no reason to lie to me. It's been a reoccurring theme during my readings...
Once I figured out the meaning behind our crossed paths I knew this whole thing was higher than myself.
I don't know what I did in my past life, --if I hurt him, or if he hurt me-- if we will continue to encounter each other in future lives until we fix this karmic unbalance.
The love I have for him will always be there... I understand now that we aren't meant to be together. I'm meant to help him in different ways. Which is where I'm focusing my energy now days.
I guess this song reminds me of the way I used to feel about him.
I wanted him in my life so badly that I spent a lot of time missing what we used to have, wanting him back in my life... needing to feel that love which we once shared.
Things aren't that simple anymore... I know too much. I've seen too much... He's too damaged and oh so very lost. He's now part of my life, but things are SO different now... I know that what we have isn't the love I want, and that it will never be anything more than what it currently is... it sort of makes me feel the way Rihanna looks in her video.
Not because I need him, but because I no longer do...
It's a different kind of acceptance. Healing mainly.
This song is haunting me, even now, as I write...
The first time I watched the video and saw Mikky Ekko I was lost for a moment...
Ekko looks so much like him, or the way he did when we used to be... which might be another reason why I'm so in love with this song. Ekko's shaggy hair reminds me of the past, of how we were, once upon a time.
"Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving." Is a line that touches me so deeply... he saved me from myself. He helped find myself when I thought all was lost. I love him for that. He helped me when I mostly needed of someone. He showed me love and I believed again... No matter what's happened between us, I can never regret that.
I would like to do the same for him. Help him heal... help him become the man he's meant to be. Even and most importantly if that's not with me. This is one of my life's purposes.
I don't know what the future holds for us. All I know is that I need to help him... I'm reaching real closure and I'd like to end all unfinished business before my next lifetime.
I've realized that my purpose in life is to help others. I was blessed enough to realize my true path... I'll admit that the road was full of pain and losses, and that I continue to suffer oh so deeply because I have issues that hinder me like nothing else ever has.
And yet, without all this pain and suffering I would've never discovered my true path. It's the sacrifice I must make in order to enlighten myself.
I believe that all this I've endured and overcome will eventually bring me to the ultimate reward, happiness on earth.
I believe in the healing energy of Mother Earth, God & Goddess, the fairies, elements and Ancestors... I know they all want my happiness and will help me attain perfect health. How else do they expect me to fulfill my destiny? I need, no, I DESERVE, happiness and perfect health.
Trust and Believe that everything you need will come to you at the right moment in time...
The Universe, with it's infinite knowledge gives us signs and guidance that eventually places us where we need to be. I trust with all my being ...
I'm deeply inspired to follow my path and make the necessary changes to stay true to my higher self.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Eager to Earn a Living by Following My Path... (PBP 2013 wk 9)
I'm quite excited about where life is leading me.
For a while --looong while-- things in my life seemed as if they were going from bad to worse. I had to go through many challenges, obstacles, and personal tests before I got to the point where I am now. I can, without a doubt, say that I'm slowly getting back to normal, i.e. who I used to be before my sequence of unfortunate events.
Every day, and each new experience add-on to the learning process that is called living, and I am absolutely thankful for the many blessings I have, and for those that are on my way.
I won't go into full detail in this post because it's a long and heavy subject and quite frankly, I don't feel like reminiscing. I will say this, I've lost a lot, I've also suffered a lot. I lost myself for such a long time... I was simply a shadow of my former self.
The events and choices that lead me to experience such things, although unfortunate, have helped me grow not only spiritually but also emotionally. I've come to realize that the choices I've made in the past --which at first glance appeared as huge mistakes-- have lead me to be in the path I am today.
I don't regret where I am now, because I have come to learn and understand so much about life and our individual paths and purposes. I wish I'd arrived at this place through different means, but I know that if I hadn't made those mistakes I wouldn't have arrived at this conclusion. I doubt I would've ever discovered My True Path, or the Craft.
Dreams have obstacles, otherwise they would be easy to attain.
My background is in chemical engineering and environmental chemistry. In fact, I got into UT's engineering program without really trying. People would say I'm smart --book smart anyway, because I tend to fail when it comes to street smarts-- learning comes somewhat easy to me, but of course I have to feel passionate about it, it has to peak my interest, and keep me interested. I guess it's a Leo thing. We are driven by our passionate hearts.
