Juicing, Oracle Messages & Magick (PBP 2013 wk 21)

I've taken on the challenge of healing all my problem areas. I want to be healthy and happy... truly healthy. I want a real relationship, actual intimacy, and love. I want to not be afraid of what relationships bring.

I want to be everything I am meant to be. My body is my only temple and I have not taken good care of it. It's been mistreated and abused for way too long and I've suffered the consequences for longer than I can handle.

I tried the 21 day meditation challenge - Journey to Perfect Health, but didn't make it past week 1. I'm giving it another go, along with some magickal work that will support my need to become dis-ease free.

For a while I'd lost hope in finding the solution to my problems. I'd almost given up on myself when I got very clear messages that urged me to keep at it.

My weekly readings have shown me that I should expect a miracle in the most peculiar of ways.

I was doing a daily reading with my oracle decks and my tarot deck, but decided to switch to weekly readings instead. I've started to work with vision boards and I'm finding it very useful to meditate on the cards I pull during each reading. I feel that a week is enough for me to truly understand the message the oracles give me. I currently have the oracle cards that I pull on my wall, I've included affirmations, positive thoughts and the daily mantra from Journey to Perfect Health.

I work with Earth Magic, Healing with the Fairies, Romance Angels, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Michael and Oracle of Shadows and Light. I know that it may seem a bit over the top, but I've found that when I work with different decks I get a bigger picture of the areas that are important in my life at that given time. I shuffle and pull one card of each deck in that order. The messages are usually pretty clear.

For the past two weeks I've gotten the same messages from four different decks. One week I got Expect a Miracle Healing from Archangel Raphael and Innocence from Archangel Michael. At the time, I was hoping that the Miracle would manifest but didn't really understand the Innocence card. After that week was over, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I almost gave up. It was an emotional week, I had a fall-out with a guy I'd grown attached to, things seemed to simply fall apart.

Imagine my surprise when in my moment of despair I did my reading, and guess what came out as my first two cards. Childhood / Innocence from the Earth Magic deck and Miracle Healing from Healing with the fairies.

Message received!

This was just the message I needed to hear. I was filled with hope once more. I knew my guides were giving me a very clear and specific message. They were urging me not to give up on myself.

It's like I got a second wind.

There was a new moon that week and I decided to ask for help and guidance. I needed support, so I harnessed the energy from the new moon and asked for help. I worked on a cleansing bath / road-block remover and felt really positive afterwards.

I was still dealing with my guy issues, but definitely felt way more positive, stronger, determined. I did my reading the following Monday and in spite of my doubts over my love life, the Romance Angels' message was that my feelings were real, and worth exploring.

I can't say that my actions were logical, I let my jealousy get the best of me and acted on impulse. Which had some hurtful repercussions....

I faced the issue head on, confronted my "friend" and decided to let him go. I don't like to feel unhappy or rejected, and if this guy has that big of an effect on my emotions it means that I care more than I should. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I give love freely. I truly care about him, but I don't like to feel sad, and clearly, he's confused about the way he feels about me. I know that he cares, I can feel it, but the timing is wrong. The Romance Angels advised me to be patient, "Divine intervention" came out, and coincidentally the message was about timing. The angels are working on this relationship, and it's not yet ready.

I had to take control though, I could not get past his latest rejection. So I told him what was on my mind, everything that I felt, and wished him the best of luck. I know that it was the right thing to do. I followed my heart. After I sent that message and got his response I felt lighter. I knew that my message had hit home, he tried to apologize once more, but I'd said all I had to say about the matter.

I'm still waiting for him to call in a way... I'm no longer emotional, or upset because I've let him know how I really feel, it was sort of a closure. I feel great actually. I miss him. but alas, I need to focus on myself anyway. It's not like I'm ready for a relationship ... I need to take care of me first.

I have other suitors... that's never an issue. I'm quite charismatic and not that bad looking, so guys are always interested. I'm just cautious...

