I guess I'm not so much blue as I am a tiny bit numb.
Today's my birthday... today marks yet another year of stagnation.
I've made much progress in my spiritual path, but I haven't made as much progress in my mundane life. I feel the weight of this major truth on my shoulders.
I'd like nothing more than to be successful in my craft. I know that this is the path I must follow, and that at this time, I'm developing my abilities. It is a time to search my inner soul for the guidance from my higher self. Like the Hermit, I must spend this time in seclusion in order to find my way.
I absolutely love this path, I just wish I had a way to make a living doing what I love. I love to help people, and I do this selflessly; making a difference in someone's life, helping them find hope and happiness through their own means is priceless.
I'd hate to be such a petty being at this time, I shouldn't put out negative thoughts out into the Universe. In a way, this isn't really negative, it's just an honest view of my current emotional state. I'd have to say that I'm feeling a bit numb... and a bit lonely.
I'm not celebrating or doing anything special today other than read my books, and clean my magickal room / study and my bedroom. I've got spell-work that I'd like to work on, but as of now, I honestly don't have the energy for it.
Ever since the Chakra Healing session I had with Jess, I've felt rejuvenated and balanced. I am thankful for this.
I can't help but compare myself to how I was last year, dealing with fucking Collin, a liar and a selfish cheat, promising all these things for his own benefit only to crush my dreams right on my fucking birthday. He ruined it. He's the single one person that's hurt me the most and I forgave him time after time... he certainly does not deserve a happy ending.. :sigh: He's had his influence over this month of course, changing plans once more, lying, showing me his true colors... he's such a joke. He'll get what he deserves soon enough...
If it wasn't for this Chakra alignment I would be a mess. Depressed, drowning in self pity.. crying myself to sleep because things haven't turned out as I'd wished them to be, because I'm lonely, because none of my friends are here to celebrate my birthday with me, and because they guy I have feelings for has yet to call me (and I doubt he will.) He's currently online, so it's not like he doesn't know. I even told him how difficult birthdays are for me earlier last week... I wasn't fishing for attention, it came out naturally, something I would share with my closest friends. There's no excuse for him not to call me or even leave me a message on my wall... I mean, facebook reminds you... :Sigh:
Given my track record on how depressing my past birthdays have been, I would've been a mess today, instead, I'm calm, and cool ... a bit emotional and somewhat numb, but not overwhelmed.. if that makes sense.
I'm a bit bummed at the current relationship I have with my sister. For the past month, we've been not speaking. I don't know what's going on with her and I don't have the energy to decipher her actions. I just feel she's selfish and still somewhat immature, causing pain because she's experiencing it and refusing to acknowledge that her selfishness affects others. I mean, she's currently downstairs with her boyfriend... she's invited people over to drink and smoke, and all the while ignoring the fact that I'm here... completely alone. I mean, she wished me a happy birthday over facebook... facebook. This stings. I would honestly much rather have an empty house today so I can be alone with my thoughts than this moronic nonsense they are doing. How sad is this? It's borderline depressing.
I'm overwhelmed by emotions now. The Chakra session closed and aligned my overactive heart chakra but this doesn't keep me from feeling altogether.... well, at least it's not overwhelming. :sigh:
I wish I had someone who cared for me... and I'm not saying that I don't have people that do, because I know I have friends that love me unconditionally. I just mean in the sense of a loving partner. One that would be happy to celebrate my birthday even when I'm not, one who would drag me out of the house and refuse to have me skip out on doing something special... or at the very least, one that will crawl in bed with me and simply cuddle, watch a movie or love me.
.... so much for my numbness. ha-ha.
I don't like to be petty this way. It's unnecessary. I'm sure I sound like an ungrateful child complaining about being all alone on a day that marks my birth and nothing more... I don't like this about myself right now. It's petty of me...
I know how blessed I am, how thankful I am for the people I have in my life, the gifts I've been blessed with in this lifetime... There is much to be happy about... I am alive. I might not have the job I want, the relationship I long for, the love I yearn for... the health I desperately need... but I have loving friendships and caring friends and a family that loves me in spite of my shortcomings. I am very much thankful for this.
I think I will take a cleansing bath and see if it helps lift my spirits.
I just finished watching The House of the Spirits, and got so enthralled by this movie that I cried for a bit during some of the scenes. I'm not completely numb, since I can still relate and feel. I know that if I get into that mindset of thinking and obsessing on the things I'm lacking in my life at this time I will certainly fall into depression. So I choose to get lost in a good book.
I've got a handful of books I'm in the process of reading. La Casa de los Espiritus is one of them. I should've waited and finished the book before watching the movie, but somehow, the movie called my attention.... besides, the movies never meet up to the expectations one has after reading the book.
I have to remember to breathe and have patience. There's a lesson in today that I've yet to see or appreciate.
A nice hot bath and some time alone will certainly do me good. :) There's so much to do... I'd like to get some progress done before the day ends... but I won't force myself, I need to be gentle with myself.
Perhaps, meditation will clear my mind and center me once more.
Lets see what the rest of the day has waiting for me...
Showing posts with label harmony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label harmony. Show all posts
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Kitchen Witchery Keeps Me Sane... (PBP 2013 wk 22)
I'd like to think that the art of cooking has been in my blood since I was a child. I started cooking, or well, I was attracted to the kitchen from an early age.
I clearly remember watching my mom cook our delicious meals daily, and sometimes, I was even allowed to help her flip tortillas. There's a key to cooking flour tortillas the right way, you flip them 3 times: you put it on the "comal" and allow the surface to bubble a bit leaving it undercooked, you flip it and allow the second surface to cook completely, you'll know this because the tortilla will start puffing up like a balloon, you then flip it back to the first surface and allow it to finish cooking. I was about 7 years old, and I absolutely fell in love with the kitchen.
As the oldest sibling I've always been in charge of feeding my two younger sisters. Both of my parents worked, and I was given the responsibility of taking care of the household from an early age. I spent most of middle school and high school in the kitchen cooking dinner for my sisters and my parents lunch for the following day.
I can't say that I always liked this responsibility, in fact, there were times when it overwhelmed me, but I had to do what I had to do in order to help my family.
As I grew up, my love for the kitchen only evolved. I have this natural ability to create savory and flavorful dishes out of mostly anything.
My soul card is the Empress, and I feel it clearly depicts my motherly nature. I absolutely love feeding people. I love it more when my food gets positive reviews. I sometimes worry that people will not like my food because I tend to improvise on the spot, but most of the time it turns out pretty yummy.
I feel the same way about spellwork. I'll find a spell that speaks to me, and I'll adapt it to resonate with who I am. I'm quite good at coming up with meaningful spells that get the job done.
When I first was introduced to The Kitchen Witch through my eclectic path, I knew that I possessed the ability and inspiration to make magickal meals that would not only nourish my loved ones but also help them with whatever needs they had.
