I'm quite excited about where life is leading me.
For a while --looong while-- things in my life seemed as if they were going from bad to worse. I had to go through many challenges, obstacles, and personal tests before I got to the point where I am now. I can, without a doubt, say that I'm slowly getting back to normal, i.e. who I used to be before my sequence of unfortunate events.
Every day, and each new experience add-on to the learning process that is called living, and I am absolutely thankful for the many blessings I have, and for those that are on my way.
I won't go into full detail in this post because it's a long and heavy subject and quite frankly, I don't feel like reminiscing. I will say this, I've lost a lot, I've also suffered a lot. I lost myself for such a long time... I was simply a shadow of my former self.
The events and choices that lead me to experience such things, although unfortunate, have helped me grow not only spiritually but also emotionally. I've come to realize that the choices I've made in the past --which at first glance appeared as huge mistakes-- have lead me to be in the path I am today.
I don't regret where I am now, because I have come to learn and understand so much about life and our individual paths and purposes. I wish I'd arrived at this place through different means, but I know that if I hadn't made those mistakes I wouldn't have arrived at this conclusion. I doubt I would've ever discovered My True Path, or the Craft.
Dreams have obstacles, otherwise they would be easy to attain.
My background is in chemical engineering and environmental chemistry. In fact, I got into UT's engineering program without really trying. People would say I'm smart --book smart anyway, because I tend to fail when it comes to street smarts-- learning comes somewhat easy to me, but of course I have to feel passionate about it, it has to peak my interest, and keep me interested. I guess it's a Leo thing. We are driven by our passionate hearts.
The series of unfortunate events that plagued my life left me in a state of doom and depression. I was depressed for years. I even considered and planned out a suicide... but that's neither here nor there. I was lost, so very lost and so very alone.
I was able to find the light at the end of the tunnel thanks to Love, the absolute healer. I fell in love, found happiness again and then got heartbroken...
Bad timing, constant interferences from relatives, and ultimately there were events that pointed towards a definite break.
This big break was followed of course by another round of unfortunate events.
C'es la Vie, right? You have a glimpse of happiness and then life reminds you that things are not all rosy pink.
I lost it all again.
The difference this time around was that I'd found the Path. Love had given me strength to find myself again; it helped me by nurturing me and allowing me to slowly realize that I COULD be who I used to be before everything went down the drain.
I realized along the way that I AM STRONG, way stronger than I thought. All these experiences have given me this incredible sense of growth, almost as if I've reached a level of enlightment.
I have lived, loved and lost and I'm not ready to give up.
I WANT TO LIVE, and I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
I've learned to let go and trust in higher guidance. There's a bigger plan out there, a bigger picture that goes way beyond the limits of time and space. We are living this life and changing with each cycle that the wheel brings into our lives.
You can not fully appreciate happiness if you've never felt sadness, suffering, or loss.
I know that if I trust in higher guidance I will make all my dreams come true.
I know that there will be obstacles, but these too can be removed/overcome. Like the Hanging Man, which represents my soul card, I must see things from different perspectives; I know that every problem has an attainable solution which might not be apparent at first glance. I can attain what I want, I just need to be aware that sacrifice is one of the main keys of this card.
I've sacrificed enough all my life, I understand that there are certain things I must sacrifice in order to reach my dreams. I accept and surrender to higher guidance.
Which leads me to the main point of this post. hehe
I tend to do some background info before I reachthe main point of the post, it's all about the bigger picture for me.
I feel, or well, signs are pointing me towards Tarot and the esoteric.
Not long ago, --actually, before Jess announced the B-school fundraiser-- I was having a heart-to-heart with my sister. We were discussing the reasons behind my inhability to let go of my ex, why I didn't feel ready to date, why I'd been a hermit the past few days.
I admitted that I felt very stuck --I don't have a steady job and this keeps me from contributing as much as I'd like into our household.
She understands my predicament, and in an attempt to figure out what to do with my life she asked me a question that immediately set me to tears... "What makes you happy?"
I didn't know the answer.
It took me a while to regain my composure. Actually, it wasn't until her cat (one that up until that exact moment kept giving me the cold shoulder in spite of my constant attempts at bonding with her) jumps on my lap and starts to purr ... she was comforting me!! I was crying with such pain because I felt so lost and my sister's cat jumps on my lap, gives me love and reminds me that everything will be ok.
Even my sister was surprised since her cat was barely getting used to me.
After I calmed down, and pondered on her question, I realized that helping people makes me happy.
I've always had a knack for giving great advice; my friends tell me how easy it is to talk to me, open up, how I give them strength, hope, support. I'm a great confidant, I've always been this way. This is one of MY main qualities, I am not only sympathetic towards other people, I'm empathetic. I'm full of love and compassion, I see the best in everyone because I see the potential they have to achieve their goals and dreams. I love this about me, and I'm told that it's one of my best attributes.
I like helping people. Yes, I am intelligent, I can do advanced math, physics and chemistry, I have an engineering background and I could potentially make a lot of money this way... there are obstacles that I need to overcome and I know that I will find the way once I reach them, but it will take quite some time.
And, before I can even get to that point, I first have to address the most crucial parts of my life. Like, the fact that I'm not employed and the realization that engineering is not my passion.
As of now, I feel very passionate about the Craft, the esoteric and the Tarot. It makes me happy to be able to guide others, help them figure out how to be happy. I do that now anyway, why not make money along the way to help me reach my ultimate goals?
As it happened, this is when Rowan (whoops, Jess hehe, still gettting used to it) posted the Tarot class and also my mom's friend, Marina asked me to go into business with her.
Is it a coincidence that right when I'm questioniing my life's purpose that I get such clear signs that maybe this is the way towards my dreams?
This isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, when I first embarked in this journey I got a message from the spirit world that adviced me to follow this path and I'd be successful.
Which leads me to believe that maybe this is what I'm meant to be doing?
I honestly don't know.
All I know is that I will trust in higher guidance. If I'm currently being lead towards this path, then I will follow it. The Craft makes me happy. I'm quite apt and passionate about it.
I envision myself more confident about my reading abilities in a couple of months. After Jess's In The Cards class I'll be able to work from home and save money. I have other part time options that can help me become more economically independent. Once I get my car fixed I can work with my friend teaching and tutoring in math, chemistry and sciences --which I'm naturally good at-- save enough money to get back to school and either finish my engineering / environmental chemistry degree which I could use to raise awarness about our environment / find ways to engineer safer eco friendly ways of performing every day tasks / consuming intelligently....
OR environmental chemistry / Psych ... yeah, as of the past few days I've come to the conclusion that this area of study has some sort of meaning to my life's path. I could still help mother earth and people in general.
With the first option I feel I might derail from the current spiritual path I'm following since we focus mainly on the left side of the brain... with the latter, I feel it's more of a balance?
I don't know, I'll figure this out as I go along... I'm trusting in the Universe!
I'M EAGER & WILDLY EXCITED ABOUT ALL THESE EARNING POSIBILITIES AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BEGIN MY NEW QUEST TO REACH MY DREAMS.