The ex is still in the picture, reaching out, trying to convince me to give him another chance. I've certainly given him a piece of my mind... I do NOT hold back anymore. I care about him, but he's so damaged and lost.... and, as much as I'd like to help him, he doesn't really want to help himself, so my efforts will be in vain.

So that's that.

I've had a spell on my mind for a while, it hadn't come to full completion until Thursday night actually. The moon entered my sign and I was filled with this determination to access as much help and support as possible. I called on the Ancestors, guides and Angels and I trust that they will be helping me along the way.

I started on a juice fast Wednesday. I plan on going for 5 days, until Sunday/Monday. After this fast, I plan on going vegetarian for a few months. I believe that juicing and veggies will help me nourish my body and bring it back to perfect health.

I've been considering holistic alternatives or Chinese medicine, but have yet to make up my mind on where I should go.

I feel good about the progress I'm making. My horoscope advised me to seek outside help... it also tells me that this is an auspicious time for wish making. The Universe is supporting me and I can manifest anything I truly want.

I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to be who I'm meant to be.
I want to have an intimate love relationship and I know that it's in my future, but I first need to take care of myself, otherwise I won't be comfortable.

It's time to take control of my life. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid to show it.

^_^

Emotional hormonal mess, connecting with the Element of Water and beings of the West (PBP 2013 wk 9)

Sunday June 6, 2013

I'm trying to catch up with the posts I missed at the beginning of the year. This post was for March 1st, and so I've decided to schedule it for that date. I was in the middle of writing the post for last Friday but I'm seriously emotional and randomly crying so it seemed like I should address this instead. 

I honor my emotions as they come because they are part of me. I am someone who is very much in touch with my empathy, and sympathy for others. I'm a Leo, ruled by my heart. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and this has the potential of hurting me when I least expect it. 

I mean, it doesn't help that I'm on my cycle, and highly hormonal; so in a way, my random outbursts are partially because of my hormonal state. This doesn't mean I'm dismissing my feelings and emotions. I am quite aware that these stem from a place that is still sensitive. 

I mean, I'm watching "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and I'm getting teary-eyed. It isn't so random actually; any scene where Love is palpable opens the watergates. The scene where the men express they have known real love because of their kids, how they wouldn't change it for the world reminds me of what I long to have. I guess it touches the issues I currently have with my father... We have fallen apart and even though I am now a better person, stronger, more capable, unmovable, it doesn't change the fact that I love him. He is my father and I long for a connection. 

Aside from those issues that are in some serious need of healing, I am dealing with the fact that I am a bit lonely. The whole concept of love, and having someone that will be there for you through thick and thin makes me long for a meaningful relationship. 

As I type this I've started on the movie, Like Crazy. It sent me on a path through memory lane. Spending never ending days in bed, needing only each other to be happy, fighting against everyone's disapproval to be together. Feelings that assured me that I could not live without him... :sigh: It feels like it was so long ago. 

I've known love, I've felt that happiness, that connectedness you have with someone that simply moves you to your core. It helped me become stronger, it helped me find myself again during a time where I truly needed finding. It was beautiful while it lasted, and having it end taught me an unbelievable amount of lessons that are unsurpassed by any other experience. I experienced pain and loss, failure and a never ending loneliness that was a constant achy reminder of what I once had. 

I have no regrets. 

I am now almost fully healed. I've found my empathy once more, my ability to connect with everything and everyone. I am so thankful for this, to be able to feel... even when it aches, even when it makes me cry, even when I emotionally overreact... I am thankful. I rather feel than be numb. This is a truth that I accept full-heartedly. 

I connect with the elements on daily basis, they are part of me and I am part of them. I ask the beings of each corner to keep me true to myself, to help me keep connected with who and what they represent. I stay connected with Source, my higher self, the core of who I am by honoring what makes me, me. 