I'm still the cook of the household. My mother no longer cooks, she's lost her touch he-he. My youngest sister and roommate doesn't know how to cook, so of course I am in charge of the kitchen. Which actually helps me, and consequently them to live harmoniously.
Every meal I make, is full of protection, love, and prosperity. My herb garden is full of all the ingredients I need to fill my meals with the magickal kick they need. I have a pantry full of dry herbs and a head full of knowledge.
I'm not saying that we are perfect, in fact, my family clashes quite a bit. I've found that through cooking I can deflect a lot of tension, drama and negativity. I cook with love and it shows in every meal.
Not to toot my own horn, but I can honestly whip up a meal out of whatever I find in the fridge and pantry. My repertoire of meals includes traditional Mexican meals, American cuisine, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, south American food, and eclectic meals which I can adapt in almost any fashion. I'll add a pinch of magick and voilà, a filling, nutritious meal, that's not only delicious but magickal.
Cooking honestly keeps me sane. I clear my head from whatever issues or drama that's currently afflicting the family, and the meal just comes to mind. I know exactly which ingredients I should use to maximize the spell's strength, --which will help them release stress, deflect negativity or attract money-- and I'll just cook up a storm.
I've embarked on the journey towards perfect health. After my 5 day veggie juice cleanse I thought I'd be able to turn vegetarian, but of course, that wasn't the case. I love meat, chicken, and fish waaay too much to give it up. So, instead, I've compromised with myself. I still have no intention of consuming carbs or sugars, which is absolutely HARD AS HELL!!! I've come to the conclusion that I will eat solids which will include meat, chicken or fish along side a large serving of veggies on the days that I can eat and on the other days I'll do my veggie fast. This way I can give my body a rest in between processing food. I've already lost about 12 pounds and I've been doing this since last Wednesday.
I'm optimistic about this journey. It is hard, but it will be worth it. I have to keep praying for help from the angels and guides. It's so hard not to eat sweets and carbs. As of the past couple of days I've been going through carb withdrawal and it's kicking my ass.
Just last night I made dinner, my own concoction of course. There was some week old cinnamon bread and whole grain bread that I definitely wanted to utilize, so I made bread pudding. And let me tell ya, it was PACKED with sweets and yummy goodness. I did not try it of course, but I was sooo close to breaking my diet. Even now, I want to walk downstairs and stuff my face with at least 3 pieces of that yummy goodness. But I won't. I've come to far to give in to temptation.
I am constantly craving subway sandwiches, flour tortilla tacos, and sweets. Withdrawal is raging within. I need help. I've worked on some spellwork to help me through this, and I have faith that I will get through it. I have a hard road ahead of me but I have the will to carry me through it.
I'm excited, and hungry but I rather take care of my body than give in to my cravings.
I clearly remember watching my mom cook our delicious meals daily, and sometimes, I was even allowed to help her flip tortillas. There's a key to cooking flour tortillas the right way, you flip them 3 times: you put it on the "comal" and allow the surface to bubble a bit leaving it undercooked, you flip it and allow the second surface to cook completely, you'll know this because the tortilla will start puffing up like a balloon, you then flip it back to the first surface and allow it to finish cooking. I was about 7 years old, and I absolutely fell in love with the kitchen.
As the oldest sibling I've always been in charge of feeding my two younger sisters. Both of my parents worked, and I was given the responsibility of taking care of the household from an early age. I spent most of middle school and high school in the kitchen cooking dinner for my sisters and my parents lunch for the following day.
I can't say that I always liked this responsibility, in fact, there were times when it overwhelmed me, but I had to do what I had to do in order to help my family.
As I grew up, my love for the kitchen only evolved. I have this natural ability to create savory and flavorful dishes out of mostly anything.
My soul card is the Empress, and I feel it clearly depicts my motherly nature. I absolutely love feeding people. I love it more when my food gets positive reviews. I sometimes worry that people will not like my food because I tend to improvise on the spot, but most of the time it turns out pretty yummy.
I feel the same way about spellwork. I'll find a spell that speaks to me, and I'll adapt it to resonate with who I am. I'm quite good at coming up with meaningful spells that get the job done.
When I first was introduced to The Kitchen Witch through my eclectic path, I knew that I possessed the ability and inspiration to make magickal meals that would not only nourish my loved ones but also help them with whatever needs they had.
I'm still the cook of the household. My mother no longer cooks, she's lost her touch he-he. My youngest sister and roommate doesn't know how to cook, so of course I am in charge of the kitchen. Which actually helps me, and consequently them to live harmoniously.
Every meal I make, is full of protection, love, and prosperity. My herb garden is full of all the ingredients I need to fill my meals with the magickal kick they need. I have a pantry full of dry herbs and a head full of knowledge.
I'm not saying that we are perfect, in fact, my family clashes quite a bit. I've found that through cooking I can deflect a lot of tension, drama and negativity. I cook with love and it shows in every meal.
Not to toot my own horn, but I can honestly whip up a meal out of whatever I find in the fridge and pantry. My repertoire of meals includes traditional Mexican meals, American cuisine, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, south American food, and eclectic meals which I can adapt in almost any fashion. I'll add a pinch of magick and voilà, a filling, nutritious meal, that's not only delicious but magickal.
Cooking honestly keeps me sane. I clear my head from whatever issues or drama that's currently afflicting the family, and the meal just comes to mind. I know exactly which ingredients I should use to maximize the spell's strength, --which will help them release stress, deflect negativity or attract money-- and I'll just cook up a storm.
I've embarked on the journey towards perfect health. After my 5 day veggie juice cleanse I thought I'd be able to turn vegetarian, but of course, that wasn't the case. I love meat, chicken, and fish waaay too much to give it up. So, instead, I've compromised with myself. I still have no intention of consuming carbs or sugars, which is absolutely HARD AS HELL!!! I've come to the conclusion that I will eat solids which will include meat, chicken or fish along side a large serving of veggies on the days that I can eat and on the other days I'll do my veggie fast. This way I can give my body a rest in between processing food. I've already lost about 12 pounds and I've been doing this since last Wednesday.
I'm optimistic about this journey. It is hard, but it will be worth it. I have to keep praying for help from the angels and guides. It's so hard not to eat sweets and carbs. As of the past couple of days I've been going through carb withdrawal and it's kicking my ass.
Just last night I made dinner, my own concoction of course. There was some week old cinnamon bread and whole grain bread that I definitely wanted to utilize, so I made bread pudding. And let me tell ya, it was PACKED with sweets and yummy goodness. I did not try it of course, but I was sooo close to breaking my diet. Even now, I want to walk downstairs and stuff my face with at least 3 pieces of that yummy goodness. But I won't. I've come to far to give in to temptation.
I am constantly craving subway sandwiches, flour tortilla tacos, and sweets. Withdrawal is raging within. I need help. I've worked on some spellwork to help me through this, and I have faith that I will get through it. I have a hard road ahead of me but I have the will to carry me through it.
