Friday, January 6, 2012

To Honor One's Ancestors ... (PBP wk 1)

 May 8, 2012
"If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.”

I have to admit that it wasn't until I began this path that I felt the linking connection with my Ancestors. There was so much going on at the time (mainly negative energies and crossings), that I didn't really know how to handle it. If it hadn't been for the Ancestors I don't know if I would've opened up about my beliefs; I doubt I would've come out of the broom closet (at least with my family and close friends).

About ten months ago, I'd just gotten back from an uncrossing ceremony lead by Marina (my mom's friend & Santeria priestess). We'd gone to the beach to leave offerings to Yemeya & Oshun (Siete Potencias sisters of the ocean and rivers). I wanted to share my experience with my friend Angel. Just as I got on the computer I realized the internet was down; I shrugged it off and thought to myself, "I'll just tell her later." At that exact second, I got a text update from Indigo Witch.

Her spirit message said "Selina who is in USA. There is a lady in spirit a grandmother or aunt. She says that you can achieve anything, do the course now and you will be very successful, dont hold yourself back :)"

At the time I shrugged the message off. I mean, that's not how my name is spelled, and quite honestly it didn't make much sense. What do you mean course? as in, an actual class? a road?

And yet, something kept nagging at me. Maybe it was the sudden surge of energy I felt when I opened the message, how I felt as if there were tiny little needless all over my body.  I couldn't let it go.

Landmark: La Catedral de San Luis Potosi.
My grandfather's family is originally
from San Luis Potosi.
I considered the message and wondered about the lady mentioned. I had no clue of who she could be, both of my grandmothers were alive. Then my grandfather came to mind (he passed in May 2009), he's the closest relative I've lost. Out of both sides of my family, I'd been closest to my mom's... closest to him. He used to call me "mi muñeca" ... "my doll."
Then my great grandmother came to mind. I remember bisabuela (great grandmother), she was kind and quiet. She had this wise look about her. My grandpa would take me to his parents where they would sit & talk, while I'd play with their chicks and roosters.
My bisabuela had this way about her, sort of a silent power about her. She didn't say much, but when She did, her advise was deep and wise. She was definitely a big role in my grandfathers life.

While I pondered over the message and it's meaning, I thought about the fact that my entire family speaks Spanish. I think I was half asleep when it hit me. It was as if I could see this lady in spirit explain her message with signs and hand motions. I mentally translated the message and realized it made way more sense to me in spanish.

"Selina que está en los EE.UU. Hay una señora en espíritu de una abuela o una tía. Ella dice que se puede lograr cualquier cosa, sigue ese curso y tendras mucho exito, no te detengas."

It was as if this bright lightbulb went off in my mind. The second the realization hit me, I knew I believed this. Now, whether that message was meant for me or not was not the key. What mattered was that through it, I'd found the link I was missing.

From Skull-a-Day blogspot
My grandfather's passing was hard on all of us. It all happened so suddenly. I blamed my grandmother for not taking care of him. Thinking about all he must've suffered had me in such a state, that for me, the easiest solution was to shut down. I mean, I didn't even get to say goodbye. I couldn't even attend the funeral. It hurt too much to deal.

Three months after my grandfather died, his oldest son passed in his sleep. It was a sad period for our entire family.
It wasn't until six months after my grandfather's death that I finally broke down again. I was staying with an uncle & his family (at home, things were difficult to say the least); they openly talked about my grandfather, something I wasn't too comfortable doing. I really admired my uncle's strength. He'd get up every morning and pray for both my grandfather and his brother. I couldn't understand how he could endure the pain. I avoided it at all costs.
If I'd allowed myself to mourn, it would've taken it all out of me. I simply wasn't ready. I didn't have it in me. I had enough dealing with other personal traumas. Then one night, I dreamt of him, my grandfather, "Mi Tito" (that was my nickname for him. In fact, because of me, the rest of my cousins refered to him by that name.)

We were at his house, I was sitting at the edge of his bed, he was standing as if nothing was the matter. He looked great, no wheelchair... a picture of perfect health. He sat next to me and held my hand. He didn't say a word. He just sat next to me.

My grandparents settled in Monterrey N.L.
I was born here.
I didn't ask him why he'd left me, I wasn't sad, I was simply enjoying the moment. We both laid back on the bed and sighted. It was so peaceful there. I remember thinking how quiet it was now that my grandma wasn't shouting (as She usually was). Tito agreed with a  knowing look hehe.