I understand that everything I need comes to me at the perfect time, and that I should be patient because I am not ready in some way. I trust that when the time is right I will have that relationship I so long for. 

Even while knowing this very important truth, I can not help myself from missing that wonderful feeling called love. I love freely, I give it freely, I appreciate the love that is around me. The love I long for is that of a romantic partner. I miss that connection that links you to someone else's soul. That very true emotion that keeps you happy for no apparent reason. The butterflies that flutter uncontrollably from the sound of his voice, the achy warmth that emanates from my loins and spreads throughout my body when he kisses my forehead. The way his arms feel around me while we sleep... and I say he because as of now, I don't know who this guy, my soul mate, my twin flame may be... or where he is. 

Last week's oracle message from the Romance Angels advised me to call for my soul-mate. Calling your Soul Mate - Your prayers, affirmations and visualizations help bring you together. At the time I pulled this card, I was in denial. The person I felt this card was about is ironically my ex... the irony is that even though I still love him, and always will, I am no longer in-love with him. I don't see myself with him because I want more... I want it all. Not just bits and pieces, not just what he can offer. I want to be truly happy with someone that will cherish me for who I am. I want it all. I want a love that will last until I'm old, a love that will put me, my happiness, my needs, ahead of his own, because that's what I would do for him.... 

I'm not sure my ex can step up to the challenge. He's different somehow. He's trying, he's changing, he's striving to be better... but his core, that thing that keeps him chained to his addictions stand in the way. I feel he's realized he wants me in his life, and is doing anything he can to keep me in it. He has a long way to go... my feelings have changed and I am not sure I can even picture myself with him anymore. Not the way I did before anyway. I want more. 

I don't know what the future holds for me... but I do know that I want to be happy... anything less is not worth who I am. 

I thought I understood it.

That I could grasp it.

But I didn't. 

Not really.

Only the 'smudgeness' of it.

The pink-slippered,

all-containered,

semi-precious eagerness of it. 

I didn't realize it would 

sometimes be more than whole. 

That the wholeness

was a rather luxurious idea. 

Because it's the halves

that halve you in half. 

Didn't know. Don't know

about the in-between bits. 

The gory bits of you

and gory bits of me. 

~ Anna, Like Crazy 

Back on the Grind

Changes are inevitable.

There's so much going on, ALL THE TIME.
Life can be overwhelming, emotional, but also exciting and very scary; and when we are lucky, we get to experience long periods of joy and carefree happiness.

Happiness. 
It feels almost as if in order to appreciate the good we must experience some bad, you know? to put things into perspective.

2013 has begun with many needed changes. Some very unexpected, while others were even welcomed.

I've been going through quite a lot of internal changes. My immediate circle sees it as another one of my moody episodes. No, I'm exaggerating, I'm not really moody, I'm more of an antisocial hermit when I'm dealing with my own feelings and shortcomings.

I've been meditating and connecting with Spirit everyday, asking my guides and angles to guide me and help me heal. I've been putting my love life into perspective; and with the help of Healing with the Fairies by Doreen Virtue, I've been able to accept and understand that I first need to heal in order to manifest all that I crave, nay, all that I need to live a happy and full life.

It's funny how the Universe gives you all these signs, and continues to place them in front of you until you actually pay attention and recognize them.

About 5-6 years ago, when I was still in college, I'd come home for the holidays and was putting together this new book shelf I'd gotten as a gift. I love books, they are my ultimate passion. I envision myself living in a house with an entire wall covered in books, from top to bottom... sometime in the near future perhaps?

Anyway, one day, my dad gets home with a box full of books given to him by a family friend. He didn't inspect them, he simply handed them to me because he's well aware of my love for the written word. I went through the box and realized that most of the titles were of the new age nature. At that point in my life I wasn't even aware of how important these books would be, I simply kept them because something about their description called my attention.

Years passed and life happened. I hit rock bottom, I went through depression, I lost it all. I found myself again after I found the path. I'm a brand new witch, about a year and a half old? maybe more? I never even imagined I'd be where I am now, living here, growing spiritually as a witch, finding acceptance with loved ones and family members.