I'm excited, and hungry but I rather take care of my body than give in to my cravings.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Juicing, Oracle Messages & Magick (PBP 2013 wk 21)
I've taken on the challenge of healing all my problem areas. I want to be healthy and happy... truly healthy. I want a real relationship, actual intimacy, and love. I want to not be afraid of what relationships bring.
I want to be everything I am meant to be. My body is my only temple and I have not taken good care of it. It's been mistreated and abused for way too long and I've suffered the consequences for longer than I can handle.
I tried the 21 day meditation challenge - Journey to Perfect Health, but didn't make it past week 1. I'm giving it another go, along with some magickal work that will support my need to become dis-ease free.
For a while I'd lost hope in finding the solution to my problems. I'd almost given up on myself when I got very clear messages that urged me to keep at it.
My weekly readings have shown me that I should expect a miracle in the most peculiar of ways.
I was doing a daily reading with my oracle decks and my tarot deck, but decided to switch to weekly readings instead. I've started to work with vision boards and I'm finding it very useful to meditate on the cards I pull during each reading. I feel that a week is enough for me to truly understand the message the oracles give me. I currently have the oracle cards that I pull on my wall, I've included affirmations, positive thoughts and the daily mantra from Journey to Perfect Health.
I work with Earth Magic, Healing with the Fairies, Romance Angels, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Michael and Oracle of Shadows and Light. I know that it may seem a bit over the top, but I've found that when I work with different decks I get a bigger picture of the areas that are important in my life at that given time. I shuffle and pull one card of each deck in that order. The messages are usually pretty clear.
For the past two weeks I've gotten the same messages from four different decks. One week I got Expect a Miracle Healing from Archangel Raphael and Innocence from Archangel Michael. At the time, I was hoping that the Miracle would manifest but didn't really understand the Innocence card. After that week was over, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I almost gave up. It was an emotional week, I had a fall-out with a guy I'd grown attached to, things seemed to simply fall apart.
Imagine my surprise when in my moment of despair I did my reading, and guess what came out as my first two cards. Childhood / Innocence from the Earth Magic deck and Miracle Healing from Healing with the fairies.
Message received!
This was just the message I needed to hear. I was filled with hope once more. I knew my guides were giving me a very clear and specific message. They were urging me not to give up on myself.
It's like I got a second wind.
There was a new moon that week and I decided to ask for help and guidance. I needed support, so I harnessed the energy from the new moon and asked for help. I worked on a cleansing bath / road-block remover and felt really positive afterwards.
I was still dealing with my guy issues, but definitely felt way more positive, stronger, determined. I did my reading the following Monday and in spite of my doubts over my love life, the Romance Angels' message was that my feelings were real, and worth exploring.
I can't say that my actions were logical, I let my jealousy get the best of me and acted on impulse. Which had some hurtful repercussions....
I faced the issue head on, confronted my "friend" and decided to let him go. I don't like to feel unhappy or rejected, and if this guy has that big of an effect on my emotions it means that I care more than I should. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I give love freely. I truly care about him, but I don't like to feel sad, and clearly, he's confused about the way he feels about me. I know that he cares, I can feel it, but the timing is wrong. The Romance Angels advised me to be patient, "Divine intervention" came out, and coincidentally the message was about timing. The angels are working on this relationship, and it's not yet ready.
I had to take control though, I could not get past his latest rejection. So I told him what was on my mind, everything that I felt, and wished him the best of luck. I know that it was the right thing to do. I followed my heart. After I sent that message and got his response I felt lighter. I knew that my message had hit home, he tried to apologize once more, but I'd said all I had to say about the matter.
I'm still waiting for him to call in a way... I'm no longer emotional, or upset because I've let him know how I really feel, it was sort of a closure. I feel great actually. I miss him. but alas, I need to focus on myself anyway. It's not like I'm ready for a relationship ... I need to take care of me first.
I have other suitors... that's never an issue. I'm quite charismatic and not that bad looking, so guys are always interested. I'm just cautious...
The ex is still in the picture, reaching out, trying to convince me to give him another chance. I've certainly given him a piece of my mind... I do NOT hold back anymore. I care about him, but he's so damaged and lost.... and, as much as I'd like to help him, he doesn't really want to help himself, so my efforts will be in vain.
So that's that.
I've had a spell on my mind for a while, it hadn't come to full completion until Thursday night actually. The moon entered my sign and I was filled with this determination to access as much help and support as possible. I called on the Ancestors, guides and Angels and I trust that they will be helping me along the way.
I started on a juice fast Wednesday. I plan on going for 5 days, until Sunday/Monday. After this fast, I plan on going vegetarian for a few months. I believe that juicing and veggies will help me nourish my body and bring it back to perfect health.
I've been considering holistic alternatives or Chinese medicine, but have yet to make up my mind on where I should go.
I feel good about the progress I'm making. My horoscope advised me to seek outside help... it also tells me that this is an auspicious time for wish making. The Universe is supporting me and I can manifest anything I truly want.
I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to be who I'm meant to be.
I want to have an intimate love relationship and I know that it's in my future, but I first need to take care of myself, otherwise I won't be comfortable.
It's time to take control of my life. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid to show it.
^_^
I want to be everything I am meant to be. My body is my only temple and I have not taken good care of it. It's been mistreated and abused for way too long and I've suffered the consequences for longer than I can handle.
I tried the 21 day meditation challenge - Journey to Perfect Health, but didn't make it past week 1. I'm giving it another go, along with some magickal work that will support my need to become dis-ease free.
For a while I'd lost hope in finding the solution to my problems. I'd almost given up on myself when I got very clear messages that urged me to keep at it.
My weekly readings have shown me that I should expect a miracle in the most peculiar of ways.
I was doing a daily reading with my oracle decks and my tarot deck, but decided to switch to weekly readings instead. I've started to work with vision boards and I'm finding it very useful to meditate on the cards I pull during each reading. I feel that a week is enough for me to truly understand the message the oracles give me. I currently have the oracle cards that I pull on my wall, I've included affirmations, positive thoughts and the daily mantra from Journey to Perfect Health.
I work with Earth Magic, Healing with the Fairies, Romance Angels, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Michael and Oracle of Shadows and Light. I know that it may seem a bit over the top, but I've found that when I work with different decks I get a bigger picture of the areas that are important in my life at that given time. I shuffle and pull one card of each deck in that order. The messages are usually pretty clear.
For the past two weeks I've gotten the same messages from four different decks. One week I got Expect a Miracle Healing from Archangel Raphael and Innocence from Archangel Michael. At the time, I was hoping that the Miracle would manifest but didn't really understand the Innocence card. After that week was over, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I almost gave up. It was an emotional week, I had a fall-out with a guy I'd grown attached to, things seemed to simply fall apart.
Imagine my surprise when in my moment of despair I did my reading, and guess what came out as my first two cards. Childhood / Innocence from the Earth Magic deck and Miracle Healing from Healing with the fairies.
