Dare to Hope... Healing & Finding Happiness. (PBP 2014 wk 15)

For this week's post I decided to write about Hope, Healing and Happiness. Something that for me, goes hand in hand. I long with all my heart, to be truly happy. I know that what's keeping me from attaining this is my chronic health issues. Healing is an utmost priority.

I know that these issues I'm experiencing make me a better person, and when these fears and obstacles are conquered, it will make me a stronger individual. I know that if I wasn't experiencing this, I wouldn't be on this path...

I dare to hope.

I dare to hope that one day I will attain the perfect health I long for. I believe with all my heart that God & Goddess, Divinity, The Universe will align me in a way that will help me attain the healthy mind, body, and soul I seek.

I'm holding on to hope for dear life.
My faith keeps me anchored.

I believe in miracles and I know that Divinity will not fail me. I am after all, one with The Universe.

I long for Love. True unconditional love.

In the Tibetan meditation class I learned about attachment and conditional love.. We love with conditions. I want to simply love, unconditionally, and to be loved with as much intensity as my soul can handle.

I hope to find this love. Hope: That flickering light that holds on for dear life even in windy environments... the light that keeps your faith anchored, even when you're surrounded by darkness. That light of hope that assures you that in the end, you will find your happily ever after.

My heart wants... oh, it wants so much I can hardly hold it back. 

My Heart wants to give, it wants to love, it wants intimacy, it wants to care, to soar, and jump, it want's to rejoice and sing the sweet sweet melodies composed by the heart when in love. My heart wants to fall in love, and stay in love. It wants to experience the type of love soul mates have for one another.

My soul wants to be happy. My soul deserves to be happy.

I hope to find Happiness through Healing. After all, balance is the key to everything...  

During last month's New Moon, I worked on a Healing / Happiness crystal grid. I am working with my Angels and guides, with Spirit and of course, the crystal's and their magick / medicine. The grid feels good, it's definitely helping me deal with my own short comings. It's helping me with the changes I need to make, and to love myself above all.

I feel more grounded, yet light. I feel this energy shift is what helped me attract the guy I  met last Saturday. The Architect. A beautiful individual in every aspect of the word.

The last time I went out with the intention of meeting someone, my energy was so off that I ended with Emo A. The sexually confused emo guy.

This time around, I went out expecting little since we were headed to a gay art show.

The odds of finding an attractive male were of course in my favor, the odds of encountering an attractive "straight" male were zero to none. In spite of the odds, I still dabbed a couple of drops of Jess Carlson's Out All Night oil and walked out the door. I was ready for what the night would bring.

I was a bit hesitant when my best friend, Gordo, suggested we hit Barbarella (awesome bar in Austin Texas) after the art show. I wasn't ready to share him with his "other" woman but of course I obliged. I have a habit of saying "YES, LETS DO IT" (even when I don't feel like doing that particular "it.") While with my bestie, "no" does not exist. And, oh, am I glad.

As expected my friend got lost in chatter with his friends. I'm not a wallflower type, but didn't particularly feel like making small talk with the group. Sooo I walked off to the dance floor, I was there to dance after all. Plus, it was a regular night, which meant, lots of straight guys.

It seriously took me less than two songs to find the guy of my dreams.  ^_^

I was surrounded by a group of guys dancing the night away. Straight guys out dancing and having fun --that's the type of atmosphere you get a Barbs. There was this tall and attractive chubby guy that was coming on strong but in a cute silly way. He was hip bumping me and dropping it like it was hot right in front of me. It was amusing, but he wasn't it.

I was fully enjoying myself when all of the sudden I saw "Him" from across the dance floor, I smiled a few times, made eye contact and kept on dancing. I separated myself from the group of guys and next thing you know, He's next to me. He asked if I was "with the tall guy in plaid."  I clarified and told him I was there with my gay best friend, who was at moment having a drink by the bar, technically, I was there "alone." hehe The rest was history. He didn't let go of me all night. Even when he'd go to get me a drink, he'd leave me with his group of friends so I wouldn't stand / dance there alone. (Or so I wouldn't get "picked up" by another guy.)