The series of unfortunate events that plagued my life left me in a state of doom and depression. I was depressed for years. I even considered and planned out a suicide... but that's neither here nor there. I was lost, so very lost and so very alone.
I was able to find the light at the end of the tunnel thanks to Love, the absolute healer. I fell in love, found happiness again and then got heartbroken...
Bad timing, constant interferences from relatives, and ultimately there were events that pointed towards a definite break.
This big break was followed of course by another round of unfortunate events.
C'es la Vie, right? You have a glimpse of happiness and then life reminds you that things are not all rosy pink.
I lost it all again.
The difference this time around was that I'd found the Path. Love had given me strength to find myself again; it helped me by nurturing me and allowing me to slowly realize that I COULD be who I used to be before everything went down the drain.
I realized along the way that I AM STRONG, way stronger than I thought. All these experiences have given me this incredible sense of growth, almost as if I've reached a level of enlightment.
I have lived, loved and lost and I'm not ready to give up.
I WANT TO LIVE, and I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
I've learned to let go and trust in higher guidance. There's a bigger plan out there, a bigger picture that goes way beyond the limits of time and space. We are living this life and changing with each cycle that the wheel brings into our lives.
You can not fully appreciate happiness if you've never felt sadness, suffering, or loss.
I know that if I trust in higher guidance I will make all my dreams come true.
I know that there will be obstacles, but these too can be removed/overcome. Like the Hanging Man, which represents my soul card, I must see things from different perspectives; I know that every problem has an attainable solution which might not be apparent at first glance. I can attain what I want, I just need to be aware that sacrifice is one of the main keys of this card.
I've sacrificed enough all my life, I understand that there are certain things I must sacrifice in order to reach my dreams. I accept and surrender to higher guidance.
Which leads me to the main point of this post. hehe
I tend to do some background info before I reachthe main point of the post, it's all about the bigger picture for me.
I feel, or well, signs are pointing me towards Tarot and the esoteric.
Not long ago, --actually, before Jess announced the B-school fundraiser-- I was having a heart-to-heart with my sister. We were discussing the reasons behind my inhability to let go of my ex, why I didn't feel ready to date, why I'd been a hermit the past few days.
I admitted that I felt very stuck --I don't have a steady job and this keeps me from contributing as much as I'd like into our household.
She understands my predicament, and in an attempt to figure out what to do with my life she asked me a question that immediately set me to tears... "What makes you happy?"
I didn't know the answer.
It took me a while to regain my composure. Actually, it wasn't until her cat (one that up until that exact moment kept giving me the cold shoulder in spite of my constant attempts at bonding with her) jumps on my lap and starts to purr ... she was comforting me!! I was crying with such pain because I felt so lost and my sister's cat jumps on my lap, gives me love and reminds me that everything will be ok.
Even my sister was surprised since her cat was barely getting used to me.
After I calmed down, and pondered on her question, I realized that helping people makes me happy.
I've always had a knack for giving great advice; my friends tell me how easy it is to talk to me, open up, how I give them strength, hope, support. I'm a great confidant, I've always been this way. This is one of MY main qualities, I am not only sympathetic towards other people, I'm empathetic. I'm full of love and compassion, I see the best in everyone because I see the potential they have to achieve their goals and dreams. I love this about me, and I'm told that it's one of my best attributes.
I like helping people. Yes, I am intelligent, I can do advanced math, physics and chemistry, I have an engineering background and I could potentially make a lot of money this way... there are obstacles that I need to overcome and I know that I will find the way once I reach them, but it will take quite some time.
And, before I can even get to that point, I first have to address the most crucial parts of my life. Like, the fact that I'm not employed and the realization that engineering is not my passion.
As of now, I feel very passionate about the Craft, the esoteric and the Tarot. It makes me happy to be able to guide others, help them figure out how to be happy. I do that now anyway, why not make money along the way to help me reach my ultimate goals?
As it happened, this is when Rowan (whoops, Jess hehe, still gettting used to it) posted the Tarot class and also my mom's friend, Marina asked me to go into business with her.
Is it a coincidence that right when I'm questioniing my life's purpose that I get such clear signs that maybe this is the way towards my dreams?
This isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, when I first embarked in this journey I got a message from the spirit world that adviced me to follow this path and I'd be successful.
Which leads me to believe that maybe this is what I'm meant to be doing?