Message received!
This was just the message I needed to hear. I was filled with hope once more. I knew my guides were giving me a very clear and specific message. They were urging me not to give up on myself.
It's like I got a second wind.
There was a new moon that week and I decided to ask for help and guidance. I needed support, so I harnessed the energy from the new moon and asked for help. I worked on a cleansing bath / road-block remover and felt really positive afterwards.
I was still dealing with my guy issues, but definitely felt way more positive, stronger, determined. I did my reading the following Monday and in spite of my doubts over my love life, the Romance Angels' message was that my feelings were real, and worth exploring.
I can't say that my actions were logical, I let my jealousy get the best of me and acted on impulse. Which had some hurtful repercussions....
I faced the issue head on, confronted my "friend" and decided to let him go. I don't like to feel unhappy or rejected, and if this guy has that big of an effect on my emotions it means that I care more than I should. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I give love freely. I truly care about him, but I don't like to feel sad, and clearly, he's confused about the way he feels about me. I know that he cares, I can feel it, but the timing is wrong. The Romance Angels advised me to be patient, "Divine intervention" came out, and coincidentally the message was about timing. The angels are working on this relationship, and it's not yet ready.
I had to take control though, I could not get past his latest rejection. So I told him what was on my mind, everything that I felt, and wished him the best of luck. I know that it was the right thing to do. I followed my heart. After I sent that message and got his response I felt lighter. I knew that my message had hit home, he tried to apologize once more, but I'd said all I had to say about the matter.
I'm still waiting for him to call in a way... I'm no longer emotional, or upset because I've let him know how I really feel, it was sort of a closure. I feel great actually. I miss him. but alas, I need to focus on myself anyway. It's not like I'm ready for a relationship ... I need to take care of me first.
I have other suitors... that's never an issue. I'm quite charismatic and not that bad looking, so guys are always interested. I'm just cautious...
The ex is still in the picture, reaching out, trying to convince me to give him another chance. I've certainly given him a piece of my mind... I do NOT hold back anymore. I care about him, but he's so damaged and lost.... and, as much as I'd like to help him, he doesn't really want to help himself, so my efforts will be in vain.
So that's that.
I've had a spell on my mind for a while, it hadn't come to full completion until Thursday night actually. The moon entered my sign and I was filled with this determination to access as much help and support as possible. I called on the Ancestors, guides and Angels and I trust that they will be helping me along the way.
I started on a juice fast Wednesday. I plan on going for 5 days, until Sunday/Monday. After this fast, I plan on going vegetarian for a few months. I believe that juicing and veggies will help me nourish my body and bring it back to perfect health.
I've been considering holistic alternatives or Chinese medicine, but have yet to make up my mind on where I should go.
I feel good about the progress I'm making. My horoscope advised me to seek outside help... it also tells me that this is an auspicious time for wish making. The Universe is supporting me and I can manifest anything I truly want.
I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to be who I'm meant to be.
I want to have an intimate love relationship and I know that it's in my future, but I first need to take care of myself, otherwise I won't be comfortable.
It's time to take control of my life. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid to show it.
^_^
Friday, May 3, 2013
Intuitive Spellwork (PBP 2013 wk 19)
At times I'm still surprised by the level of intuitive guidance I receive when it comes to creating spells and working magick. As of lately, I've been working with the Runes. I actually got my set of Runes from Jess Carlson and I have to say, these are so honest and straight to the point. I always get the guidance I need at the time of my reading.
I have this long ritual when it comes to reading my own cards. I first cast a few Runes, as I do this I get the opportunity to learn about each Rune which I've found really resonates with me. I absolutely LOVE Rune Secrets and it is my go-to site when I want to connect with the Runes of the day.
I also do a life spread and anchor which I picked up from this one Tarot How To book. I didn't really connect with the rest of the book but this spread has proven to be useful. I really like how it gives me a glimpse of every aspect of my life. I follow these spreads with my own extended version of the Celtic cross, which is quite long. And finally, I do a 6 different Oracle spread for overall guidance. I was doing this daily, which seriously takes FOREVER... but it feels right. I get so much information [sometimes too much] which helps me see where I am at any given moment.
These readings even help me with spellwork! The runes specifically. I then get reassurance from the oracles and a better understanding of what's going on from the Celtic cross.
I've decided to cut back on my daily readings in order to focus on more tasks that I've been neglecting.
I find it hard to keep up to my schedule and post as much as I'd like, I mean, come on, I'm suuuuper behind with the Pagan Blog Project! There's always so much to do! I have sooo many unfinished blog posts from past weeks that I simply don't finish and therefore never post. :/
But alas, I am catching up with life... in every aspect. I'm working on myself, managing my time better without squandering my energy. It feels good.
That's what I mean about Intuitive spellwork, I am getting great guidance from my oracle decks which are helping me optimize myself.
I've come to the conclusion that I need to stay true to myself by any means necessary. I wasted so much energy trying not to help others during the past few weeks because I felt unappreciated, when in fact, it took more out of me to be selfish than to simply give.
I've accepted this... it's part of my life's purpose, so why fight it?
I've been blessed with an apt ability for spellwork. Things just make sense, links happen even before I realize I'm working on a spell. Higher guidance shows me the way. It seriously amazes me how easy it is to come up with a strong spell that fulfills the exact needs of whatever issue I'm dealing with... it's uncanny. I love that. Just earlier today I was working on some spellwork to help my sister and her boyfriend , the candle was positively humming with energy. The Runes I needed to complete the spell simply came to me. I trust that every single sigil used will help in it's highest way.
I love magick.
I seriously kept muttering that to myself as I crafted...
Everything makes sense. Things fall into place right at the time when you mostly need them. You just have to trust... ask for help, and accept it. Trust that your magick will manifest because you've made it so, it's an incredible feeling.
I love being in touch with nature, the elements, elementals and magickal beings that help and guide our every step. Intuition is at times taken for granted. Fear is the cause of this.
I've let go of my fear. When you work from a place of love, you really can't do wrong.
I'm a young witch, confident in my abilities and eager to learn as much as the Universe has to offer...
I am open to all teachings. I love knowledge. The more we learn the better we understand ourselves, our surroundings, and others. I don't think I could give up my path... it's part of me as I am part of it and every single resonating energy within our Universe.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Eager to Earn a Living by Following My Path... (PBP 2013 wk 9)
I'm quite excited about where life is leading me.
For a while --looong while-- things in my life seemed as if they were going from bad to worse. I had to go through many challenges, obstacles, and personal tests before I got to the point where I am now. I can, without a doubt, say that I'm slowly getting back to normal, i.e. who I used to be before my sequence of unfortunate events.
Every day, and each new experience add-on to the learning process that is called living, and I am absolutely thankful for the many blessings I have, and for those that are on my way.