The Architect is SUCH a gentleman! Tall, handsome, fit, beautiful and most importantly, eloquent, clever, witty and smart. He has the softest beard, just the right shade of light brown/blond and a very nice ass. Oh gosh, I'm crushing. HARD. :sigh: I love the way he approached me, how sweet and good looking he is, but most of all, I love his personality and kind heart. :sigh: Crush at first sight.

With most guys, I'll usually lose interest after I get to know the individual a little better. With The Architect, it's the complete opposite. The more I find out about him, the more I like him. I know it's waaay too soon but I'm daring to hope that maybe this can be something. His first text message was sent at 1:23 am... and another crucial message was sent at 3:33..  Even his phone number has a 444 in it. I mean, it definitely feels like something. :sigh: oh gosh, why do these signs feel like definite YES!?

Gordo LOVES him. In fact, he urges me to, (and I quote) "not fuck it up with this guy." He seems to be mesmerized by The Architect.
I'm not forcing anything, I'm just letting it be. I'm enjoying it to the fullest and allowing things to simply develop as they are meant to.

I dare to hope that maybe this individual will be a beautiful experience... I would love it if he was the one. I'm such a hopeless romantic...

I long to love... and I know the Universe will not disappoint.

I know I need to get back on track with my diet in order to control my chronic issues, I am determined to achieve balance of mind, body and spirit.

"I will, therefore I am."

Kitchen Witchery Keeps Me Sane... (PBP 2013 wk 22)

I'd like to think that the art of cooking has been in my blood since I was a child. I started cooking, or well, I was attracted to the kitchen from an early age.

I clearly remember watching my mom cook our delicious meals daily, and sometimes, I was even allowed to help her flip tortillas. There's a key to cooking flour tortillas the right way, you flip them 3 times: you put it on the "comal" and allow the surface to bubble a bit leaving it undercooked, you flip it and allow the second surface to cook completely, you'll know this because the tortilla will start puffing up like a balloon, you then flip it back to the first surface and allow it to finish cooking. I was about 7 years old, and I absolutely fell in love with the kitchen.

As the oldest sibling I've always been in charge of feeding my two younger sisters. Both of my parents worked, and I was given the responsibility of taking care of the household from an early age.  I spent most of middle school and high school in the kitchen cooking dinner for my sisters and my parents lunch for the following day. 
 
I can't say that I always liked this responsibility, in fact, there were times when it overwhelmed me, but I had to do what I had to do in order to help my family. 
 
As I grew up, my love for the kitchen only evolved. I have this natural ability to create savory and flavorful dishes out of mostly anything.
 
My soul card is the Empress, and I feel it clearly depicts my motherly nature. I absolutely love feeding people. I love it more when my food gets positive reviews. I sometimes worry that people will not like my food because I tend to improvise on the spot, but most of the time it turns out pretty yummy.
 
I feel the same way about spellwork. I'll find a spell that speaks to me, and I'll adapt it to resonate with who I am. I'm quite good at coming up with meaningful spells that get the job done.
 
When I first was introduced to The Kitchen Witch through my eclectic path, I knew that I possessed the ability and inspiration to make magickal meals that would not only nourish my loved ones but also help them with whatever needs they had.
 
I'm still the cook of the household. My mother no longer cooks, she's lost her touch he-he. My youngest sister and roommate doesn't know how to cook, so of course I am in charge of the kitchen. Which actually helps me, and consequently them to live harmoniously.
 
Every meal I make, is full of protection, love, and prosperity. My herb garden is full of all the ingredients I need to fill my meals with the magickal kick they need. I have a pantry full of dry herbs and a head full of knowledge.
 
I'm not saying that we are perfect, in fact, my family clashes quite a bit. I've found that through cooking I can deflect a lot of tension, drama and negativity. I cook with love and it shows in every meal.
  
Not to toot my own horn, but I can honestly whip up a meal out of whatever I find in the fridge and pantry. My repertoire of meals includes traditional Mexican meals, American cuisine, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, south American food, and eclectic meals which I can adapt in almost any fashion. I'll add a pinch of magick and voilà, a filling, nutritious meal, that's not only delicious but magickal.