I honestly don't know.
All I know is that I will trust in higher guidance. If I'm currently being lead towards this path, then I will follow it. The Craft makes me happy. I'm quite apt and passionate about it.
I envision myself more confident about my reading abilities in a couple of months. After Jess's In The Cards class I'll be able to work from home and save money. I have other part time options that can help me become more economically independent. Once I get my car fixed I can work with my friend teaching and tutoring in math, chemistry and sciences --which I'm naturally good at-- save enough money to get back to school and either finish my engineering / environmental chemistry degree which I could use to raise awarness about our environment / find ways to engineer safer eco friendly ways of performing every day tasks / consuming intelligently....
OR environmental chemistry / Psych ... yeah, as of the past few days I've come to the conclusion that this area of study has some sort of meaning to my life's path. I could still help mother earth and people in general.
With the first option I feel I might derail from the current spiritual path I'm following since we focus mainly on the left side of the brain... with the latter, I feel it's more of a balance?
I don't know, I'll figure this out as I go along... I'm trusting in the Universe!
I'M EAGER & WILDLY EXCITED ABOUT ALL THESE EARNING POSIBILITIES AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BEGIN MY NEW QUEST TO REACH MY DREAMS.
For a while --looong while-- things in my life seemed as if they were going from bad to worse. I had to go through many challenges, obstacles, and personal tests before I got to the point where I am now. I can, without a doubt, say that I'm slowly getting back to normal, i.e. who I used to be before my sequence of unfortunate events.
Every day, and each new experience add-on to the learning process that is called living, and I am absolutely thankful for the many blessings I have, and for those that are on my way.
I won't go into full detail in this post because it's a long and heavy subject and quite frankly, I don't feel like reminiscing. I will say this, I've lost a lot, I've also suffered a lot. I lost myself for such a long time... I was simply a shadow of my former self.
The events and choices that lead me to experience such things, although unfortunate, have helped me grow not only spiritually but also emotionally. I've come to realize that the choices I've made in the past --which at first glance appeared as huge mistakes-- have lead me to be in the path I am today.
I don't regret where I am now, because I have come to learn and understand so much about life and our individual paths and purposes. I wish I'd arrived at this place through different means, but I know that if I hadn't made those mistakes I wouldn't have arrived at this conclusion. I doubt I would've ever discovered My True Path, or the Craft.
Dreams have obstacles, otherwise they would be easy to attain.
My background is in chemical engineering and environmental chemistry. In fact, I got into UT's engineering program without really trying. People would say I'm smart --book smart anyway, because I tend to fail when it comes to street smarts-- learning comes somewhat easy to me, but of course I have to feel passionate about it, it has to peak my interest, and keep me interested. I guess it's a Leo thing. We are driven by our passionate hearts.
The series of unfortunate events that plagued my life left me in a state of doom and depression. I was depressed for years. I even considered and planned out a suicide... but that's neither here nor there. I was lost, so very lost and so very alone.
I was able to find the light at the end of the tunnel thanks to Love, the absolute healer. I fell in love, found happiness again and then got heartbroken...
Bad timing, constant interferences from relatives, and ultimately there were events that pointed towards a definite break.
This big break was followed of course by another round of unfortunate events.
C'es la Vie, right? You have a glimpse of happiness and then life reminds you that things are not all rosy pink.
I lost it all again.
The difference this time around was that I'd found the Path. Love had given me strength to find myself again; it helped me by nurturing me and allowing me to slowly realize that I COULD be who I used to be before everything went down the drain.
I realized along the way that I AM STRONG, way stronger than I thought. All these experiences have given me this incredible sense of growth, almost as if I've reached a level of enlightment.
I have lived, loved and lost and I'm not ready to give up.
I WANT TO LIVE, and I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
I've learned to let go and trust in higher guidance. There's a bigger plan out there, a bigger picture that goes way beyond the limits of time and space. We are living this life and changing with each cycle that the wheel brings into our lives.
You can not fully appreciate happiness if you've never felt sadness, suffering, or loss.
I know that if I trust in higher guidance I will make all my dreams come true.
I know that there will be obstacles, but these too can be removed/overcome. Like the Hanging Man, which represents my soul card, I must see things from different perspectives; I know that every problem has an attainable solution which might not be apparent at first glance. I can attain what I want, I just need to be aware that sacrifice is one of the main keys of this card.