I won't go into full detail in this post because it's a long and heavy subject and quite frankly, I don't feel like reminiscing. I will say this, I've lost a lot, I've also suffered a lot. I lost myself for such a long time... I was simply a shadow of my former self.
The events and choices that lead me to experience such things, although unfortunate, have helped me grow not only spiritually but also emotionally. I've come to realize that the choices I've made in the past --which at first glance appeared as huge mistakes-- have lead me to be in the path I am today.
I don't regret where I am now, because I have come to learn and understand so much about life and our individual paths and purposes. I wish I'd arrived at this place through different means, but I know that if I hadn't made those mistakes I wouldn't have arrived at this conclusion. I doubt I would've ever discovered My True Path, or the Craft.
Dreams have obstacles, otherwise they would be easy to attain.
My background is in chemical engineering and environmental chemistry. In fact, I got into UT's engineering program without really trying. People would say I'm smart --book smart anyway, because I tend to fail when it comes to street smarts-- learning comes somewhat easy to me, but of course I have to feel passionate about it, it has to peak my interest, and keep me interested. I guess it's a Leo thing. We are driven by our passionate hearts.
The series of unfortunate events that plagued my life left me in a state of doom and depression. I was depressed for years. I even considered and planned out a suicide... but that's neither here nor there. I was lost, so very lost and so very alone.
I was able to find the light at the end of the tunnel thanks to Love, the absolute healer. I fell in love, found happiness again and then got heartbroken...
Bad timing, constant interferences from relatives, and ultimately there were events that pointed towards a definite break.
This big break was followed of course by another round of unfortunate events.
C'es la Vie, right? You have a glimpse of happiness and then life reminds you that things are not all rosy pink.
I lost it all again.
The difference this time around was that I'd found the Path. Love had given me strength to find myself again; it helped me by nurturing me and allowing me to slowly realize that I COULD be who I used to be before everything went down the drain.
I realized along the way that I AM STRONG, way stronger than I thought. All these experiences have given me this incredible sense of growth, almost as if I've reached a level of enlightment.
I have lived, loved and lost and I'm not ready to give up.
I WANT TO LIVE, and I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
I've learned to let go and trust in higher guidance. There's a bigger plan out there, a bigger picture that goes way beyond the limits of time and space. We are living this life and changing with each cycle that the wheel brings into our lives.
You can not fully appreciate happiness if you've never felt sadness, suffering, or loss.
I know that if I trust in higher guidance I will make all my dreams come true.
I know that there will be obstacles, but these too can be removed/overcome. Like the Hanging Man, which represents my soul card, I must see things from different perspectives; I know that every problem has an attainable solution which might not be apparent at first glance. I can attain what I want, I just need to be aware that sacrifice is one of the main keys of this card.
I've sacrificed enough all my life, I understand that there are certain things I must sacrifice in order to reach my dreams. I accept and surrender to higher guidance.
Which leads me to the main point of this post. hehe
I tend to do some background info before I reachthe main point of the post, it's all about the bigger picture for me.
I feel, or well, signs are pointing me towards Tarot and the esoteric.
Not long ago, --actually, before Jess announced the B-school fundraiser-- I was having a heart-to-heart with my sister. We were discussing the reasons behind my inhability to let go of my ex, why I didn't feel ready to date, why I'd been a hermit the past few days.
I admitted that I felt very stuck --I don't have a steady job and this keeps me from contributing as much as I'd like into our household.
She understands my predicament, and in an attempt to figure out what to do with my life she asked me a question that immediately set me to tears... "What makes you happy?"
I didn't know the answer.
It took me a while to regain my composure. Actually, it wasn't until her cat (one that up until that exact moment kept giving me the cold shoulder in spite of my constant attempts at bonding with her) jumps on my lap and starts to purr ... she was comforting me!! I was crying with such pain because I felt so lost and my sister's cat jumps on my lap, gives me love and reminds me that everything will be ok.
Even my sister was surprised since her cat was barely getting used to me.
After I calmed down, and pondered on her question, I realized that helping people makes me happy.
I've always had a knack for giving great advice; my friends tell me how easy it is to talk to me, open up, how I give them strength, hope, support. I'm a great confidant, I've always been this way. This is one of MY main qualities, I am not only sympathetic towards other people, I'm empathetic. I'm full of love and compassion, I see the best in everyone because I see the potential they have to achieve their goals and dreams. I love this about me, and I'm told that it's one of my best attributes.
I like helping people. Yes, I am intelligent, I can do advanced math, physics and chemistry, I have an engineering background and I could potentially make a lot of money this way... there are obstacles that I need to overcome and I know that I will find the way once I reach them, but it will take quite some time.
And, before I can even get to that point, I first have to address the most crucial parts of my life. Like, the fact that I'm not employed and the realization that engineering is not my passion.
As of now, I feel very passionate about the Craft, the esoteric and the Tarot. It makes me happy to be able to guide others, help them figure out how to be happy. I do that now anyway, why not make money along the way to help me reach my ultimate goals?
As it happened, this is when Rowan (whoops, Jess hehe, still gettting used to it) posted the Tarot class and also my mom's friend, Marina asked me to go into business with her.
Is it a coincidence that right when I'm questioniing my life's purpose that I get such clear signs that maybe this is the way towards my dreams?
This isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, when I first embarked in this journey I got a message from the spirit world that adviced me to follow this path and I'd be successful.
Which leads me to believe that maybe this is what I'm meant to be doing?
I honestly don't know.
All I know is that I will trust in higher guidance. If I'm currently being lead towards this path, then I will follow it. The Craft makes me happy. I'm quite apt and passionate about it.
I envision myself more confident about my reading abilities in a couple of months. After Jess's In The Cards class I'll be able to work from home and save money. I have other part time options that can help me become more economically independent. Once I get my car fixed I can work with my friend teaching and tutoring in math, chemistry and sciences --which I'm naturally good at-- save enough money to get back to school and either finish my engineering / environmental chemistry degree which I could use to raise awarness about our environment / find ways to engineer safer eco friendly ways of performing every day tasks / consuming intelligently....
OR environmental chemistry / Psych ... yeah, as of the past few days I've come to the conclusion that this area of study has some sort of meaning to my life's path. I could still help mother earth and people in general.
With the first option I feel I might derail from the current spiritual path I'm following since we focus mainly on the left side of the brain... with the latter, I feel it's more of a balance?
I don't know, I'll figure this out as I go along... I'm trusting in the Universe!
I'M EAGER & WILDLY EXCITED ABOUT ALL THESE EARNING POSIBILITIES AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BEGIN MY NEW QUEST TO REACH MY DREAMS.
For a while --looong while-- things in my life seemed as if they were going from bad to worse. I had to go through many challenges, obstacles, and personal tests before I got to the point where I am now. I can, without a doubt, say that I'm slowly getting back to normal, i.e. who I used to be before my sequence of unfortunate events.
Every day, and each new experience add-on to the learning process that is called living, and I am absolutely thankful for the many blessings I have, and for those that are on my way.