I remember wondering about my uncle, and then he came in the room with a glass of water. He seemed fine. Content. Accepting.
In this dream, mi Tito & I communicated without words.I knew what he was telling me, he knew of my concerns. He assured me that everything was fine... and I felt fine, at peace, happy to be with  him again. Happy to see that he was fine. We were home. The home I grew up in, the house he built with his bare hands. 

When I woke up the next day I felt happy and at peace. That evening, as I thought over the dream I broke down and cried. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe, I cried because I missed him, because I'd seen him, because he was happy, and because I felt so happy while with him again. I mourned him, finally, and exactly 6 months on the day of his passing. It was emotionally cathartic.

This dream happened well over two years ago and I remember it clearly.
It was because of this dream that I opened up again, I allowed myself to miss him. To think of him, talk to him. I wanted him in my life, even if he could no longer be in it physically.

The realization that my ancestors were a constant part of my life changed my relationship with them. They've helped me during spells (coming up with, and improvising protective spells), they've helped me get rid of a pesky spirit that was messing with my sanity, my Grandfather Tito has been present to comfort me when I've needed support and guidance. They call for my attention when I need to take something into consideration, they're a part of me. They are present in my every day...  

My Dia De los Muertos Altar
(October 30th -November 2)
For DIA DE LOS MUERTOS / Samhain / Halloween I created an altar to honor my ancestors and those that passed not too long ago.

I must admit that I had to pull an all nighter to finish this one on time. The base of it consists of a bunch of strategically placed boxes and pieces of wood.
It's supposed to be way more colorful, but under the circumstances, I think it turned out pretty cool.

This was my very first celebration of Dia de los Muertos. My family appreciated my efforts. I was so proud of myself, I faced death and accepted it... finally. 

I honestly can not wait for this year's Dia de los Muertos. I want to make the altar bigger and way more colorful. I want to honor my ancestors as well as other spirits that I admire. i.e. Friday Kahlo, Alex Haley, Princess Diana, Marilyn Monroe, Pope John Paul II, and other saints that are a big part of my path.

Tito has made other appearances in my dreams since that first time two years ago, if he's not physically present in my dreams, his presence is always there. I'm always sooo happy to see him. He came to me in a dream again about two weeks ago. My mom had given me an old t-shirt that belonged to him, and this made me regret not getting the chance to hug him one last time (Because of the circumstances, spending time with him was impossible, and so I didn't get to hug him one last time.) I held onto this shirt and cried for a bit, telling him that I wish I could hug him.

Two nights later, he appeared in my dreams. He was wearing an army green uniform and looked as handsome as ever. The dream was a bit chaotic in itself, but the second Tito appeared everything else came into a stop. He was smiling and I could feel how radient his spirit was. He was telling me once again that he'd taken care of everything. That I shouldn't worry, everything would be just fine. He hugged me then, and I held on to him as long as I could. I could feel his arms around me, his protective energy surrouding me. I was so happy. The next day I woke with him on my mind and the brightest most purest smile I've experienced in a while. Even thinking about it now is making me happy. ^_^

Up until recently I didn't even know how important the dream world is in this path. I'm really great in the dream world I must admit, I have full control, I'm aware of my surroundings, sometimes I explore but other times, I let the dreams show me what I need to see.

This is my Ancestors Altar
I know that my ancestors are present, my dreams have become an important link to them. I work with them and ask them for help when I'm in need and they always deliver. They are here and they help me protect my family. It's amazing.

I really love how this altar came together. A close friend brought me the Aztec Calendar from his last trip to Mexico City. The paper is hand made and full of detail!

I held onto this forever, never really finding a place for it or a purpose. One thing was for sure, I knew I felt an intense connection to it and I dragged it along from place to place as I moved. When I was setting up my room I stuck it to the wall as a mere decoration. This shelf is right above my bed, I wanted it mainly for my books. I don't even know how it became my Ancestors Altar but I'm so glad that's what it's become.

Things just came together organically, as every altar does. Every single item connects me with my past, I honor them daily, I make constant offerings and I share with them my meals. 

I love my ancestors. I am them, and they are me. They want me to be happy, they want their bloodline to be happy.