I've sacrificed enough all my life, I understand that there are certain things I must sacrifice in order to reach my dreams. I accept and surrender to higher guidance.
Which leads me to the main point of this post. hehe
I tend to do some background info before I reachthe main point of the post, it's all about the bigger picture for me.
I feel, or well, signs are pointing me towards Tarot and the esoteric.
Not long ago, --actually, before Jess announced the B-school fundraiser-- I was having a heart-to-heart with my sister. We were discussing the reasons behind my inhability to let go of my ex, why I didn't feel ready to date, why I'd been a hermit the past few days.
I admitted that I felt very stuck --I don't have a steady job and this keeps me from contributing as much as I'd like into our household.
She understands my predicament, and in an attempt to figure out what to do with my life she asked me a question that immediately set me to tears... "What makes you happy?"
I didn't know the answer.
It took me a while to regain my composure. Actually, it wasn't until her cat (one that up until that exact moment kept giving me the cold shoulder in spite of my constant attempts at bonding with her) jumps on my lap and starts to purr ... she was comforting me!! I was crying with such pain because I felt so lost and my sister's cat jumps on my lap, gives me love and reminds me that everything will be ok.
Even my sister was surprised since her cat was barely getting used to me.
After I calmed down, and pondered on her question, I realized that helping people makes me happy.
I've always had a knack for giving great advice; my friends tell me how easy it is to talk to me, open up, how I give them strength, hope, support. I'm a great confidant, I've always been this way. This is one of MY main qualities, I am not only sympathetic towards other people, I'm empathetic. I'm full of love and compassion, I see the best in everyone because I see the potential they have to achieve their goals and dreams. I love this about me, and I'm told that it's one of my best attributes.
I like helping people. Yes, I am intelligent, I can do advanced math, physics and chemistry, I have an engineering background and I could potentially make a lot of money this way... there are obstacles that I need to overcome and I know that I will find the way once I reach them, but it will take quite some time.
And, before I can even get to that point, I first have to address the most crucial parts of my life. Like, the fact that I'm not employed and the realization that engineering is not my passion.
As of now, I feel very passionate about the Craft, the esoteric and the Tarot. It makes me happy to be able to guide others, help them figure out how to be happy. I do that now anyway, why not make money along the way to help me reach my ultimate goals?
As it happened, this is when Rowan (whoops, Jess hehe, still gettting used to it) posted the Tarot class and also my mom's friend, Marina asked me to go into business with her.
Is it a coincidence that right when I'm questioniing my life's purpose that I get such clear signs that maybe this is the way towards my dreams?
This isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, when I first embarked in this journey I got a message from the spirit world that adviced me to follow this path and I'd be successful.
Which leads me to believe that maybe this is what I'm meant to be doing?
I honestly don't know.
All I know is that I will trust in higher guidance. If I'm currently being lead towards this path, then I will follow it. The Craft makes me happy. I'm quite apt and passionate about it.
I envision myself more confident about my reading abilities in a couple of months. After Jess's In The Cards class I'll be able to work from home and save money. I have other part time options that can help me become more economically independent. Once I get my car fixed I can work with my friend teaching and tutoring in math, chemistry and sciences --which I'm naturally good at-- save enough money to get back to school and either finish my engineering / environmental chemistry degree which I could use to raise awarness about our environment / find ways to engineer safer eco friendly ways of performing every day tasks / consuming intelligently....
OR environmental chemistry / Psych ... yeah, as of the past few days I've come to the conclusion that this area of study has some sort of meaning to my life's path. I could still help mother earth and people in general.
With the first option I feel I might derail from the current spiritual path I'm following since we focus mainly on the left side of the brain... with the latter, I feel it's more of a balance?
I don't know, I'll figure this out as I go along... I'm trusting in the Universe!
I'M EAGER & WILDLY EXCITED ABOUT ALL THESE EARNING POSIBILITIES AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BEGIN MY NEW QUEST TO REACH MY DREAMS.
Emotional hormonal mess, connecting with the Element of Water and beings of the West (PBP 2013 wk 9)
Sunday June 6, 2013
I'm trying to catch up with the posts I missed at the beginning of the year. This post was for March 1st, and so I've decided to schedule it for that date. I was in the middle of writing the post for last Friday but I'm seriously emotional and randomly crying so it seemed like I should address this instead.