Cooking honestly keeps me sane. I clear my head from whatever issues or drama that's currently afflicting the family, and the meal just comes to mind. I know exactly which ingredients I should use to maximize the spell's strength, --which will help them release stress, deflect negativity or attract money-- and I'll just cook up a storm.

I've embarked on the journey towards perfect health. After my 5 day veggie juice cleanse I thought I'd be able to turn vegetarian, but of course, that wasn't the case. I love meat, chicken, and fish waaay too much to give it up. So, instead, I've compromised with myself. I still have no intention of consuming carbs or sugars, which is absolutely HARD AS HELL!!! I've come to the conclusion that I will eat solids which will include meat, chicken or fish along side a large serving of veggies on the days that I can eat and on the other days I'll do my veggie fast. This way I can give my body a rest in between processing food. I've already lost about 12 pounds and I've been doing this since last Wednesday.

I'm optimistic about this journey. It is hard, but it will be worth it. I have to keep praying for help from the angels and guides. It's so hard not to eat sweets and carbs. As of the past couple of days I've been going through carb withdrawal and it's kicking my ass.

Just last night I made dinner, my own concoction of course. There was some week old cinnamon bread and whole grain bread that I definitely wanted to utilize, so I made bread pudding. And let me tell ya, it was PACKED with sweets and yummy goodness. I did not try it of course, but I was sooo close to breaking my diet. Even now, I want to walk downstairs and stuff my face with at least 3 pieces of that yummy goodness. But I won't. I've come to far to give in to temptation.

I am constantly craving subway sandwiches, flour tortilla tacos, and sweets. Withdrawal is raging within. I need help. I've worked on some spellwork to help me through this, and I have faith that I will get through it. I have a hard road ahead of me but I have the will to carry me through it.

I'm excited, and hungry but I rather take care of my body than give in to my cravings.

Juicing, Oracle Messages & Magick (PBP 2013 wk 21)

I've taken on the challenge of healing all my problem areas. I want to be healthy and happy... truly healthy. I want a real relationship, actual intimacy, and love. I want to not be afraid of what relationships bring.

I want to be everything I am meant to be. My body is my only temple and I have not taken good care of it. It's been mistreated and abused for way too long and I've suffered the consequences for longer than I can handle.

I tried the 21 day meditation challenge - Journey to Perfect Health, but didn't make it past week 1. I'm giving it another go, along with some magickal work that will support my need to become dis-ease free.

For a while I'd lost hope in finding the solution to my problems. I'd almost given up on myself when I got very clear messages that urged me to keep at it.

My weekly readings have shown me that I should expect a miracle in the most peculiar of ways.

I was doing a daily reading with my oracle decks and my tarot deck, but decided to switch to weekly readings instead. I've started to work with vision boards and I'm finding it very useful to meditate on the cards I pull during each reading. I feel that a week is enough for me to truly understand the message the oracles give me. I currently have the oracle cards that I pull on my wall, I've included affirmations, positive thoughts and the daily mantra from Journey to Perfect Health.

I work with Earth Magic, Healing with the Fairies, Romance Angels, Archangel Raphael, Archangel Michael and Oracle of Shadows and Light. I know that it may seem a bit over the top, but I've found that when I work with different decks I get a bigger picture of the areas that are important in my life at that given time. I shuffle and pull one card of each deck in that order. The messages are usually pretty clear.

For the past two weeks I've gotten the same messages from four different decks. One week I got Expect a Miracle Healing from Archangel Raphael and Innocence from Archangel Michael. At the time, I was hoping that the Miracle would manifest but didn't really understand the Innocence card. After that week was over, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. I almost gave up. It was an emotional week, I had a fall-out with a guy I'd grown attached to, things seemed to simply fall apart.

Imagine my surprise when in my moment of despair I did my reading, and guess what came out as my first two cards. Childhood / Innocence from the Earth Magic deck and Miracle Healing from Healing with the fairies.

Message received!

This was just the message I needed to hear. I was filled with hope once more. I knew my guides were giving me a very clear and specific message. They were urging me not to give up on myself.

It's like I got a second wind.