I won't go into full detail in this post because it's a long and heavy subject and quite frankly, I don't feel like reminiscing. I will say this, I've lost a lot, I've also suffered a lot. I lost myself for such a long time... I was simply a shadow of my former self.
The events and choices that lead me to experience such things, although unfortunate, have helped me grow not only spiritually but also emotionally. I've come to realize that the choices I've made in the past --which at first glance appeared as huge mistakes-- have lead me to be in the path I am today.
I don't regret where I am now, because I have come to learn and understand so much about life and our individual paths and purposes. I wish I'd arrived at this place through different means, but I know that if I hadn't made those mistakes I wouldn't have arrived at this conclusion. I doubt I would've ever discovered My True Path, or the Craft.
Dreams have obstacles, otherwise they would be easy to attain.
My background is in chemical engineering and environmental chemistry. In fact, I got into UT's engineering program without really trying. People would say I'm smart --book smart anyway, because I tend to fail when it comes to street smarts-- learning comes somewhat easy to me, but of course I have to feel passionate about it, it has to peak my interest, and keep me interested. I guess it's a Leo thing. We are driven by our passionate hearts.
The series of unfortunate events that plagued my life left me in a state of doom and depression. I was depressed for years. I even considered and planned out a suicide... but that's neither here nor there. I was lost, so very lost and so very alone.
I was able to find the light at the end of the tunnel thanks to Love, the absolute healer. I fell in love, found happiness again and then got heartbroken...
Bad timing, constant interferences from relatives, and ultimately there were events that pointed towards a definite break.
This big break was followed of course by another round of unfortunate events.
C'es la Vie, right? You have a glimpse of happiness and then life reminds you that things are not all rosy pink.
I lost it all again.
The difference this time around was that I'd found the Path. Love had given me strength to find myself again; it helped me by nurturing me and allowing me to slowly realize that I COULD be who I used to be before everything went down the drain.
I realized along the way that I AM STRONG, way stronger than I thought. All these experiences have given me this incredible sense of growth, almost as if I've reached a level of enlightment.
I have lived, loved and lost and I'm not ready to give up.
I WANT TO LIVE, and I WANT TO BE HAPPY.
I've learned to let go and trust in higher guidance. There's a bigger plan out there, a bigger picture that goes way beyond the limits of time and space. We are living this life and changing with each cycle that the wheel brings into our lives.
You can not fully appreciate happiness if you've never felt sadness, suffering, or loss.
I know that if I trust in higher guidance I will make all my dreams come true.
I know that there will be obstacles, but these too can be removed/overcome. Like the Hanging Man, which represents my soul card, I must see things from different perspectives; I know that every problem has an attainable solution which might not be apparent at first glance. I can attain what I want, I just need to be aware that sacrifice is one of the main keys of this card.
I've sacrificed enough all my life, I understand that there are certain things I must sacrifice in order to reach my dreams. I accept and surrender to higher guidance.
Which leads me to the main point of this post. hehe
I tend to do some background info before I reachthe main point of the post, it's all about the bigger picture for me.
I feel, or well, signs are pointing me towards Tarot and the esoteric.
Not long ago, --actually, before Jess announced the B-school fundraiser-- I was having a heart-to-heart with my sister. We were discussing the reasons behind my inhability to let go of my ex, why I didn't feel ready to date, why I'd been a hermit the past few days.
I admitted that I felt very stuck --I don't have a steady job and this keeps me from contributing as much as I'd like into our household.
She understands my predicament, and in an attempt to figure out what to do with my life she asked me a question that immediately set me to tears... "What makes you happy?"
I didn't know the answer.
It took me a while to regain my composure. Actually, it wasn't until her cat (one that up until that exact moment kept giving me the cold shoulder in spite of my constant attempts at bonding with her) jumps on my lap and starts to purr ... she was comforting me!! I was crying with such pain because I felt so lost and my sister's cat jumps on my lap, gives me love and reminds me that everything will be ok.
Even my sister was surprised since her cat was barely getting used to me.
After I calmed down, and pondered on her question, I realized that helping people makes me happy.
I've always had a knack for giving great advice; my friends tell me how easy it is to talk to me, open up, how I give them strength, hope, support. I'm a great confidant, I've always been this way. This is one of MY main qualities, I am not only sympathetic towards other people, I'm empathetic. I'm full of love and compassion, I see the best in everyone because I see the potential they have to achieve their goals and dreams. I love this about me, and I'm told that it's one of my best attributes.
I like helping people. Yes, I am intelligent, I can do advanced math, physics and chemistry, I have an engineering background and I could potentially make a lot of money this way... there are obstacles that I need to overcome and I know that I will find the way once I reach them, but it will take quite some time.
And, before I can even get to that point, I first have to address the most crucial parts of my life. Like, the fact that I'm not employed and the realization that engineering is not my passion.
As of now, I feel very passionate about the Craft, the esoteric and the Tarot. It makes me happy to be able to guide others, help them figure out how to be happy. I do that now anyway, why not make money along the way to help me reach my ultimate goals?
As it happened, this is when Rowan (whoops, Jess hehe, still gettting used to it) posted the Tarot class and also my mom's friend, Marina asked me to go into business with her.
Is it a coincidence that right when I'm questioniing my life's purpose that I get such clear signs that maybe this is the way towards my dreams?
This isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, when I first embarked in this journey I got a message from the spirit world that adviced me to follow this path and I'd be successful.
Which leads me to believe that maybe this is what I'm meant to be doing?
I honestly don't know.
All I know is that I will trust in higher guidance. If I'm currently being lead towards this path, then I will follow it. The Craft makes me happy. I'm quite apt and passionate about it.
I envision myself more confident about my reading abilities in a couple of months. After Jess's In The Cards class I'll be able to work from home and save money. I have other part time options that can help me become more economically independent. Once I get my car fixed I can work with my friend teaching and tutoring in math, chemistry and sciences --which I'm naturally good at-- save enough money to get back to school and either finish my engineering / environmental chemistry degree which I could use to raise awarness about our environment / find ways to engineer safer eco friendly ways of performing every day tasks / consuming intelligently....
OR environmental chemistry / Psych ... yeah, as of the past few days I've come to the conclusion that this area of study has some sort of meaning to my life's path. I could still help mother earth and people in general.
With the first option I feel I might derail from the current spiritual path I'm following since we focus mainly on the left side of the brain... with the latter, I feel it's more of a balance?
I don't know, I'll figure this out as I go along... I'm trusting in the Universe!
I'M EAGER & WILDLY EXCITED ABOUT ALL THESE EARNING POSIBILITIES AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BEGIN MY NEW QUEST TO REACH MY DREAMS.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Back on the Grind
Changes are inevitable.
There's so much going on, ALL THE TIME.
Life can be overwhelming, emotional, but also exciting and very scary; and when we are lucky, we get to experience long periods of joy and carefree happiness.