I honor my emotions as they come because they are part of me. I am someone who is very much in touch with my empathy, and sympathy for others. I'm a Leo, ruled by my heart. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and this has the potential of hurting me when I least expect it.
I mean, it doesn't help that I'm on my cycle, and highly hormonal; so in a way, my random outbursts are partially because of my hormonal state. This doesn't mean I'm dismissing my feelings and emotions. I am quite aware that these stem from a place that is still sensitive.
I mean, I'm watching "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and I'm getting teary-eyed. It isn't so random actually; any scene where Love is palpable opens the watergates. The scene where the men express they have known real love because of their kids, how they wouldn't change it for the world reminds me of what I long to have. I guess it touches the issues I currently have with my father... We have fallen apart and even though I am now a better person, stronger, more capable, unmovable, it doesn't change the fact that I love him. He is my father and I long for a connection.
Aside from those issues that are in some serious need of healing, I am dealing with the fact that I am a bit lonely. The whole concept of love, and having someone that will be there for you through thick and thin makes me long for a meaningful relationship.
As I type this I've started on the movie, Like Crazy. It sent me on a path through memory lane. Spending never ending days in bed, needing only each other to be happy, fighting against everyone's disapproval to be together. Feelings that assured me that I could not live without him... :sigh: It feels like it was so long ago.
I've known love, I've felt that happiness, that connectedness you have with someone that simply moves you to your core. It helped me become stronger, it helped me find myself again during a time where I truly needed finding. It was beautiful while it lasted, and having it end taught me an unbelievable amount of lessons that are unsurpassed by any other experience. I experienced pain and loss, failure and a never ending loneliness that was a constant achy reminder of what I once had.
I have no regrets.
I am now almost fully healed. I've found my empathy once more, my ability to connect with everything and everyone. I am so thankful for this, to be able to feel... even when it aches, even when it makes me cry, even when I emotionally overreact... I am thankful. I rather feel than be numb. This is a truth that I accept full-heartedly.
I connect with the elements on daily basis, they are part of me and I am part of them. I ask the beings of each corner to keep me true to myself, to help me keep connected with who and what they represent. I stay connected with Source, my higher self, the core of who I am by honoring what makes me, me.
I understand that everything I need comes to me at the perfect time, and that I should be patient because I am not ready in some way. I trust that when the time is right I will have that relationship I so long for.
Even while knowing this very important truth, I can not help myself from missing that wonderful feeling called love. I love freely, I give it freely, I appreciate the love that is around me. The love I long for is that of a romantic partner. I miss that connection that links you to someone else's soul. That very true emotion that keeps you happy for no apparent reason. The butterflies that flutter uncontrollably from the sound of his voice, the achy warmth that emanates from my loins and spreads throughout my body when he kisses my forehead. The way his arms feel around me while we sleep... and I say he because as of now, I don't know who this guy, my soul mate, my twin flame may be... or where he is.
Last week's oracle message from the Romance Angels advised me to call for my soul-mate. Calling your Soul Mate - Your prayers, affirmations and visualizations help bring you together. At the time I pulled this card, I was in denial. The person I felt this card was about is ironically my ex... the irony is that even though I still love him, and always will, I am no longer in-love with him. I don't see myself with him because I want more... I want it all. Not just bits and pieces, not just what he can offer. I want to be truly happy with someone that will cherish me for who I am. I want it all. I want a love that will last until I'm old, a love that will put me, my happiness, my needs, ahead of his own, because that's what I would do for him....
I'm not sure my ex can step up to the challenge. He's different somehow. He's trying, he's changing, he's striving to be better... but his core, that thing that keeps him chained to his addictions stand in the way. I feel he's realized he wants me in his life, and is doing anything he can to keep me in it. He has a long way to go... my feelings have changed and I am not sure I can even picture myself with him anymore. Not the way I did before anyway. I want more.
I don't know what the future holds for me... but I do know that I want to be happy... anything less is not worth who I am.
I thought I understood it.
That I could grasp it.
But I didn't.
Not really.
Only the 'smudgeness' of it.
The pink-slippered,
all-containered,
semi-precious eagerness of it.
I didn't realize it would
sometimes be more than whole.
That the wholeness
was a rather luxurious idea.
Because it's the halves
that halve you in half.
Didn't know. Don't know
about the in-between bits.
The gory bits of you
and gory bits of me.
~ Anna, Like Crazy
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