There was a new moon that week and I decided to ask for help and guidance. I needed support, so I harnessed the energy from the new moon and asked for help. I worked on a cleansing bath / road-block remover and felt really positive afterwards.

I was still dealing with my guy issues, but definitely felt way more positive, stronger, determined. I did my reading the following Monday and in spite of my doubts over my love life, the Romance Angels' message was that my feelings were real, and worth exploring.

I can't say that my actions were logical, I let my jealousy get the best of me and acted on impulse. Which had some hurtful repercussions....

I faced the issue head on, confronted my "friend" and decided to let him go. I don't like to feel unhappy or rejected, and if this guy has that big of an effect on my emotions it means that I care more than I should. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I give love freely. I truly care about him, but I don't like to feel sad, and clearly, he's confused about the way he feels about me. I know that he cares, I can feel it, but the timing is wrong. The Romance Angels advised me to be patient, "Divine intervention" came out, and coincidentally the message was about timing. The angels are working on this relationship, and it's not yet ready.

I had to take control though, I could not get past his latest rejection. So I told him what was on my mind, everything that I felt, and wished him the best of luck. I know that it was the right thing to do. I followed my heart. After I sent that message and got his response I felt lighter. I knew that my message had hit home, he tried to apologize once more, but I'd said all I had to say about the matter.

I'm still waiting for him to call in a way... I'm no longer emotional, or upset because I've let him know how I really feel, it was sort of a closure. I feel great actually. I miss him. but alas, I need to focus on myself anyway. It's not like I'm ready for a relationship ... I need to take care of me first.

I have other suitors... that's never an issue. I'm quite charismatic and not that bad looking, so guys are always interested. I'm just cautious...

The ex is still in the picture, reaching out, trying to convince me to give him another chance. I've certainly given him a piece of my mind... I do NOT hold back anymore. I care about him, but he's so damaged and lost.... and, as much as I'd like to help him, he doesn't really want to help himself, so my efforts will be in vain.

So that's that.

I've had a spell on my mind for a while, it hadn't come to full completion until Thursday night actually. The moon entered my sign and I was filled with this determination to access as much help and support as possible. I called on the Ancestors, guides and Angels and I trust that they will be helping me along the way.

I started on a juice fast Wednesday. I plan on going for 5 days, until Sunday/Monday. After this fast, I plan on going vegetarian for a few months. I believe that juicing and veggies will help me nourish my body and bring it back to perfect health.

I've been considering holistic alternatives or Chinese medicine, but have yet to make up my mind on where I should go.

I feel good about the progress I'm making. My horoscope advised me to seek outside help... it also tells me that this is an auspicious time for wish making. The Universe is supporting me and I can manifest anything I truly want.

I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to be who I'm meant to be.
I want to have an intimate love relationship and I know that it's in my future, but I first need to take care of myself, otherwise I won't be comfortable.

It's time to take control of my life. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid to show it.

^_^

Back on the Grind

Changes are inevitable.

There's so much going on, ALL THE TIME.
Life can be overwhelming, emotional, but also exciting and very scary; and when we are lucky, we get to experience long periods of joy and carefree happiness.

Happiness. 
It feels almost as if in order to appreciate the good we must experience some bad, you know? to put things into perspective.

2013 has begun with many needed changes. Some very unexpected, while others were even welcomed.

I've been going through quite a lot of internal changes. My immediate circle sees it as another one of my moody episodes. No, I'm exaggerating, I'm not really moody, I'm more of an antisocial hermit when I'm dealing with my own feelings and shortcomings.

I've been meditating and connecting with Spirit everyday, asking my guides and angles to guide me and help me heal. I've been putting my love life into perspective; and with the help of Healing with the Fairies by Doreen Virtue, I've been able to accept and understand that I first need to heal in order to manifest all that I crave, nay, all that I need to live a happy and full life.

It's funny how the Universe gives you all these signs, and continues to place them in front of you until you actually pay attention and recognize them.

About 5-6 years ago, when I was still in college, I'd come home for the holidays and was putting together this new book shelf I'd gotten as a gift. I love books, they are my ultimate passion. I envision myself living in a house with an entire wall covered in books, from top to bottom... sometime in the near future perhaps?