Happiness.
It feels almost as if in order to appreciate the good we must experience some bad, you know? to put things into perspective.
2013 has begun with many needed changes. Some very unexpected, while others were even welcomed.
I've been going through quite a lot of internal changes. My immediate circle sees it as another one of my moody episodes. No, I'm exaggerating, I'm not really moody, I'm more of an antisocial hermit when I'm dealing with my own feelings and shortcomings.
I've been meditating and connecting with Spirit everyday, asking my guides and angles to guide me and help me heal. I've been putting my love life into perspective; and with the help of Healing with the Fairies by Doreen Virtue, I've been able to accept and understand that I first need to heal in order to manifest all that I crave, nay, all that I need to live a happy and full life.
It's funny how the Universe gives you all these signs, and continues to place them in front of you until you actually pay attention and recognize them.
About 5-6 years ago, when I was still in college, I'd come home for the holidays and was putting together this new book shelf I'd gotten as a gift. I love books, they are my ultimate passion. I envision myself living in a house with an entire wall covered in books, from top to bottom... sometime in the near future perhaps?
Anyway, one day, my dad gets home with a box full of books given to him by a family friend. He didn't inspect them, he simply handed them to me because he's well aware of my love for the written word. I went through the box and realized that most of the titles were of the new age nature. At that point in my life I wasn't even aware of how important these books would be, I simply kept them because something about their description called my attention.
Years passed and life happened. I hit rock bottom, I went through depression, I lost it all. I found myself again after I found the path. I'm a brand new witch, about a year and a half old? maybe more? I never even imagined I'd be where I am now, living here, growing spiritually as a witch, finding acceptance with loved ones and family members.
All these books that I kept from long ago because I simply couldn't bring myself to throw them out, have guided me further into where I am now.
Ironically, my dad is completely against the esoteric and is skeptical of the path I'm currently in. He found me playing with a Ouia board when I was a young teen and completely flipped out on me. He threw it out and told me to NEVER play with those things again. What would dad say if he knew I was a witch who read the tarot and practiced daily? I wonder if he'll be accepting or if I'll have to hide it... I guess I'll figure this out whenever he makes his way back into our lives.
I wonder if reading these books would've changed my life back when I was under depression. Would I be in a different situation if I'd taken the time to read these books back when I first got them? I guess I'll never know; there's a chance that if I had, I wouldn't have fully appreciated their information and guidance.
I've come to learn and trust that everything that we need comes to us right at the perfect time; all we have to do is believe that this will happen and follow the signs by being in tune with our intuition.
It's hard to stay positive and happy, even when we fully know that our thoughts create our reality. As witches, we manifest what we envision. Like attracts like, the Law of Attraction teaches us to manifest by releasing our wishes and intentions out into the Universe.
We control our thoughts, our outlook changes, we start to see positive reinforcement that shows us that our mental health relies on our ability to deal with overwhelming emotions.
Yes, this is all true. In a perfect world we'd be able to take on any challenge without a flinch. In this reality, life/society can push you down to the point where you almost want to give up. We sometimes get pulled into a vortex of self-pity when we feel unappreciated or unloved. I went through just that this past week.
We are judged in society by what we can offer to others, if we don't contribute then we are no longer entitled to respect. Or at least that's how some people within my circle feel. It seems like everything else that I have to offer counts little when my contribution isn't of the monetary kind. Love isn't a currency. Apparently a potential to make it in the future makes little difference. It's a harsh reality and a cruel realization but one that I needed to hear.
I'm a giver, I give even when I have little to give. I put my needs aside in order to fulfill the needs of my loved ones. I've always been that way, it's a strength and also a weakness. I always hear from friends and family that I'm a great friend and confidant, that they feel safe when with me, that I help and encourage them to achieve their dreams because I always see the best in everyone.
I'm a giver... but most people are takers. I'm at a point in my life where I need to depend on myself only.
Things are changing, and good things are coming. I know they are, I can feel them and I can see them in my tarot/oracle readings. I have faith in the future and I know that I will reach the level of abundance, prosperity, and happiness I crave if I follow the signs I'm given.
Patience is key. In order to keep myself motivated, I must keep myself grounded. I want to be ready for these positive changes.
The Universe is guiding me into this path and I'm going to follow the advice I'm given. Hopefully, if everything turns out as planned, I'll be able to read tarot with much more confidence within a couple of months. I'm taking Jess Carlson's In the Cards 8 week tarot course which is the perfect class for me right at the moment --since I want to go into professional tarot reading.
I figured I can make some money, help others and work on my time. I want a job that will allow me to grow spiritually, one that will accept my belief system, where I won't be judged or criticized for having such a wide range of beliefs.
Marina, our Santera friend wants to open a Botanical/Esoteric store where we will conduct readings, cleansings and spells. Marina already has a large clientele that go to her for any specific needs. She wants to initiate me into the religion of Santeria; she's mentioned something about giving me The Warriors for protection and lowering my angel --these are rough translations of what Marina tells me of course, if anyone has any idea of what I mean please advice?-- which honestly confuses me some. At the moment, I feel somewhat ambivalent about this specific path. I want to be able to learn on my own without restrictions. I understand the spirituality behind Santeria, why they perform certain rituals and sacrifices, etc. I have no problem with this, but I don't want to do it myself (I don't want to sacrifice an innocent animal).
I guess I will deal with that fork on the road when and if we go into business together. As for now, I want to learn and grow.
I am focusing on myself.
I need to be a tiny bit more selfish and less giving... for my own sake anyway.
Lets get BACK ON THE GRIND!!!
There's so much going on, ALL THE TIME.
Life can be overwhelming, emotional, but also exciting and very scary; and when we are lucky, we get to experience long periods of joy and carefree happiness.
Happiness.
It feels almost as if in order to appreciate the good we must experience some bad, you know? to put things into perspective.
2013 has begun with many needed changes. Some very unexpected, while others were even welcomed.
I've been going through quite a lot of internal changes. My immediate circle sees it as another one of my moody episodes. No, I'm exaggerating, I'm not really moody, I'm more of an antisocial hermit when I'm dealing with my own feelings and shortcomings.
I've been meditating and connecting with Spirit everyday, asking my guides and angles to guide me and help me heal. I've been putting my love life into perspective; and with the help of Healing with the Fairies by Doreen Virtue, I've been able to accept and understand that I first need to heal in order to manifest all that I crave, nay, all that I need to live a happy and full life.
It's funny how the Universe gives you all these signs, and continues to place them in front of you until you actually pay attention and recognize them.
About 5-6 years ago, when I was still in college, I'd come home for the holidays and was putting together this new book shelf I'd gotten as a gift. I love books, they are my ultimate passion. I envision myself living in a house with an entire wall covered in books, from top to bottom... sometime in the near future perhaps?