All these books that I kept from long ago because I simply couldn't bring myself to throw them out, have guided me further into where I am now.
Ironically, my dad is completely against the esoteric and is skeptical of the path I'm currently in. He found me playing with a Ouia board when I was a young teen and completely flipped out on me. He threw it out and told me to NEVER play with those things again. What would dad say if he knew I was a witch who read the tarot and practiced daily? I wonder if he'll be accepting or if I'll have to hide it... I guess I'll figure this out whenever he makes his way back into our lives.

I wonder if reading these books would've changed my life back when I was under depression. Would I be in a different situation if I'd taken the time to read these books back when I first got them? I guess I'll never know; there's a chance that if I had, I wouldn't have fully appreciated their information and guidance.

I've come to learn and trust that everything that we need comes to us right at the perfect time; all we have to do is believe that this will happen and follow the signs by being in tune with our intuition.

It's hard to stay positive and happy, even when we fully know that our thoughts create our reality. As witches, we manifest what we envision. Like attracts like, the Law of Attraction teaches us to manifest by releasing our wishes and intentions out into the Universe.

We control our thoughts, our outlook changes, we start to see positive reinforcement that shows us that our mental health relies on our ability to deal with overwhelming emotions.

Yes, this is all true. In a perfect world we'd be able to take on any challenge without a flinch. In this reality, life/society can push you down to the point where you almost want to give up. We sometimes get pulled into a vortex of self-pity when we feel unappreciated or unloved. I went through just that this past week.

We are judged in society by what we can offer to others, if we don't contribute then we are no longer entitled to respect. Or at least that's how some people within my circle feel. It seems like everything else that I have to offer counts little when my contribution isn't of the monetary kind. Love isn't a currency. Apparently a potential to make it in the future makes little difference. It's a harsh reality and a cruel realization but one that I needed to hear.

I'm a giver, I give even when I have little to give. I put my needs aside in order to fulfill the needs of my loved ones. I've always been that way, it's a strength and also a weakness. I always hear from friends and family that I'm a great friend and confidant, that they feel safe when with me, that I help and encourage them to achieve their dreams because I always see the best in everyone.

I'm a giver... but most people are takers. I'm at a point in my life where I need to depend on myself only.

Things are changing, and good things are coming. I know they are, I can feel them and I can see them in my tarot/oracle readings. I have faith in the future and I know that I will reach the level of abundance, prosperity, and happiness I crave if I follow the signs I'm given.

Patience is key. In order to keep myself motivated, I must keep myself grounded. I want to be ready for these positive changes.

The Universe is guiding me into this path and I'm going to follow the advice I'm given. Hopefully, if everything turns out as planned, I'll be able to read tarot with much more confidence within a couple of months. I'm taking Jess Carlson's In the Cards 8 week tarot course which is the perfect class for me right at the moment --since I want to go into professional tarot reading.

I figured I can make some money, help others and work on my time. I want a job that will allow me to grow spiritually, one that will accept my belief system, where I won't be judged or criticized for having such a wide range of beliefs.

Marina, our Santera friend wants to open a Botanical/Esoteric store where we will conduct readings, cleansings and spells. Marina already has a large clientele that go to her for any specific needs. She wants to initiate me into the religion of Santeria; she's mentioned something about giving me The Warriors for protection and lowering my angel --these are rough translations of what Marina tells me of course, if anyone has any idea of what I mean please advice?-- which honestly confuses me some. At the moment, I feel somewhat ambivalent about this specific path. I want to be able to learn on my own without restrictions. I understand the spirituality behind Santeria, why they perform certain rituals and sacrifices, etc. I have no problem with this, but I don't want to do it myself (I don't want to sacrifice an innocent animal).

I guess I will deal with that fork on the road when and if we go into business together. As for now, I want to learn and grow.