Anyway, one day, my dad gets home with a box full of books given to him by a family friend. He didn't inspect them, he simply handed them to me because he's well aware of my love for the written word. I went through the box and realized that most of the titles were of the new age nature. At that point in my life I wasn't even aware of how important these books would be, I simply kept them because something about their description called my attention.

Years passed and life happened. I hit rock bottom, I went through depression, I lost it all. I found myself again after I found the path. I'm a brand new witch, about a year and a half old? maybe more? I never even imagined I'd be where I am now, living here, growing spiritually as a witch, finding acceptance with loved ones and family members.

All these books that I kept from long ago because I simply couldn't bring myself to throw them out, have guided me further into where I am now.
Ironically, my dad is completely against the esoteric and is skeptical of the path I'm currently in. He found me playing with a Ouia board when I was a young teen and completely flipped out on me. He threw it out and told me to NEVER play with those things again. What would dad say if he knew I was a witch who read the tarot and practiced daily? I wonder if he'll be accepting or if I'll have to hide it... I guess I'll figure this out whenever he makes his way back into our lives.

I wonder if reading these books would've changed my life back when I was under depression. Would I be in a different situation if I'd taken the time to read these books back when I first got them? I guess I'll never know; there's a chance that if I had, I wouldn't have fully appreciated their information and guidance.

I've come to learn and trust that everything that we need comes to us right at the perfect time; all we have to do is believe that this will happen and follow the signs by being in tune with our intuition.

It's hard to stay positive and happy, even when we fully know that our thoughts create our reality. As witches, we manifest what we envision. Like attracts like, the Law of Attraction teaches us to manifest by releasing our wishes and intentions out into the Universe.

We control our thoughts, our outlook changes, we start to see positive reinforcement that shows us that our mental health relies on our ability to deal with overwhelming emotions.

Yes, this is all true. In a perfect world we'd be able to take on any challenge without a flinch. In this reality, life/society can push you down to the point where you almost want to give up. We sometimes get pulled into a vortex of self-pity when we feel unappreciated or unloved. I went through just that this past week.

We are judged in society by what we can offer to others, if we don't contribute then we are no longer entitled to respect. Or at least that's how some people within my circle feel. It seems like everything else that I have to offer counts little when my contribution isn't of the monetary kind. Love isn't a currency. Apparently a potential to make it in the future makes little difference. It's a harsh reality and a cruel realization but one that I needed to hear.

I'm a giver, I give even when I have little to give. I put my needs aside in order to fulfill the needs of my loved ones. I've always been that way, it's a strength and also a weakness. I always hear from friends and family that I'm a great friend and confidant, that they feel safe when with me, that I help and encourage them to achieve their dreams because I always see the best in everyone.

I'm a giver... but most people are takers. I'm at a point in my life where I need to depend on myself only.

Things are changing, and good things are coming. I know they are, I can feel them and I can see them in my tarot/oracle readings. I have faith in the future and I know that I will reach the level of abundance, prosperity, and happiness I crave if I follow the signs I'm given.

Patience is key. In order to keep myself motivated, I must keep myself grounded. I want to be ready for these positive changes.

The Universe is guiding me into this path and I'm going to follow the advice I'm given. Hopefully, if everything turns out as planned, I'll be able to read tarot with much more confidence within a couple of months. I'm taking Jess Carlson's In the Cards 8 week tarot course which is the perfect class for me right at the moment --since I want to go into professional tarot reading.

I figured I can make some money, help others and work on my time. I want a job that will allow me to grow spiritually, one that will accept my belief system, where I won't be judged or criticized for having such a wide range of beliefs.

Marina, our Santera friend wants to open a Botanical/Esoteric store where we will conduct readings, cleansings and spells. Marina already has a large clientele that go to her for any specific needs. She wants to initiate me into the religion of Santeria; she's mentioned something about giving me The Warriors for protection and lowering my angel --these are rough translations of what Marina tells me of course, if anyone has any idea of what I mean please advice?-- which honestly confuses me some. At the moment, I feel somewhat ambivalent about this specific path. I want to be able to learn on my own without restrictions. I understand the spirituality behind Santeria, why they perform certain rituals and sacrifices, etc. I have no problem with this, but I don't want to do it myself (I don't want to sacrifice an innocent animal).