Anyway, one day, my dad gets home with a box full of books given to him by a family friend. He didn't inspect them, he simply handed them to me because he's well aware of my love for the written word. I went through the box and realized that most of the titles were of the new age nature. At that point in my life I wasn't even aware of how important these books would be, I simply kept them because something about their description called my attention.
Years passed and life happened. I hit rock bottom, I went through depression, I lost it all. I found myself again after I found the path. I'm a brand new witch, about a year and a half old? maybe more? I never even imagined I'd be where I am now, living here, growing spiritually as a witch, finding acceptance with loved ones and family members.
All these books that I kept from long ago because I simply couldn't bring myself to throw them out, have guided me further into where I am now.
Ironically, my dad is completely against the esoteric and is skeptical of the path I'm currently in. He found me playing with a Ouia board when I was a young teen and completely flipped out on me. He threw it out and told me to NEVER play with those things again. What would dad say if he knew I was a witch who read the tarot and practiced daily? I wonder if he'll be accepting or if I'll have to hide it... I guess I'll figure this out whenever he makes his way back into our lives.
I wonder if reading these books would've changed my life back when I was under depression. Would I be in a different situation if I'd taken the time to read these books back when I first got them? I guess I'll never know; there's a chance that if I had, I wouldn't have fully appreciated their information and guidance.
I've come to learn and trust that everything that we need comes to us right at the perfect time; all we have to do is believe that this will happen and follow the signs by being in tune with our intuition.
It's hard to stay positive and happy, even when we fully know that our thoughts create our reality. As witches, we manifest what we envision. Like attracts like, the Law of Attraction teaches us to manifest by releasing our wishes and intentions out into the Universe.
We control our thoughts, our outlook changes, we start to see positive reinforcement that shows us that our mental health relies on our ability to deal with overwhelming emotions.
Yes, this is all true. In a perfect world we'd be able to take on any challenge without a flinch. In this reality, life/society can push you down to the point where you almost want to give up. We sometimes get pulled into a vortex of self-pity when we feel unappreciated or unloved. I went through just that this past week.
We are judged in society by what we can offer to others, if we don't contribute then we are no longer entitled to respect. Or at least that's how some people within my circle feel. It seems like everything else that I have to offer counts little when my contribution isn't of the monetary kind. Love isn't a currency. Apparently a potential to make it in the future makes little difference. It's a harsh reality and a cruel realization but one that I needed to hear.
I'm a giver, I give even when I have little to give. I put my needs aside in order to fulfill the needs of my loved ones. I've always been that way, it's a strength and also a weakness. I always hear from friends and family that I'm a great friend and confidant, that they feel safe when with me, that I help and encourage them to achieve their dreams because I always see the best in everyone.
I'm a giver... but most people are takers. I'm at a point in my life where I need to depend on myself only.
Things are changing, and good things are coming. I know they are, I can feel them and I can see them in my tarot/oracle readings. I have faith in the future and I know that I will reach the level of abundance, prosperity, and happiness I crave if I follow the signs I'm given.
Patience is key. In order to keep myself motivated, I must keep myself grounded. I want to be ready for these positive changes.
The Universe is guiding me into this path and I'm going to follow the advice I'm given. Hopefully, if everything turns out as planned, I'll be able to read tarot with much more confidence within a couple of months. I'm taking Jess Carlson's In the Cards 8 week tarot course which is the perfect class for me right at the moment --since I want to go into professional tarot reading.
I figured I can make some money, help others and work on my time. I want a job that will allow me to grow spiritually, one that will accept my belief system, where I won't be judged or criticized for having such a wide range of beliefs.
Marina, our Santera friend wants to open a Botanical/Esoteric store where we will conduct readings, cleansings and spells. Marina already has a large clientele that go to her for any specific needs. She wants to initiate me into the religion of Santeria; she's mentioned something about giving me The Warriors for protection and lowering my angel --these are rough translations of what Marina tells me of course, if anyone has any idea of what I mean please advice?-- which honestly confuses me some. At the moment, I feel somewhat ambivalent about this specific path. I want to be able to learn on my own without restrictions. I understand the spirituality behind Santeria, why they perform certain rituals and sacrifices, etc. I have no problem with this, but I don't want to do it myself (I don't want to sacrifice an innocent animal).
I guess I will deal with that fork on the road when and if we go into business together. As for now, I want to learn and grow.
I am focusing on myself.
I need to be a tiny bit more selfish and less giving... for my own sake anyway.
Lets get BACK ON THE GRIND!!!
Friday, August 3, 2012
Patience is a Virtue (PBP wk 31)
September 12, 2012
Patience is defined by: 1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.
Patience is one of the keys to living and walking in this path; it's necessary when casting spells, and waiting for results, during meditation, and most importantly when dealing with pesky and annoying people.
The saying, "Patience is a Virtue" is one I constantly chant as my personal mantra when dealing with unwanted situations. In all honesty, I used to be a lot more impatient; however, since I began this path I've found myself with a new found sense of tolerance, self control, and calmness. This might be because I'm more in touch with my emotions, I feel more centered, more secure, a lot more stable. This helps when I find myself in situations where I'm highly annoyed, or when I'm close to running out of patience. I'll admit, I've been close to magically spanking a few disrespectful, condescending, ignorant fools. 
It's hard to not use magick when in these type of situations. I've been close to casting curses at individuals that simply deserve a good smacking. I mean, as it is, when in this path, one must be careful with the thoughts that cross our minds. As our abilities develop, we find that things happen even when we're not entirely set out on an actual manifestation. On multiple occasions I've had thoughts manifest, and that's without casting a spell. Therefore, it's important to keep our minds centered. Patience is a virtue that needs practice.
When casting spells, we sometimes tend to expect immediate results. Patience teaches us to wait. The Law of Attraction states that "Anything we need comes to us at the perfect time," like attracts like, if our intention is clear and we trust and have faith, it will come; we just need to have patience and wait for our desires to manifest. If we constantly second guess ourselves after casting a spell, we pull away energy from our desires, yo-yo-ing with the intention we've set out into the Universe. 
As of lately, I've struggled with keeping my patience. I have this idea of how I want my life to be, and I know that things are changing for the best, I just wish I could fast forward through all the mess and get to my destination; but of course, this isn't how life works. I'd be missing out on the important lessons life has for me if I were to skip it all. I'm struggling to keep up with my resolutions, with my living situation, and this long distance relationship.
"Patience is a virtue."I did a reading for myself just last night. I'd been thinking about Temperance for this post; Temperance showed up as the base for my anchor, and also in my main spread. When this happens, the cards are telling you to pay extra attention to this energy.
Temperance is about moderation, when it appears in a reading we are being cautioned to have patience and wait calmly. We must learn to compromise in order to find satisfactory solutions. It helps to keep our emotions balanced, this card represents integrating opposite forces successfully and with harmony.
My reading actually had a desirable outcome; it showed me that things are happening as they should, change is imminent and necessary. I just need to ride it out. Success is in my future, I just need to focus on keeping myself balanced.
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