I am focusing on myself.
I need to be a tiny bit more selfish and less giving... for my own sake anyway.

Lets get BACK ON THE GRIND!!!

Positive Affirmations = Positive Growth (PBP wk 2)

May 10, 2012

I've discovered that the easiest way to reprogram your subconscious is through affirmations. I'll also admit that prior to experiencing affirmations first hand I was more than skeptical about them. I remember thinking affirmations were just part of the new-age-self-help movement. Hehe but that was waaay before I even got involved in the path.

I particularly remember this one episode of Sex & The City where Charlotte decided to attend a seminar to help her move on from her divorce and into finding true love. During the Q&A section she questioned why it wasn't working for her. The speaker immediately responded that Charlotte needed to do her affirmations. Carrie immediately intervened "oh believe ME, She's OUT THERE."
What we, as the audience didn't know at the time, was that Charlotte had true love stored in her future; that's the reason She hadn't come across Mr. Right.

Sometimes, we have to be patient. Good things are stored for us and they will come to us when we're ready, we just have to trust.
In the meantime, we must work with the law of attraction in order to attract what we desire into our lives --love, prosperity, and abundance.

When we're struggling in life and going through lean times, the default can sometimes be despair and negativity. We feel let down, lost and alone. We forget that sometimes things happen to teach us a valuable lesson.

The Universe, Divinity, Lord & Lady, God & Goddess, or Spirit, whatever higher force guides you, WANTS YOU to be happy.
The love stored within you, the love that surrounds you, the love that makes up every living & non living organism is the collective energy of the divine.

YOU ARE LOVED. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS AND BLISS.

You can have it, all you have to do is actively work with your self, using the tools given to you by Divinity to change your mindset, and change your life.


You can work with this energy by reaffirming daily what you want in your life. It's using the law of attraction together with positive affirmations to gather the energy necessary to bring forth your heart's desires. You put out good, happy, loving energy, and you attract it back.


The key to affirmations, at least for me, is quality not quantity.


It's breathing in what I want, full of love and trust while releasing with each exhale what no longer serves me -fears, anxieties, negative feelings.


It's visualizing what I want as I say each line, adding to the image positive emotions and love.


One of my go-to affirmations is one I found in one of my very first witchcraft/wicca 101 books. It resonated with me & I've continued to use it whenever I feel doubtful.

"I trust I am on a path to abundance and happiness, of gratitude and prosperity. 
I am peaceful, calm, filled with the certainty that all my days, from this day forward, are rich and splendid."

Or

"My mind body and spirit are strong. I go after my heart's deep desires. I can accomplish anything. I focus on my goals and have the strength to make them happen. I act in spite of my fears. I choose to be unstoppable."

As I say these affirmations, I imagine I'm on that path. I walk with each breath. I visualize. I trust.I am full of love. I manifest.


The feelings and emotions that back up my affirmations are there, vibrating within myself with each inhale & exhale. They increase in vibrancy until there's nothing but a full body hum.

Affirmations are as easy as rephrasing realistic wants/desires into present tense statements (written out as if you've already achieved your desire).

Repeat these statements with intent daily, or whenever you find the need to remind yourself of what you want, and enjoy the experience.

Say it with emotion, feel your desires manifest. Remember to always use positive words, the present tense, and the most important key: persistence.  

I've been listening to The Secret meditation. Its been only a week, but I've noticed I feel lighter, more energized, less annoyed. =p I need to get in the habit of doing it every night. I've tried to listen to the entire guided meditation but I simply cannot stay awake. I've combined this guided meditation with a chakra-aligning guided meditation that I'd been meaning to try. I've noticed that I definitely feel more grounded and centered.  I have more patience and wake up naturally on or around the time I set for myself the night before.

"I heal daily."

"I forgive and release."

"I am moving forward with love and trust."

"I am grateful for all that I have."

"My life is full of abundance."

"I am peace."