I guess I will deal with that fork on the road when and if we go into business together. As for now, I want to learn and grow.

I am focusing on myself.
I need to be a tiny bit more selfish and less giving... for my own sake anyway.

Lets get BACK ON THE GRIND!!!

My Quest for Balance: Questioning My Motives (PBP wk 33)

Finding the balance between the mundane and the magickal is definitely proving to be a bit of a challenge. I'm not only having trouble finding a healthy balance in everyday life, but also on a personal level.

I wrote before about the recent changes in my life; starting with my family's sudden move, to embarking in a new business, and the most recent change: the ex -who's definitely confusing me now that he's back in my life.

I guess that I've been waiting for these changes for so long that I didn't really prepare for the actual manifestation. I'm a bit overwhelmed actually. The most stressful aspect is the fact that the ex is back; I hate to sound like such a girl, but this guy is my kryptonite. I've been in love with him for over two years... Yeah, I know, can you say, MOVE THE F ON? Ha-ha

I've fantasized about how it would be to have him back in my life for so long... but they were just fantasies; I didn't really expect them to manifest. I'd daydream about how it would be to have him back in my life. These day dreams were so vivid that I might've accidentally brought him to me. Every single thing I've imagined happening, has actually happened. Coincidence?

I know that a lot of pagans and witches in the community look down on love spells; I've listened-in to enough podcasts to be aware of the consequences love spells bring into the picture.

Is a vivid imagination considered spell casting?

The phrase, "be careful what you wish for" comes to mind.

Long distance relationships are never a good idea; he's been showing up every two weeks (which is actually ideal), but after spending time with him I get lost in romantic notions...

It's a bit annoying actually. I'd finally gotten to the point where I was happily living; he'd cross my mind every now and then but it was healthy. I was back to my normal self, I was focused in my craft, I was stress free and happy; thinking of him had gotten easier. The song 'A little bit stronger' by Sara Evans comes to mind as I'm typing this.

I'm such a contradiction; I know he's bad for me, yet I can't banish him from my life.
Or well, I could, but I don't want to.

Whenever I go to Marina for a reading he always comes up, apparently we've maintained some sort of psychic/mental connection this whole time.

I found it interesting whenever he'd pop into my head at random moments without a trigger. (Usually something would trigger a memory of us; something specific would remind me of him, and I'd allow myself to enjoy the memory.) For a while though, he'd hardly cross my mind; these triggered memories would happen sporadically, which was a sign I was healing... Or so I thought.
It was around late April or early June when I realized that he'd randomly pop into my head without any triggers. This was a tad confusing at the moment. I was doing so great without him, then all of the sudden I'd be watching a movie that had NOTHING to do with love or relationships and memories of us would take over, like, very specific detailed memories. I didn't understand where this was all coming from, until of course, Marina pointed it out. It made sense, whenever he'd think of me I'd have these random but very specific memories... we call each other with our minds it seemed. 

I even think I did some astral travel without really trying. I remember a very specific yet blurry dream with him. Usually my experiences with travel have been blurry, I only get a sense of what I'm doing or who I'm with. I'm not even sure it's considered travel.

During this one dream, everything else was blurry except for him. We were in a room, and he was sleeping. I was just laying on his bed watching him sleep. Then something woke me, I was annoyed and upset because I'd been disturbed from such a good dream. I had this strange feeling my dream was more than just a dream though.
Usually when I'm dreaming and wake up half way I can usually go back into my dream; I like to finish the quests I take in dream land. I'm curious and I like the adventures my dreams provide. Also, my dreams are very clear and vivid, so I think I can differentiate between a regular dreams and a traveling dream. (Then again, I'm not an astral travel expert, so I could be wrong.)

Well, during this specific dream, I realized it was about him, so of course I had to go back. I went back into my dream, same room, same bed, only he was no longer there, he'd gone to the restroom.
Usually, I have full control of my dreams, so I can make things happen. In this dream I had absolutely no control. I could see him in the restroom but could not interact. This was around 5am, which is the time he usually gets up for work. So who knows, I might've traveled or maybe it was just a dream.

I remember on a different occasion he came into one of my dreams, this was after my dog had died; he was comforting me, which actually helped me a lot during that time. During another dream, he even tried to help me figure out how to work my car's stereo. Random, I know.

I have to admit that I sorta saw him coming back into my life...
I was doing a personal reading with my oracle deck and when I asked about him, the oracle showed me he missed me, and would be coming back into my life, the oracle adviced me to not lose hope. At the time, I didn't understand why I'd get a message to not lose hope when he was no longer available. It felt a bit cruel.
A few weeks later, he's contacting me & drives to see me on impulse.
It's been quite a ride since then.

I've realized that he takes way too much of my energy. I neglect obligations when he visits, drink way too much and spend the following week trying to recouperate, emotionally and physically.

He was supposed to visit today actually, but since I definitely do not have the energy for the aftermath week, I simply asked for him to work all weekend. He called me earlier to let me know he can't make it. Hehe =P

Part of me misses him and wants him here, but I know better. I have so much on my plate right now, spending time with him in oblivion will definitely not help my case.

I need to focus & get back on track before I can even consider anything more than what we're currently doing. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and even though I desperately want him in my life I simply can not allow myself to lose focus. He's too distracting, he takes too much of my energy. I'm even annoyed that I'm writing about him here! haha But alas, this is what's currently happening in my life, and so I should address it accordingly.

In my quest for balance, I need to question my motives and actions...

Patience is a Virtue (PBP wk 31)

September 12, 2012

Patience is defined by:
1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.

Patience is one of the keys to living and walking in this path; it's necessary when casting spells, and waiting for results, during meditation, and most importantly when dealing with pesky and annoying people.

The saying, "Patience is a Virtue" is one I constantly chant as my personal mantra when dealing with unwanted situations. In all honesty, I used to be a lot more impatient; however, since I began this path I've found myself with a new found sense of tolerance, self control, and calmness. This might be because I'm more in touch with my emotions, I feel more centered, more secure, a lot more stable. This helps when I find myself in situations where I'm highly annoyed, or when I'm close to running out of patience. I'll admit, I've been close to magically spanking a few disrespectful, condescending, ignorant fools.

It's hard to not use magick when in these type of situations. I've been close to casting curses at individuals that simply deserve a good smacking. I mean, as it is, when in this path, one must be careful with the thoughts that cross our minds. As our abilities develop, we find that things happen even when we're not entirely set out on an actual manifestation. On multiple occasions I've had thoughts manifest, and that's without casting a spell. Therefore, it's important to keep our minds centered.

Patience is a virtue that needs practice.

 

When casting spells, we sometimes tend to expect immediate results. Patience teaches us to wait. The Law of Attraction states that "Anything we need comes to us at the perfect time," like attracts like, if our intention is clear and we trust and have faith, it will come; we just need to have patience and wait for our desires to manifest. If we constantly second guess ourselves after casting a spell, we pull away energy from our desires, yo-yo-ing with the intention we've set out into the Universe.

As of lately, I've struggled with keeping my patience. I have this idea of how I want my life to be, and I know that things are changing for the best, I just wish I could fast forward through all the mess and get to my destination; but of course, this isn't how life works. I'd be missing out on the important lessons life has for me if I were to skip it all. I'm struggling to keep up with my resolutions, with my living situation, and this long distance relationship.

"Patience is a virtue."

I did a reading for myself just last night. I'd been thinking about Temperance for this post; Temperance showed up as the base for my anchor, and also in my main spread. When this happens, the cards are telling you to pay extra attention to this energy.

Temperance is about moderation, when it appears in a reading we are being cautioned to have patience and wait calmly. We must learn to compromise in order to find satisfactory solutions. It helps to keep our emotions balanced, this card represents integrating opposite forces successfully and with harmony. 

My reading actually had a desirable outcome; it showed me that things are happening as they should, change is imminent and necessary. I just need to ride it out. Success is in my future, I just need to focus on keeping myself balanced.